Wednesday, September 19, 2018

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Look, sometimes I run out of smart things to say. But, luckily, not out of things to show you. So here, without further ado-ing, your 2018 Emmy Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals.

Rachel Brosnahan Claire Foy, Tiffany Haddish & Angela Bassett

Is it just me, or does this look like Tiffany and Angela are inviting Rachel* to the most amazing threesome ever?

*Damn, Rachel and Claire were both working that short, slicked back brunette thing so from the side I sleepily mistook them. So they should probably make it a foursome is all I am saying.

Sandra Oh & Jessica Biel

Look out, Justin. Sandra is clearly explaining to Jessica the benefits of falling in obsessive love with a beautiful psychopathic assassin.

Amanda Crew & Suzanne Cryer

This feels like what Sporty Spice would wear to the Emmys if she came out and started dating Posh.

Angela Sarafyan & Stefani Robinson

Because I don’t know why Angela from “Westworld” and Stefani with “Atlanta” are posing together I’ll just assume it is because they are dating. Please don’t tell me otherwise.

Nina Kiri & Madeline Brewer

When you see your girlfriend on the red carpet looking super hot and neither of you are in Gilead.

Millie Bobbie Brown & Emilia Clarke

Fine, so Eleven and Daenerys aren’t doing anything particularly gay together. But both their characters project Big Dyke Energy, so there’s that.

Alex Borstein & Her Emmy

I mean, performing cunnilingus in public on your Emmy is also a pretty B.D.E. move.

Laurie Metcalf & Alex Borstein

Though, I guess Laurie Metcalf checking out your rack in front of everyone has a confidence boosting effect.

Chrissy Teigen & Gina Rodriguez

The moment you realize how great it feels to press your whole lady body against another whole lady body.

And now time for a brand new segment called “Straight Girls Acting Like Gay Gals With Sarah Paulson” or SGALGGWSP.

Sarah & Connie Britton

Connie to Sarah: “Look, we’d be great together in ‘American Horny Story’ is all I’m saying.”

Sarah & Claire Foy

Claire to Sarah: “Look, you’re the Supreme. I’m the Queen. We could really make this work.”

Sarah & Felicity Huffman

Felicity to Sarah: “Look, I’m not saying I’d do anything for you. But I was on a show with ‘Desperate’ in the title.”

Sarah & Jessica Biel

Jessica to Sarah: “Look, I’m really the one in the family who knows how to rock a body – if you know what I mean.”

Sarah & Holland

Holland to Sarah: “Look at those poor dears, like they ever had a chance.”

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

My Big Gay Emmys

I don’t know much. But I know this. The Emmys should have stopped the show mid-stream and made Hannah Gadsby the host. Or Kate McKinnon. Or Tiffany Haddish. Or basically any woman who was not the dudebro Weekend Update dudes. But at least the awards ended on time, which is something. And despite the lackluster dude hosts, there were still some genuinely good moments. Heck, even straight people had a nice moment with that Emmy proposal.

So here are the queerest Emmy moments and Emmy attendees most pertinent to your gay lady interests.

Kate McKinnon was tragically underused in that whole “We Solved it” song. But at least she looked great with her stand-in date Betty White.

Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Hannah Gadsby should have hosted. Did I mention Hannah Gadsby should have hosted?

Samira Wiley is sunshine in a sparkly dress.

Evan Rachel Wood’s commitment to suit-based fashion on the red carpet is extremely commendable.

Props to Lily Tomlin for getting in a little Gina Rodriguez snuggle.

Carrie Brownstein doing queer women proud by coming in a dress with pockets.

My greatest hope – besides flipping the House and Senate and impeaching Trump/Pence – is that Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer make Abbi and Ilana endgame on “Broad City.”

Tatiana Maslany sees Carrie’s dress with pockets and raises everyone a sensible pants and top paying homage to lesbian favorite “The Gynmast.”

Tiffany Haddish’s big top dress is almost the best Pride outfit ever.

Please, you thought I would post about the Emmys and not include a photo of My Fake TV/Movie Wife Tina Fey?

Sandra Oh, who was viciously robbed of the best actress in a drama Emmy, brought her parents as her dates and her mother wore a traditional Korean hanbok dress which *heart eyes emojis forever*.

Some gratuitous Regina King arm porn for your viewing enjoyment.

Also for your viewing enjoyment, Angela Bassett. It should be noted that Angela turned 60 last month which HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

All hail the Queen and Queen of Lesbian Couples. Long may they reign.

p.s. Don’t worry, kittens. SGALGG is coming tomorrow. Oh yeah, it’s coming.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Work It, Sis

Do you want a little joy? Do you want an endless smile? Would you like a reminder of the power of music, art and just enjoying each other’s company? Then please heartily enjoy newfound viral sensation Mary Halsey performing Missy Elliott’s “Work It.” She went viral last month when none other than Missy herself took note of her performance and dubbed her her “FUNKY WHITE SISTER” on social media. So, of course, an invitation to Ellen followed and the rest was, well, definitely worth it. And they could work it. Now, see, a little joy does the soul good at the start of another week. Now get out there and “Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup!”

