Vacation Vixen: Evan Rachel Wood

I'm taking a quick week and change off to fly home to see family. But the other day I thought, damn, I haven’t seen Evan Rachel Wood in anything recently. I hope she’s OK. Then I went to her instagram and saw she’s been focusing on her music and just released her first single. So, you know, good for her. Good for her.

What a Westworld

Well, darn. Actually, truly, darn. Yes, for most of its run “Westworld” was an extravagant series of set pieces begging for a cohesive storyline. But I actually thought the series finally hit on a dystopian master plan that actually worked in its fourth (and now it seems final) season. All the mysterious symbolism and elaborate timeline shifting had given way to a vision that wasn’t just grandiose stalling. In short, it had just gotten kinda good. But at least the series ended on a hard (perhaps the hardest of resets for a season that was already basically a reset) of resets. I’m glad I stuck it out with this show, even if it may not have always had the expected payoffs or even comprehensible narratives. But it gave a wonderful showcase for Evan Rachel Wood, Thandiwe Newton, Tessa Thompson, Ariana DeBose and more for four full seasons. And that definitely looks like something to me.

p.s. Oh, and everyone should VOTE today like our democracy/bodily autonomy/right to marry/Social Security/equality depends on it because, damn.

West-What In The-World

The multiverse is out, the simulation is in. Look, I have no idea what’s happening in the fourth season trailer for “Westworld” either. Honestly, I often have no idea what’s happening on the show while I’m actually watching it either. But I guess the reason I keep coming back (apart from the fact that this new season will feature three out queer actresses — Evan Rachel Wood, Tessa Thompson and Ariana DeBose), is its big swing ambition. Sure, sometimes you can’t shake the nagging feeling this show is nothing more than a series of unrelentingly extravagant setpieces in search of a coherent storyline. I appreciate the scope of this series, if its actual plots can leave you scratching your head. I also appreciate having Evan, Tessa, Ariana and Thandiwe Newton on my TV set on the regular. What I can kind of discern from the trailer is that a Not Dolores But Looks Like Dolores character is slowly realizing the world is perhaps not what it seems. Also, there are a lot of creepy flies. Honestly, if we’re all just living in a simulation, could we maybe not have as many obnoxious hatemongers and crypto-fascist billionaires around? Who made these programming decisions. I would like to speak to the manager.

How To Happy Ending

Yeah, I know, bit of broken record at this point but I’m still pissed about that “Killing Eve” finale. Mostly because it took four seasons of bold, complicated storytelling and reduced it to some sort of extended rebirth metaphor. Of course, that’s what I’ve been watching my favorite queer women assassins spy drama for all these years — a morality play.

While I understand that creators do not have a responsibility past telling good stories, and should certainly not be beholden to the whims of fandom, But just because they can do something, doesn’t always mean they should. And for a show with such a dedicated/obsessive (and I say that with love) fanbase of queer women, greater care should have certainly been taken in handling such an iconic queer character’s ending. Honestly, this show could have become legend had it allowed even the faintest sliver of a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. Instead, this TV series written exclusively about PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING decided to moralize at the bitter end. OK, sure, Jan.

But enough screaming into the void between clueless showrunner ears. How about we celebrate some happy endings instead? If you feel a distinct pang of deja vu, that’s because we did this once before back in 2016 when the Bury Your Gays trope last reared its ugly head in such spectacular fashion courtesy the Clexa debacle. Luckily, we’ve added a few more since then. But just a few.

So, here are a few of my personal favorite happily ever afters for queer women in movies and TV. Obviously there are more (and courtesy The Wayback Machine you can still see them on That Other Website whose name we no longer mention). Here are my Top 10 11 film and Top 5 6 TV happy endings for queer women (what, we’re gays, we always need to be a little extra). Apologies in advance as I have most certainly left off your favs. So, please, tell us your most beloved queer women riding off into that perpetual sunrise together moments. Share more joy, not less, kittens.

MOVIES

1. Desert Hearts (1985)

Kissing through the car window weakened our collective knees, getting on the train took them out.

2. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

To this day, I still want to buy myself a white Range Rover and ride off into the sunset together precisely because of this movie.

