Orphan Genius

The #OrphanBlackEchoes title sequence is here.

Check out the official opening, sung by the brilliant @@julienrbaker. pic.twitter.com/M6cI1dJYH6

— Orphan Black: Echoes (@OrphanBlack) March 30, 2024

How gay will the new “Orphan Black: Echoes” series be? Well, Julien Baker of boygenius performs the theme song so…pretty gay. Also gay? Keeley Hawes (of “Tipping the Velvet” eternal adoration despite Kitty being terribly problematic) plays grown-up Kira who is married to a woman. Evelyne Brochu returns as Dr. Delphine Cormier (who per character descriptions appears married Cosima though it’s 30 years in the future so I’m not sure what anyone’s relationship status is at this point…) And of course there is Krysten Ritter as Lucy, who may or may not also be gay, but played at the very least somewhat open to the idea in “Jessica Jones.” Like I was saying, seems pretty gay to me. And they’re debuting this thing in June? Happy Clone Pride, y’all.

Chasing French Girl

Well, it’s been a bit since I posted a good, old-fashioned hate post. But I feel the new Zach Braff movie “French Girl” truly fits the occasion. Now, at first you might think, but it also stars Evelyne Brochu, and Evelyne Brochu is lovely. Yes, she is. But it’s a shame she’s stuck in a biphonic rom-com cliched mess. Pop the question before she switches teams? Yikes, Chasing Amy called from 1997 and it wants its jokes back. Also Vanessa Hudgens as the scheming, sexy bi romantic rival trying sneakily to get her ex back? Please, Evelyne would have never left Vanessa in the first place. Obviously. Anyway, it’s easy to see where the film wants our sympathies to lie (Poor Man, he’s out of his depth and unable to compete with the sexy, conniving bisexual!). Yawn. Like if you’re going to introduce a sexy queer ex, at least make it so you not-so-secretly root for her to win the girl “Happiest Season”-style. Or, I don't know, make the French Girl in question the star and one we care about. Not the dude. Never that dude.

My Weekend Clone

Clone Club, reassemble. The cast of “Orphan Black” is coming back this weekend for a virtual table read to entertain us all while we continue to shelter in place (and for all the places where you are no longer required to shelter in place, uh, please continue to be safe no matter what your Republican governor says). The event will also raise awareness for Mental Health Awareness Month and International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia while raising cash for CenterLink, a nonprofit that supports some 250 LGBTQ community centers around the world, and Sistering, a nonprofit that helps at-risk women and trans people. This very special social distanced Clone Club reunion will span a two-episode table read. It will be quite something to watch Tatiana Maslany switch characters mid-stream. She fully became Sarah and Cosima and Alison and Helena, so much so that sometimes I would almost forget they were all the same stupidly talented person. What will happen? Are Cosima and Delphine still curing the Ledas? Have Sarah and Felix launched a pop-up art space for LGBTQ+ creators? Did Helen*Rachel cut her own hair during self-quarantine to maintain that razor-sharp bob? Guess we will find out at 3 p.m. ET/12 p.m. PT Sunday, May 17, on the official Orphan Black Facebook page. Fetch me something gay, I've got some Cloning to do. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.

*Quarantine tired brain strikes. I'm just making up sestras because why not, our "president" makes up facts, crimes, history, science, words, people and scandals on a daily basis.

Cophine Wishes

Well now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s all holidays all the time from here until the New Year’s Eve. That means holiday gatherings and other assorted get togethers with friends/family/coworkers/etc. And if you’re an introvert like me, the prospect of such get gatherings fills you with occasional dread and continual longing for your comfy sweatpants. But no matter how much socializing you do or don’t plan to do over the holidays, may you at least feel good that you weren’t awkwardly turned down for a threesome by Cosima and Delphine. Though, you can’t blame a gal for trying when in the presence of Cophine. Take your shot, Amy. Take your shot.

[Hat tip to the always brilliant editing by Orphan Crack]

My Weekend Crush

I can’t believe the trip is almost over. Five years, countless Tatianas and at least two smitten puppies later and “Orphan Black” is about to end. It has been a wild and wonderful trip. Still today I will find myself watching an episode and think, “Oh, not too much Alison in this one – too bad for that actress” or “Man, Cosima is really the hottest of the clones.” But, oh yeah, they’re all Tatiana Maslany. Every. Single. One. One of the best things about this show is how it has allowed a galaxy of women to command the screen – granted like 20 of them were played by Tatiana. But it’s women who drive this narrative and we care about the most (plus Felix, we love Felix). The other best thing about this series is, of course, Cophine. Whether by design or by fan pressure, “Orphan Black” became one of the very few shows on television to unbury its gays. Now, I don’t know who will make it to the very end Saturday, but I do know we’ve been given a rich, complicated, sexy relationship for five seasons between Cosima Niehaus and Delphine Cormier. May they make beautiful science together forever. Happy watching and weekend, all.

