A Not Gay, But Still Gay Wedding

Wait, I thought Pride was last month. But here it is, a movie where Scarlett Johansson and Freida Pinto play a lesbian couple. Maybe the good straights are atoning for the bad ones, and this is their mea culpa. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. “My Mother’s Wedding” is the directorial debut of Kristin Scott Thomas, who lesbians with long memories like me will remember as “a lesbian once in school” in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and was a full-time lesbian in business in “Fleabag.” It stars ScarJo, Sienna Miller and Emily Beecham as the three daughters whose mother is getting married. I get some "Happpiest Season" vibes form the sister dynamic from the trailer, down to the one lesbian sister. And did I mention Scarlett is said sister here as a British naval officer AND Freida is her girlfriend? Look, does it bode well for this film that it took almost two years to get released and it still isn’t coming to theaters until August 8? Not necessarily. But Scarlett and Freida are lesbianing together in it, so I’ll wait as long as it takes – which, in all likelihood, is whenever it gets sent to whatever streamer I’m already paying for. What? That’s usually only a couple months, tops, these days. I’m impatient, but also frugal. Even for lesbian ScarJo.

Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

Tank Top Tuesday

Wow, almost another whole year is in the history books. As with every end of the year, I tend to get a little retrospective. But instead of just reflecting on the historic and personal milestones for the year, I like to think about what really matters – tank tops. Or, more specifically, the women I failed to feature throughout the year in tank tops. I only have a few days left to right this terrible wrong. But, you know what they say, better late than never having Naomi Watts waiting for you in a tank top, fedora and wingtips on the kitchen counter.

Freida PintoShe has been MIA since “Slumdog Millionaire,” but we’ll see that beautiful face back on screen where it belongs next year.

Margaret ChoGetting bounced off “Dancing with the Stars” early was actually a good thing. The less you’re around a Palin, the better for your mental health.

Maggie SiffI’m not into biker gangs, but suddenly I can see the appeal.

Molly RingwaldI think I speak for all children of the 80s when I say, damn girl.

Catherine BellOn second thought, I think I like her out of uniform better.

Olivia WilliamsOh, “Dollhouse,” if only you’d been given a chance.

Rashida JonesI know, I know – I can’t shut up about how happy I am “Parks & Recreation” is coming back.

Natalie PortmanI know, I know – I also can’t shut up about how great “Black Swan” is.

Jessica AlbaThis picture is so hot I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in 32 states.

Whew, now on to 2011.

Tank Top Tuesday

I believe that children are our future, mostly because Whitney Houston sang it in her pre-Bobby Brown days when you could still trust her. But, seriously, it’s the youth who shall inherit the earth and they might as well wear a tank top because they're inheriting a seriously warming planet. What? I’m just trying to think positive. While some of these ladies are on the outer edge of age-appropriateness for me, I’d hate to be accused of ageism. When it comes to women in tank tops, I am a strict equal opportunity luster. In fact, Special Agent Sarah Walker, err, Yvonne Strahovski above is our oldest tank topper at 26. But don’t worry, Chris Hansen, I checked all their IDs. Everybody’s legal, nobody’s going to jail. Put away the cuffs…or maybe not. Ahem. And with that, I give you Tank Top Tuesday: The Next Generation.

Leighton Meester, 22I don’t watch “Gossip Girl.” Why do I suddenly have the feeling I’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake?

Lindsay Lohan, 22Is it just me, or has she gotten hotter as she has gotten gayer?

Freida Pinto, 24“Slumdog Millionaire” made me a believer. This tank top made me a worshipper.

Jessica Stroup, 22Tank Top + Fire + Kissing Heather Graham = Almost enough to make me watch “90210”… almost, but still no.

Rihanna, 20Standing under Rihanna’s umbrella is optional. Staring at her tank vest is mandatory.

Hayden Panettiere, 19What kind of space-age polymer does your tank top need to be made out of if you’re indestructible? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Kristen Stewart, 18Why do vampires love tank tops? Two words: easy access.

Mandy Musgrave, 22, and Gabrielle Christian, 24Oh, Spashley. If only your storyline lived up to your tank tops.

Blake Lively, 21

It’s official. I’ve made a tragic error in not watching “Gossip Girl.”

Slumming it

“Slumdog Millionaire” is many things. A love story. A rag-to-riches fable. A peek into the dichotomous worlds that is India. But most of all it is reminder that a simple story told well is why we go to the movies in the first place. This is the story of “slumdog” Jamal, a Mumbai orphan who has lived on the streets with his older brother Salim since he was 7 who now finds himself one question away from winning 20 million rupees on the Indian version of “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire.” We see Jamal's life story told largely through a series of flashbacks – from witnessing his mother's violent death to conning tourists at the Taj Mahal and searching for his childhood love Latika.

“Slumdog” mixes a classic Dickensian story with the kinetic beauty and brutality of modern-day India. Along the way Jamal is the proverbial Oliver in this twisty tale. Does it make you feel good? Yes. Does it contain scenes of murder, torture, child prostitution and abject poverty. Yes. Do those seem impossible to pull off together? Heck, yes. Yet pull it off it does. And feel good you most definitely will. British director Danny Boyle (“Trainspotting,” “28 Days Later,” “Millions”) and his Indian casting director Loveleen Tandan (whose contribution was so essential she was given co-director credit on the film) have weaved together a piece of pure movie magic – a star-crossed romance with a social conscience that doesn't shy away from the rough stuff but still makes you want to stand up and cheer.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that Jamal's true love is played later in life by the luminous newcomer Freida Pinto. Let me tell you, just Googling her does not do her justice. Lovely reader meenoo sent me a link to her before I'd seen the movie and I thought she was pretty. But, woo doggie, then I saw her on the big screen and now I think she is otherworldly. Her cheekbones are the stuff that close-up cameras dream of. In short, if I could summarize, to wrap things up: go see this movie. Consider it my belated Christmas gift to you – you can thank me later.