Olympic Wonder Women

The more I watch the Paris Olympics, the more I become that gif of Jo March just going “WOMEN!” Also, the more I watch Team USA women win, the more I become that person screaming, “RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE M*THERFUCKER! THESE COLORS DON’T RUN B*TCH!” Anyway, I hope you’ve been enjoying the games as well. As a lifelong fan of the Olympics (as imperfect as they are and have always been), I fall in love with the magnificent scope of human excellence every four years.

As I continue my renaissance as a sports lover this year (turns out I don’t dislike sports, I just dislike most men’s sports), this is also the first year of gender parity with the same number of male and female athletes. So there’s no better year to root, root, root for your home team – and it should be noted that most of America’s medal winners so far are women. Ahem.

Yesterday we added two more to that tally with US Women’s Gymnastics winning the team gold and US Women’s Rugby winning the bronze (also the first Olympic medal for any US team in rugby 7s, male or female, period). Both wins were emotional and inspirational. I’d also like to note for the record, I’ve been an Ilona Maher fan since the 2021 Tokyo games. So her new-found stardom is just wonderful to behold, even if she is straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Instead, for all the Olympic sapphics, if you happened to watch the Gymnastics Team Finals live, you were treated to two-time Olympic medalist and proudly out retired gymnast Laurie Hernandez providing color commentary and slipping in a sly lesbian roommates joke based on a popular old Vine. We stan a queer broadcasting queen, who’s got jokes!

I can’t wait for what all these amazing athletes can do for the rest of these games.

Tig Your Favorite

Does anyone get the sense that Tig is the new Ellen? Not in the trailblazing or toxic workplace sense, but in the sense that she is every straight celebrity’s new favorite lesbian? First, uber action dude Zack Snyder taps her to replace gross sex pest Chris D’Elia in “Army of the Dead.” Then she gets Dakota Johnson of “Fifty Shades” of herosexuality to star in her lesbian movie. Now she is joining Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon on “The Morning Show.” Her casting is definitely an upgrade to at least a real queer woman instead of just Julianna Margulies who famously thought she could speak for our community “as someone who plays a lesbian journalist.” Honey, no. Anyway, just an observation about Tig. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Music Monday: Celine

Oh la la, Paris. The City of Light put on a dazzling, daring, downright cheeky show to open the Olympics. Like who else would proudly highlight a ménage à trois, decapitated aristocrats and drag runway models but France? In related news, American evangelicals continue to prove they’ve literally never read a single book (including and especially not the Bible) with their moronic outrage over the supposed Last Supper drag reenactment which was actually a tribute to the Greek God Dionysus.

Honestly, I blame NBC for not being better about describing the imagery in the ceremony. I mean, none of the hosts mentioned even once that the masked, nonbinary rooftop-running torchbearer was obviously from Assassin's Creed. And why the hell did they wait until the entire Minions segment was over, during which I confusedly wondered if I was hallucinating or had accidentally changed the channel, to tell us their animation studio was French? Context matters. How else can we exist within it?

Anyway, where was I? Oh right. The Olympics. Paris. And, of course, Celine Dion. It was the definition of a showstopper to have Celine close the ceremony with “Hymne A L'Amour.” Despite the devastating struggles with her health, she put on a performance for the ages. Like how many performers could outshine the Eiffel Tower? Thanks for the memories, Paris. Let’s go, athletes of the world. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (In Memoriam) Crush

As a certified Gen Xer, I regret to inform my fellow Xers that we’ve reached the age when the major stars from our childhoods are passing away. We lost Shannen Doherty and Shelley Duvall (not to mention Richard Simmons, RIP) earlier this month. While neither Shannen or Shelley were queer, per se, I’d say both reached iconic status within the community. I mean “90210” and “Charmed.” “Popeye” and “The Shining.” And, of course, “Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre” and “Shelley Duvall's Bedtime Stories.”

Yet both these actors are examples of our failed healthcare system and cultural callousness particularly toward female celebrities. If you read anything about the filming of “The Shining,” you know its acclaimed director Stanley Kubrick was extremely demanding of the cast – in particular on Shelley who he wanted in a constant state of, basically, fear. They spent three weeks alone shooting the pivotal stairway scene where Nicholson says he wants to “bash your brains in.” The experience left her mental health forever scarred, and you can understand why.

