My Weekend Crush

Yes, Pride Month is truly over. But we can still bask in the afterglow. And that afterglow includes allies. So instead of celebrating 250 years of this country’s way, way (way, way, way) too slow journey toward that more perfect union, how about we celebrate allyship. So thank you, A’ja Wilson for not only being the greatest player in the WNBA right now, but for also being the GOAT of allies to the LGBTQ+ community. Last month she continued the tradition of bringing in a gay cake, or gayke as she calls it, for her queer teammates during Pride. This is truly the only Let Them Eat Cake I approve of in this day and age. Also, how funny was her reaction be being used on the promo for Pride Night with the Aces? Thanks for being a great ally, A’ja. Keep ‘em coming. Also I went to my first Valkyries game last weekend, so I am feeling the W right now. Hard. Even the straight allies. Happy weekend, all.

Selling Something

As long as we’re talking shit, WITHIN THE FAMILY, can we talk about Ellen DeGeneres hawking her skincare line on infomercials now? Because, when I think of Ellen, I think of wrinkle-fighting systems! But, seriously, what happened to all her talk show money? Did she max out with that “cottage” in the Cotswolds for her and Portia?

Look, one of the clearest recession indicators out there is that celebrities are selling all kinds of random shit these days. The most egregious, of course, is that Goopy Lady hawking those multi-million dollar Israeli luxury apartments while that country’s government continues to brutalize Gaza. Like, she truly earned the nickname Gwynocide with blissfully tone deaf lines like, “Waking up for a morning run can be brutal!”

I mean, by that metric Ellen’s Kind Science skincare line is only minorly cringe, and not ignoring a genocide cringe. Still, I have grown to really resent products that happily feed into our Beauty Industrial Complex – a multi-billion dollar industry that makes even more money the worse we feel about ourselves and things like, oh I don’t know, natural aging. Also, I see Ellen is also still trying to capitalize on the whole “I’m the Kind One” stuff. Which is, um, interesting.

Now, lest you think I’m just picking on a The Formerly Great Panted One, plenty of straight white men are also lapping lustily from the Late Stage Capitalism trough. John Cena and Walton Goggins seem to be in a commercial arms race to see who can sell out the most. They’re both the spokesmen for not one, not two, but THREE brands each right now (Hefty trash bags, Nature’s Own bread and Chime banking for Cena and Walmart, GoDaddy and Google Goggles for Goggins).

Look, I will always be thankful to Ellen for coming out when she did. Someone has to be the first and she paid a price for many years for being a pioneer. But that also doesn’t absolve her of the claims of creating a toxic work environment on her subsequent talk show.

While I get it, it’s hard out there – even, I guess, for rich and famous celebrities. So I try not to shame folks for getting that bag. But people who are already much more well off than the average person going this hard for capitalism? Makes me long for the “Lost in Translation” days where movie stars had to travel to foreign countries to make some extra scratch on the side, lest they be called a corporate shill. All I’m saying is if one more person tries to sell me wrinkle cream, I’m getting out the “Shame” bell.

Not Krashlyn, Still

So, now that it’s no longer Pride, can we talk a little shit? Like, are Ashlyn Harris and Sophia Bush (a.k.a. Not Krashlyn) having a run of bad publicity or what? First, Ashlyn gets a questionably deserved documentary made about her the *checks notes* backup goalkeeper for the 2015 and 2019 World Cup teams. Granted, they won, but they pick that lesbian above the other lesbians? And then Sophia is revealed on the creepy Dialog membership list, associated with *checks notes* uber creepy racist billionaire creep Peter Thiel. She insists she only went to two conferences and it wasn’t creepy. Anyway, just saying. They say all publicity is good publicity? But have they met judgmental sapphics? Because *low whistles in lesbian* Also, what are those outfits? Hey, it’s July – wlw critique is allowed again.

Ride On, Sarah Stallion

Let’s end on some unadulterated queer joy. Two wlw ladies who know how to have fun and how to make crowds swoon. Sure, neither is technically wearing a tank top. But halter dresses are in a gray zone, and it’s Megan Thee Stallion and Sarah Paulson. Happy last day of Pride, y’all! Have even more fun and be even gayer than these two at the Tonys. I know you can do it, kittens. I believe in you.

