So Kristen Bell debuts on “Heroes” next week. In honor of her impending arrival, I give you a little sneak peek at her power. Can you guess what it is? Super strength? Regeneration? Flight? No, no and not so much. If you look closely, you’ll see that her real power is something much more, uh, handy. That’s right, her special skill is the power of lesbian persuasion. Look out, world. The Super Lesbian Recruiter is here, she’s queer, and she’s coming for your daughters. OK, fine, so maybe that isn’t her “official” power. But you could see how I could get confused by all of these shots of Kristen and Hayden Panettiere together. Seriously, those girls can’t keep their hands off of each other. Though, after hearing what Kristen had to say about her character Elle to TV Guide, I think I might actually not be that far off:
“She’s a little messed up in the head, which makes her manipulative and out to get what she wants….She very much enjoys her power and the emotional power it gives her over other people…There’s a very interesting dynamic between her and Claire, in terms of what is and what is not. There’s a deeper relationship there than people are expecting.”
Called it! Damn, now that would make me start watching again.
From one 17-year-old I’m not worried about in the least to another who is starting to furrow my brow. These shots of Hayden Panettiere kinda make me go, “Uh-oh.” Look, I know many people have a signature pose they bust out whenever a camera gets pointed in their general direction. After a couple cocktails, I’ve been known to unholster the finger guns. Oh, yeah. I’m awesome. But how, exactly, does one decide on licking as his/her signature pose? I’m sure the young fresh-faced “Heroes” star was just having fun and joking around while pretending to lap up a friend’s breasts, basket of candy, bronze statue’s bum and the Stanley Cup. But the fact that they’ve all surfaced (and then some) makes me think that perhaps Hayden should rethink her tongue’s photogenic qualities. That thing is a total camera hog.
Speaking of impressions, I saw Hayden’s big Fourth of July coming out party for her new hyphenated title (that being singer-actress). Can I just say, meh. I understand that the grass is always greener, but must every actress aspire to be a singer and every singer aspire to be an actress? You never saw Katharine Hepburn telling the press, “But what I really want to do is sing.” Call me cranky (and, many have) but I believe there is something to be said for mastering one craft before moving onto another. Listen, Hayden, we just got used to having to save you to save the world. Now, you want us to savor your music as well? Really, I think you have let the whole “invincible” thing go to your head.
In honor of Pride Weekend (holla, San Francisco!), I’m making today’s post a veritable Festival of Gayness. No tidbit is too trivial, no morsel too minuscule, as long as it’s as queer as the day is long. And that’s pretty gay considering yesterday was the longest day of the year. Now, let’s get this homo train rolling.
Go Team Gay!
Twenty-year-old actress Lyndsy Fonseca (previously seen on “How I Met Your Mother,” “Big Love” and “The Young & The Restless”) will join the super-powered spectacular “Heroes” next season as April the gay cheerleader. The pom-pom princess will be the “sweet” girl to other new cheerleader Debbie’s “mean” girl. Both are expected to be classmates of invincible cheerleader Claire at her new school in Southern California . Is it just me or does Lyndsy need to buy a vowel?
Jenny Gets An Assistant
Dammit, this means she doesn’t stay lost at sea. In the first L Word casting news of the new season, Malaya Rivera Drew has been picked to play Jenny Schecter’s assistant. Malaya has had roles on “ER” and “Las Vegas.” This move is sure to mean more Crazy Jenny screentime. I can see it now: “Assistant, fetch me my medium triple soy cappuccino with three pumps of vanilla.” “Assistant, clean up Sounder’s boo-boo.” “Assistant, bring me the head of the Vagina Wig…and a Vitamin Water.”
The Lesbian Has Left the Kitchen
Wow, that was quick. Gay Top Chef contestant Sandee Birdsong got booted this week for poaching her lobster. Sadly, that’s not a euphemism for something naughty. In honor of the departed Sandee, a look at her great moments in fauxhawk above.
But Another Lesbian Is Still Standing
“Last Comic Standing” contestant Sabrina Matthews made it to the next round in the premiere episode of the NBC reality series. I love that she is a big, cuddly dyke with the wee, girly name Sabrina. Fantastic. Plus, she is damn funny. Even more fantastic. See, lesbians do have a sense of humor. Hey, stop laughing.
Ro Replaced By a Mo?
Will Rosie’s replacement be a gay man? Yeah, that’s what they need on that show -- more bitchy energy (love ya, boys, kisses!). Two fancy fellas in particular are being mentioned as possible co-hosts on the coffee klatch: Mario Cantone and Ross Mathews. Mario was Charlotte ’s best gay on “Sex and the City” and Ross is Ross the Intern from “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.” Hmm, I’m not necessarily opposed to a gay guy filling Rosie’s chair, but I thought the whole point of “The View” was to show the diversity of women’s perspectives by discussing the important and not-so important news of the day. I mean, I thought that was what it was about. I don’t really know; I stopped watching after Rosie left.