Meanwhile Shannen attributes a lapse in her health insurance, which delayed her seeing a doctor, for the relapse of breast cancer which ultimately killed her. Not to mention her realization that her ex-husband was waiting for her to die so he didn’t have to pay spousal support. Both women, it should be noted, also got sexist coverage over the years – from Shelley being labeled kooky to Shannen being called difficult.

I hope both women felt the outpouring of adoration at their deaths during their lives. I know their performances brought me untold hours of happiness over the years. May their memories be a blessing to all who enjoyed their work. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: A Tale of Two Emmas

So I confess, until shockingly recently I continued to confuse Emma D’Arcy and Emma Corrin. Sure I felt a little foolish when it finally dawned on me that these were in fact two separate actors and not the same actor. But, in my defense, they are both named Emma, they are both British, they are both non-binary, they are both blue-eyed, they are both short-haired, they are both strong-jawed, they are both experimental on the red carpet and so on – so you can see how a person could get confused. Yes, I know D’Arcy is from that dragon show (“House of the Dragon”) and Corrin is from that crown show (literally “The Crown,” lol). Though, now that I think of it, have we ever seen them in a room together? Is this a Clark Kent/Superman of nonbinary actors named Emma situation?

Sounding Very Shane Today

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In honor of Hump Day*, here’s some news that the kids today would call spicy. If you’ve ever wanted Shane to whisper into your ear, now is your chance. Kate Moennig is the narrator of a new very spicy, very sapphic audio erotica series (not to be confused with auto-erotica, not that there’s anything wrong with that – no kinky shame, just be safe). I’ve seen previews of this series all over TikTok recently. And now the series is launched and the sapphics (ah, youths) can go wild some more. The series, “Amplified” is available on the Audio Erotica App Quinn. Honestly, this is fairly genius. To use a bonafide queer legend like Kate to read a lesbian erotica series? I don’t even listen to audiobooks and I’m like – TAKE MY MONEY. So hats off to the brilliant minds behind this collab, because slow whistle. If I’m offering suggestions for next series narrators, like I don’t know if you have enough coin to pay a two-time Oscar winner, but Jodie Foster. Please and thank you. So, after Shane, who do you want to read spicy stories to you next?

*For a person who uses the phrase “Hump Day” here on Ye Olde Blogge an alarming amount, I basically never say it in real life. Like even Shane couldn’t make “Hump Day” sound sexy aloud. That is so, as those pesky kids keep saying, cringe.

Who Ya Gonna Call

Gosh, it’s been a while since I squealed in any kind of delight. But here we are. Welcome back to Purgatory, Earpers. Wynonna Earp returns with a vengeance. The gang’s getting back together, and they’re bringing everything good (and bad – otherwise there wouldn't be a show) back with them. Knee-high boots! Ten-gallon hats! Dom’s short hair! I know this is just the briefest of teases (expect more this weekend at San Diego Comic-Con), but it has me genuinely excited for the rest of this year. Can’t say I’ve felt that feeling in a while either. So, you know, let’s celebrate strong women kicking ass in every arena, from entertainment to politics. Because when it’s time to fight the demons, you know who to call. (Women, in case you were wondering, you call women.)

Madam President Monday

Well, well, well. Here we are again. Hello, Madam President Straight Bette Porter. I even pulled out my old Kamala shirt from 2019. We’ve got work to do. Let’s beat that fascist orange fucker. Happy Monday and let’s go win this election, kittens. LFG.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, I realize this will be my third time (one, two) writing about the same thing. But, they say it’s the charm. And if you’ve been waiting and waiting to watch the new Indigo Girls documentary “It’s Only Life After All,” then you will find this news quite charming. Because the doc is now streaming on Netflix. Yes, right this very moment. What are you still doing here? Oh, second screen. Got it, carry on. I plan to rewatch this this weekend, and make it a double feature with the new Cyndi Lauper documentary “Let the Canary Sing” which is also now streaming on Paramount+. But first, we Netflix and Closer to Fine. Yep, you’re charmed. Happy weekend, all.