My Weekend Crush

You know what this final season of “Orphan Black” needs? More Delphine. Of course, there’s very little in life that could not be considerably improved by more Delphine. So there’s that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled that she was cured of Dead Lesbian Syndrome. Still a little part of me misses badass bitch, straight-haired Delphine from two seasons ago. But cheated death, secret rebel mad science adorable puppy Delphine isn’t terrible either. It’s just harder to set to song. Happy weekend, all.

Fade To Black

You guys, not only do we get “Wynonna Earp” this weekend, we get “Orphan Black.” The final season, the final trip, the final puppies. Look, this series has had more twists, and definitely more clones, than you can shake a non-vestigial tail at. But one of its very, very (very, very, very) best twists was to Undead Lesbian Syndrome one Dr. Delphine Cormier. (Memo to Showrunners: You know you can’t kill Delphine twice. There’s a rule. Signed, All The Gay Ladies everywhere.) Look, I have no idea where this crazy, clone-y ride will end. But I can’t wait to see where Sarah, Cosima, Alison, Helena, Rachel and Krystal end up. I just can’t believe this is the last time we’ll get to see this much Tatiana Maslany all at once.



p.s. I so wanted my Maslany fix over the weekend I watched “Ginger Snaps 2,” simply because a tiny Tatiana was in it. She was, of course, very good. And very creepy. Is there nothing she can’t do?

Dead Ringer

[Orphan Black Spoilers, sweeties]

So, I don’t know about you, but after last week’s “Orphan Black” ended I spent the next 15 minutes screaming and rewinding the last 30 seconds. And then screaming and rewinding the last 30 seconds. So, yes, Delphine is back. Yes, this show has pulled the most epic Not-So Dead Lesbian (Non-)Trope plot twist ever. Yes, I am so excited and cannot believe there is only one episode left this season. To make up for all the anguish it put all us Cophine fans through, perhaps they can just have those two make out for all 10 episodes next season. What? It only seems fair.

I have – decapitated swans aside – enjoyed the hell out of this season. Sure, there was a tragic lack of Delphine (again – you sneaky, glorious bastards). But it was almost made up for by an abundance of Krystal. Though, I have one suggestion for next season. Can we please get some stylish bullet-proof vests for our gals? Hey, gay ladies on TV can never be too careful.

p.s. So news broke this morning that “Orphan Black” has been renewed for a fifth and final season. So take note, TV executives: Tatiana Maslany will be available in one year. Begin your mad scramble accordingly. Man, it will be so strange seeing her play only one role at a time.

Out of the Black

Holy shit guys. Wait, first, spoilers for last week’s “Orphan Black” ahead. OK, we all clear? Good. Then let me say: It’s alive! ALIVE! The Cophine fandom LIVES! You know, it’s hard to think of another instance where we (potentially) got one back from the Bury Your Gays trope. Yet here we are, on the verge of erasing Dr. Delphine Cormier from the Dead Lesbian Syndrome rolls. And it’s so terribly clever.

I had resigned myself, after the week’s before episode, to the fact that the blonde French doctor was, indeed gone. Cosima’s breakdown when Evie Cho told her as much was one of the most gut-wrenching, soul-shaking cries I’ve ever heard uttered from a human person. Slow and forever clap for Tatiana Maslany.



But then, this week. Holy shit, guys.



This season has been *insert fire emoji here* and I don’t mind saying it. Not one bit. Now, let’s go find our girl, eh?

Back to Black

So how about that “Orphan Black” season opener? Starting off with a flashback? Showing us more about Beth? Introducing a new clone named MK? Not a Castor clone in sight. Yes, yes, and yaaaaaaaas. Of course, the problem with showing us more about Beth is now we want more of Beth. But alas, we all know how that ends.

Last season of “Orphan Black” was, well, convoluted. And adding the Castor Clones diluted what has always been best about the series – Tatiana Maslany in all her many incarnations. I hope this season premiere signals a return to form for the show. And I hope against all possible hope that we can also see a return to Delphine. Yes, I know – those bullet holes looked pretty convincing. But a gal can dream. Come back, Evelyne Brochu. Come back.

Orphan Puppy

Damn, “Orphan Black,” damn. I haven’t really been able to process this season past the “holy shit” and “noooo” of it all. But, you know, holy shit and nooooooo!

