Guard Up

Can we talk, I mean really talk, about how great “The Old Guard” is? I watched it the first weekend it came out and have watched it again and let me tell you, it only gets better. It only gets fiercer. It only makes you love movies even more. And Charlize Theron and her labrys and alternative lifestyle haircut, my goddesses, it only gets HOTTER.



Charlize has become my favorite action star by far in recent years. From “Mad Max: Fury Road” to “Atomic Blonde” now to “The Old Guard” her action work stands head, shoulders and immaculately chiseled cheekbones above anyone else working right now. Yes, better than all the boys. And, it doesn’t hurt that her action films have also had at very least subtext and other times explicitly queer vein running thought them. I mean, no one said Furiosa was gay, but come on. And then in “Atomic Blonde,” 100%.

Now with “The Old Guard,” well, I’m not sure how else you read Andy and Quynh’s relationship through the millennia as anything but a grand love affair. Plus, again, have I mentioned Andy’s hair and Andy’s tank tops and Andy’s freaking labrys? I mean, a labrys. HELLO.



Andy is Andromache of Scythia, who appears in Greek mythology as a princess and wife of the Trojan prince Hector. But mythology also paints her – quite literally – as an Amazon warrior who fought Hercules and whose name – quite literally, again – means “fighter of men.”

So, yeah, an Amazonian warrior who has lived for 6,000 years, had a faithful female companion for most of those years and fights with a labrys. And I repeat, COME ON.

I cannot empathize enough how great this movie is. And the movie also has an extraordinarily romantic gay male couple in Joe and Nicky, a worthy new addition in Nile (the wonderful Kiki Layne, who we’d better be seeing a lot more of soon), and some of the best up-close action sequences I’ve seen in forever. I mean, people drool all over the operatic violence of “John Wick,” but this is better, smoother, more effortless. They’re proof practice makes perfect, and then some.

“The Old Guard” delivers everything you want from your escapist entertainment in these times. Stellar action. Powerful story. Terrific acting. Righteous intentions. Director Gina Prince-Bythewood proves once again that when you hire a talented, diverse cast and give them quality material with impeccable directing, the result is something you’ll want to watch again and again. And, if you watched it already, you’ll be just as excited as I am that more is likely coming. In fact, I demand it. And if they won’t listen, there’s always Andy and her labrys.