Which Month Matters

So I don’t think this movie is gay, but it’s from writer-director Todd Haynes (of “Carol” and “Far From Heaven” and “Velvet Goldmine” queer fame) and stars Julianne Moore (of “The Kids Are All Right” and “Chloe” and “Freeheld” queer fame) and Natalie Portman (of “Black Swan” queer fame). So…like something has to be gay in this movie, right? The story follows an actress (Natalie) who shadows the couple behind the scandalous (and, uh, illegal) May-December relationship of older woman (Julianne) and younger man (“Riverdale” star Charles Melton) in order to portray her in an upcoming film. The movie is loosely based on real-life teacher Mary Kay Letourneau and her student Vili Fualaau’s relationship/child abuse. Todd Haynes’s work is always interesting and provocative and extremely well done, and Jullianne and Natalie’s work is also often interesting and provocative and extremely well done. So, yeah, with or without gay stuff, I’m gonna Netflix and chill with this in the near future. (But, really chill — except about the fact that that’s child abuse, not a relationship.)

Tank Top Tuesday: Ladies of Thor Edition

Well, I don’t know if Asgardian armor officially counts as a tank top or not. But it certainly shows off the only kind of gun show I appreciate. (But, seriously, fuck your real guns. Fuck them and every GOP lawmaker who takes money to stop any kind of gun control.) The new Thor movie appears to be a smorgasbord of lady arm porn (respectfully, of course).

You might have heard the collective “Whoa” when Natalie Portman’s buff arms in the new “Thor: Love & Thunder” were first revealed a couple weeks ago. Now the full-length trailer offers a one-two double scoop of arm candy from Natalie and King of Asgard Tessa Thompson. And also Chris Hemsworth’s abs, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Right, so obviously we’re going to have a biceps off between Natalie and Tessa. It’s, like, the law.

Poster Arms

Fight Arms

Suit Arms

So, clearly, we are the winners here. Bring on the love and the thunder. And the arms. And the kickass ladies. Just don’t forget the popcorn, or grapes.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

In her new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Kristen Stewart revealed she has been told by Hollywood folks that, “If you just like do yourself a favour, and don’t go out holding your girlfriend’s hand in public, you might get a Marvel movie.”

What you just heard there was a sharp intake of breath from every queer woman everywhere. As much as we are grateful for the progress the LGBTQ community has made in terms of acceptance and openness, we still have so far to go – obviously. As far as mainstream entertainers go, it is telling that Ellen DeGeneres (who came out 22 years ago) and Kristen Stewart (who was 7 when Ellen came out) are probably our most famous out lesbian, bi and/or queer women celebrities.

Sure, there are a ton more out celebs than in the old days, like The Other Ellen and Cara and Sarah and Janelle and Ruby and Samira and the good news is I could go on. But if you think about which of those women came out at the very start of their careers, versus after they’ve become famous, well, that list shrinks. And, in terms of our superstars, the truth is there should be more.

But the reason there aren’t more is thinking like that Hollywood goon who dangled a “Marvel movie” in front of K-Stew if only she’d quit with the icky hand holding. The double standard remains that for an actress to really break out really big she that must be seen as straight and desirable, especially to all the drooling fanboy contingent. Gotta make that green, right?

So, in dishonor of that outmoded and money-at-all-costs kind of thinking, here are a slew of straight (and some not-so-straight) actresses who have proudly held hands with women and yet, somehow, have still managed to land themselves in Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. A chronological list from when they appeared in their first “Marvel movie.”

Gwyneth Paltrow

Somehow, the “Iron Man” star has managed to star in seven, yes Se7en, MCU movies despite flaunting her hand love with Nicole Kidman.

Natalie Portman

Not only did Natalie star in two “Thor” movies, she is going to be a new female “Thor” in a new film. And all this despite holding hands with Nicole Kidman. Though, to be fair, after openly holding hands with two Marvel ladies Nicole has only managed to land one (really, really bad – man is “Aquaman” bad) D.C. movie.

Hayley Atwell

The “Captain America” star is shown brazenly holding hands with Sally Hawkins, who has not been in a Marvel movie but did get to make out with a fish. So, win-win?

Cobie Smulders

The stoic “Avengers” star got all handy while promoting an indie film at the Sundance Film Festival a few years back. But, you know, it was an indie movie, maybe nobody noticed.

