My Olympic Weekend Crush

For all its many (many, many, many, many, many*) problematic issues, I still plan to watch the Tokyo Olympics starting tonight. I just can’t quit watching athletes in peak physical condition achieve their dreams and ll that triumph of the human spirit shit. Also, jock women are hot and you know it. To kick off the Lez Olympics here is the U.S. Women’s Rowing team helpfully explaining which members of are gay and which are not. The popular TIkTok meme is a delight to watch after years (and years and year and years and years and years) spent scraping the outer edges of the Internet to figure out which athletes were actually out and which were only, you know, known by those in the know. According to Outsports, this Olympics there will be at least 142 out athletes competing, more than double the number from Rio and exponentially more than previous Olympics as well. What a difference a decade or two makes, eh?

@kennychase25

If you weren’t interested in rowing before…let me introduce our OlympiGays™️ ##olympics ##gayathlete ##rowing ##lgbtq ##lgbt🌈 ##tokyo2020 ##fyp

♬ the token straight - chloe

Out Olympic rower Kenny Chase posted the video. Follow her on TikTok or Instagram and you’ll find a delightful assortment of queer affirmation and lady arm porn. Hello, rower arms and rower backs, hello. Yeah, admit it, for all its flaws it’s hard to find a more satisfying and varied display of female physical power, skill and talent than the Olympics. So light the torch and let’s queer up this place. I call upon the athletes of the world to assemble and go faster, higher, stronger, gayer in Tokyo. Happy Olympic weekend, all.

* Yes, I am still mad about Sha’Carri. The former (REPUBLICAN) Speaker of the House is on the board of a cannabis company now, so let’s not pretend this is about just “following the rules” and tell it like it is. One class/race of Americans gets to profit off marijuana, the other side gets only trouble and misery. Legalize it federally and expunge all past possession convictions, period.

Drawn Out

When last we saw Tig she was getting CGI-ed into a Vegas heist zombie apocalypse movie – as one does. And when next we see her she’ll be even more animated. See what I did there? The out lesbian comic has a new comedy special coming to HBO Max this weekend. And, yes, it is animated – which, sure, why not. Interesting concept. Also, it appears she is depicted in different animation styles throughout the show, which, sure, why not. Interesting concept. Plus, it gives us a queer representation a twofer – comedy special and animated special. Can she make it the two great things that go great together of comedy? Sure, why not?

Single Serving of Sara

Is it Lesbian Bat Signal time? Or, you know, something pretty darn close for single LGBTQ+ folks everywhere? This is a public service announcement for all peoples interested in dating Sara Ramirez. Yep, they’re single now. Earlier this month Sara announced their separation from husband Ryan DeBolt after 9 years of marriage in a tasteful Instagram post. The former “Grey’s Anatomy” actor came out as bisexual and non-binary after leaving the show in 2016. They’ve since thrown themself into supporting LGBTQ+ and POC causes.

Sara will also be a very welcome queer addition to the new revival of “Sex and the City,” HBO Max’s “And Just Like That.” The series has began filming recently in New York and while Sara isn’t in the first official photo of the famous former foursome (and now threesome, since Kim Cattrall/Samantha isn’t rejoining the series), I think we can safely say from the first on-set shots of them that The Gay will not be ignored. I mean, that outfit alone just hit on someone at Cubbyhole.

So here’s your chance, single folks. Shoot your shot. I mean, with that hair and those pipes and all that, um, you know, I doubt Sara will be single for long.

A Real Bee Charmer

Wanna feel good about what’s still possible in this world and awed at a young person’s talent while still feeling a tinge of outrage it took this long for another milestone to fall (you know that feeling, right)? Earlier this month Zaila Avant-garde became the first Black American student to win the prestigious Scripps National Spelling Bee. Since 1925, when the national spelling bee started, only one other Black student, 12-year-old from Jamaican Jody-Anne Maxwell, has won the championship. So, yeah, I can do math — 96 years and only two Black children have ever won. But, sure, let’s keep Republican statehouses keep banning the teaching of our country’s deep-rooted racist history (not to mention present) because it hurts white people’s feelings or whatever.

