No Verity Gay

Well, now, this is disappointing. And, believe me, that’s hard for me to say when you’ve got two hot ladies kissing front and center. But, alas, context. Always, always context. Because under normal gay circumstances I would LOVE to see Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson kiss on screen because, duh, I have eyes and am a lesbian. But, tricksy tricksy context.

You see, despite initial reports, Anna Hathaway and Dakota Johnson’s characters aren’t really kissing in the new trailer for “Verity.” Look closely. No, you see, they’re Sapphic Psychosis Smoochin. You know the kind. Where a gal starts kissing one person and pulls back only to realize, IT’S A GIRL. Or, maybe it’s not even a girl – it’s just their overactive psychotic imagination. Possibly murderous, too. Don’t forget that.

We have, certainly, seen this before. Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega (and tempting poor Jane Wickline) in “Taste.” Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis (and possibly Evil Natalie Portman) going at it in “Black Swan.” It’s the old fake-out. Just another niche version of the Very Special Lesbian Kiss Episode of Sweeps Weeks of yore.

And, again, while normally an Anne and Dakota smooch would be, you know, not a bad thing, the bad thing is that it is likely solely for the oh-lalas and not any real plot and or queerness. How do I know? Well, because “Verity” is based on the book by Colleen Hoover and a little research tells me there are no queer storylines in her book, nor any smooching between the two women in question. So they added it to the movie to, you know, spice things up. But, safely, without any real gay stuff.

It should be noted that Hoover’s work was behind “It Ends With Us,” a.k.a. The Most Disastrously Marketed Movie of the 2020s that has resulted in me disliking everyone involved more (minus perhaps Jenny Slate).

Annie Hathaway, come on – can you give us something truly sapphic sometime soon? Sure, there was “Eileen,” which was kind of gayish (but mostly sad), and there is “Mother Mary,” which is in limited release but [SPOILERS] Anne and Michaela Coel don’t ever kiss or define their past “relationship.” The sapphics would appreciate a real queer moment from you. And, no, being in “Brokeback Mountain” doesn’t count – at least not for us. (Same for those devilish Prada movies...)

Music Monday: Going Gigi

I’m not a Coachella person. I mostly never get FOMO about it and, truly, I barely know half the bands headlining these days. Have at it kids (though, perhaps you’d be interested in knowing the owner of Coachella is a billionaire MAGA dickhead - wait, is that redundant? - whose money supports shitty things like ICE’s mass deportations) ANYway.

I say all this because I did learn at least one thing from Coachella this year. And that’s that I have been sleeping on Gigi Perez and definitely shouldn’t have. I saw she brought Hayley Koyoko out on stage to sing “Girls Like Girls” during her Coachella set and was like, “Hello.” So I Googled her (-AI results, because fuck AI AND billionaire MAGA dickheads), and goodness. Where have I been? I actually am familiar with her music already, but didn’t know it. That is thanks to her rise to fame on TikTok with snippets of her “Sailor Song” playing over, kinda everything. But for whatever reason I didn’t clue in until Lesbian Jesus offered an assist. See, who says I’m not spiritual.

So here’s to a young, talented, queer artist singing her truth and making me want to sing sapphic sea shanties against the setting sun. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Welp. Normally I’d save such fine, fine, very, very, very fine suitage for Thursday, as the good gay gods intended. But, it’s May and I can’t wait and omfg here’s Jodie Foster in a full-on Mad Men-era suit for the Wall Street Journal. And I’m already terribly late because this interview came out in JANUARY and I’m just now seeing it. (Maybe because WSJ is owned by Rupert Murdoch, and I try to avoid his everything…) Anyway, if you want to read it (and throw the bird at old Rup), here is the Internet Archive version for your reading pleasure. Otherwise, just behold the majesty. This makes me really, really want a dapper gray suit. Or Jodie. Probably both. (Respectfully). What? Call it spring fever. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Yes, I know, I know – I’ve been posting about Jodie kinda a lot lately. It’s (was) my 20th blogiversary, so I paying homage to The O.G.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Eat This Edition

Remember how I said I’ve added “America’s Culinary Cup” to my cooking competition carousel because, well, Padma? I feel blessed by the food TV gods these days because I get Padma in outfits like, well, see above on “America’s Culinary Cup.” And then I get Kristen Kish in outfits like these, also see above, on “Top Chef.” It’s almost too delicious. Almost. Consider me greedy, I’m hungry for both. Ahem.

My, My, My Nostalgia

How about a mid-week dance break? Is it gay? Well, Steve Zahn’s character was gay, but celibate. Still, one could argue that Janeane Garofalo’s character was every queer alterna-girl’s root. Since I’m feeling nostalgic (and/or old) these days, I thought we’d wax on a little about “Reality Bites.” I remember thinking this movie was so cool when it came out 32 years ago. I mean, I’m a Gen X kid, so this was our movie. And who amongst us hasn’t dreamed of raiding the convenience station snack racks on their parent’s gas card while dancing to “My Sharona”? And best yet, not a cellphone on sight.