3. When Night Is Falling (1995)

You probably didn’t see this indie gem about a Christian college professor and a circus performer. But you should because they even resurrect the dog at the end.

4. Bound (1996)

You can’t beat an ending where the girl gets the girl and the truck.

5. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Happy endings plus pom-poms. Like, straight teen rom-coms could never.

6. Saving Face (2004)

Not enough people have seen this movie and more people should see this movie.

7. Imagine Me & You (2005)

This movie set unrealistic expectations for all future lesbian movie endings.

8. Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

I mean it’s got about a cooking competition and lesbians, I’ll ignore the “Ghost Dad” overtones for that.

9. Carol (2015)

Let’s go to the Oak Room and make eyes at each other forever.

10. Summerland (2020)

The only recent lesbian period piece where the lesbians stare off into the ocean and still get to live happily ever after together.

11. Kajillionaire (2020)

Honestly, I had to include one more because this is such a strange and wonderful film AND it gives us one of the most unexpected and swoony happy queer endings in recent memory.

TELEVISION

1.South of Nowhere (2008): Spencer & Ashley

Oh, Spashley. You always remember your first (queer teen TV show happy ending).

2. Glee (2015): Brittany & Santana

Look, “Glee” did a lot of stupid things. But letting Brittana be endgame was not one of them.

3. Lost Girl (2015): Bo & Lauren

Sacrificing Tamsin was obviously not great. But this show about one woman’s insatiable sexual prowess gave us our Doccubus ending after all.

4. San Junipero (2016)

This “Black Mirror” episode is perhaps the most perfect example of how to subvert the Bury Your Gays trope. I mean, they literally bury their gays, but then still let them live on in endless happiness anyway.

5. Ratched (2020): Mildred & Gwendolyn

This is honestly not a very good show, like at all. But, if you ignore the gore and horror and crippling character inconsistencies, it was rather stylish to look at and is one of the only mainstream female queer romances I can think of where both the leads are played by out queer women as well. Plus they literally escape to sunny, beautiful Mexico together to be gay and free, after first faking us out with an unhappy ending before going, “Not so fast, straights!” L.O.L.

6. Wynonna Earp (2021): Waverly & Nicole

Continuing the Marry Your Gays grand tradition pioneers by Brittana/Klaine, WayHaught’s series trajectory follows what I hope will be the also much emulated Give The Gays Everything They Want trend.

Let ‘Em Fly

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A post shared by Evan Rachel Wood (@evanrachelwood)

I’m a longtime Evan Rachel Wood fan. Like, “Thirteen” is still a legit great movie. And I’m old enough to fondly remember her as Jessie in “Once and Again.” Yeah, that was 20 years ago. Two decades later she is still bringing her talent, bravery and nuance to roles. That several of those roles have explored queer issues, coming of age and sexuality makes it all the better. And, again, if you haven’t watched “Kajillionaire” yet — OMG, stop reading right now and go watch it. So odd and so wonderful and so unexpected and so even more unexpectedly sexy.

Late last month, ERW made another bold and unequivocal statement about her thoughts on the attempted rehabilitation efforts of her ex and abuser Marilyn Manson. Kanye — possibly the only person who could make me feel sympathetic toward a Kardashian because, whew, no one should be married to this dude — brought Manson on stage with him recently because two gross things should be gross together, I guess. Naturally Evan — and hopefully every sane person who is outraged by the continuing plague of sexual assault and harassment perpetuated by the seemingly endless number of Bad Men in the world — let her feelings be known while on stage in a nonverbal but unequivocal way. While singing the New Radicals’s “You Get What You Give” she let the middle finger fly to Manson — and one would think all men who are finally facing a reckoning thanks to the #MeToo Movement, and those who have yet to pay for their transgressions as well. It’s truly the only appropriate salute for them. So raise ‘em high with Evan (the bird flies at 4:40). Because seriously, fuck that guy

