My Weekend Crush

Goodness, do I miss Michelle Obama. I miss Barack Obama, too, of course. Heck, I miss the whole Obama family. I miss having such a brilliant, compassionate, inspirational First Family in the White House. Now we’ve just got a bunch of idiot, bigoted grifters raging their way through the hallowed halls. I mean, that rotting pumpkin we call a president couldn’t even be bothered to go out in the rain on Veteran’s Day. Anyway. Thanks for wanting to be part of our big gay celebration of marriage equality in 2015, our forever in our hearts First Lady. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Women in Black Edition

Time for some classic black suits. Single breasted. Double breasted. With a pinstripe. With a tuxedo cut. With a tie. Without a tie. Without a shirt. They’re all good. They’ve all very good on women. Very, very, very good. But don’t take my and Ellen Page’s word for it. Please witness my irrefutable proof.

Jameela Jamil

I am so behind on “The Good Place” and I feel terrible about it. Further proof we’re living in The Bad Place.

Carey Mulligan Michelle Williams

Chuck Taylors + a delicate pinstripe + a loose tie = the best maths.

*In my defense, many blonde white women with pixie cuts look alike.

Diane Lane

Shirts are overrated anyway.

Janelle Monae

Jaunty hat game on point. As, of course, is everything else.

Pink & her daughter Willow

Yes, start them young on the path towards suits.

My Winter Song To You

Well, winter doesn’t officially start for another 37 days. But the weather here in California has taken a turn for the chilly. I even turned on the heat this week for the fist time. (Yeah, yeah – I know everywhere else, it doesn’t really get cold in California. But cold for us.) Plus, all the terrible smoke from the wildfires hasn’t helped either. (p.s. Climate change is real – we haven’t had significant rain here since May. MAY.) This time of year always brings along a kind of gorgeous melancholy. It’s bittersweet, the end of the growing season and beginning of a long, needed dormancy. The world becomes very still. There is a beautiful quiet about the season. Without the magnificence foliage of spring, summer and fall we are left with only the silhouettes are left. I will say I miss seeing snow. But the beauty of this state is it’s only a car ride away. And then I can drive back out, and never have to shovel out my car even once. See, other than everything being on fire, California ain’t half bad. May your impending winter bring you the same kind of calming joy. And may this, perhaps my favorite songs about winter, warm you throughout the season.

Ride That Rainbow Wave

Well, a week after the election and it’s pretty clear that, yep, that was a Blue Wave. It wasn’t a fast-moving tsunami, but a slow-moving tide that took time to crest. (Because, well, that’s how our elections work these days with more and more complicated ways to vote. Absentee, by mail, in person, provisional, conditional. If there’s one think journalists can do help safeguard the 2020 eleciton – besides calling a lie a lie – it is to explain to the American people that is takes a long damn time to properly count all the votes – especially in big states with tight races. No, votes aren’t magically appearing. It’s called The U.S. Postal Service, you dolts.)

Anyway. The other obvious thing is the Rainbow Wave that was part of this Blue Wave. More than 150 LGBTQ candidates won their elections on the federal, state and local levels. And, among those, were so many wonderful triumph and firsts.

Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona (whose race was finally called yesterday) won becoming the first out bisexual person elected to the Senate. Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin won and continues to be the first out lesbian and first out LGBTQ person, period, elected to the Senate. Kate Brown of Oregon won and continues to be the first out bisexual person elected as governor in the United States. Jared Polis of Colorado won and became the first out gay man elected as governor in the United States. Angie Craig of Minnesota won and was elected the first lesbian mom in Congress (who for good measure beat an incumbent Republican/virulent homophobe who once compared gay people to rapists). Sharice Davids of Kansas won and becomes the first lesbian elected to represent Congress from the state (and one of the first two Native American women elected to Congress). Remember her campaign ad? Because I do, quite fondly.



And Dana Nessel of Michigan became the state’s first out lesbian attorney general, and quite possibly the first person to ever run a winning political campaign by promising to never show you her penis in a professional setting. I am not kidding, this was one of her ads.



When she won she reportedly said this:

“And for all of you out there that can’t handle the fact that I’m about to become the first openly gay person to hold statewide office [in Michigan]…”

Then she proceeded to plant a big kiss on her wife, Alanna Maguire.