Anyway, this post is not meant to be another bummer list of grievances (because, heavens, where do we stop with that?), but a celebration of Zaila. And spelling isn’t even her best subject. Zaila’s true passion is basketball. Like, the girl has mad skills. She even holds three Guinness Book of World Records in the sport. Shooting. Dribbling. Juggling. Riding a freaking unicycle while seemingly doing all three. Like, it’s not fair to get that much mental and physical ability in one little person, right? Imagine if you won a national championship for your side hustle? All that and she has a cool name? Yeah, I can’t wait to see what she becomes when she grows up.

Music Monday: P!nk Edition

If you missed the Billboard Music Awards a couple months ago, (which, honestly, I did because who has time for non-EGOT shows in this economy?) you missed this lovely performance of P!nk. The artist formerly known as Alecia Moore performed a medley of her hits in celebration of receiving a well-deserved Icon Award. She opened her performance by performing aerial stunts with her 10-year-old daughter Willow. I’ve always liked P!nk, and well, she’s on my wife’s freebie list. So, you’re welcome, honey. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

It’s my blog and I’ll post about Jodie Foster twice in one week if I want to. Fifteen years ago Jodie was my very first Weekend Crush. She’s kind of my Forever Crush, as she was perhaps the first female celebrity I found myself following obsessively (which, bad word choice given her unfortunate history with fanatics — but I promise my obsession is largely academic and sedentary.) And I am struck by how the magnificent architecture of her face has aged into an elegant enduring monument of her life experiences. Her ice-blue eyes are as sharp as ever, and the lines are a reminder of where she’s been. From that Coppertone baby to a happily married gay woman with a distinguished career. Honestly, what I think I’m happiest about is how her face now reveals more joy. Sure, she’s not crazy effusive. But there’s an almost impish spark amid the ever-present toughness. Before — back when her private life was private and you’d never see her walking down the red carpets with her actual partner — there was a hardness behind that toughness. A guard that was never dropped. Now, clearly, I could be all projecting. I don’t know Jodie, obviously, and am not privy to the intricacies of her inner life. But I’ve known a lot of people pre and post coming out and the relief and ease that comes with time is palpable. I guess, in the end, that’s the eternal power of coming out. The energy we waste not being ourselves is energy we could have spent just enjoying our lives. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: The Crown Edition

I did not watch the latest season of “The Crown” — mostly because I haven’t watched any seasons of “The Crown” except for the few random episodes I catch when I’m visiting my mom. But I heard endlessly good things about it, plus there’s Gillian Anderson and Olivia Colman and Emma Corrin. I wasn’t too familiar with Emma before the English actor was cast as Princess Diana for the show’s fourth season other than that they looked a lot like the late royal, complete with those huge blue deer eyes. But now, I’m positively curious as Emma appears to have come out as both queer and non-binary.

Last week they posted a series of shots of themselves in binders, and updated (but then perhaps deleted — they weren’t there when I looked but articles mentioned they were new in their Instagram bio) their pronouns to she/they. The binder photoshoot were in a post that read, in part:

“It’s all a journey right. Lots of twists and turns and change and that’s ok! Embrace it.”

Life’s a journey, enjoy where it takes you and you take it. Be like Lizzo and respect people’s identities.

Vax That Thang Up

This isn’t particularly gay. And I don’t typically write about straight male rappers here. Though, the video also includes a lot of attractive women backing that vaxxed thing up — so there’s that. But, honestly, I kind of love it. Juvenile telling people to “Vax That Thang Up” to his “Back That Azz Up” rap booty anthem? Yes. Definitely. More of this. Sure, it’s a little cringey. Yeah, it’s actually a dating app stunt. But it’s also catchy and PEOPLE SHOULD GET FUCKING VACCINATED. Like, you wanna fuck? Get your Pfizer, Moderna, J&J or whatever they’ve got where you are. The shots are free to anyone 12 and up and freely available. GET THAT JAB, young horny people (and older horny people — and non-horny people...EVERYONE GET YOUR SHOT).

