My Weekend Oprah

Look, I don’t necessarily thing America should go elect another billionaire celebrity as its president anytime soon. One would hope the petulant orange C-Lister we have in there now would scare us away from ever again letting a famous person without a single iota of governing experience (and even less compassion or intellectual curiosity) be Leader of the Free World. But, all that said, if we were to allow another star near the White House, I can honestly think of no person more temperamentally and inspirationally perfect for the role than Oprah. She has the compassion and intelligence and hope part down pat. And her Golden Globe speech was 300 million times better than anything Donald Fucking Trump has ever said in his life. And that’s probably low-balling it. I listen to it again, days later, and still, goosebumps. So, yeah, Oprah 2020. Or someone with the compassion and intelligence of Oprah who is deeply qualified for the position 2020. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. May that speech also forever bury Dave Letterman’s “Oprah-Uma” joke. RIP.

Reclaiming Our Time

Right, let’s dig in shall we? This weekend’s Golden Globes were an interesting clash in acute cultural awareness and standard superficial bullshit. Pretty much everyone wore black, which while it can be seen as an empty gesture was also arresting in its own way because, well, pretty much everyone did it. Everyone. You can’t even make everyone in an office take a piece of free cake. Now, to be fair, I am guessing like 90 percent of the dudes who wore black did so by default anyway because that’s what color men’s formal wear is. But still.

This reckoning was always about more than just Hollywood. #MeToo is about the systematic abuse of women, all women. And therefore it will only be successful if it embraces the plight of all women – regardless of race or class or sexual orientation or gender identity – not just those with the privilege and platform to finally speak out. It must lift up the voiceless, which is why I commend the Time’s Up Initiative, which instead of just offering lip service is putting up real hard cash (so far $16 million dollars and counting) to start a legal defense for women who might otherwise not be able to fight their harassers. Three hundred Hollywood women signed a letter of solidarity with female farm workers and domestic workers and service workers and factory workers and so on. That matters.

And some stars even brought female activists, many of who work directly for nonprofits that help these the groups, with them as their dates to the Globes. Michelle Williams was with Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo Movement and senior director of Girls for Gender Equity. Meryl Streep was with Ai-jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance. Laura Dern was with Monica Ramirez, president of the female farmworkers women’s group Alianza Nactional de Campesinas. Amy Poehler was with Saru Jayaraman, co-founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Emma Watson was with Marai Larasi, executive director of the UK-based black feminist organization Imkaan. Now this is some non-gay same-sex coupling this gay lady can certainly get behind.



I forced myself to watch some of the red carpet coverage before the ceremony, which I normally ever view on mute, to find the line of questioning a teensy bit better but only – of course – for the women. Because what in the world could men have to say about sexual harassment, even though the vast majority of its perpetrators are indeed men?

I was also pretty disappointed by all the male winners who, aside from some of their shiny “Time’s Up” pins, had precious little to say about this particular moment in our social acceptance of the bullshit women have put up with for centuries at the hand of their male counterparts. Like, yo, Alexander Skarsgard and Sam Rockwell, your projects specifically revolved around the abuse of women. And yet, nada. Solving sexual harassment isn’t just up to women and can’t be done without men’s unequivocal commitment. Also, if you wore a Time’s Up pin and worked with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski recently, GTFO.

Anyhoo. I liked quite a few of the women’s speeches. Oprah, of course. Oprah always. Babs wasn’t bad either. And Laura Dern. And Frances “Fuck yeah, I made them think tectonic shift was a cuss word” McDormand. Though my favorite cut was from Natalie Portman with his fatal delivery of “And here are the all male nominees,” just before announcing the Best Director nominees. Like, damn, this Natalie needs to come out to play more often.



As for the awards themselves I was pretty happy for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and its star Rachel Brosnahan because it’s charming and she is charming. And you can’t be mad at “The Handmaid’s Tale” and its queer-inclusive storylines and terrifyingly plausible dystopia getting more attention. “Lady Bird” was lovely and while I haven’t seen “Three Billboards” I can never not root for Frances, so there’s that.