Yep, the future looks super, duper gay.

What a Dame

Emma Thompson, continual human delight, is now Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire Emma Thompson. Or, you know, dame for short. The honor was bestowed upon her last week by Prince William. And at the ceremony she continued to show that despite her new fancy title, she is still just a never-ending human delight.

First, she wore this amazing suit. Amazing cut and color. But then, you know how much I love me a lady in a suit. Second, she wore sneakers – SNEAKERS – under her suit because comfort is king. The woman who threw away her Louboutins at the Golden Globes a few years ago is all about not having her damn feet bleed.



Third, Thompson also playfully flirted with Prince William, who she has known since he was little saying, “ ‘I can't kiss you, can I?’ And he said, ‘No, don’t! ”

Fourth, she wore and equal pay pin to the ceremony which is a truly dame-worthy message.



And fifth, but not least, in accepting this honor she also recognizes its the imperialistic history. She said of the title, “They send you a letter saying, ‘Will you accept it?’ You can choose not to. You can choose to say, ‘Well, of course we don’t have an empire anymore, thank God, because it was ghastly, colonial, racist, dreadful undertaking on every level,’ and actually have some moral principle about it. Or you can be like me and think, ‘Hmm, it’s gonna be a really nice badge.’” Because besides just being a delight she is also endlessly bright and empathetic and hilarious.

Man, the world needs more Emmas. Make that Dame Emmas.

My Weekend Crush

Last week the Broadway musical “Wicked” celebrated its 15th anniversary. Besides one of the most popular non-Sondheim contemporary musicals to date, it serves as a stirring monument to female friendship and empowerment. Plus, as you might have guessed, I’m a sucker for the Land of Oz. So after the both cathartic and traumatic week we have had, please, lend your ear and your hearts to the original Glinda and Elphaba (Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel) surrounded by a sea of other Glindas and Elphabas. I started this blog over a dozen years ago as little fun and effervescent diversion. But I sincerely hope over all this time that we have been changed for good, together. Happy weekend, all

Barefoot Shadetessa

I watch a lot of Food Network because I think I have delusions of grand chefdom. Also, food is cool. But I sometimes find myself wondering the political leanings of those I watch chop, boil and sauté. Like, does the Pioneer Woman believe in my fundamental right to marry the person I love? I mean, she homeschooled her kids, so there’s that. How about Guy Fieri? I get nervous around men who have more than two bowling shirts in their wardrobe. But I have to say I never worried about Ina Garten. The Barefoot Contessa has too many fabulous gay male friends who help her throw her fabulous garden parties in her fabulous Hamptons house to ever vote for that Hate Cheeto. Plus, like she’d ever serve her guests Cheetos.

So last week at a live event she told New York Times columnist and former restaurant critic Frank Bruni what she would serve some of today’s highest profile politicians:

Elizabeth Warren? “Lobster macaroni and cheese.”

Beto O’Rourke? “Pulled pork shoulder with maple beans, cornbread, and a kale salad.”

Joe Biden? “Something fun, like a lobster and clambake.”

Donald Trump? “A subpoena.”

Oh, Ina. You can come sit next to me at any dinner party ever. And, thanks to those election results, you just might get to serve Trump that subpoena yet.

America the Beautiful

A somewhat bedraggled, hobo-geared, soot-smeared Judy Garland singing “America the Beautiful” is precisely how I feel at this moment in time. Exuberant. Exhausted. Even more exhausted. The final, final results won’t be truly known for a bit. But America showed up. The America that believes in equality, empathy, generosity and kindness as its governing principals showed the fuck up.