Watch a Kajillion Times

On this, the penultimate day of Pride Month, I’m here to recommend an undiscovered gem of a movie. I posted about the trailer last August, when I wondered if it contained anything even remotely queer. Well, kittens, the answer is yes. The movie from offbeat filmmaker Miranda July (if you ever saw “You Me and Everyone We know,” you’ll know exactly what I mean by offbeat) is as offbeat as you would suspect. It stars Evan Rachel Wood (doing her best Elizabeth Holmes voice), Gina Rodriguez (who, goodness, can she fill out a simple T-shirt pair of jeans) and a nearly unrecognizable Debra Winger (I really did pause the trailer to make sure that was here). It’s hard to explain what this movie (essentially about a family of low-level grifters and the stranger who enters their lives) is truly about other than to say it’s about family dysfunction and finally finding the tenderness you need. Go into it without expectations and just enjoy its unhurried unfurling. It’s streaming right now on HBO Max. Did I mention Evan & Gina have great chemistry? Because, yeah, they do.

If you’ve watched the movie, watch the clip below. If you have not watched the movie, DO NOT WATCH THE CLIP BELOW. It’s basically the entire end of the movie. But goodness, did I rewatch the heck out of it after finishing the movie. Hello.

My Weekend Crush

Evan Rachel Wood is brave and strong and powerful. By naming her abuser this week, she called out more than just Marilyn Manson but the entire culture that bolsters bad men and seeks to silence brave women. Still here’s the thing, she shouldn’t have to be so brave. Instead we should do a better job as a society of holding men who abuse women (or men, or fucking anybody) accountable. But we just don’t. The sad truth is too many men (and some women) believe you shouldn’t ruin a man’s career because of a woman’s accusation.

Believe women is more than a slogan. It’s a reminder that all too often our culture simply doesn’t believe women precisely because they’re women.

Why else would 26 credible accustations of sexual assault and harassment be a nearly forgotten footnote to the Trump presidency? Imagine, if you will, that 26 men had credibly accused Donald Trump of sexual assault/harassment. Or if 26 men had credibly accused any prominent female politician of sexual assault/harassment. Oh, how different the predominant news narrative would be. But here we are, once again, simply asking people to believe us when we tell them what we have experienced and not to dismiss us offhand simply for being women. It’s more than tiring. It’s enraging. And Evan Rachel Woods of the world shouldn’t have to be so brave. But I’m just thankful that they are. Happy weekend, all.

Kajillionaire in the Making

If you’ve seen any of Miranda July’s work you’ll know that is very specifically odd, but also strangely beautiful in a haunting way that sticks with you long after the credits roll. I mean, I still sometimes think about “You Me and Everyone We Know.” Something about the stilted normality of her aesthetic is so weirdly captivating. She’s like the ultimate normcore ambassador. Her newest, “Kajillionaire,” looks just as weird and just as dorkily engaging. I mean it doesn’t hurt that it has Evan Rachel Wood, Gina Rodriguez and an almost unrecognizable Debra Winger (like, I seriously had to watch it again and pause it on her face to confirm, yep, Debra Winger). I particularly like the exaggerated deep voice Evan uses in the role, just another oddball delight amid what appears to be a meditation on bad parenting and finding one’s self at last. I have no idea if anything even remotely queer will happen in the film, but I love seeing women discovering their agency. Plus, anything where people dance out their feelings is a good thing in today’s world. Now, unlike the coronavirus delayed Wonder Woman, the release date is an optimistic September in theaters. But, yeah, we shall see about that. So, otherwise, thoughts?

Gender Fuck Thursday: Dapper Ladies Edition

It’s my Thursday, and I can post women looking dapper as fuck in traditional men’s wear if I want to. So I will. And they do, look dapper as fuck. I mean, look at Kate McKinnon striking her best Katharine Hepburn – and pulling it off. Plus after the entire year that the first – checks calendar – 12 days of March have been, we deserve this. We truly do.

Tatiana Maslany

A long lost dapper clone, no doubt.

Evan Rachel Wood

Sad-yet-glam dapper is still dapper.

Tessa Thompson

Casual going to South Beach for a weekend getaway dapper.

Sarah Silverman

Still, when in doubt of how to dapper, you can’t go wrong with a tux.

Megan Rapinoe

Fine, dapper looks easier for some of us than others.

Ellen Page

Casual dapper is hard to pull off, but clearly not impossible.