Getting Closer

Gosh, it’s good to see Elliot Page on screen again. And, goodness, I can already tell this one is gonna make me cry. Elliot’s first feature film since coming out as a trans man looks emotional and powerful and emotional some more. Admittedly, I haven’t been watching “The Umbrella Academy” – I watched the first season but then just never returned. So this will be my first time in a while seeing Elliot perform. And, goodness, if the trailer hits like this the whole movie is gonna be pretty emotional. I also love seeing Wendy Crewson (of “An Unexpected Love” and “Under the Christmas Tree” queer fame) and Peter Outerbridge (of “Orphan Black” and “Bomb Girls” queer fame) have an impromptu “Better Than Chocolate” reunion. Wendy played the mom and Peter played Judy in that 1999 lesbian classic. Small, small (Canadian) world.

Picture This

Hey, remember when I said Kate Winslet was going to play famed photographer and war correspondent Lee Miller in the first major biopic about her life? Well, here it is. While you can’t judge too much from a two-minute trailer, I’d say Kate is likely making a little space on her mantle for some award season hardware. Like that one Oscar she has must be feeling lonely. Maybe this film will fix that. Also, a film that chronicles the fallout of a fascist war? I dunno, seems sadly timely.

Deadloch-ed Again

Everything, and I mean everything, is pretty grim right now if you live in America (and, truly, the world). So here’s a much needed ray of sunshine/hope for at least some TV joy in our future. Aussie crime comedy “Deadloch” has been renewed for a second season. This news automatically makes me want to rewatch (again) the first season of “Deadloch.” It’s hard to think of a recent show with better, more pointed and hilarious satire both of police work, lesbian culture and small towns.

The second season will reunite our odd couple detective team of Dulcie Collins (played by out queer actress Kate Box) and Eddie Redcliffe (Madeleine Sami) for a six episode second season (small quibble, but the first season was 8 episodes so that’s a downgrade). This time, instead of Tasmania, the pair will head to northern Australia to investigate the death of Bushy, Eddie’s former police partner (whose death was alluded to in the first season and one of the reasons for Eddie’s banishment to Deadloch) when “the bodies of two Top End icons are discovered in a remote town, they are flung into a new sweatier, stickier investigation.”

Also returning will be Nina Oyama as young constable Abby "Big Eyes" Matsuda and Alicia Gardiner as Cath, Dulcie’s way overprotective wife. Given that the first season involved a string of dead white men, a lesbian utopian community and a loitering giant seal (which, it turns out, is based on a real-life loitering seal in Tasmania from the Department of You Can’t Make This Shit Up), I am very, very excited to see what absurdist joy the second season will bring.

Music Monday: More Gay

I knew this song had taken over my brain when during Pride weekend I was unconsciously humming it randomly and a friend asked if that was the “I think that I just got more gay” song. And, lo and behold, it was. And, indeed, I did feel even more gay in that moment. You have, no doubt, encountered this sound too on TikTok or Reels or wherever you source your queer video content. I don’t know much about the two-woman duo behind 76th Street and this unmistakably catchy number, except they’re named Haley + Spencer and bill themselves as “Arizona's #1 Indie/Rock Power Duo.” I think this song, if nothing else, should allow them to add “#1 Lesbian Earworm Rockers” to their resumes. Seems only fair. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Coming out on the last day of Pride? Yep, still counts. Welcome, Amber. Though we should have know what with you affinity for smart, stylish suits. The toaster oven is definitely in the mail. Also, you should get your own late night show again (like, come on Peacock, what gives). You were clearly one of the funniest parts of Seth Meyer’s show. Look, we need more inclusive voices on our screens now more than ever. If James Corden can have a show for nine seasons, Amber certainly deserves another shot at late night love. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Comer Over

Would you like to see Jodie Comer in a variety of suits? Stupid question. Anyway, you’re welcome. Sometimes, it’s as easy as that. Also, I wish she’d land a movie I actually want to see. “The Last Duel,” “Free Guy,” “The Bikeriders.” Please, someone cast her as something other than the token female in your film full of dudes. I beg you, please.