The FCC Hates Pride
Seems men in feather boas and women in assless chaps are just too much for the good old FCC. San Francisco independent station KRON has moved its live broadcast of the Pride Parade from basic cable channel to digital cable (plus a live internet stream). The change was made because the station’s broadcast license was up for renewal. Oh, FCC. You allowed “ Walker , Texas Ranger” to air happily for 10 fucking seasons but the poor gays can’t get their party on once a year? Puh-lease. Plus, this broadcast is pretty much the only way I ever get to see the Dykes on Bikes roar their traditional start to the parade come Sunday morning, since we’re all still too drunk, hungover, sleepy damn lazy to actually get up and go to Market Street and cheer at such an ungodly hour. Hey, 10:30 a.m. is ungodly the night after Pride. Trust me.
Taking this weekend’s festivities into account, I might be tardy with my posting on Monday. The old body doesn’t bounce back quite as quickly as it used to. Now, go, get your gay on. Just remember to stretch first.
What’s that spell? GAY! GAY! GAY! Somehow I don’t remember this cheer from high school. But, if you believe TV and movies, gay cheerleaders are all the rage. According to new “Heroes” spoilers, the show will add a gay cheerleader named April in its second season. Ooooh, I hope she has some really kick-ass superpower. Like, say, the ability to leap a U-Haul in a single bound. I kid, I kid.
But seriously, what is up with all the gay cheerleaders? “But I’m a Cheerleader,” “Veronica Mars,” “Bring It On” (OK, that last one wasn’t gay per se, but come on -- look at Eliza. I mean, really). I guess it started as a clever way to tweak the stereotype. What could be further from the flannel-wearing, buzz-cut sporting, Indigo Girls-singing lesbian of lore than a perky, peppy, platinum-blonde pom-pom queen who is into real-life pom-poms, so to speak? Now, however, it is fast becoming its own cliché. Not that I’m complaining. You can’t beat the outfits. Go team!
TV Guide has reported that “Stick It” star Missy Peregrym will join the cast of NBC’s new hit drama “Heroes.” Let me confess that I don’t watch. I started, lost interest and am now too lazy to catch up. I do, however, appreciate the show’s smoking hot cast. With the addition of Missy - who brought more than a couple adult lesbians out to see the straight teen flick - it’s only getting hotter.
Why has Missy - who looks like the love child from a Hilary Swank-Linda Fiorentino tryst - caught many a gal gal’s eye? Well, look at her. Duh. Plus, whether she is gay or not, she sends off a decidedly dykey vibe. Not convinced? Consider the empirical evidence.
1. She wore this on the red carpet. This is something I would wear (minus the purse) when I’m being “fancy.” This does not speak to her feminine tendencies. 2. She appreciates a sensible shoe. 3. She seems really happy to be near this trophy.
4. She knows how to act around crazy straight women. In this case, that crazy straight woman is Avril Lavigne. 5. She knows how to act around non-crazy straight women. Note the placement of her right hand. Very nice.
Something about this pose seems proprietary to me. Like Heroes stars Ali Larter and Tawny Cypress were having a nice, intimate conversation about how to celebrate winning the People’s Choice Best New Drama Award (which, ideally, would involve whip cream) and then a noisy photographer had to get all up in their business. Tawny looks particularly possessive. Check out the glare and arm wrapped tightly around Ali’s waist. Now that’s a butch telling someone to back the hell off. But, you know, in makeup and heels.
So Kristen Bell debuts on “Heroes” next week. In honor of her impending arrival, I give you a little sneak peek at her power. Can you guess what it is? Super strength? Regeneration? Flight? No, no and not so much. If you look closely, you’ll see that her real power is something much more, uh, handy. That’s right, her special skill is the power of lesbian persuasion.
Look out, world. The Super Lesbian Recruiter is here, she’s queer, and she’s coming for your daughters. OK, fine, so maybe that isn’t her “official” power. But you could see how I could get confused by all of these shots of Kristen and Hayden Panettiere together. Seriously, those girls can’t keep their hands off of each other.
Though, after hearing what Kristen had to say about her character Elle to TV Guide, I think I might actually not be that far off:
1. She wore this on the red carpet. This is something I would wear (minus the purse) when I’m being “fancy.” This does not speak to her feminine tendencies.
4. She knows how to act around crazy straight women. In this case, that crazy straight woman is Avril Lavigne.