Tina Fey

If you were ever to get me a singing telegram, Hot Dapper Nerd in Suit (who is also my Fake TV/Movie Wife) is exactly my type.

Jennifer Beals & Kate Moennig

O.G. Lesbian TV Legends dapper.

Suranne Jones & Sophie Rundle

What? Historical dapper is very much a thing. Very much.

Westwhat again now?

I have faithfully watched “Westworld” for two seasons now and all I can say for sure about the show is, uh, damn – a lot sure has happened. I think. The thing about this ambitious, yet ultimately perplexing show is that at least up until now one’s constant state while watching is confusion. Like, wait, what’s happening? But, seriously, huh?

I am not lying when I say I would struggle to recite all of last season’s major plot points because a) there were so many of them, and b) so many of them didn’t make sense, and c) as a result, they became entirely forgettable. Again, I want to reiterate, I am still watching this series. I just have abandoned my naïve hope that it’s going someplace that makes sense anytime soon.

And yet is has Evan Rachel Wood! and Tessa Thompson! and Thandie Newton! and now also Lena Waithe! I just can’t stop watching, because of them and because I have to find out what all this insanity has been about, dammit.

So, anyone want to do a recap of last year’s major plot points to refresh all our memories? And give their best guesses as to where it is all going in season 3? Because right now, it doesn’t look like anything to me.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Co-Stars Edition

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? How about a bunch of beautiful women in suits? I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. But what can I say, I’m a giver.

Now, admittedly, sometimes I struggle for a theme when it comes to Gender Fuck Thursday because how many ways can you say, “Hey, this is hot.” But thirst traps gotta thirst trap. So this holiday movie season let’s celebrate the women starring on the big screen who decided to suit up on the red carpet or elsewhere while promoting their new films. But more than just that, it’s multiple actresses, from the same movie, trying to out suit each other. In short, it’s a glorious gift of co-stars suiting-off. And I hope may many, many more actresses follow suit, so to speak.

Ella Balinska & Naomi Scott, Charlie’s Angels

The first photo looks pre-prom, this second one after prom. Way after.

Kristen Stewart, Charlie’s Angels

Not to be outdone, K-Stew keeps it casual instead.

Saoirse Ronan & Emma Watson, Little Women

Saoirse looks like a fancy old-timey street urchin, whereas Emma just looks fancy.

Evan Rachel Wood & Kristen Bell, Frozen 2

See, now this, this is why they should have made someone in “Frozen 2” a lesbian.

Nicole Kidman,Margot Robbie&Charlize Theron, Bombshell

This almost makes me want to watch Fox News. Kidding, kidding. But I will watch Nicole, Margot and Charlize pretend to work for Fox News. Probably. My point is, I really hate Fox News.

p.s. I am pretty sure Nicole and Charlize showing up at the "Bombshell" premiere like this means they are dating.

Part of Her Suit

Look, Disney didn’t make Elsa gay after all. But the added Evan Rachel Wood to the cast, so at least there’s that. And Evan showed up to Ellen (with guest host and her “Frozen 2” co-star Josh Gad) in this double-breasted suit and tie. And then she sang a cabaret version of “Part of Your World.” So, while I’m still mad Disney didn’t have the guts to give Elsa a girlfriend, I’m definitely not mad at this.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Suit On, Shirt Off

I don’t know what glossy magazines have against shirts, but I for one am not complaining with this new trend of putting queer female celebrities in suits sans a shirt underneath. Not at all. For example, here are Evan Rachel Wood and Megan Rapinoe in shirtless suits for Self and Glamour magazines, respectively.

Now, neither magazine seems fully opposed to shirts. Self did manage to find one for Evan, but promptly made it wet. So, now all I need to know now is who to send the mini-muffin gift basket to at the magazine.



Meanwhile, Megan’s Glamour looks were more...questionable. Like, normally I love any and all tank tops. But something about the sheer layering over the top and having it tucked in is not necessarily giving me Tank Top Tuesday goodness vibes.



Though the deciding looks for these dueling photoshoots come down to pinstripe versus bodysuit. And here, I think, we can all agree the pinstripe wins hands down. Because what even is that highlighter yellow monstrosity? May we never find out.