[Spoilers for the “Orphan Black” season finale, obviously]

So, yeah. I hate to say it but going into the season finale I was pretty sure either a) Shay, or b) Delphine would die. The cynical side of me would say it’s because there couldn’t possibly continue to be two strong, viable romantic interests for the lesbian character on television. The less cynical side of me says that under her breath, but also understands how story development works and saw either of them as the most likely “expendables” in the plot.

So while I wasn’t shocked, I am terribly saddened that Delphine had to get that gut shot. (Though, fingers crossed, we didn’t actually see the kill shot – I know, I know – let me dream.)

I can’t say I’m super excited about this new Neolution direction. But then I wasn’t super excited about the Castor clones direction either, and they turned out to be mostly harmless (well, not literally, but you know what I mean). It’s not that I think the concept of the Neolutionists is bad, it’s that whenever you get religious wingnuts (or whatever this brand of zealotry is) involved things can get, well, nuts.

But, anyway, back to Delphine. Oh, Ms. Dr. Cormier. How I will miss her. How much she loved Cosima. How well Evelyne Brochu played this whole season. That last scene when she tells Cosima goodbye? As the kids today say, ALL OF THE FEELS. They still say that, right?

It’s hard to imagine that all that crazy science and all that puppy love is really gone. But, damn, way to become the hero this show deserves.

Delphine? More like Delfine!

Can we talk about the Season 3 “Orphan Black” premiere? No, wait, that’s a lie. I only sort of want to talk about the Season 3 “Orphan Black” premiere. I mostly want to talk about Delphine. There is no other character on “Orphan Black” right now that I am more simultaneously scared of and turned on by than Delphine. This new, straight-haired, no-nonsense, socket-squishing Delphine is quite something. I know some are calling her “Mean Delphine,” but she is so much more than that. She has become perhaps the clones’ most fierce protector. And as such she appears to be willing and capable of doing whatever is necessary to protect the, all of them. In short, you don’t fuck with her. Goodbye old Delphine, hello Boss Ass Bitch Delphine.



I actually greatly enjoy this new development, and not just because strong, badass women are sexy. It’s because since the start Delphine’s true motivations have been a little suspect. I’ve never doubted her love and connection with Cosima – that always felt real. But I’ve wondered what her end game really was. Was she in it for Dyad? For science? For herself? Now the answer appears to be evident: She was in it for the clones and one clone in particular, Cosima. But as the song goes, “If you love someone, set them free…” So to truly love and protect Cosima she had to let Cosima go. So as Dyad’s new Rachel, she does just that. Oh, cruel fate. You heart-crushing bastard.



So while I still dislike the boy clones (way to make them completely indistinct from each other aside for wispy facial hair and/or scars, show) and the increasingly convoluted layers of conspiracy (First Dyad now Topside, oy, if this thing ends with Overlord Xenu I’m going to be pissed), I do like this new clearly focused Delphine. Granted, she scares the shit out of me. But I respect the hell out of her, too. And, you know, she can get it anytime. Anytime at all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Back to Basics

Like Amy Poehler, I will always say “Yes please!” to a plain white tank top. While there are endless variations on a classic, sometimes going back to basics is the best. So let’s do just that. Plain white tanks of summer, activate.

Angie Harmon

“Rizzoli & Isles” is back Tuesday and it’s both good and bad – you know, like the show. Good, as always, the chemistry. Bad, oy, this show.

Beyonce

What the Solange/Jay Z elevator fight was about will remain one of the great unsolved mysteries of our time.

Sarah Silverman

What has she been up to lately? Is there some sort of Comedy Overlords rule that there can only be one funny, inappropriate lady comic making headlines at a time? And right now Amy Schumer is filling that position. Oh, right, it’s called sexism.

Evelyne Brochu

Well, at least last weekend’s crush was justified. I think. I am distracted because it was apparently a bit nippy wherever Evelyne was for this photo. Ahem. (p.s. I can’t believe there’s only one episode left.)

Lena Headey

Sure, Cersei is technically (not technically, really) “bad.” But gotta give her props for helping to ruin Tywin Lannister’s Father’s Day. .

My Weekend Crush

Those French Canadians, eh. In the presence of a Québécoise like Evelyne Brochu we all turn into a lovesick “pauvre petit chiot.” As Delphine Cormier, Evelyne has stolen our hearts, despite our heads telling us to be wary. But we can’t help it. We just want to make crazy science with her. I still don’t know whether to truly trust Delphine. But I sure want to. She can call me a puppy anytime. Happy weekend, all.