Karen Gillan

The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star is British, so many that’s why clasping hands with new late night talk show host Lilly Singh doesn’t really count, right?

Evangeline Lilly

Maybe she thought being in “Antman” would make her hands so small no one would see this.

Tilda Swinton

I mean, everyone knows Tilda is an alien from another galaxy. So this gratuitous hand holding with Charlize Theron (because aliens have good taste) had no impact on her “Doctor Strange” role, obviously.

Marisa Tomei

Well, she is playing Aunt May in “Spider-Man,” so despite the character wildly Benjamin Buttoning throughout the “Spider-Man” movies/reboots, she is still an aunt. So, that means she’s well past fuckable age anyway so hold hands all you want, “old” lady.

Tessa Thompson

Look, we know the “Thor: Ragnarok” star likes to wear Pussy Pants with a certain lady. But this obviously doesn’t count because Evan Rachel Wood is a robot, duh.

Lupita Nyong'o & Danai Gurira

Two of the stars of “Black Panther” holding hands with each other? Does that mean they cancel out? I was never good at math.

Brie Larson

The “Captain Marvel” actress got to be the titular star of her very own superhero movie and she repays the studio by unapologetically holding hands with her stunt double Joanna Bennett. The nerve!

In the end, K-Stew just needs to channel the power of Cate Blanchett who got to star in a Marvel movie, loves holding hands with ladies, happily and swoonily plays gay in movies, and has won two damn Oscars.



p.s. Given her recent comments on believing Woody Allen and being more than happy to work with him again, no one really wants to hold Scarlett Johansson’s hand anymore.

My Weekend Crush

I’ve been trying to decide whether I liked the “Natalie’s Rap 2.” It’s taken me a little while, because of my absolute love of the first one - obviously, but I’ve decided I like it – a lot. Sure, it’s not as surprising and therefore memorable as the first one. But Natalie Portman rapping against type is always internet gold. The “Star Wars” prequels stuff in particular was amaze-ing. Plus, she gets the ultimate wish fulfillment of all women and throws a “Well, actually”-ing male out the window.

It’s highly recommend you watch them both back-to-back, on a loop.



I guess you could describe my sexuality on any given day is Natalie Portman Rapping. But, then, I suspect that is true for most of us. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. My sexuality can also be described as Natalie and Mila’s insane brain (and other parts) melting sex scene from “Black Swan.”

Annihilate the Patriarchy

You ever seen a photo and think, “Yeah, this gets me.” Well, that’s how I feel looking at this promo still from the new film “Annihilation.” This still is kind of everything I’m looking for from a movie right now. A tough, smart gang of diverse women who are heavily armed on a world-saving mission while some sport alternative lifestyle haircuts. Like I was saying, this gets me.



p.s. As further proof this movie is possibly perfect, Oscar Isaac’s character is legit only described as “Lena’s husband” in the credits. Lena is Natalie Portman’s biologist character. Identifying men only by their association with powerful women? Burn, patriarchy, burn.

SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

You know when ladies pretend to kiss a shiny golden statue but they’re really just trying to kiss each other? Yeah, well in my head that’s what happens at every single awards show – but especially the Golden Globes. There was plenty of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals action at this year’s ceremony. There were also Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals and Straight Gals Not Acting All That Gay But Still Pertinent To Your Gay Gal Interests (SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI?!?) Anyway, the whole thing, as I mentioned yesterday, was a sometimes invigorating, sometimes dissonant affair that I hope takes advantage of all the attention it has garnered. And with that, on the SGALGG and GGALGG and SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI. Yeah, I know, that last one needs work.

Helen Mirren & Viola Davis

That feeling when you’re gonna chase down every last sexual predator and hold him accountable for his actions.

Elisabeth Moss, Amanda Brugel & Yvonne Strahovski

Three’s company, very good company.

Octavia Spencer & Jessica Chastain

Just demonstrating some consensual touching.

Kerry Washington, Debra Messing & Eva Longoria

Just demonstrating some consensual touching in a threesome.

Tatiana Maslany & Laverne Cox

Tatiana Maslany and Laverne Cox know and appear to like each other. What a time to be alive.

