A Not Gay, But Still Gay Wedding

Wait, I thought Pride was last month. But here it is, a movie where Scarlett Johansson and Freida Pinto play a lesbian couple. Maybe the good straights are atoning for the bad ones, and this is their mea culpa. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. “My Mother’s Wedding” is the directorial debut of Kristin Scott Thomas, who lesbians with long memories like me will remember as “a lesbian once in school” in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and was a full-time lesbian in business in “Fleabag.” It stars ScarJo, Sienna Miller and Emily Beecham as the three daughters whose mother is getting married. I get some "Happpiest Season" vibes form the sister dynamic from the trailer, down to the one lesbian sister. And did I mention Scarlett is said sister here as a British naval officer AND Freida is her girlfriend? Look, does it bode well for this film that it took almost two years to get released and it still isn’t coming to theaters until August 8? Not necessarily. But Scarlett and Freida are lesbianing together in it, so I’ll wait as long as it takes – which, in all likelihood, is whenever it gets sent to whatever streamer I’m already paying for. What? That’s usually only a couple months, tops, these days. I’m impatient, but also frugal. Even for lesbian ScarJo.

That's Madam Boss Bitch to You

Well, we all know that “Choose Your Quarantine Fighter” meme by now. (Again, I’m the one who cried in the shower after reading the news.) But some real-life badass quarantine fighting ladies got together to film the ultimate “Boss Bitch Fight Challenge.”

I suggest you go ahead and watch if you haven’t already before reading the rest. But if you don’t mind getting spoiled, get ready to see stuntwoman and actress Zoe Bell fight it out (while maintaining proper social distance) with many of her talented and famous – and might I add fierce – female friends.

Fighting it out are professional stuntwomen and some very famous actresses. They go, in order: Zoe Bell, Lucy Lawless, stuntwoman Tara Macken, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, stuntwoman Tamiko Brownlee, Rosario Dawson, stuntwoman Amy Johnston, Cameron Diaz, stuntwoman Kim Murphy, Daniela Ruah, stuntwoman Michaela McAllister, Kaitlin Olson, stuntwoman Lauren Mary Kim, Florence Pugh, Zoe again but this time with a puppy, Julia Butters, stuntowman Angela Meryl, stuntwoman Sarah Irwin, Daryl Hannah, Sophia Di Martino, Tracie Thoms, stuntwoman Shauna Duggins, Zoe Saldana, stuntwoman Ming Qiu, Renee Goldsberry, Rosie Perez, Lilly Aspell, Thandie Newton, stuntwoman Mel Stubbs, stuntwoman Jessie Graff, Zoe but this time at her car, stuntwoman Monique Ganderton, Halle Berry, stuntwoman Heidi Moneymaker, Scarlett Johansson, stuntwoman Dayna Grant, Margot Robbie, stuntwoman Renae Moneymaker, KT Tunstall and finally back to Zoe.

Gosh, that was fun. Who was your favorite? I’m still crying in the shower as far as my fighting styles goes. But, I’d gladly have any of these ladies tap in for me at any time. Any time at all.

Marvel-ous Women

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS ENDGAME. I REPEAT, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS ENDGAME. ONE LAST REPEAT, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS ENDGAME. SO STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT ALREADY. OR DON’T, YOUR CALL. I’M NOT HERE TO TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

*****

OK, can we talk about how Marvel in general and The Avengers in particular have a thing with killing its women? First, Gamora dies in “Avengers: Infinity War.” Then Black Widow dies in “Avengers: Endgame.” And, guess what, they both died some dude (or, in Thanos’ case, some big purple dude) can get the Soul Stone. Women. Souls. Get it, guys. We’ve seen this all before. It’s called fridging. Women dying is the personal sacrifice men need to motivate them to be better and/or redeem their own souls. I know, gross. Besides being, let's see, sexist as fuck, fridging is also just lazy storytelling. Period.

(Yes, I know, 2014 timeline Gamora is still out there, maybe, but present her is definitely dead now. So, yeah, fridged. And, totally unrelated, what is with only showing Tony’s funeral?)

So, Marvel, what you’re telling me is that in the past 11 years you have made 22 superhero movies. Men have been the solo or joint leads of all but one – yes, I said one – of those superhero movies. Yet still, somehow, you’ve managed to kill off the main female character in two of these franchises (well, actually three, because after the first “Captain America” movie, Peggy Carter was out of the picture and Black Widow was the main female character).

And Natasha died to save Clint? Seriously? That dude? I mean, literally zero people would have missed Hawkeye, except maybe Jeremy Renner. And even so, eh, he’s got other franchises.

Look, I enjoyed the woman power moment when all the remaining Marvel ladies lined up to provide their true Captain an assist across the battlefield toward the end of Endgame as much as the next lesbian. And, yes, there even was an actual gay moment (thank, nameless dude in the grief support group) which I appreciate – sorta (again, nameless guy in a support group…) But, come on. There are like 25 extraneous superdudes you could have offed instead of these two Marvel ladies.