Sure, did not flip the Senate. But flipped that was always really a pipe dream (even though Democrats have close 10 million more votes for senate candidates nationwide, we’ve somehow lost seats because, uh, America…) But the House, the House fucking matters. Now we control all of the investigative committees. Trump’s taxes. Emolument. Russia, Russia, Russia. LGBTQ candidates, candidates of color and women had a hell of a night. The first openly gay person elected to the U.S. Senate kept her seat (Tammy Baldwin in Wisconsin). The first out gay man was elected to a governorship (Jared Polis in Colorado). The first Native American and lesbian woman elected to the House (Sharice “Badass Ex-MMA Fighter Lesbian” Davids in Kansas). The first Muslim women are elected to Congress (Rashida Tlaib and Minnesota's Ilhan Omar in Michigan). A 29-year-old has become the youngest ever elected to the House (Alexandria Ocasio Cortez of New York). For the first time ever there are projected to be more than 100 women in the U.S. House of Representatives. Massachusetts massed Question 3, protecting trans people in the state. Oh, and that bigoted, bad-haired Kentucky Clerk who refused to marry same-sex couples was soundly defeated (Bye, Kim Davis, bye). Gay karma is the best karma.

And I cannot think of a better song to celebrate that spirit with than “America the Beautiful.” Far from being just another cheesy patriotic anthem, it started as a poem written by Katharine Lee Bates, a late Nineteenth and early Twentieth Century writer, social justice activist and lesbian. She advocated for immigrants, labor unions and feminist causes throughout her lifetime. She also lived for 25 years with her companion, Katharine Coman, in what was called a “Boston Marriage” back in the day. Imagine what she would think of us now.

Vote. For. Democrats. Dammit.

Please vote.

Please vote for Democrats.

Please vote for Democrats for your fellow LGBTQ people whose rights and very existence are being erased.

Please vote for Democrats for people of color whose votes are being suppressed and lives are being treated like they don’t matter.

Please vote for Democrats for women whose bodily autonomy is being stripped away and who are being killed by angry, entitled men who believe they are somehow owed sex.

Please vote for Democrats for immigrants whose dreams of a better life in a land of opportunity are being crushed and journeys are being vilified to rile up racists.

Please vote for Democrats for children who are still being ripped away from their parents and put in internment camps indefinitely.

Please vote for Democrats for Muslims who have been banned from entering our country simply for being Muslim.

Please vote for Democrats for students who don’t want to be gunned down while trying to learn.

Please vote for Democrats for people of faith who don’t want to be shot while they’re praying.

Please vote for Democrats for survivors of sexual assault who just want to be believed.

Please vote for Democrats for people with pre-existing conditions who don’t want to die so an insurance company can make even more money.

Please vote for Democrats for democracy, which is under assault daily from a fascist-loving demagogue with narcissistic personality disorder.

Please vote for Democrats for yourself, because you deserve so much better than this.

Please vote.

Midterm Madness

Look, I’m not kidding – I feel a definite twinge of PTSD when I scroll through my camera roll and the pictures from the days before Nov. 8, 2016 come up. I was so sure she would win. I was so sure we would win. I just couldn’t imagine a world where Donald Fucking Trump could possibly be elected president. We weren’t really that stupid/bigoted/ridiculous were we? Yes, yes, and yes. But, you know, with a big assist from gerrymandering and voter suppression and Russia – of course. So here we are, on the eve of another election. Possibly – and I say this without an ounce of hyperbole – the most important midterm elections of our generation.

Will these midterms finally be the check the racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic and all-around garbage human being inhabiting the White House so desperately needs? Or will the party of white supremacy actually win and double, triple, quadruple down on the hate? Will they feel even more emboldened to slash society’s safety net? Will they finally repeal the Affordable Care Act and protections for pre-existing conditions? Will finally cut Medicare and Social Security to keep paying for more tax cuts for corporations, millionaires and billionares? Well, we’ll see in one day, won’t we?

Look, if you have any friends or family (or you yourself) who is fond of saying, “I don’t get involved in politics,” what that really means is no matter what happens I am rich, white, protected, healthy, comfortable, privileged enough to do just fine. And I really don’t care about all the marginalized people – the people of color, the LGBTQ people, the immigrants, the people with disabilities, the women, the immigrants, the poor people – who will continue to be hurt by this administration. That’s what it means, period.

And not voting, or voting third party, sorry – that’s just as bad. The only realistic check on Trump is to vote for Democrats. Are they perfect? No, of course they’re not perfect. But this is no time for purity politics. The damage is real and escalating and soon possibly irreversible. To our federal courts, to our public lands, to our environment. Only Democrats can realistically start to slam on the brakes. End of discussion. I have no idea whether we’ll prevail. I’ve given up looking at polls and reading prognostications. I just know we all have to vote for Democrats, because it’s the only way any of this will stop.