Music Monday: Melissa & k.d. Forever

Told ya the Gay Goes Up to Eleven in these final days of Pride. It’s hard to be more unabashedly and joyously lesbian than Melissa Etheridge and k.d. Lang dueting on “You Can Sleep While I Drive.” That it still feels radical looking back at them perform this together 32 years ago says a lot about where we are 32 years later. I wonder where we’ll all be in another 32 years. I hope, even gayer and much freer for all. Happy last Monday of Pride, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

You know what, Rosie deserves this. She looks great. She obviously feels great. She’s doing just generally great since escaping the United States. Truly, good for her. I know when she first fled I was kinda disappointed. But Rosie, and her decades-long feud with That Orange Turd, had pretty legitimate fears. And, and I cannot emphasize this enough, she was right about him ALL ALONG. I think Rosie has more than earned her flowers at this point. She got turned into a national punchline by too many for simply being a successful woman who wasn’t a Size 0 – and that was before the whole, and she’s also a big ol’ lesbo stuff. I know I’ve been a little uncharitable in the past as well. I think with fresh eyes her legacy as that other out lesbian daytime TV talk show host becomes much clearer. Please accept all these flowers as an apology for any antipathy in the past. Live your best life, and thanks for trying to warn everyone. Happy last weekend of Pride, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Amber Glenn

Well now, let’s skate into (see what I did there) to our final Thursday of Pride. Please allow pansexual skating star Amber Glenn to Gender Fuck Up your day skating in a shiny suit to “That’s Life” belted out by Lady Gaga (take that, Sinatra). Truly, it feels like every word of that lat sentence was scientifically engineered to make a homophobic boomer’s eye twitch. For the rest of you, you’re welcome.

True Detective: Cold Lesbians Edition

Gee, what kind of claustrophobic situations can Silva and Longacre find themselves in next? Oh, the Arctic you say? So it’s True Detective: Lesbian Country for these two? I will admit not making it all the way through “Vigil” Season 2 yet. Something about the secret military base and the drones and pregnant lesbians had me a tad bored. Or maybe I’m just not as into copganda as much anymore. Anyway, I really did enjoy Jodie Foster’s “Night Country,” so I might be ready to watch Suranne Jones and Rose Leslie get parka with it for another season.

Tank Top Tuesday: Ava Daniels Edition

So about that final season. Granted, I started watching, got sidetracked, and then came back and binged the whole thing last weekend. So my view of the story arc might be skewed by my screwy viewing approach. Still, I’m happy for Ava. Like, if they had gone that other way, lord – what they have put that poor girl through just because she fell in (somewhat) platonic love with someone 50 years her senior. It’s a testament to Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder’s talent and chemistry that we cared at all about the continued misadventures of one of TV’s oddest couples. But care we did. The other great triumph of “Hacks” is the rise of Hannah and her refreshingly outspoken political activism. So shout out to our favorite “Supa Bi!” You’ve earned this, lady. (And thanks for the tank tops, though you had me worried for Deborah’s health with all the blood, girl.)

Music Monday: Brandi & Amy

As we head toward the waning weekends of Pride this year, I feel the need to double up on The Gay. After years of real, tangible and long-overdue progress for the LGBTQ+ community, the return of this administration has seen a terrible backslide. It’s always been a fight, but somehow this regression feels extra awful – and the scapegoating of trans people in particular is beyond cruel. For such a small sliver of the population with possibly the least power base possible to be demonized instead of – oh, I don’t know – the fact that trillionaires exist is unfathomable. Anyway, be gay, sing songs, and down with the oligarchy. Also, please enjoy Brandi Carlile and Amy Ray gaying it up at the Gorge! Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well I let this holiday weekend get away from me. Kind of shocking that the Orange Turd hasn't repealed Juneteenth as a federal holiday. Maybe he was too busy waging war on algae. Anyway, please enjoy a few lessons in intersectionality and the need for diversity for societies to advance from The Audre Lorde. I wonder when we, as a society, will finally learn this lesson. Not nearly soon enough. Happy what is left of the weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: DeLaria Edition

Did we know Lea DeLaria was married? Where have I been? Congrats, Big Boo! Lea is one of the very first out comics I ever remember seeing on TV. She was the first out comic to appear on late-night with a 1993 appearance on “The Arsenio Hall Show.” A queer trailblazer in every sense of the world. And, since it’s Thursday, those blazers aren’t too bad either. A cool butch before masc was a thing, and cool now no matter what’s a thing. Mazel tov, Lea.

Bound Again

Speaking of OGs returning just in time for Pride, did you hear about that “Bound” 30th anniversary reunion earlier this month? Let’s pretend none of us heard the whole it’s been 30 years since “Bound” came out part and instead celebrate Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon and Lilly Wachowski and some of the fellas from the movie (men, they always have to tag along) showing up to talk lesbian sex and queer subtext. It reminded me that there’s apparently an uncensored European cut of the movie. European kittens, please, help a gal out. Drop a non-geoblocked link in the chat, you know, for charity.

Tank Top Tuesday: More L

I mean if we’re going to honor lesbian tank tops during Pride, let’s post some of the OGs. And did you know THE Ilene Chaiken is writing fan fiction a new short story in “The L Word” universe? It's part of Ilene and Jennifer Beal’s Run-A-Muck, the media company also behind that wlw pro basketball rom-com. Admittedly, I haven’t signed up to read “The Long Story.” I don’t know how I feel about revisiting Bette and Tina’s continued adventures n this way. But, you know, I’ll certainly revisit the tank tops.