My Weekend Crush

In honor of Defend a Bisexual Day*, here is a little tribute to my favorite on-screen bisexual badass of all time. Oh, Bo Dennis, how I miss you so. But I’m buoyed by the thought that you’re off somewhere scissoring** with Dr. Lauren Lewis. So why all the bisexual love today? Well, why not. But also because I will have a new column up over at Women & Hollywood about how the media should stop being terrible about Amber Heard’s bisexuality. And also how they should stop being terrible about domestic violence in general. But then, you knew that already. Happy take-no-shit-like-Bo weekend, all.

* Not a real day, but maybe it should be.
** Not a real thing, and it probably shouldn’t be.

The look

What does a lesbian look like, exactly? It’s a good question without a good answer. Because anyone who tells you he or she knows exactly what a lesbian looks like is wrong. Sure, we can generalize. I, myself, have a propensity for plaid shirts and Doc Martens. But that doesn’t mean al ladies who love ladies wear plaid and Docs or have alternative lifestyle haircuts or prefer cargo shorts and love blazers or own a closet full of clothing covered in cat hair.

So then, it’s particularly galling when people in positions of power who certainly should know better say incredibly stupid things about what lesbians look like. Like Florida Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll who is currently embroiled in a lesbian sex scandal of her own. A fired former employee claims she caught the Republican Lt. Gov. and her travel aide in vag-rante* delicto (*because she was under her skirt at her, oh you know) in her office. The Lt. Gov has denied this claim, in possibly the stupidest way possible to deny this claim. Of, just watch for yourself.

In case you missed it: “Usually black women that look like me don’t engage in relationships like that.” Oh, really? What do black women who do engage in relationships like that look like? Wanda Sykes? Tracy Chapman? Jasika Nicole? Meshell Ndegeocello? Alice Walker? Sheryl Swoopes? Please, I am dying to know. Sigh. The Huffington Post has made a nice response slideshow to this general idiotry thank to the Twitter hashtag #ThisIsWhatALesbianLooksLike. It’s well worth a look (and I even recognize some of your lovely face in there – hey girl!) Guess it’s time for a reminder. Lesbians look like a lot of things Women who love women come in all colors and shapes and sizes and clothing choices. Believe me, it would be a lot easier to find a date if we all looked the same and could identify each other more readily in a crowd. But as is we need to rely on shaky gaydar and that fool-proof strategy of steadfastly refusing to make eye contact while passively hoping that cute girl at the bar will come over and say hi. Because I sure can’t find the common visual trait between all these lesbian and bisexual women. Except they’re all beautiful women and think other women are beautiful.

Wanda Sykes

Ellen DeGeneres

Brandi Carlile

Tracy Chapman

Megan Rapinoe

Leisha Hailey

Jasika Nicole

Jane Lynch

Kirsten Vangsness

Sheryl Swoopes

Amber Heard

Rachel Maddow

Josephine Baker

Tank Top Tuesday: Pride Edition

Let’s continue to Pride Week love and feature the ladies we love who love ladies wearing tank tops, which we love. Whew. I think that came out right. Now anyone can wear a tank top, and should – but when a gay lady wear a tank top? *low whistle* There’s just something about the simple act which is subversive yet natural and, of course, so so hot. And if you combine a tank topped lady with a plaid shirted lady, like Portia and Ellen above, well it’s kind of like the lesbian fashion nirvana. So please enjoy some enlightenment by way of these out gay ladies in tank tops. Namaste.

Brandi Carlile

It’s a rare sighting indeed to find Brandi without her vest. Treasure this as one would a white rhino sighting. Not that I think Brandi is a rhino. Oh, dear, this has gotten terribly off track.

Saffron Burrows

Those cheekbones…. Oh, damn, sorry – we were talking about tank tops.

Jenny Shimizu

Like Angie, or anyone, could resist.

Jasika Nicole

I really wish I hadn’t stopped watching “Fringe” years ago.

Alexandra Hedison

Is it some sort of lesbian crime to post Alexandra in the same post I have Ellen and Portia? I don’t know, but let’s risk it anyway.

Jane Lynch

She’s been hiding those under that track suit all these years. Damn you, Ryan Murphy.

Gro Hammerseng

I have no idea how the rules of handball work. But I would happily watch her matches anyway.

Natasha Kai

I’m going to miss her at the Olympics like crazy this summer.

Jillian Michaels

I know this isn’t “technically” a tank top, but it is a lesbian crime to post a picture of Jillian without showing her abs. So, I can’t break two laws in one post.

Martina Navratilova

She’s like The Godmother of Tank Top Tuesday, no?

Amber Heard

You are welcome, lesbians.

Impromptu Vacation Vixens: Rachel Maddow & Amber Heard

Took a little unscheduled holiday yesterday. Which means I’m behind on everything today. So please enjoy making up the conversation in your head from the time Rachel Maddow and Amber Heard met and posed for a picture together. In my head, it goes a little something like this: Rachel: Oh, um, hi Amber. Amber: Hi Rachel. Rachel: You realize by standing together in one picture we’re going to make the pants drop of every lesbian on the planet. Amber: Let’s do this thing.

