All in the Numbers, Ladies

Some people say casting a bunch of talented, intelligent, beautiful women and putting them in traditionally male movie roles is just tokenism. But I say, how about you give us a larger sample size before we cast judgment. And, in turn, a larger sample size will eliminate all talk of tokenism. Because, ladies, we all know that us women know how to lie, steal, fight, shoot, kill just like the fellas when the occasion arises. I’m not entirely sure what’s up with the numeric names of these kinds of movies in questions (“Ocean’s 8” and now “The 355”). But, you give me Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong'o, Penélope Cruz, Diane Kruger and Fan Bingbin all in one movie and I’ll say, let the research begin.

Gender Fuck Thursday: JT LeRoy Edition

The sorted story of JT LeRoy is one anyone who lived through the early 2000s will no doubt recall. You know, back in the good old says when our scandals were about fictional authors instead of deranged presidents. Kristen Stewart plays “JT,” the made-up avatar of real-life author Laura Albert who in turn is played by Laura Dern. Also did I mention Courtney Love and Diane Kruger and exactly zero famous men are also in this movie.

Can I just say this may very well be the role K-Stew was born to play. Instead of her perceived above-it-all, hipster ironic persona, her JT seems sweet and vulnerable and even endearingly awkward. Like, is this what Bella Swan would have actually been like in real life? Well, you know, minus the hat and sunglasses and pretending to be a man who had suffered a childhood filled with poverty, drug use and sexual abuse.

And we haven’t even begun to talk about K-Stew and Diana kissing yet. Diana plays a fictionalized version of Asia Argento, here called Eva Avelin. She’s a charming manipulator who wants the rights to JT's work to make a film. In real life (I know, so much back-and-forth), Asia made JT's second book, “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things” into a movie in 2004.

Just another movie about dressing in male drag, kissing ladies and pulling off a huge literary coup. No bigs.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Yes, yes. I know. This is a lot of Charlize for one week. But I just cannot resist a crisp white shirt and a pair of suspenders. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. The moon and stars. The Captain and Tennille. OK, you see where I’m going with this. And while they’re perfectly nice by themselves (well, I don’t know about The Captain – he seems needy), together something special happens. And that something is hot. Really hot. But you don’t have to trust me. Just trust Charlize & Co.

Emma WatsonIf Hermione looked like this she would have watched softball instead of Quidditch.

Diane KrugerThe tuxedo shirt and bow ties says business. The sleeveless arms say parrrrr-tay.

Kate MoennigShhh. Don’t speak. You’ll ruin the religious experience.

Winona RyderWell, I didn’t say you had to button the shirt.

Kristen BellOr that the shirt had to have any buttons, period.

Rachel MaddowNow comes the part in the religious experience where you should be leaving small offerings as a sign of respect.

Keira KnightleyOK, fine. She’s not wearing a crisp white shirt. My bad.

Picture perfect

KITTENS! Did you miss me? I missed you! So much! Like crazy! I had an aces vacation though. I got to see Italy for the very first time. I got to wade into the Mediterranean Sea for the very first time. I ate pretty much every carb I could find across five countries. I learned that instead of exchanging our worthless dollars for Euros, Americans should just bring suitcases full of Converse and Coca-Cola to barter with instead. And, of course, I took lots and lots of pictures. Pictures of the beautiful Tuscan landscape. Pictures of the impossibly azure water. Pictures of food, glorious food. And, yes, even a few pictures of myself. (If you’re so inclined, you can catch a few of my holiday snaps over at Ms. Snarker Regrets.) What I learned is that taking good pictures is hard and that I should probably stick to this word thing. But that’s not to dissuade others from lifting a lens. And, if the lady behind said lens happens to be lovely herself – like the luscious Rosario Dawson – well, all the better. Say cheese, darlings.

Marion CotillardLight, camera, drool.

Naomi WattsMy what a big…lens you have. Yes, lens, definitely lens.

Diane KrugerThis is exactly how I looked reviewing my vacation pictures in the hotel room. And by “exactly,” I mean that I too had a suitcase and a camera.

Kristen BellSome Kristens seen perennially sunny in front of a camera.

Kristen StewartSome do not.

Helena Bonham CarterOh, Helena, if I was wearing that outfit I’d insist on being the one behind the camera as well.

Penelope CruzThere should, however, be some sort of law that Penelope only gets to be on the receiving end of a camera lens.

Mena SuvariWhere’d she go? Remember when she was everywhere?

Drew BarrymoreHey, it’s Thursday. And nothing says, “Welcome back from vacation,” like a little Gender Fuck.

It’s good to be back, kittens. It’s good to be back.

Gender Fuck Thursday

While all the bikini-clad lesbian amass in Palm Springs this weekend with their board shorts and their novelty tanks, I’d like to take this moment to sing the praises of a well-dressed woman. Now, I’ve got nothing against Dinah Shore Weekend. In general, I am very pro sweaty, drunken, semi-naked lesbians. But as an activity I want to immerse myself into for an entire weekend, um, no thanks. I never participated in wet T-shirt contests in college during my actual spring breaks, so why would I want to begin now as an adult who has a much longer and painful turn-around time from hangovers. Also, all white is so unflattering. Though for all you lovelies who are going, knock yourself out. Just remember: sunscreen, aspirin and hand sanitizer. Hey, that’s a lot of gay ladies in one place – you never know where those hands have been. And if you really want to stand out amid the madras shorts and flips flops, remember nothing says sexy like a suit.

Diane KrugerThere is nothing inglorious about the way she wears a suit.

Amy AdamsSuits are stylish and functional; that belt could double as a suitcase strap.

Marion CotillardLa vie en rock ‘n’ roll.

Tilda SwintonLike I could leave her out of one of these Thursdays.

Vera FarmigaJust showing Clooney how it’s done.

Zoe SaldanaShirts are, as always, optional.

Lea MicheleThough, if you’re shy, you can certainly cover up instead.

Marlene Dietrich

Now, does this not beat almost any bikini you’ve ever seen?