Madam Vice President

Well, now, come to think of it – Vice President Straight Bette Porter doesn’t have all too bad a ring to it, either. While I had hoped for today’s news, I somehow was still a little surprised it happened. Of all the talented and brilliant former female presidential candidates who were once running against Joe Biden, I really did think Kamala was the best – to mention most inspiring – pick for vice president. 

While I abandoned hope after her campaign ended late last year, I still knew Kamala would make an amazing president. And when we vote out that Orange Stain from the White House, she’ll be as they say one heartbeat away from exactly that. Smart, tough, fearless, progressive (no, really), and of course wildly historic, she could be one of the most influential vice presidents in modern time if not all times. And, duh, she would be perhaps the polar opposite of that ranch-dip haired, bible-thumping, ass-kissing sycophant taking up space in the job right now. I cannot wait for that debate. If only Mother would allow it.

Sure, a not insignificant part of me is also thrilled I can revive my Straight Bette Porter campaigning. Whatever the office, I’ll volunteer to phone bank and knock on doors. I cannot wait for Jennifer Beals to play her in the inevitable biopic. 

And, until then, we’ll at least be assured more Maya Rudolph until November and hopefully (if enough of us vote to overcome such blatant voter suppression and the unabashed dismantling of the Unites States Post Office) much longer than that. 

Damn right, I’m Team Joe/Straight Bette Porter 2020. Let’s do this thing. Vote!