Friday, September 14, 2018

My Weekend Crush

I haven’t stopped thinking about last Saturday’s U.S. Open Women’s Finals between Serena Williams and Naomi Osaka. What started as a brilliant display of female athleticism and excellence ended as a pathetic display of the fragile male ego and persistent double standard women everywhere face in their personal and professional lives. That it played out on the grandest of slam stages only further highlights a persistent and pernicious problem for 51 percent of the population.

Here were two women, at the top of their respective games, battling it out. And we, the spectators, were lucky enough to see it all unfold. Until, that is, the chair umpire decided to inset himself in their match. Why? Well, first he warned Serena that she had been coached when her coach in the stands made a hand signal which she undoubtedly did not see. And then, he took away a point when she smashed her racket in frustration. And, finally, he took away a whole game after she called him a “thief” for taking the aforementioned point.

Now, granted, if you stick with the letter of the rules he may have been within his right. But if you think about everything that has transpired in men’s – from the storied celebration of such blowhards as McEnroe and Connors and other men in this sport – it was an imperious punishment for a relatively minor offence. Seriously, just for calling the umpire a thief? Guess this dude never worked in fast food. I’ve heard more vicious and unrelenting rants at McDonalds when someone forgets the fries in an order.

But then, that’s what happen when women – particularly women of color – dare to challenge male authority. Instead of letting these two women play it out, he inserted himself. He unnecessarily made his presence felt. And in doing so he robbed both Serena and Naomi of what should have been a historic match. He did not give Serena the benefit of the doubt and he did not give Naomi her rightful moment. It tainted her win (though, believe me, I think she would have won because she was playing so brilliantly). It robbed them of the honest result, the honest victory, the honest loss. He stole this from two women of color at the pinnacle of their profession. So, yes, he was a thief.

Still, what happened after the match is just as extraordinary – but in a good way. At the trophy ceremony Serena implored the crowd to stop booing. She asked the crowd to celebrate Naomi’s win instead. She put her arm around her. She encouraged her. She comforted her. She made her feel like the champion she was.

This is women – particularly, again, women of color – carrying the emotional weight of progress on their backs. Carrying it an inch, a foot, a mile at a time toward full equality, against sexism, against racism. Smashing the patriarchy one tennis racket at a time.

What Serena said in her press conference, this is the work and the struggle. This is the distillation of intersectional feminism – to fight for our and the next generation’s right to live in a world without having to deal with the same sexist and racist bullshit over and over again. For men and women to be treated and respected and officiated the same way.

Alas, we still live in a world where men who argue are passionate and women who argue are hysterical. Men are strong, women are angry. Men are fired up, women are in meltdown.

That’s how a champion wins, no matter what the scoreboard says. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Naomi Osaka is a pure delight. Watch all of this and seethe a little more at what he stole from her. Thief indeed.

p.p.s. To the commenter who used the handle "Margaret Court" and wanted me to post an article by Martina Navratilova, here is a link to an article where Martina Navratilova calls out Margaret Court as a "racist and homophobe." Enjoy!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Gender Fuck Thursday: Tux & Tails Edition

Well now, here is a trend I can 100 percent get behind. Please behold the majesty of actresses showing up on the red carpet in full black tuxedos – with tails, even. Yes, of course, actresses in tuxedos isn’t necessarily a new trend (Marlene and Josephine say hello). But I greatly appreciate its increased arrival on red carpets of late. Which, of course, begs the question – who tuxed it best?

Blake Lively

I mean, it’s almost unfair. She’s gotten so much practice in “A Simple Favor.” But the cane and top hat really put this in another league.

Daisy Ridley

The Tuxedo Force is strong with this one. Plus, she already looks like the emcee at a fancy, old-timey cabaret.

Evan Rachel Wood

Is it fair if she pulls out the finger guns?

Janelle Monae

I mean, it’s not a top hat. But it is still a vey impressive hat.

Anne Hathaway

We knew Anne knew how to work a tux back after that what-the-fuck-is-James-Franco-even-doing-there Oscar co-hosting debacle. But I’m not sure how much we fully knew how hot daddy Prince of Genovia posing with her future queen for the royal engagement photos well Anne could work a tux.

Cate Blanchett

By standing next to this Christmas tree in this tux, Cate has decreed that all future Christmas movies be lesbian movies. So is it written, so shall it be.

Right, so as I was saying, who tuxed it best?