Look, COVID-19 is not done with us, particularly the frighteningly contagious Delta variant. And our Republican family members, friends, neighbors and kooks across the country are fucking up our shot at herd immunity. We’re only at 55.8% of those 12 and up fully vaccinated in America despite it being available for more than six months. So, whatever works. Shoot your shot, but get your shot first. Vax. That. Thang. Up. America.

Franco-Foster

Would you like to watch Jodie Foster talk uninterrupted for three minutes in flawless French? Yeah, of course you do. A week ago Jodie was awarded an honorary Palme d’Or for lifetime achievement at the Cannes Film Festival in the South of France. She accepted in her typical fluent French, which, rawrrr.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s current career moment is how completely herself she has finally become. After years of being the secretive one, she’s now truly the brave one as she has allowed the world into her personal life. I mean, not a lot. But enough so that we all know Jodie is happily married to a woman, the also very talented Alexandra Hedison (who possibly dodged a bullet by not marrying that other lesbian), and they walk the red carpet together and they canoodle in public and they kiss when she wins major award and it’s all very normal because that’s what being gay and in a relationship is. Kissing your wife when you feel like it, holding her arm when out on the town. I’m so happy for her — and not just because she was honored at Cannes this year. But because she seems happy and herself. And, in the end, isn’t that what we all want? Oh, that and to be able to speak flawless French, like Jodie.

Also, I don’t mean to be that creep, but goodness they’re a handsome couple.

Music Monday: Free Britney, Bitch

Britney Spears is, hands down, one of the best pop performers we’ve ever produced. “Toxic” is still an all-time banger. Hell, they’re all still bangers. Because Britney embodies the pop aesthetic perfectly. As it turned out, too perfectly. That this very talented woman has been under conservatorship for the last 13 years, and is now petitioning to get out is a painful reminder that free will is never guaranteed. This is what we do, I guess, when women “act out.” Like, sure, she shaved her head and hit a car with her umbrella. Robert Downey Jr. infamously woke up in a strange kid’s bed after yet another drug bender. Yet he maintained his career and his financial and personal decision making and his free fucking will throughout (I mean, he did go to jail a few times, but still no one filed to take away his decision making abilities altogether.) Anyway, this is a long way of saying Free Britney, Bitch.

While obviously the whole jailbait branding of her early career was problematic. But then selling sex is pretty much a fundamental keystone of rock ’n roll. Like if you didn’t realize you were a gay lady before watching the 2000 VMAs, I’m pretty sure you knew right after a then 18-year-old Britney tore off those tuxedo pants. Hello. May the courts realize this and let this not-a-girl-definitely-a-grown-ass-almost-40-year-old woman run her own life. Yet last month the court denied her request to remove her father as a conservator. As if we needed more reminders of the iron-fist patriarchy imposes over young girls and women already. Look, while it’s healthy to seek help — especially in times of mental distress, removing one’s free will is never truly helping. In fact it’s exactly the opposite. So, go get ‘em, Brit-Brit.

My Weekend Crush

I know this is one of those things presented as a “feel-good” story or “heartwarming” tales. Sixty years after she wrote to the management of the New York Yankees asking to be a bat girl, and was summarily rejected, a now 70-year-old Gwen Goldman got her wish. She was named honorary bay girl for a game, and threw out the ceremonial first pitch all while wearing her beloved pinstripes. And it’s great, truly. I’m happy for Gwen and her family and everyone involved. The thrill of a lifetime delayed is still a thrill, after all.

