Wilderness at Heart 2

How have we not discussed this trailer yet? Though, am I the only one annoyed by the addition of Elijah Wood? Like, I get it, shows add people in new seasons. But did it have to be a famous dude? Now his hobbity face and placid eyes will be all up in my female wilderness trauma and it just annoys me. Granted, things didn’t work out so well for Adam last season. So, if that’s the plan I will withdraw my previous complaint. But, yeah, can’t we just focus on having a phenomenal female cast for once?

Anyway, I don’t really know what’s in store for this new season. I mean we’ve already had murder, mystical woodland rituals, bear death and human popsicles, with heavy hinting at cannibalism. Speaking of new males, the trailer seems to show us a beardy fellow who might meet an untimely demise. So if in the end the person they eat is some rando forest dude instead of one of their team, honestly, I’d be here for that energy. I’m also very much here for the trailer showing off their casting department’s skill. Like, look at this masterful casting, just LOOK!

But, as a lesbian…supporter, I’m mostly here for the reunion between Taissa and Van. We got the Adult Van we wanted in Lauren Ambrose, and if you aren’t excited to watch former high school lesbian sweethearts turned wilderness survivors/possible cannibals who reunite as adults politicians/possible nerd store owners, well, it’s like we never survived a plane crash in the Canadian Rockies together or something.

Get in the Van

Can I call dibs on a fictional character before they even make their on screen debut? Because DIBS ON ADULT VAN. Dibs, dibs, DIBS. I was worried the show was going to turn her into one of the Wilderness Cult people. But these preview images, the first of Lauren Ambrose fully inhabiting adult Van, have put every last one of those worries at ease. Also, you are welcome for the most excellent casting suggestion, Showtime. Anyway, clearly Adult Van is no mystical forest cult member.

Instead, she’s a GEEK! A GEEK! I mean, what else could the robots and the VHS tapes mean but geekery? So, there you go, one very good thing to look forward to in 2023. Also, just to make things perfectly clear, I have called dibs.

p.s. Um, who was Van’s wilderness plastic surgeon? Because those scars look amazing. Like now all the lesbians will want to be attacked by bears to look extra rugged and hot.

Back to the Wilderness

I can’t wait for my favorite survivalist former soccer stars/probable cannibals to return and bring their dark woods magic with them. Also I cannot wait to see Adult Van played by Lauren Ambrose. Seriously a sarcastic gay ginger? I love her already. I just hope she’s not in the wilderness cult – like I get that lesbians love hiking but that’s definitely taking it too far. Come on March 24, we’re hungry.

Perfect (Yellow)Jacket Fit

Well, well, well. Who called that? OK, fine — everyone. Lauren Ambrose is the practically perfect choice to play adult Van on “Yellowjackets.” Also, the announcement of her casting late last week also confirms the fact that VAN LIVES! That’s right, our favorite red-headed plane crash survivor/wilderness cult member/out queer teen makes it to adulthood. The show had been coy about Van’s status up until now, while focusing other grown-up teammates of the former high school soccer stars gone feral.

Van has proven herself to be a true survivor, and possibly a cat (another truly lesbian trait) because she’s easily on life No. 3 based on the flashbacks alone. (Spoilers if you haven’t watched the first season….Life No. 1: Surviving almost being burned alive while trapped in her airline seat, Life No 2: Bear attack and face shredding.)

I have a feeling they’re going to make Van a member of the wilderness cult in current times (since she was already seemingly involved in the high school flashbacks). It will be very interesting to see the dynamic between her and her now grown-up high school girlfriend Taissa. With the (Spoilers, again) reveal that the aspiring state senator is still secretly a believer in the aforementioned wilderness cult, things should get very, very interesting.

This will also not be the first time Lauren has played gay on screen. Her “Six Feet Under” character Claire Fisher has a brief fling with a woman played by Mena Suvari. I’ve always enjoyed Lauren’s work, and well who doesn’t have a thing for ginger ladies? Welcome to the Yellowjackets Hive! Here’s hoping for a lot of weird and a lot of gay in season 2.

Some Nice Broads

On this, “Rizzoli & Isles” day, it’s only fitting we talk about a new female cop show. While solo female-fronted crime procedurals are becoming more and more common (from The Fall, Top of the Lake, The Closer, Saving Grace, In Plain Sight, Cold Case, Prime Suspect, Police Woman), female buddy or ensemble crime shows are still a rarity. I think I can name then on less than one full hand. “Cagney & Lacey,” “Charlie’s Angels,” “Women’s Murder Club…and that’s about it.

But into that mix now comes “Broad Squad,” about the first four women to graduate from Boston’s Police Academy in 1978. Now, I can’t decide if I love or haaaate the show’s title, but I certainly am intrigued by its premise. (Also, the title apparently comes from what the four graduates were actually called in the press – so there’s that.) Another thing I’m sure of is how psyched I am about the cast.

“Six Feet Under” alum Lauren Ambrose, “True Blood” alum Rutina Wesley, “Magic Mike” love interest Cody Horn and relative newcomer (seriously, she was “Whore #3 in “Les Misérables”) Charlotte Spencer. Fine, two of the three are really exciting, and one of those two is really, really exciting because The Hollywood Reporter has revealed that Rutina’s character will play a “guarded, professional and private” lesbian cop on the series.

Yep, I think I’m gonna want to meet these broads. Now if only they’d actually make “Dyke & Fats” I’d be in female cop buddy show heaven.

My Weekend Crush

The first time I remember seeing Lauren Ambrose it was in the tepid teen comedy “Can’t Hardly Wait” -- you know, the movie that was supposed to launch Jennifer Love Hewitt into Meg Ryan territory. While the movie (my sister’s choice, grumble) was largely forgettable (oh, and I’m still steamed about the whole “fag” thing), I remember noticing Lauren for a couple of reasons. One, she seemed like a real teenager. And two, she seemed like a real teenager who, had I been a teenager, I would have loved to hang out with. In other words, a real smart ass.

But then came “Six Feet Under” and not only did I take notice, I took notes. As Claire, she was that teenager from before but amplified. She was nuance and contradiction. Confident and insecure. Rebellious and vulnerable. Sarcastic and loving. Smart and reckless. She was a girl learning how to become a woman, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, but always achingly real. I fucking loved her on that show. While I can’t necessarily say the same thing about her latest endeavor, “The Return of Jezebel James,” that’s hardly her fault. There’s plenty of blame to go around that laugh-free factory.

Lauren’s ability to convey the sense of questioning inherent in adolescence made her portrayal of young women exploring their sexuality both in “Six Feet Under” and the film “Swimming” that much more authentic. In such a superficial industry, it’s refreshing to see a young woman who has sought substance over style, a woman who defies the starlet trap and its inane beauty doctrine. Also, I just love the gingers. Happy weekend, all.