Give 'Em Hell

Keeping in theme with Halloween Week and all things that go bump in the night, I have to say I think it’s pretty cool that Jamie Clayton has been cast in the iconic horror role of Pinhead for the reboot of the “Hellraiser” franchise. The gender-flip on what at least visually is one of the hand-down scariest characters in the horror pantheon is welcomed. I wasn’t necessarily a fan of the originals (too much body gore for me, thanks). But I might have to try out the new Hulu offering when it debuts in 2022.

You no doubt recognize Jamie from her work on Netflix’s “Sense8” and Showtime’s “The L Word: Generation Q.” I’ve enjoyed her character Tess, though at times it seemed like the series wasn’t entirely sure what to do with her. She’s the women scorned! She’s Shane’s true love! She’s dating Cherie Jaffe! And as wary as I am (and unfortunately too often rightfully so) at how horror tropes have treated queer women and villainized trans characters, I’m willing to sign on with the confidence that Jamie won’t let any of that nonsense scare us in the new “Hellraiser” movie. So thoughts on Jamie taking over as Pinhead? I hope she got to keep that box. Ahem.

Also, uh, are her boots CLOVEN?? Getting into character looks good on her.

Gods of Horror

#WOMENINHORROR: I’m not a woman, I’m a god 🕯 pic.twitter.com/cAPfQjjvXs

— pau 🕷️ (@massmiguelsen) October 24, 2021

I did warn you it was Halloween week. I’m not much of a horror fan, I fall firmly into the scaredy cat category. But I’ve watched a lot of horror because a) my wife loves horror and b) I love my wife. But I will say I’ve been heartened by the fierceness of women in modern horror. More than just a cult genre, horror has evolved in many ways and become more, for lack of a better word, arty. It’s not just schlock trash anymore — not that there’s anything wrong with schlock trash per se. While there are still plenty of tropes and stereotypes present for women in horror. But if there get to be Final Girls (and more diverse ones at that) instead of just a final girl I am fine with that. Bring on the scares, ladies. We got this.

Gayly Monster Mashing

I swear to Lesbian Jesus, this is not becoming a JoJo Siwa Stan Account. But, um, she did something else fun in her DTWS performance for Horror Week yesterday. Now if I just tell you that JoJo and her partner Jenna performed a kinetic, truly terrifying while simultaneously wildly entertaining jazz, ballet, contemporary dance medley about a killer clown stalking and killing a young boy in full head-to-toe costume and makeup AND IT WORKED, you probably wouldn’t believe me. But, trust me, it works. Now that’s how The Gays do Halloween.

Music Monday: Jolene Edition

Now, we try to be all about the ladies always at Surrenders. But a few worthy fellows find their way in, and you’ve gotta agree that Lil Nas X’s rendition of “Jolene” by The Great Dolly Parton is pretty darn great as well. I love everything about Lil Nas X, how he lives rent-free in every conservative homophobes nightmares while living his own life as fabulously authentic as he can. Plus, Dolly herself gave it her enthusiastic blessing. And, you know, it’s a good cover. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

If you haven’t had a chance to catch the new documentary “My Name Is Pauli Murray” on Amazon Prime, I highly suggest it. The film, from the same documentarians behind “RBG,” is as fascinating a historical portrait as it is an all-too topical cautionary tale.

Before watching this, I had little to know knowledge of Pauli’s contributions to the civil rights movement and our legal landscape. Yet Pauli’s work has proven invaluable. Yet we are somehow not taught in school about this pioneering Black queer legal scholar. Goodness, why ever could that be.

Pauli’s story is also a crucial reminder that who gets to tell our history matters. With all the manufactured brouhaha about “critical race theory” in public schools (something that, again for the people in the back, isn’t even seriously being taught in K-12 schools right now), the gatekeepers of our history matter more than ever. Will they be people who factually report on our culture, or will they be people who demand that “opposing” views of the Holocaust to be represented in textbooks, you know, for fairness toward the Nazis. You can’t change history, but they can sure write the truth out of it if we let them. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Jung Ho-yeon Edition

I dunno if you’ve watched “Squid Game” like the rest of the universe yet. I binged it over a weekend a bit ago, and was generally impressed by its dystopian look at the ultimate end game– both figuratively and literally it would seem – of late-stage capitalism. Of course, one my favorite parts was actress Jung Ho-yeon as Contestant No. 067. The South Korean model and actress is one of the breakout stars of the hit series for good reason. Sure, I would have loved if the show went there with Ho-yeon ‘s No. 067 and Lee Yoo-mi’s No. 240. I mean, that kind of chemistry needs no translation. But, anyway, as I was saying, I’m officially on Team Jung Ho-yeon in whatever game she’s playing. And if that’s a suit (or as it were, a tux) all the better.