But that it was delayed, by six damn decades, just because of her gender was and is just outrageous. That we continue to create barriers to employment, pay, opportunity, accomplishment based on our gender, our race, our sexuality or any of the other traits that divide us (but shouldn’t) is maddening. That we continue to accept these disparities is outrageous. We’ve never had a female U.S. president? Insane. Only four of the current Fortune 500 CEOs are Black? Shameful. It wasn not until earlier this year we saw the first out gay Cabinet member (Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg) and first out transgender federal official (Assistant Secretary of Health Rachel Levine) to be confirmed by the U.S. Senate. Unacceptable.

Seeing a story like this reminds me of that whole genre of stories meant to pull on the hearstrings, but when you actually think about it they are just pretty sad. Like when a high school science club has to build a disabled grader schooler a wheel chair out of Legos because the kid’s insurance won’t cover a real one. That’s not heartwarming. That’s a society with its priorities horribly askew. We should be demanding that all people have access to equal medical care because wealth shouldn’t determine health. But instead healthcare is a business. Our lives are just ways to make money.

Seeing stories like this is also supposed to remind us how far we have come. But this is not the ancient history we wish it was. Gwen is 70. Ruby Bridges, the first Black child to integrate a white school in the South, is 66. If Martin Luther King were still alive today he would be 92. Hell, Jimmy Carter was born before MLK and is still building houses at age 96. Our history is still very much alive and all around us. The bad old days were not as far away as we pretend. And those same ideological forced keep trying to bring them back (cough, voter suppression, cough) to our present day.

So, as happy as I am for Gwen and all the Gwens of the world who are lucky enough to have a long-standing wrong righted, may we strive to be a better society from the start – invite more people to follow their dreams without having to worry that the arbitrary nature of their gender or race or sexuality or anything else will hold them back. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: 100% That Ally

Lizzo is great. Demi Lovato is great. Lizzo supporting Demi by correcting their misgendering by some paparazzo on the street? Super great. I know sometimes we all mess up, and might misgender someone on accident. But what’s important is that we’re trying and being respectful. And if you’re an ally, you can show support by lifting the weight of having to constantly correct people’s mistakes – inadvertent or not. Be 100% that bitch for your queer, trans, non-binary friends and each other, always.

Force Majeure Gay

In case you were wondering, yes, cartoons have gotten a lot gayer. Between the rebooted “She-Ra and the Princesses of Power” on Netflix and the “Harley Quinn” animated series on HBO Max, you’d think things couldn’t get gayer. But while those two animated series have queer ladies a welcome dose of slow-burn same-sex superhero smoochies, “Q-Force” is just out from the start. The new animated series gets right to the gay stuff unlike “She-Ra” which took five seasons and “Harley” which took two to officially get there (granted, both shows had super queer aesthetics and LGBTQ auxiliary characters from the start). So don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed and appreciated both those shows. But this cranks the gay up past even Bow’s outfit on She-Ra. Plus there is a character named Twink and Wanda Sykes. So, yeah, I will definitely watch.

Let's Fucking Get Paid Equally

Yeah, I know it’s not Women’s History Month anymore or Pride Month anymore, but equality should be a 12-months a year proposition anyway. As much as some of the recent Olympic decisions (see: the Sha’carri Richardson nonsense among other things) have been unjust and ridiculous, I am still excited to see some of our nation’s best athletes – female athletes in particular – get to showcase their excellence. Now, that that excellence should be paid at the same rate as their male counterparts should not be controversial. Yet here we are. Like, it’s crazy-making to realize we as women still have to fight this hard just to get equal pay. Just like it’s crazy we’ve never had a woman elected president. And it’s crazy so few female CEOS still exist. And, of course, all these things are compounded by intesectionality meaning if it’s this hard for a team of (largely) white women to get pay equity think how much harder it is for women of color to get there, and then add in the exponential variables of sexuality and gender identity. Well, in short, fucking pay humans the same amount for the same work - period. And LFG USWNT.