Or, at least, that is what they were saying in my head. What were they saying to each other in your head? Or did your head just stop working for a while?

Tank Top Tuesday: Tax Day Edition

Did you do your taxes? Do you still have to do your taxes? Tick tock. To make the day more palatable – because let’s face it even the most bleeding heart socialist money distributors among us don’t enjoy doing our taxes – here are a few little treats. Instead of staring at reams of white receipts, how about staring at some white tank tops. As Liz Hurley attests, this is the exact opposite of a flat tax. Ahem.

Christina Ricci

This makes me sad about “Pan Am.”

Amber HeardEvery time I see her, I have to remind myself that she likes girls – a lot.

Paula PattonShe should really be a bigger star. I mean, seriously.

Scarlett JohanssonA book and boobs a lovely, intelligent lady. My favorite.

Rosario DawsonThe saggy pants epidemic strikes again. Godspeed, Rosario.

Christina AquileraI still miss delightfully trashy Xtina Christina. But sassy judge Christina ain’t bad either.

Megan FoxForgive me, Internet, for I have sinned. I’ve posted another picture of Megan Fox on you. But, in my defense, tank top and aviators. Apologies.

Shania TwainI’m not really a country music fan. But who can be a music snob at a time like this.

Good luck making your peace with Uncle Sam today. I wonder if tank tops are tax deductible.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Shirtless Edition

They say no shirt, no shoes, no service. But in cases like these if you’re wearing no shirt, there’s no way you’re not getting serviced. Rimshot! Hey, it can’t all be high brow. Sometimes it’s just about the exquisite pleasure of a lady wearing a nice jacket without a nice shirt. And if that lady happened to be wearing a lovely garter set underneath, like Kirsten Dunst – well, that’s some extra special service coming up right there. Extra special, indeed.

Catherine Zeta-JonesBest black-tie optional attire ever.

RihannaOne of my goals in life is to have vacations like Rihanna.

Anne HathawayPeople seem worried about whether the new Catwoman will be sexy enough. I have to say, I’m not overly worried.

Keira KnightleyI wish Keira would go back to the short hair. You don’t know how much.

Eva GreenFrench women, amirite?

Amber HeardLots of you seemed concerned about informing me that Amber is now single. Good to know, very good.

Tilda SwintonRight, like one of these would be complete without a little Swinton.

Lauren Hutton & Christy TurlingtonI find shirtlessness most fun in pairs, too.

Demi MooreWell, I never said she needed to be wearing a jacket, too.

My Weekend Crush

Amber Heard is proof that God loves lesbians and wants us to be happy. I mean it, just look at her. Look at her. Truth be told, I tried to resist her charms for the longest time. She’s kind of too perfect. I tend to prefer a little imperfection – a rough edge, a quirky tick. Something that hints that this specimen of humanity is indeed all-too human. But Amber, Amber is the dream. She is the ideal. Sometimes, when I see pictures of her on the red carpet, I can’t believe they’re real. Those artists in the Hollywood dream factory couldn’t have drawn her up better themselves.

But aside from being just gorgeous wrapped in ridiculously gorgeous, she is that even rarer of creatures – a Hollywood starlet who is out and proud. I can’t really over emphasize the importance of this, particularly in light of all the talk recently about on-screen outing. No one had to out Amber. She did it herself. She did it before she was famous, before she was on the billboards. She showed up at events, arm-in-arm with her beautiful girlfriend and called her as much. She goes to protests. She speaks for equality. No one has to whisper and wonder. She shouts it with pride herself. Her openness about her sexuality is almost more beautiful than she is. Almost. Just imagine if everyone in Hollywood felt the same way. She is that daily reminder that we are everywhere, and sometimes – just sometimes – we even look like Amber Heard. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday

It’s Tuesday. So, well, you know what to do. Hop on board, secure the safety bar and please enjoy this ride through hot ladies in tank tops. Remember to keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. Do not attempt to touch any of the subjects. I mean, you can attempt it if you want, but you’re just you’re just going to smudge your computer screen. And, as always, please tip your friendly neighborhood carnie as you exit the ride.

Hayley AtwellJust when you thought she couldn’t get more attractive, she puts on a tank top.

Mariska HargitayThey should set a SVU case on the beach. Because, yeah, they just should.

Paget Brewster“Criminal Minds” writers have to think of a way to get Paget into a tank top in every episode this season. You know, to make up for lost time.

Michelle RodriguezI am trying to think of an M-Rod movie where I did not see her in a tank top. Still thinking, still thinking.

Lea Michele“Glee” has been gone for so long I actually miss Rachel Berry.

Rutina WesleyMy God, Tara, you are terrible at picking allegiances. First a crazy maenad and now a crazy witch. Should have stayed in New Orleans with your hot girlfriend, girl.

Amber HeardI don’t buy the whole “The Playboy Club” is about female empowerment spin, but I do buy how good Amber looks in the bunny suit.

Angelina JolieAdmit it, sometimes you miss this Angie. She was a hell of a lot of fun. Naughty, dangerous, willing to roll around naked with Elizabeth Mitchell fun.