Harley & Ivy Sitting On a Crime Spree

I know I’ve already mentioned my enjoyment of the gory, irreverent, feminist and very gay animated “Harley Quinn” series on HBO Max. Well, it’s coming back for a third season, and the first where (spoiler alert if you haven’t watched, but honestly this is as reason to watch so go ahead and spoil yourself) Harley and Poison Ivy appear to be an official couple. I am 100% here for Harley & Ivy becoming Gotham’s Thelma & Louise. Basically, I’m a sucked for animated queer ladies who kick ass (same with the real-life kind, but just trying to stay on topic).

Plus, look at these screencaps. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna watch that?

Dave Down, Hannah Up

Right, so the last thing I wanna do is write about Dave Chappelle. But dammit if Dave Chappelle isn’t making me write about Dave Chappelle. So here goes. We all know there aren’t really any rules to comedy except be funny. Obviously this means there’s always been loads of debate about what is funny and what isn’t funny. But while there are no official “rules,” one of the loose conventions most comedians can agree on is it’s better to punch up than to punch down.

Punching up is making fun of those with more power, wealth, fame and other privileges. Punching down is making fun of those with less power, wealth, fame and other privileges. On the school yard, punching down is also known as bullying. So there’s that.

When a very famous, very wealthy and powerfully revered comic like Dave demands we laugh at his jokes at the transgender community’s expense, well, that’s not something I find funny. He proudly declares himself “Team TERF,” defends former beloved children’s book writer turned loathsome TERF J.K. Rowling and wildly homophobic rapper DaBaby. (Of the latter he says, “In our country, you can shoot and kill a [man], but you better not hurt a gay person’s feelings.”)

Like so many of the immensely privileged and disconnected elite in our country, one of his chief concerns about the world today is so-called “cancel culture.” He’s happy to make fun of trans people, queer people, the Me Too movement and whatever else he thinks is unfairly haranguing his fellow rich friends. How dare we demand they treat marginalized people with respect and acceptance, instead of using them as crude punchlines? They have abhorrent views, but we shouldn’t call them out on them for some reason. Again, on the school yard that’s something we just call consequences. But you know — semantics.

Netflix has thus far staunchly defended its airing of the special and paying $24.1 million to Chappelle for it (more than they spent, by a lot, on the entire first season of the wildly successful “Squid Game” I might add). The streamer’s co-CEO Ted Sarandos (the other CEO is Reed Hastings — because why have one straight white male CEO when you can have two) said the content “doesn’t directly translate to real-world harm.” Right, because transgender people — partiuarly trans women of color — are such a protected group that never experience violence or hate in the real world. Give me a fucking break.

Never mind that in the real-world Netflix just fired a black trans employee who was organizing a walk-out about the company’s Chappelle defense. I mean, that sounds like real-harm caused by Netflix, but what do I know?

In his defense of paying for and running the Chappelle special, Sarandos invoked some of the streamer’s more inclusive content including the shows like “Orange Is the New Black,” “Sex Education” and the out lesbian comedian Hannah Gadsby.

So far, this story has no good parts, but by invoking Hannah’s name we finally get some. In response, she took to her Instagram to drop a particularly pointed note to good ‘ol Ted.

“Hey Ted Sarandos! Just a quick note to let you know that I would prefer if you didn’t drag my name into your mess,” she wrote. “Now I have to deal with even more of the hate and anger that Dave Chappelle’s fans like to unleash on me every time Dave gets 20 million dollars to process his emotionally stunted partial world view. You didn’t pay me nearly enough to deal with the real world consequences of the hate speech dog whistling you refuse to acknowledge, Ted. Fuck you and your amoral algorithm cult… I do shits with more back bone than you. That’s just a joke! I definitely didn’t cross a line because you just told the world there isn’t one.”