All in all, the Golden Globes felt like a glamorous shot in the arm. May it bolster our determination to work hard and tirelessly and take advantage of the momentum of this moment. Perhaps we can accomplish the needed sea change for women, all women. Look out, sexual predators. We’re gonna chase down every last one of you and hold you accountable for your actions. In heels, and backwards if we have to. Though, naturally, as a gay lady I’ll be doing it in sensible shoes.



p.s. Tomorrow we’ll revel in some SGALGG, I promise.

Vacation Vixen: Oprah, Carol Burnett, Dolly Parton & Julie Andrews

Name a more iconic quartet, I’ll wait. (And, obviously, I’m on vacation right now and will be for the next week and change. But, obviously, I’ll leave you Vacation Vixens to enjoy in my stead. Though, obviously, they can’t all be as mind-blowingly awesome as this one.)

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

To be honest, at this year’s Emmys there were so many Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals at the Emmys we hardly need a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Plus we’ve got Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals With Gay Gals. Hell, at this point it’s just one big gay jumbles and I’m here for all of it. Though, if any of this smorgasbord of sexuality is causing any lingering confusion, please allow me to clear things up.

SGALGG: Mackenzie Davis & Gugu Mbatha-Raw

San Junipero forever (like, literally, forever).

GGALGG: Lena Waithe & Alana Mayo

Thanking your girlfriend in your Emmy speech is like 1 million Girlfriend Points, no?

SGALGGWGG: Sarah Paulson & Thandie Newton

No one tell Holland.

GGALGG: Samira Wiley & Lauren Morelli

Happily married photogenic couple is happily married and photogenic.

SGALGGWGG: Samira Wiley & Oprah

No one tell Gayle.

SGALGG: Anna Chlumsky & Ellie Kemper

My Girl is Unbreakable. Sorry, they can’t all be winners.

GGALGG: Evan Rachel Wood

I lied. Evan Rachel Wood and her vests can always be a winner.

SGALGG: Zoe Kravitz & Tessa Thompson

Unfortunately, rainbow dresses don’t actually make you gay – yet.

GGALGG: Kate McKinnon

Gay Lady World Domination Tour starts here.

SGALGGWGG: Kate McKinnon & Nicole Kidman

I see Kate’s already attracting tour groupies.

SGALGG: Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Laura Dern & Zoe Kravitz

I may or may not have cropped Shailene Woodley out because she had the gall to brag about not owning or watching television on the red carpet of a television award show where she was nominated for acting on a television show to a reporter broadcasting it on a television show. Also I’m pretty sure she voted for Jill Stein.

SGALGGWGG: Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton & Jane Fonda

Legends only.

No Time Like the Present

Just like probably everyone born after 1963, I read “A Wrinkle in Time” as a kid and loved it. How could you not? A girl travelling through the space time continuum to fight evil and save her family? Hello, yes. And now that the trailer for the new big screen adaptation I have a feeling kids old and young will remember again why they loved this story so much. The first trailer for the film from director Ava DuVernay is a feast for the eyes. And, just as exciting, is how wonderfully diverse the cast is. Look, folks, this is science fiction – we get to make the worlds we want to see. We’re bound by nothing but our imagination. So why not be inclusive? Exactly, no reason at all.

SGALGG: Look at Those Golden Globes Edition

Please, like I’d let a Golden Globes go by without celebrating our favorite golden globes. Granted it was a tad bittersweet this time, as this will be the last year of the Tina & Amy hosting show. But at least Tina dressed up for the occasion. I’m pretty sure she put on the tux just so she could get into a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals post. So I am only too happy to oblige. So here are some straight gals, and some gay gals, doing just that.

Robin Wright & Gillian Anderson
Most of my best dreams are nowhere near this good.

Oprah & Helen Mirren
And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms!

Gina Rodriguez & Ruth Wilson
I really hope they’re plotting world domination, because I would be super OK with them running things.

Cara Delevingne & Rita Ora
Totally over Michelle, I see.

Amy Poehler & Natasha Lyonne
Lesbian twin syndrome, activate!