Ballad for Sue and Megan

I know, I know – Sue and Megan broke up. I avoided talking about it during Lesbian Visibility Week because, honestly, after that Emily news I couldn’t take more bummer crap. But after 10 years, even Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird couldn’t make it work. *Deep, endless sigh*

Obviously, sapphics like us get invested in our celebrated power couples – mostly because they are so rare. Sure, we have a good number of queer female celebrities in relationships with other women now. (Well, definitely more than 20 years ago, amirite kittens?) But very rarely are both partners equally famous. And, truly, no one was as well-matched accomplishment-wise as Sue and Megan. Both Olympic champions. Both world champions. I mean, it was the ultimate jock-4-jock situation. *Deep endless sigh*

I know, relationships are hard. I know. I hope they both find happiness again, apart. And that their separation has been as painless as possible. Even hearts are healthy as theirs break.

p.s. Don’t even think about it Sarah and Holland. Do. Not.

Music Monday: Closer to Monday

Honestly, if I had the opportunity to sing “Closer to Fine” with Brandi Carlile I too would absolutely take it. I would also, of course, since it with Amy Poehler. And, not to be undone, naturally Amy and Emily have an open invite to collab as well. I might even tell them in which key. (Don’t worry, I totally would, especially now for Emily.) Big lesbian singalong in 3-2-1… Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Blogiversary) Crush

Well, here we are. Twenty years. 2-0. Two decades. Or, to put it another way, a long-ass time. Today marks my 20th blogiversary. Which feels crazy to say out loud but, again, here we are. As you’ve no doubt noticed, my writings have gotten a little shorter as the years have gone longer. And, yeah, I can be a little more hit-and-miss with posts these days too. But here we still are. Still crazy after all these years. Mostly, what I want to say, and what I always want to say, is thank you. Thank you for still reading, still visiting, still commenting, still sharing and still being the lovely and generous kittens you are. I appreciate you for coming back and caring. I will continue writing, and sharing all my big – and small – gay feelings and thoughts with you. Still crazy about queer pop culture after all these years, together. Because even 20 years later, representation still matters. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Kate the Always Great

Since the vintage tank did well, then a vintage suit – and I mean truly vintage – should do just fine. Just fine indeed. Oh, Kate. Truly, how did this movie come out 84 years ago and she looked that gay. I mean, come on, that stride? Woman of the Year, indeed.

Crushing Hacks

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So, admittedly, I have not had a chance to start the new season and final season of “Hacks” yet. And I think part of that is so that it won’t be over. The other thing I never want to be over is this cast and their chemistry. But also, I will miss their unabashed queerness. Truly, can you think of the last mainstream interview with stars who so openly embraced the sapphic gaze and essentially drooled over Jessica Rabbit together, and various 90s teen heartthrobs/hot masc lesbian lookalikes.

Tank Top Tuesday: Vintage Foster

I mean, I feature Jodie in a tux, I gotta feature Jodie in a tank. Look, I don’t make the rules – fine, I totally make the rules. But since I’ve been feeling these throwback tank tops of late, how about we appreciate plain white tank Jodie circa my constant dreams. You’re welcome.

Music Monday: Always Our Girls

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I am, for the moment, at a loss for many words. Of course, anyone who has seen the Indigo Girls in the last few years knows Emily's voice has not been the same. But to have them confirm that it is not just normal aging, but two incurable medical disorders that will continue affecting Emily’s voice, well, yeah. I cried. I am so thankful that at almost every opportunity possible I have gone to see the extraordinary harmony of heart and head that have been Emily Sailer and Amy Ray as the Indigo Girls for the last thirty-plus years. That they asked for grace as they navigate performing to the best of their abilities together on this new tour, well, I cried some more. I hope they know we, their listeners who love them, are just so grateful for everything they’ve given us show after show, year after year, decade after decade. I sure hope we’ll have many more years to come. But so thankful for all they’ve already given us. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Hopeful) Crush

Could our long lesbian nightmare finally be coming to an end? Will Riley finally get her own “Happiest Season”? Well, maybe. Aubrey Plaza says “there’s some movement, yeah” on a “Happiest Season” sequel. She mentioned the idea to the original’s writer-director Clea DuVall and now they really, sorta, maybe, perhaps will start working on it together – like for reals. So, definitely maybe!

Look, I’ll cling to any sliver of good news I can these days. The idea actually started with an in-joke Aubrey added to her new Prime Video series “Kevin,” which I’ve never heard of but gets an A+ in niche lesbian jokes for this fact alone. There’s a movie marquee that reads: “Kristen Stewart and Aubrey Plaza in ‘Happiest Season 2: Riley’s Revenge.”

As she told The Wrap:

“You know what’s funny, is I actually forgot that I put that in the show, and Clea and I just had a creative conversation this past week about that [movie],” she revealed. “And I said, like, ‘Hello? Where’s Riley’s happy ending? We gotta start working on this.’ So, we actually are.” “That is actually true,” she added. “I mean, I think I’m allowed to say that, but I don’t think Clea would care. But yeah.”

Yeah, indeed. Now make it happen so we we can all be the happiest lesbians next season. But for now, happy weekend, all.

p.s. Mazel tov to Aubrey (who with her partner former "Girls" actor Chris Abbott), is expecting her first child. Also, April and Charlie end up together? Did they start as long distance, Pawnee to New York? At least she dumped Andy, he turned out to be a chud.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Jodie's Tux

Wait, why did no one tell me that in addition to speaking French throughout the whole movie, Jodie Foster also appears in a tuxedo in “A Private Life”? It’s like you don’t even care about my happiness. I’ll have to think about this for a while. You know, to heal our trust. That’s the only reason I plan to think about these photos of Jodie in a tux with slicked back hair. Yep, trust. Anyway, it’s a Thursday so if you, like, me, were not aware of these facts then you are now welcome.