Until then, I’ll be over here flop sweating, mainlining coffee and screaming into the void. Vote for Democrats tomorrow. For the love of all that is good and kind, please, vote for Democrats tomorrow.

p.s. A vote for the Green Party in this election is a vote for Donald Trump. Also if you think Green Party candidates aren't corrupt may I introduce you to Jill Stein who happily sat at the same table as Putin with Trump's convicted felon ex-National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and took $7 million in donations for a recount that never happened. Sure, Jan.

p.p.s. OK, third party voters, let’s talk about your votes. Voting is your personal right and choice. But voting does not happen in a vacuum. Your vote has consequences. It has consequences for you. It has consequences for me. It has magnified consequence for marginalized and vulnerable people.

When you make the conscious decision to vote for someone with no chance of winning instead of someone who could win but might not be perfect, you tell all those marginalized people who will be hurt by the other person who will now end up winning instead you’re OK with that trade off. It’s just that simple.

Would I love to vote only for candidates who want Medicare For All and free college tuition and to abolish ICE? Sure. But I’d rather protect immigrant children from being put in concentrations camps, stop the next Brett Kavanaugh from ascending to the Supreme Court and save health care for people with pre-existing conditions.

If you live in a state where the Democratic candidate is absolutely assured an easy-peasy win, sure – swing for what you perceive to be your fences. (I mean, Hillary was given a 90 percent likelihood of winning on election morning – so there’s kind of no such thing as a sure thing…) But, yeah, go crazy.

But if you’re not, and you live in a state where a Democratic candidate is trying very hard to flip a Red seat to Blue (or defend a Blue seat), please reconsider your power. You have the power, with one single vote, to help those who will feel the most negative impact of this administration or say your pristine ideals are more important than an imperfect shield.

My other qualm with third party candidates – particularly in presidential elections – is their run/walk problem. They tend to run into national races before they do the long, hard walking of becoming viable candidates. Where is the grassroots, entry-level , unglamorous work for the Green Party? Run for school board. Run for city council. Run for state assembly. Start small, and build a real movement. Otherwise your only role will always be that of spoiler.

In times like these voting isn’t just about dreaming about utopian future society. It’s about protecting the most vulnerable in our current society. It’s about making sure kids aren’t in cages and Muslims aren’t banned and trans people’s lives aren’t erased.

And, yes – of course, we have to go after non-voters. No one is saying we don’t and shouldn’t and the unprecedented grassroots GOTV efforts we have seen these midterms should be a testament to that. But those people headed to the polling place already, but planning to vote for a candidate who cannot in any realistic universe win are just as important.

Let’s never forget that in 2016, the presidential election was decided by essentially three states – Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Those votes swung the Electoral College to Trump and gave us the nightmare we have today. In Michigan, Trump beat Hillary by 11,612 votes. Jill Stein got 50,700 votes. In Wisconsin, Trump beat Hillary by 27,257 votes. Jill Stein got 30,980 votes. In Pennsylvania, Trump beat Hillary by 68,236 votes. Jill Stein plus some yahoo I’ve never even heard of called Darrell Castle got a combined 69,808 votes. And I’m not even counting that monumental dumb-dumb Gary Johnson’s third party votes into those tallies. But, as you can see, if all those people who went to the polls and threw their support behind losing third party candidates voted for the viable Democratic candidate instead Trump would have won 258 and Hillary 273 (with 270 needed to become POTUS). And the world would look very different right now. Plus, we wouldn’t have to see Donald Fucking Trump’s horrid orange face every single day.

My Weekend Crushing Disappointment

After coming back from my honeymoon and finally catching up on Ye Olde Blog and your comments while I was away, I have to say I’m disappointed. I am particularly disappointed by some of the discriminatory and downright wrong comments on my Vacation Vixen post on Stephanie Beatriz. In particular it was all the disparaging and hateful comments about her marriage and her bisexuality, and bisexuality in general, that disappoints me.

Let me say definitively, for the record and without an iota of equivocation that bisexual women are a welcome part of the LGBTQ community. Bisexual women remain bisexual, even if they are in a relationship with or marry a man. And – for good measure because sometimes these vile views go hand in hand – trans women are also part of the LGBTQ community. Trans women are women, period. If you harbor any hateful feelings toward bisexual women or trans people, you are not welcome here. This is not the site for you. Go find another site. We will be perfectly fine, not to mention happier, without you.