But then, I guess it’s just too hard to ask straight white guys who write and direct superhero movies to think of what the deaths of non-male, non-white, non-straight characters means to those underrepresented groups.

But, at least Valkyrie gets to rule Asgard. Pepper Potts is now single. Scarlet Witch remains decidedly on the market. And Captain Marvel got that haircut. We take what we can get in superhero land, I guess.

Rough Decision

So remember yesterday when I was like, “THIS MOVIE TRAILER IS MY REASON TO LIVE?” Of course you do, it is also now yours. Well here’s another movie trailer which is not exactly life affirming (actually sorta the exact opposite), but I still have a keen interest in for a number of reasons – as well as one very big reservation.

Reasons to love in no particular order:

- Scarlett Johansson, love her plus she is sporting the hair that has led to all sorts of amazing red carpet amazingness.
- Kate McKinnon, obviously love her and her mystery accent (like, I think it is Australian, but then maybe not).
- Ilana Glazer, clearly love her.
- Zoë Kravitz, again love her even though it makes me feel a little weird because I also loved her mom.
- Jillian Bell, I don’t really know her that well but she certainly seems if not entirely lovable then very funny.
- Written and directed by Lucia Aniello from “Broad City,” which duh, I love.

Reason to not love:

- Seriously, the whoops we killed a stripper thing? The whole, oh no, we have to get rid of the body thing? The world doesn’t really need a gender swapped “Very Bad Things” and/or “The Hangover,” but with more murder. How about you pack all these very, very funny and talented women into a movie that doesn’t feel derivative and dismissive of the lives of sex workers, eh?

So, what do you think? And, for real, what is Kate’s accent? And is it gone there at the end? What’s happening, girl? Just kidding, you know I still love you. Call me (with whatever accent you want).

SGALGG Oscar Edition

Yeah, I still am not over how the Oscars ended. Or how many people (not you, Casey Affleck) who I was genuinely rooting for won. Or that it took until 2017 for the first LGBT film/first film with a black cast/first film directed by a black director to win. All these wonderful, barrier-break moments plus a lotta straight gals acting like gay gals? Some nights are just lucky, I guess.

Emma Stone & Some Lady

Kuddos to Some Lady for totally going for it with Emma.

Michelle Williams & Busy Philipps

Michelle is looking at Busy like she can’t believe her dream date agreed to go with her to prom.

Octavia Spencer & Janelle Monae

Meanwhile Janelle is beaming like she can’t believe Octavia accepted her invitation to dance at prom.

Amy Adams & Elizabeth Banks

Elizabeth is doing everything she can to maintain eye contact and not get lost in Amy’s cleavage.

Jennifer Aniston & Nicole Kidman

Jennifer is explaining to Nicole that Keith is obviously just a sad doppelgänger (cut, chunky highlights) for her and she should face her real attractions.

Taraji P. Henson & Mimi Valdes

Taraji is really, really trying to steal Pharrell’s Oscar date. And It’s working.

Charlize Theron & Shirley MacLaine

Charlize isn’t acting particularly gay towards Shirley, but her ponytail is.

Scarlett Johansson

President of the Alternative Lifestyle Haircut Lovers Club.

Kate McKinnon & Katie Couric

You know Kate is making Katie consider it. You know.

Viola Davis

Gay or straight, Viola is giving this face for all womankind disgusted that this sexual harasser is now an Oscar winner.

From Russia With The Opposite of Love

[Cue extreme Jan brady voice] Russia! Russia! Russia!

Hey, remember back last July when Donald Trump called on Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails and everyone was like, “Hahahaha, that scamp.” And then Hillary warned every one, repeatedly (like, seriously, a lot) that Trump was compromised by Russia and everyone was like, “That’s nice, BUT HER EMAILS.” And then Russia actually did interfere to influence our election, just like Trump asked them to. And now here we fucking are? Yeah. That was fun.

Anyway. Here is Black Widow, aka Natasha Romanov, kicking some Russian ass for your personal enjoyment for no reason whatsoever. Наслаждаться!

Gender Fuck Thursday

Hey, it’s ladies in suits. Ladies. In Suits. And ties. Oh, you wanted more of an introduction than that? No you didn’t. You aren’t even reading this. It’s cool, I totally understand. Best to just cut out the middle man (or gay gal, in this case) and get to the good stuff.

Ming-Na Wen


Noomi Rapace


Ellen Page


Lena Headey


Cate Blanchette


Rita Ora


Kristen Stewart


Scarlett Johansson

Thank you for reading looking.