See, now that’s what you call “punching up.” Don’t worry, as Netflix co-CEO Ted makes $39 million a year so he can just go console himself in a pile of money. Speaking of which, money must be a hell of a drug. Because once people attain enough of it, their most pressing concern seems to be protecting themselves and their fellow rich friends' ability to continue making an obscene amount of it. Unfortunately, we have not yet developed a rehab program for people who become rich assholes. But, at the very least, we could maybe stop handing them the microphone.

Anyway, be a Hannah in this world and punch up. Don’t be a Dave, and punch down. And now, hopefully, I am done writing about Dave Chappelle.

Music Monday: Fairytale Dance Edition

Look, I typically don’t write about the same subject two posts in a row. But, uh, come on. An out queer female celebrity is dancing to “A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes” dressed like the Prince while her female partner is dressed as Cinderella. And, again, nary a fuss has been raised about this happening on primetime television on a major broadcast network. Like how many gay women dreamed of themselves dancing as either the Prince or Cinderella in this moment when they were younger? And here it is, actualized before our very eyes. Anyway, I still don’t watch “Dancing With the Stars,” but dammit is I’m not rooting for JoJo Siwa to make all of our queer lady dreams come true. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. I think the show airs tonight and I swear if she dances to the Indigo Girls I might have to stary watching.

My Weekend Crush

It might seem weird to bestow a crush on a reality show I don’t watch and a celebrity I don’t really understand. But who needs expertise over a subject when you’ve got vibes? And the vibes I get from recently out social media star JoJo Siwa competing as the first same-sex dance team with professional dancer Jenna Johnson on the popular reality dance show are good. Like, it’s really great a YouTube star and online influencer with such a young and accepting fanbase is performing in a historic same-sex pairing on a long-running reality series shown on primetime American television and it hasn’t raised basically any fuss. I don’t know what JoJo and Jenna’s chances are. But win or lose they’ve already danced their way into history. And making your dancing debut to “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” I see what you did there. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I mean, come on, she and her partner danced a TANGO in PLAID to BRITNEY. SO GAY!

The Princess & The Movie Star

Well, now, I’m definitely going to have to watch this, aren’t I? Kristen Stewart is arguably the biggest out gay female star working today. And Princess Diana was arguably the most famous member of the British Monarchy in at least recent history. That the actress and her subject’s stories and the cautionary tales about the cage of fame and the oppression of hiding one’s true self dovetail so beautifully make it feel all the more poignant. I hope K-Stew gets a trip to the Oscars for this one. She’s come a long way from those days of the sparkly vampires, and almost all of it on her own terms. May she see the rewards of being her true self realized, when too many others were not afforded that chance.

Nabokov Could Never

I am going to request that no one chews gum while reading this post. For soon-to-be obvious reasons, I don’t want to be held liable for any choking hazard you may experience. Consider yourself, uh, warned.

Now I’ve marveled on Ye Olde Blow often about how it’s so unendingly cool that young people today have so many out queer artists to look up to, follow and generally fangirl over. Sure, we had the Girls and k.d and Melissa. But, gosh, can you even name them all in one breath nowadays? Janelle. Hayley. Phoebe. Kehlani. Carrie. St. Vincent. MUNA. girl in red. King Princess. I mean, come on — those are just off the top of my head.

So now into that mix comes Zolita, who I’d never heard of before but now am acutely aware of because — holy shit, have you seen her music videos? They’re...sexy. Like extremely, very, intensely traditionally sexy. Like t.A.T.u. sexy, but there is just one of them and she’s actually queer.

Per The Internet Zolita is a 27-year-old U.S. singer-songwriter who released her first independently produced full-length album last December. She’s been performing since 2015, and in 2017 came out in an essay for Out magazine. Her music has been described as dark pop and she’s discussed her interest in witchcraft as well. So, yes, we’re talking witchy queer dark pop here which sounds very, very gay.

Her newest video is for “Somebody I F*cked One” and in the tradition of all the best queer music videos these days its a mini movie. In this case it’s like “But I’m a Cheerleader” crossed with “Ghost” (but only in the corporeal throwing pottery sense, not the weird ghost sex sense - despite her witchy inclinations). Anyway, I should just shut up and let you watch it.