Look, if you have had a bad experience while dating a bisexual woman, well, that was your individual experience. You’ve probably also had a bad experience dating a lesbian woman at some point in your life. But you don’t go lumping all lesbians into that one experience. I had a bad experience with a lesbian ergo all lesbians are bad. That’s just dumb.

Bisexuality by definition is an attraction to women and men. But being bisexual does not mean you have to be with men and women at the same time. It’s not the same as polyamory, per se. So, of course, some bisexual women will date and/or marry men – it’s in the damn definition of their sexual orientation. Still if a bisexual woman does marry a man that does not negate her overall sexuality. That does not make her straight.

Just like if a lesbian marries a woman she does not stop finding other women attractive. Like, I am now married to a woman I love completely and am deeply committed to and would never stray, but I can still low whistle at Cate Blanchett because CATE BLANCHETT. Bisexual women are still bisexual, still have the propensity to fall in love with and/or be attracted and/or feel a kinship to women and men regardless of their current relationship status. And saying a bisexual woman who is married to a man can only remain bisexual if she cheats with a woman is, um, nuts. It’s nuts. You would rather a bisexual woman be unfaithful and amoral than in a committed relationship with someone she loves who happens to be a man? What the what?

Are there “heteroflexible” women who take gaycations in lesboland for the fun of it with no intentions of putting down stakes because why not? Sure, of course. But I don’t think the vast majority of those women consider themselves bisexual or queer or pansexual or whathaveyou. They’re sexual tourists and, as long as everyone involved knows and consents to what they’ve getting into, that can be fine too.

This isn’t hard to understand, folks. It just isn’t. And if you willfully misconstrue bisexuality as trying to take advantage of straight privilege, then you’re just being willfully hateful. And, again, I would rather you leave.

The thing about being a part of the LGBTQ community is we’re a big gay umbrella to shelter all kinds of sexual otherness. Are you a woman who likes other women? Come on down. Are you a man who likes other men? Get over here. A woman who likes women and men? You betcha. A trans person attracted to men or women or non-binary folks? But of course, plenty of room. And so on and so forth. The whole idea of discriminating against someone because of who she or he or them or they may love or be attracted to should be antithetical to our very existence. We accept all, love all. At least, that’s how it should be.

The world is cold and cruel enough on its own for us to go around hating, disrespecting or being bigoted toward each other. Our governing principals should be equality, generosity and kindness. Literally the only kind of person I do not welcome here is the kind of person who discriminates against others for who they are – be that their race or their gender or their sexual identity or their sexual orientation. Because what a waste of a perfectly good human life to spend all of it hating someone for something they can’t change. Have a happy and accepting weekend, all.

Edited To Add:

To Anonymous Commenter 8:31 AM (in my time zone),
Hello. First of all, obviously you give a flying %^#! about what I think because you come here, to my personal blog, where I write my personal thoughts, and discuss my personal opinions, which no one is under any requirement to read unless they care about my personal thoughts and opinions. Otherwise, why even bother clicking? Second (because when you write “first” it is customary to provide a second) the right to free speech and expression as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United State Constitution means freedom from government censorship of speech and expression. Not freedom from some lesbian blogger who does this on her free time for fun without any regular monetary compensation, but just because she loves and respects the LGBTQ community and its role in pop culture. I am sorry that is a confusing concept for you. Also, it is spelled “whether.” Now, goodbye.

To Anonymous Commenter 8:37 AM (again, in my time zone),
Hello. I never, let me repeat, never delete or censor comments on my blog unless they are spam. I believe the comments section is your space, and therefore also do not wade into the comments either. I have only once in the 12-plus year history of this blog commented in the comments section. That was an instance where I told someone to fuck off for disparaging a close personal friend and fellow writer. Otherwise, again, that is your space. That does not mean I cannot feel disappointment in what is written in the comments on occasion. Oh, and the comments against bisexuality are there, for everyone to read, in my Vacation Vixen post about Stephanie Beatriz which I linked above in this post. And, again right here. You know how links work, right? Also, using “bisexual lifestyle” is as offensive as using “gay lifestyle” or “lesbian lifestyle.” It is an orientation, and not a preference for oversized prints and hot yoga. Now, goodbye.