Trick question, they’re all winners. But, if you really think about it, aren’t we the real winners? Yeah. We sure are.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

You're Just a Bee Charmer

Remember a bit ago when there was a small flurry of movies about queer women being made and it felt a bit like Lesbian Christmas (or, you know, whatever favorite holiday you celebrate)? And it was duly dubbed The Carol Effect? Well we’ve been treated to the first footage from the Anna Paquin and Holliday Grainger lesbian romantic period piece “Tell It To The Bees.”

Set in 1950s Britain it stars Anna as a doctor who returns to her small hometown to take over her late father’s practice and Holliday as a recently single mother. If you’re keeping score at home, yes, this is the second film about a lesbian/bisexual/queer women returning home because of their father’s death (the first being “Disobedience”/that spitting movie).

Now this is just a clip, not a trailer. But already I’m into it because a) lesbian historical romance is awesome, and b) I’m a sucker for ladies who love ladies having lazy pastoral picnics together on a blanket. You can thank Idgie and Ruth for my affinity for the latter.

Also, kudos for getting hero points for the dramatic toy boat rescue and engaging in a tasteful wet T-short contest. Now, Anna just needs to give Holliday a jar of honey and it’ll be a done deal.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Tank Top Tuesday

Remember two Tuesdays ago when I showed you the gay-cred (gay+sacred, I’m still trying to make it happen like fetch) image of K-Stew at a Hooters pre-coming out? Well, here’s another one to add to the pantheon. Lily Tomlin (gay) on a motorcycle (gay) shot by Annie Leibovitz (gay) in a tank top (GAY). You are welcome, universe.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Non-Problematic Solution

Finally! A solution for all those people who whine about the art lost because of the exposure of problematic men, a.k.a. horrible sex monsters who believe they’re entitled to women’s bodies. I’m not kidding, I would actually buy this. But, seriously, the world will continue rotating even if people stop lionizing the Allens and Cosbys and Spaceys of the world.

Also, Hannah Gadsby was right, Picasso really was trash.

Friday, September 07, 2018

My Weekend Crush

Rarely do you get to say, “I laughed, I cried,” about a movie and mean it. But, kittens, do I mean it about “Crazy Rich Asians.” What a well-crafted, beautifully appointed, wonderfully cast and all-around scrumptious movie. I finally got a chance to go see it last weekend and – despite all the glowing reviews – was not prepared for just how good this movie would make me feel. As an Asian-American woman, as an immigrant, as a person who loves good romantic comedies it was everything I could have hoped for. Funny, romantic, sad, funny some more and just absolutely luscious to look at.

And let’s talk a little more about what it means to have a movie filled with such Asian Attractiveness and Asian Excellence. I was both acutely aware and sometimes completely forgot that the cast was all Asian. There was a universality and specificity to the story that is wonderful to behold. Like, even if you’ve never played mahjong, you understand the import of that scene. And if you do play mahjong, goodness.

Also, did I mention how attractive this cast is? Because this cast is very attractive.

You can count the Asian-led mainstream Hollywood films on two fingers: “The Joy Luck Club” in 1993 and “Memoirs of a Geisha” in 2005. There are 4.5 billion Asian people yet Hollywood can only find time to make a movie about us every 12 or so years? It’s even more outrageous when you consider the entire world only has 7.4 billion people, total. Thanks, guys, appreciate the effort. It’s not like there are a lot of us or anything.

Here’s the thing about representation: It matters. It always matters. No, I’m not talking tokenism, I’m talking representation. It’s hard to aspire when you’ve never been shown what you can truly achieve. It’s a lesson we must continually apply for women, POC, LGBTQ people, immigrants, people with disabilities, and any other marginalized group. We continue to be the other, while the straight white male continues to be the default norm.

And, believe me, everyone shoved into that “other” category notices. When I was little, I used to watch the evening news on TV with my parents every night. Yet, I never dreamed I could possibly do that as a profession until I saw Connie Chung co-anchor the “CBS Sunday Evening News.” Granted, I have no desire to be a TV news anchor. But I do appreciate the option. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I would also like respect for being a mad Constance Wu stan from the start.

p.p.s. You remember I told you she was just in a lesbian movie, too, right? Right.

Thursday, September 06, 2018

Gender Fuck Thursday: Cate Edition

Oh, Cate Blanchett. You and Gillian Anderson seem locked in an all-out war to see who can devastate queer women more with their ridiculous hotness. Gillian debuting her new clothing collection looking like a lesbian James Bond was a shot over the bow. But Cate showing up looking like this on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar is the sartorial equivalent of assassinating Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

But, as if that wasn’t enough, she then showed up at an event in Venice over the weekend in a dress covered in naked women and boobies.

Yes, those are boobies all over Cate Blanchett. Boobies.

And, as if her boob dress wasn’t enough, she apparently helped honor someone where the trophy is what appears to be a woman emerging from a well-groomed vagina.

Your move, Gillian, your move.