The Supergal Wears Prada

Speaking of the Only Girl In the Universe trope, this whole SNL skit is essentially one sick, sick burn on Marvel. From their not being more Black Widow merchandise to there not being a Black Widow movie it’s hard – actually impossible – to argue there isn’t blatant sexism in Hollywood’s superhero making machine. The old canard has been that people – girls and especially boys – just don’t buy female superheroes. Look at “Elektra.” Look at “Catwoman.” And I did, I saw both those movies. And those were TERRIBLE movies. The problem isn’t the audience’s lack of faith in female superhero movies. It’s Hollywood’s lack of ability to make a good female superhero movie. Period.

Tank Top Tuesday

Told you I have having an SMG moment. Though, really, anyone in a tank top can make me have a moment. Hey, sometimes I’m easy. And you love it, too.

Anjelica Huston

The tank top that started it all. No, really.

Danielle Brooks

Taystee, indeed.

Nicole Curtis

But, seriously, have you started watching “Rehab Addict” yet?

Ming-Na Wen

Every time I see her I feel bad for not sticking with “Agent of Shield.”

Scarlett Johansson

Finally watched “Lucy” and, damn, she was good in it. Weird movie, though. Weird.

Padma Lakshmi

She makes me want to be a better…cook. Yeah, we’ll go with cook.

Ilana Glazer & Abbi Jacobson

Every time I see these two I feel bad for not finding time to watch “Broad City” yet. But I will, I WILL, dammit.

PER YOUR REQUEST

Aliyah O’Brien

The Canadian actress is one half of the Office Lunchbox ship from “Rookie Blue” (the other half being Charlotte Sullivan). This is a show which I don’t watch but have seen countless gifs for on Tumblr. Aliyah has also described her sexuality as “who cares” because she is “attracted to men and women.” Oh, and I didn’t even realize it but she was also in “Ascension.”

Laura Vandervoort

Hey, look, another Canadian actress I’m relatively unfamiliar with. But she stars in “Bitten,” a show about werewolves. So, naturally, now I’m interested.

Teri Polo

Now this lady I do know. And I couldn’t be happier for the continued success of “The Fosters.”

p.s. Oh, kittens, there will be some Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger tank top loving in our future. Gotta stock up for the World Cup. Also, I need a refresher on which team members are officially out again. By default I assume they all are, obviously.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Where there is an award show there will always be Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. These Oscars are, of course, no different. I mean when you seat Jennifer Lopez next to Meryl Streep, what were you expecting?

Jennifer Lopez & Beyoncé

Fine, if JLo had to trade in Meryl for any other snuggle partner, I guess Queen Bey is an OK substitute. I guess.

Amy Adams & Amanda Peet

All I hear in my head when I look at this picture is “mwah, mwah, mwah” kissing sounds.

Jennifer Aniston & Emma Stone

Starting the Hugs Across America movement all over again.

Jennifer Hudson & Angie Harmon

DOES MAURA KNOW? And on a Gayzzoli Recap Day. For shame.

Reese Witherspoon & Nicole Kidman

Everyone’s a cheater today. Nicole, you’d better hope Naomi Watts doesn’t find out.

Emma Stone & Julianne Moore

This is a two-timing I approve of. I mean, I like Jen. But Julianne all day long.

Iman & Paula Patton

No cheating here. Paula kicked that Blurred Lines idiot to the curb where he belongs.

Patricia Clarkson & Sienna Miller

I’m having major “High Art” flashbacks, minus the heroin.

Natalie Portman & Rashida Jones

Fine, so they’re not acting super gay to each other. But I just dig that they’re friends.

Meryl Streep

Jacket on point.

Scarlett Johansson

Undercut on fleek.

I think Meryl speaks for all of us about Scarlett’s haircut. YAAAAASS.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, tank tops – I’ve missed you so. So, as you might have noticed, it’s been a little while since our last unrestricted Tank Top Tuesday. So let’s just go for it. Like jump right in. Like, boom, say hello to Kerry Washington and her tank top. Yeah, just like that. Sometimes I forget I don’t have to write as many of these word things to make a good post. But then I remember. You’re welcome.

Anna Silk

Production has started on Season 4. Come back, “Lost Girl,” I’ve missed
Boobs O’Clock all the exciting succubus drama.

Anna Torv

It’s an Annas we miss convention.

Anne Hathaway

Annes, too.

Grace Park

What’s she doing now that she left “Hawaii 5-O?” I hope it’s a show I’ll actually watch.

Scarlett Johansson

She is the main reason I’m going to see the next Captain America movie (besides Chris Evans’ tight little tushy – what, I’m only human).

Angelina Jolie

I find it rather strange and unseemly (cough, Melissa Etheridge, cough) to publically criticize another woman’s personal health choices. Whatever decision a woman makes for herself with fully informed consent is not, in my opinion, “fearful.”

Brandi Carlile

I just got tickets to see Brandi this summer. Excuse me while I go have a Big Gay Squee moment.