Uzo Aduba & Taylor Schilling
Chocolate and vanilla swirl, swirl, swirl.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Gay/straight lady BFFs. If only they’d make that into a movie. Wait, they already have?

Salma Hayek & Maggie Gyllenhaal
I saw several pictures of these two chatting very intently throughout the evening. Is it weird to be jealous of their conversation? Because I am.

Jill Soloway
Wonderful straight alley, wonderfully weird suit. Also, how wonderful were the wins for “Transparent?” So wonderful.

Julianne Moore, John Legend & Chrissy Teigen
This is for all the bisexual ladies in the house. Also, that’s a sandwich even I have to admit looks pretty tasty.

Lena Dunham, Jaime King, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez & Lorde have mercy that’s a lot of celebrities in one photo.
This reminds me of a Renaissance painting, but with more A-Listers.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
They’re clearly saying, “Please show yourself out. We’re about to make love until the sun comes up. We know you’d like to watch, but clearly you aren’t worthy. Goodnight.” What? Amy is the only person I will allow to touch my Fake TV Wife besides me. We have an arrangement (i.e. I get to watch).

SG*ALGG: Oscar Edition

Hey, lots of pretty ladies in lots of pretty dresses hugged each other last night! Oh, and they also handed out some awards. And some really pretty ladies in really pretty dresses won them! Really, the theme for the night was, “Go pretty ladies in pretty dresses!” Or, slightly less reductive, “Hooray for women in entertainment who have reached the pinnacle of their professional careers all the while breaking down barriers and making history.” In pretty dresses. And with that, it’s time for the very special Oscar edition of Straight Gals* Acting Like Gay Gals. (*With the exception of Jodie, of course. Also, jury’s still out on K-Stew. Edit: And, I know, they played mom and daughter. All of this is clearly make believe.)

Tina Fey & Elizabeth BanksElizabeth looks a little like she pulled down the left strap to Tina’s dress. I like how she thinks.

Oprah & Gabourey SidibeIf Oprah’s hand was one inch closer, Gayle would be sooo jealous.

Jennifer Lopez & Demi MooreMostly Demi is just a Straight Gal Acting Like a Drunk Gal. But that’s how many a SGALGG moment starts off. Remember college?

Meryl Streep & Amy AdamsMeryl just asking a very pregnant Amy, “It’s not mine, is it?”

Meryl Streep & Sandra BullockSandy thanked, “my lover, Meryl” and called her “SUCH a good kisser.” So kiss her, you fool.

Sandra Bullock & Helen MirrenLook, Meryl, if you don’t kiss Sandy soon Helen will. You snooze, you lose.

Anna Kendrick & Sigourney WeaverSigourney has just told Anna how they would earn their Mile High Club membership if they were both “Up in the Air.”

Miley Cyrus & Amanda SeyfriedAmanda is letting Miley down easy here. A gal’s got to have standards, you know.

Rosario Dawson & Angie HarmonHow much do you want to jump in between that soon-to-be sandwich?

Barbra Streisand & Kathryn BigelowBarbra to Kathryn: “Darling, you’re like buttah.”

Hilary Swank & Rashida JonesNothing SGALGG-y here, just thought the GGs reading might enjoy the fact that both these ladies mistakenly thought they were going to the Golden Globes. Ahem.

Kristen Stewart & Jodie FosterLover’s quarrel.

For a more comprehensive (rather than “oooh, pretty!”) look at the Oscars, check out my post at AfterEllen today.

Kate's glorious globes

Kate Winslet has had, by all accounts, a very good week. First she picks up two new Golden Globes. Then Oprah compliments her on her actual golden globes. When The Almighty O says she loves your real breasts, you know you have made it. In fact, the Oscar seems like almost an afterthought after Oprah blesses your boobs.

Well, I've got to hand it to O, she has good taste. Kate's real breast are lovely. Whether racing for sanctuary or just setting our hearts racing, they are a thing of beauty to behold. God bless Kate's real breasts, every one. [Click any to embiggen, for prayer purposes.]

p.s. Her bum ain't too bad either. And when I say “ain't too bad,” I mean thud. Just think how Oprah could wax eloquent on that.