America Ferrera & Natalie Portman

Natalie just looks so proud of getting America pregnant here.

Gwendoline Christie & Emilia Clarke

Admit it, you totally ship Brienne and Daenerys.

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley

Don’t worry, you can still ship married couples, too.

Amy Sherman-Palladino & Rachel Brosnahan

This looks like they’re going to an old-timey Butch-Femme Prom.

Lena Waithe & Tracee Ellis Ross

I never knew how much I wanted Lena & Tracee to be a couple until this exact moment.

Zoey Deutch & Haley Lu Richardson

This is how you act when you want to become a couple.

Laura Dern & Reese Witherspoon

This is how you act when you are a couple and want to go home.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet

I hope Amanda know how lucky she is to be Sarah’s perpetual stand-in girlfriend.

Tonya Harding & Allison Janney

My main reaction to this photo is, holy crap, that’s Tonya Harding.

Salma Hayek & a Golden Globe

My main reaction to this photo is, holy crap, I wish I was that Golden Globe.

And now for the SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI Section:

Claire Foy

Pertinent.

Tessa Thompson

Pertinent-er.

Gillian Anderson

Pertinent-erer.

Lena Headey

Pertinent-est.

Gal Gadot

Amazonian.

Bonus:

Rita Moreno

When I’m 86 I hope I look 1/86th this cool.

Reclaiming Our Time

Right, let’s dig in shall we? This weekend’s Golden Globes were an interesting clash in acute cultural awareness and standard superficial bullshit. Pretty much everyone wore black, which while it can be seen as an empty gesture was also arresting in its own way because, well, pretty much everyone did it. Everyone. You can’t even make everyone in an office take a piece of free cake. Now, to be fair, I am guessing like 90 percent of the dudes who wore black did so by default anyway because that’s what color men’s formal wear is. But still.

This reckoning was always about more than just Hollywood. #MeToo is about the systematic abuse of women, all women. And therefore it will only be successful if it embraces the plight of all women – regardless of race or class or sexual orientation or gender identity – not just those with the privilege and platform to finally speak out. It must lift up the voiceless, which is why I commend the Time’s Up Initiative, which instead of just offering lip service is putting up real hard cash (so far $16 million dollars and counting) to start a legal defense for women who might otherwise not be able to fight their harassers. Three hundred Hollywood women signed a letter of solidarity with female farm workers and domestic workers and service workers and factory workers and so on. That matters.

And some stars even brought female activists, many of who work directly for nonprofits that help these the groups, with them as their dates to the Globes. Michelle Williams was with Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo Movement and senior director of Girls for Gender Equity. Meryl Streep was with Ai-jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance. Laura Dern was with Monica Ramirez, president of the female farmworkers women’s group Alianza Nactional de Campesinas. Amy Poehler was with Saru Jayaraman, co-founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Emma Watson was with Marai Larasi, executive director of the UK-based black feminist organization Imkaan. Now this is some non-gay same-sex coupling this gay lady can certainly get behind.



I forced myself to watch some of the red carpet coverage before the ceremony, which I normally ever view on mute, to find the line of questioning a teensy bit better but only – of course – for the women. Because what in the world could men have to say about sexual harassment, even though the vast majority of its perpetrators are indeed men?

I was also pretty disappointed by all the male winners who, aside from some of their shiny “Time’s Up” pins, had precious little to say about this particular moment in our social acceptance of the bullshit women have put up with for centuries at the hand of their male counterparts. Like, yo, Alexander Skarsgard and Sam Rockwell, your projects specifically revolved around the abuse of women. And yet, nada. Solving sexual harassment isn’t just up to women and can’t be done without men’s unequivocal commitment. Also, if you wore a Time’s Up pin and worked with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski recently, GTFO.

Anyhoo. I liked quite a few of the women’s speeches. Oprah, of course. Oprah always. Babs wasn’t bad either. And Laura Dern. And Frances “Fuck yeah, I made them think tectonic shift was a cuss word” McDormand. Though my favorite cut was from Natalie Portman with his fatal delivery of “And here are the all male nominees,” just before announcing the Best Director nominees. Like, damn, this Natalie needs to come out to play more often.