Rise of the Machines

Remember just last Tuesday when I was all jazzed about the meeting of cyborg humanoids and artificially intelligent machines? Just kidding! It’s creepy as fuck. Especially given recent reports that some are encouraging the United States to look into giving giving artificial intelligence control of our nuclear arsenal. Dude, human can’t even make a robot who doesn’t scare the living bejesus out of everyone yet. Let’s slow down on the Doctor Strangelove stuff. Also, has *literally anyone* in the U.S. government ever watched a damn movie? Like “War Games,” the entire “Terminator” franchise - take your pick.

Anyway, I digress. If you’ve been watching “Westworld” hopefully you’ll find this conversation between one of the world’s most famous fictional robots (Dolores) and one of the world’s most famous real robots (Sophia) interesting - at the very least. And it is lovely to see Evan Rachel Wood - in a gorgeous suit no less - sidle up to a bar and strike up a conversation with a woman. Granted, it’s a female robot, but still - have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? Just kidding! Definitely freeze all motor functions and get the fuck out of there, Evan. I have seen those movies and know full well that these violent delights have violent ends.

Go West, Young Show

So speaking of everyone’s favorite Super Gay, Tessa Thompson, she’s got another lil project you might have heard of that also made some news at SDCC over the weekend. The new trailer for her series “Westworld” debuted, and I’m just as confused as always. But now with more Tessa and Evan Rachel Wood seemingly snuggling? Is there a bisexual robot pride flag? Because this show could proudly fly it.



I have to say I don’t always know if I enjoy “Westworld.” But I do enjoy trying to figure out its mystery. And it’s that reveal, the thing that will make all this tremendous effort make sense, that keeps me hooked. Damn you, confusing show with non-linear storytelling and multiple characters in multiple timelines. And now World War II? I mean, at least we get to punch some Nazis. Back when it wasn’t controversial to want to punch a Nazi, at least.

So, yeah, I’m invested in this mystery. Though, I still wish the show had even a little bit of humor about itself. Granted, I get it, the epic struggle between man and the machines man created to do terrible things to because man is terrible is heavy stuff. But, you know, a little glimmer of joy (or as in the video below, joy via cookies, never hurt anyone).

My Big Gay Emmys

I don’t know much. But I know this. The Emmys should have stopped the show mid-stream and made Hannah Gadsby the host. Or Kate McKinnon. Or Tiffany Haddish. Or basically any woman who was not the dudebro Weekend Update dudes. But at least the awards ended on time, which is something. And despite the lackluster dude hosts, there were still some genuinely good moments. Heck, even straight people had a nice moment with that Emmy proposal.

So here are the queerest Emmy moments and Emmy attendees most pertinent to your gay lady interests.

Kate McKinnon was tragically underused in that whole “We Solved it” song. But at least she looked great with her stand-in date Betty White.



Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Did I mention Hannah Gadsby should have hosted?



Samira Wiley is sunshine in a sparkly dress.



Evan Rachel Wood’s commitment to suit-based fashion on the red carpet is extremely commendable.



Props to Lily Tomlin for getting in a little Gina Rodriguez snuggle.



Carrie Brownstein doing queer women proud by coming in a dress with pockets.



My greatest hope – besides flipping the House and Senate and impeaching Trump/Pence – is that Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer make Abbi and Ilana endgame on “Broad City.”



Tatiana Maslany sees Carrie’s dress with pockets and raises everyone a sensible pants and top paying homage to lesbian favorite “The Gynmast.”



Tiffany Haddish’s big top dress is almost the best Pride outfit ever.



Please, you thought I would post about the Emmys and not include a photo of My Fake TV/Movie Wife Tina Fey?



Sandra Oh, who was viciously robbed of the best actress in a drama Emmy, brought her parents as her dates and her mother wore a traditional Korean hanbok dress which *heart eyes emojis forever*.



Some gratuitous Regina King arm porn for your viewing enjoyment.



Also for your viewing enjoyment, Angela Bassett. It should be noted that Angela turned 60 last month which HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?



All hail the Queen and Queen of Lesbian Couples. Long may they reign.



p.s. Don’t worry, kittens. SGALGG is coming tomorrow. Oh yeah, it’s coming.