I know right? And, honestly, it’s a fun bop.

So, obviously I checked out her other videos and well, reader, they are no less va-va-va-voomy. Like, I am glad I work form home now because I felt like I was watching naughty Skin-a-Max After Dark with her “Bedspell” video. Hello. Also NSFW.

See, now that gum warning doesn’t seem so crazy. Now, rest assured, after some exhaustive research/falling down a Zolita rabbit hole I can confirm that not all her music videos are just an excuse to cast some hot lady to make out with on camera. Like here’s “Fight Like a Girl.”

Fine, she still seems to be a fan of that complicated strappy lingerie style.

Right, so I felt it was my duty as a proud member of the Lesbian Blogging Community to bring this news to you. Do with it what you will. But, uh, there’s a reason I posted it on Hump Day. Ahem.

September's Non-SGALGG SGALGG

So OK, so as promised I found a couple fun SGALGG images from last month’s big swanky shindigs: The Met Gala, Emmy Awards and Tony Awards. And by “fun,” I mean “gay.” And by “gay” I mean, “Yep, they’re gay.” So here are the Not Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, and their straight-ish friends, from all of September’s fancy functions. We’re here, we’re queer – we look amazing on the red carpet.

MET GALA

Tessa Thompson & Zoe Kravitz

Sorry, Janelle. You’ve got competition.

Megan Rapinoe

Now that’s something to salute.

And, uh, same Megan when it comes to holding Venus William’s dress.

Cara Delevingne

Sadly the Shane of Celebrity Lesbianism stole this slogan from a POC creator.

Elliot Page

I truly love and am so happy for Elliot, but I think we can all also agree this suit doesn’t fit and he would look much hotter in something nicely tailored. What, I can’t help a dude out sometimes?

Kristen Stewart, Zoe Kravitz & Cara Delevingne

This is like a lesbian Renaissance painting, K-Stew reaching out and Cara watching out.

Kehlani & SZA

Like, the hand holding and leading her tho.

THE EMMYS

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley

Look at these two rays of sunshine. They’re genuinely one of the best thing to come out of “Orange Is the New Black.”

Billy Porter & Mj Rodriguez

Not to be corny but slay was made for moments like this.

Sarah Paulson & Beanie Feldstein

Just two women in relationships with other women handing out a shiny gold woman to someone.

Hannah Einbinder & Jean Smart

I think Hannah’s tux is really celebrating the fact she got to on-screen smooch Jean. I mean, I’d wear a tux too if I achieved such an accomplishment.

Gillian Anderson 1997 & Gillian Anderson 2021

What a difference 24 years makes, or doesn’t make.

THE TONYS

Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel

Not actually gay, but dammit if these witches don’t get me every time.

Mary-Louise Parker

Also not gay, but it’s Ruth dammit.

Lauren Patton & Guest

So Lauren (b&w suit) is gay. But also her show is controversial Dammit.

Bernadette Peters

Fine, not gay but an ICON. And, uh, this is how she looks at 73. So, please don’t swallow your tongue. Damn.

Music Monday: Kacey Smash Edition

Now, you know I love Kacey Musgraves (hello, she’s touring with King Princess AND MUNA! Did I buy tickets immediately? YES I DID.), and you know the world loves a good breakup album. (Like, isn’t that Olivia Rodrigo’s like whole deal – teen breakup angst/anger?) Anyway, Kacey has said her new alum “Star-Crossed” was inspired by her divorce. And its first single “Simple Times” is not only a fun bop, it’s video is a fun mini revenge movie. Part “Clueless,” part “Kill Bill,” part less lethal “Jawbreakers,” the movie has Kacey and a trio of friends arm themselves with medieval weaponry and chainmail masks. Her high-impact friends include “Haunting of Bly Manor” star Victoria Pedretti (Dani a.k.a. The Gay Au Pair), rapper Princess Nokia and RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Symone – plus there’s a cameo by their supplier/comedian Megan Stalter. All in all, a good time was had by all except those who work in the Bridal Industrial Complex. I mean, who doesn’t like watching shit get smashed? Happy Monday, kittens.