To the remaining/returning Anonymous Commenters:

Does Not Pass the What Test?

Some days, we are all Diane Lane. In an interview with Vanity Fair the actress was discussing whether her role in “House of Cards” passes the Bechdel Test and, well, things went a little sideways.

Vanity Fair: There are some fantastic interactions between your character and Claire Underwood. The repartee is like something out of an old movie.
Diane Lane: But we don’t [pass] the rectal test, right? Am I saying it right?
Vanity Fair: You mean Bechdel? Like Alison Bechdel, the Bechdel test [which looks at whether a movie, TV show, or book features at least two women talking to each other about something besides men]?
Diane Lane: Yes, that’s it. When the Bechdel test was first mentioned, I thought, yeah, what’s up with that? Why are guys always able to talk about whatever is going on in the story and then the ladies are coming on talking about the guys? I mean, it’s just dumb. . . . We are playing history back now, looking at things differently.

Now, granted, this is in print and having listened to my fair share of taped interviews I can say much can be lost in translation. But for a brief, wonderful moment of embarrassing mispronunciation, may we all rejoice that a Rectal Test does not actually exist in feminist critique. Thanks for the laugh, Diane. Thanks ever so much.

Come Hela or Phyllis Schlafly

Now, this is truly scary, and just in time for Halloween. Look, we know Cate Blanchett can play a great villain. Like she is Hela good at it, yo. (Yes, I know, you saw what I did there…) But the Goddess of Death is nothing compared to the sheer villainy she will next take on. The Marvelous Ms. Blanchett is set to star as conservative firebrand/horrid person Phyllis Schlafly in the new FX limited series “Mrs. America,” about the ERA era. For those who need a memory jog, the ERA was (and still is) the Equal Rights Amendment. It’s the as-yet still unpassed amendment to the United States Constitution that would have granted equal rights to all in this country regardless of gender. It sought to end discrimination based on sex in all avenues of public life – from employment to housing and property rights. The whole she-bang, if you will.

While it was approved by the House and Senate in 1971 and 1972, respectively, it fell short of the 38 state ratification threshold (reaching only 35 before the deadline passed) in large part because of the right-wing fear mongering of Phyllis Schlafly. She claimed it would hurt housewives and force women to be drafted. Her anti-feminist, anti-abortion, anti-ERA antics changed the course of history – for the worse. And women today are still not truly guaranteed full civil rights as a result. If you’re wondering if this still matters, may I introduce you to the gender wage gap – for starters.

Now the series isn’t just about Schlafly. It will focus on the whole ERA movement of the 70s including feminist champions like Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Shirley Chisholm, Bella Abzug and Jill Ruckelshaus. This will be Cate’s very first on-screen appearance on American television, and goodness it’s a humdinger.

Now, some might bristle at the thought of Cate playing such a despicable human. But it takes true talent to show the depth of depravity and duplicity of the human heart.

So bring on the villainy, Cate. We know in the depths of your heart you’re really a Carol just playing a Phyllis.

Meet the Alphas

Now, someone on Twitter a little bit ago tweeted me to compare Bette Porter to Kamala Harris. And, to be honest, I’ve been shook ever since. Senator Kamala Harris is 100 percent the straight world’s Alpha Bette. No, make that 1,000 percent.

Obviously, there are some similarities. Both are incredibly intelligent women. Both are of mixed-race backgrounds. Both have achieved great success in their respective fields. Both are politically active. Both are vocal and outspoken. Both can rock the hell out of a power suit. Both basically kick endless ass. And, you know, neither are bad to look at.

And the similarities don’t end there.

Neither suffer fools.



Like, really really don’t suffer fools.



Both do this with their hands when they’re being particularly sassy.



And both have an incredible laugh.



In conclusion. Alpha Bette meet Straight Bette. Now, that’s a ticket I’d vote for in a heartbeat.



p.s. This should go without saying, but both Alpha Bette and Straight Alpha Bette want you to vote for Democrats in the midterm elections in exactly one week from today, Nov. 6.