Movie Review: Am I Okay?

The movie where Dakota Johnson kisses a girl is okay. It’s not great, it’s not terrible. “Am I Okay?” is okay. It’s okay because it is yet another coming out story in the year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024. It’s okay because it’s about 30something ennui and millennial angst. It’s okay because wife team Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne do a capable job of directing their first movie together. It is all deeply and unremarkably okay. It breaks no new ground unless, again, you were waiting with bated breath for Dakota to kiss a lady on screen in which case – mazel tov to you.

Honestly, the movie would have been better if instead of discovering her latent homosexuality, Dakota’s character was rediscovering the dating scene after a long same-sex relationship. Like, maybe she stayed with her first girlfriend into her 30s, and now has to start over. Please, someone make that movie. Yes, I realize I might have some selfish motivation in this but come on you’d watch that.

My only other thoughts on this movie is the self-improvement montage at the end (MILD SPOILERS – where Dakota’s character quits her job, begins painting again and becomes an old hand at the dating apps – ) seems ridiculously sped up. Less than three weeks to turn yourself into a lesbian dating machine? Yeah, okay, sure. Good luck with that.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what always lifts my spirits? Hot women in tank tops, duh. And if all those women happen to be very, very queer? Even better. Now, I tend to have a liberal interpretation of…well, most everything – but especially what constitutes a tank top. So please enjoy my interpretation of some very hot, talented folks going sleeveless however they damn please. As it should be.

Ani DiFranco

This might be a muscle shirt. Still counts.

Tessa Thompson

This might be attached to the bottoms and definitely has a hole cut out of the side. Still counts.

Kristen Kish

This is a vest. You already know vests still count.

Towa Bird

So, it only tracks that leather vests clearly count.

Renee Rapp

Like I wasn’t gonna post Renee after posting Towa. Also, sports bras have counted since the beginning.

Kehlani

Whatever this is, yes. Count it.

Music Monday: Change Gonna Come

Time for a timeline cleanse and political reset. Here’s to a better week for you, me and the country. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

The world feels pretty terrible right now. So instead let’s zoom off to another planet. I love a good coming-of-age story and I really love a good 90s-based coming of age story. So instead of our current geopolitical hellscape, how about we enter into the summer of one 10-year-old girl (who, based on the Autostraddle review, might be a burgeoning queer). From the trailer this intimate, quiet story is exactly what we need to combat the loud, obnoxious everything of each increasingly unhinged headline. Plus, I’ve always liked Julianne Nicholson and Sophie Okonedo and am pleased to see them working together. Honestly, it reminds me a bit of a maternal version of “Aftersun,” where nothing and everything happens – which is exactly what it feels like growing up. Happy weekend, all.

This Land

Just a reminder to the unelected, unhinged and clearly unethical Supreme Court of the United States of America. This land was made for all of us. And we shall celebrate only that.

The Incredibly True Streaming Adventures...

Admittedly, shit is grim right now. So please feel free to take a little escape from our political hellscape and envelop yourself in the warm nostalgia of that 1995 lesbian classic, “The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love.” See wee baby Laurel Holloman and Nicole Ari Parker fall in love! To this day I still have a soft spot for white Range Rovers and oversized vests. Anyway, it’s streaming on Netflix now. So, you know, that’s one good thing. At this rate, I’ll take what I can get.

This American Experiment

I’m not much in the mood to celebrate America’s birthday this week. Democracy isn’t doing so great right now, not that it was ever great. Each SCOTUS ruling is equal parts infuriating and frightening. Guess we’ll see in November how much longer this American experiment can hold on.

Music Monday: Becky's So Hot

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Pride’s “officially” over or whatever. But here is Kelly Clarkson singing Fletcher’s “Becky’s So Hot” from last month. And while I generally think straight folks should stay silently supportive in their lanes during June, I will make an exception for Kelly who has brought the very lesbian dilemma of possibly thinking your ex’s new girlfriend is hot to the masses. The people need to know our struggle. Happy Monday, kittens.