Monster Mash

Can I share a little secret? I love big, outrageous disaster and monster movies. What can I say, I have a soft spot for the end of the world. The only problem, of course, is with monster movies I tend to root for the monster instead of the humans. Puny humans. Mind you, not all of the monsters, just the ones who are just tragically misunderstood à la King Kong. So I’m not going to lie I’m weirdly excited about this new Godzilla movie, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters.” Not only because of the big monsters and apocalypse thing, but also Millie Bobby Brown (a.k.a. Eleven), Vera Farmiga (a.k.a. the reason I watched “Bates Motel” longer than I should have), Sally Hawkins (a.k.a. the actress who is best know for falling in love with a fish, but lesbians already knew and loved for playing a gay lady in not one but two Sarah Waters adaptations), and Zhang Ziyi (a.k.a. a reminder that Hollywood films have been terrible at hiring and spotlighting Asian actresses). So, anyway, if we make it to 2019 (I mean, at this rate it’s not a given, folks) I am very much looking to eating a whole bunch of popcorn and watching monsters take over the Earth.

Gender Fuck Thursday

While all the bikini-clad lesbian amass in Palm Springs this weekend with their board shorts and their novelty tanks, I’d like to take this moment to sing the praises of a well-dressed woman. Now, I’ve got nothing against Dinah Shore Weekend. In general, I am very pro sweaty, drunken, semi-naked lesbians. But as an activity I want to immerse myself into for an entire weekend, um, no thanks. I never participated in wet T-shirt contests in college during my actual spring breaks, so why would I want to begin now as an adult who has a much longer and painful turn-around time from hangovers. Also, all white is so unflattering. Though for all you lovelies who are going, knock yourself out. Just remember: sunscreen, aspirin and hand sanitizer. Hey, that’s a lot of gay ladies in one place – you never know where those hands have been. And if you really want to stand out amid the madras shorts and flips flops, remember nothing says sexy like a suit.

Diane KrugerThere is nothing inglorious about the way she wears a suit.

Amy AdamsSuits are stylish and functional; that belt could double as a suitcase strap.

Marion CotillardLa vie en rock ‘n’ roll.

Tilda SwintonLike I could leave her out of one of these Thursdays.

Vera FarmigaJust showing Clooney how it’s done.

Zoe SaldanaShirts are, as always, optional.

Lea MicheleThough, if you’re shy, you can certainly cover up instead.

Marlene Dietrich

Now, does this not beat almost any bikini you’ve ever seen?

Tank Top Tuesday: Oscar Edition

Say hello to the only time of the year that a tiny bald man gets me hot and bothered. Yes, it’s Oscar time. This morning the nominations were released and many deserving films (and a few undeserving ones) were honored as the year’s best. An unprecedented 10 movies are up for Best Picture. Though, we all know it’s a horse race between the giant blue Smurfs of “Avatar” and the explosive soldiers of “The Hurt Locker.” But enough about that, how about those ladies? All of the actresses have proven their talent through their marvelous performance this year. And, just as important, they all look fantastic in a tank top (or darn close to tank tops). What? Just because the Academy Awards are prestigious doesn’t mean I can’t be shallow. Happy Tuesday, you magnificent Oscar nominees, you.

BEST ACTRESS

Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side”Helen Mirren, “The Last Station”Carey Muligan, “An Education”

Gaborey Sibide, “Precious”Meryl Streep, “Julie & Julia”


BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Penelope Cruz, “Nine”Vera Farmiga , “Up in the Air”

Maggie Gyllenhaal, “Crazy Heart”Anna Kendrick, “Up in the Air”Mo’Nique, “Precious”And, lest we forget, Best DirectorKathryn Bigelow, “The Hurt Locker”

Kick those boys’ asses, Kathryn.