As for the awards themselves I was pretty happy for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and its star Rachel Brosnahan because it’s charming and she is charming. And you can’t be mad at “The Handmaid’s Tale” and its queer-inclusive storylines and terrifyingly plausible dystopia getting more attention. “Lady Bird” was lovely and while I haven’t seen “Three Billboards” I can never not root for Frances, so there’s that.

All in all, the Golden Globes felt like a glamorous shot in the arm. May it bolster our determination to work hard and tirelessly and take advantage of the momentum of this moment. Perhaps we can accomplish the needed sea change for women, all women. Look out, sexual predators. We’re gonna chase down every last one of you and hold you accountable for your actions. In heels, and backwards if we have to. Though, naturally, as a gay lady I’ll be doing it in sensible shoes.



p.s. Tomorrow we’ll revel in some SGALGG, I promise.

My Weekend Crush

As Trump readies his new – though certainly no less terrible – Muslim Ban, I thought it might be a good time to share Valerie’s Letter again. For no reason, really. Just totally out of the blue, actually. Apropos of nothing, truly. I just felt like remembering my favorite part of “V for Vendetta.” You know, the part where the lesbian prisoner scribbles her life story out for someone to find about how she had roses and kisses but then war and authoritarianism and ominous sounding policies like the “Articles of Allegiance” happened and different became dangerous and they took people from their homes and their beds and now there are no roses just despair and ultimately death. Yeah, that part.

It’s not because we have a new president hell-bent on declaring the “others” the enemy with ominous sounding policies like V.O.I.C.E. (which stands for Victims Of Immigration Crime Engagement, which even grammatically is wrong beyond belief). It’s also not because he has commissioned the Department of Homeland Security to publish regular lists of supposed immigrant crimes. It’s not because his policies are having people snatched for deportation from hospitals and churches and courthouses and press conferences by ICE agents overjoyed at their new freewheeling authority. Never mind reports that show immigrants are actually less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens. Never mind that publishing lists of Jewish crimes was something done to foment hatred toward them during World War II by the actual, goddamn Nazis. None of this matters when there’s an “other” to hate, apparently. But, again, there’s no reason I felt like sharing this clip today. I just wanted to watch Valerie and Ruth and all those beautiful roses, I guess. Happy weekend, all.

Sure. Why Not. Let's All Kiss.

I have absolutely no idea why Ruth Negga and Natalie Portman are about to make out here. Like, no clue at all. It’s something about great performances coming together for W magazine. But as far as I know Ruth and Natalie have never appeared in a film together, or any project whatsoever. But, whatever. Go with it. Ruth and Natalie sitting on a magazine cover, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. It’s 2017 and we’ve got to find joy where we can. Smooch it out, ladies. Smooch it out.

Throwback Thursday

So am I doing this Throwback Thursday thing right? Sorta? How about pictures of celebrities when they were just wee little celebrities? I mean look at wee little Jodie Foster, circa 1884. Sweet merciful Zeus, that hair. Stars – they were once younger, just like us. Granted, some celebrities don’t get older – but that’s another story altogether. Anyway, here are a bunch of our favorite famous folks back in the day. TBT, as the kids say.

Glenn Close & Jennifer Beals, circa 1985
Eighties hair is the gift that keeps on giving.

Queen Latifah, Ingrid Casares & k.d. lang, circa 1990
What I wouldn’t give to have been a big lesbian fly on the wall here.

Natalie Portman, circa 1990
Who would have thought this cute face would grow up to be driven mad by ballet, pick feathers out of her back and have really hot lesbian sex with Mila Kunis. Wait, never mind – I totally see it.

Gillian Anderson, circa 1996
Imagine, just 20 years ago it was perfectly acceptable to wear your bathrobe to the Golden Globes.

Jill Hennessy & Angie Harmon, circa 2000
It’s a “Law & Order” ADA Off and we’re all winners.

Ellen Page & Anna Paquin, circa 2006
Aw, look at them. Before we knew they were both totally queer ladies.

Jennifer Larence & Selma Blair, circa 2008
Four years before Katniss, JLaw proves she was always a huge ham sandwich.

Jodie Foster & Kristen Stewart, circa 2002
People said the casting of K-Stew as Jodie’s daughter was uncanny…

Jodie Foster & Kristen Stewart, circa 1981 & 2000
…Yeah, I don’t see it… KIDDING, obviously.