To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Oh, baby, do you know a mash up “Orange Is the New Black” and the “Black Mirror” “San Junipero” episode is worth? A lot, actually. And while I wouldn’t necessarily call it heaven, it is rather delightful. I love it when two great things lesbians love come together. Yet still, we’re left with that bittersweet longing. The joy/sorrow of seeing Poussey again. The joy/sorrow of reliving Poussey and Taystee’s friendship. The joy/sorrow of their relationship not being the same kind of the women of San Junipero. Well, at least for this dream I guess I’ll hold on to the joy part, and let the sorrow fade into the night.

Evil for Dummies

It is like they all read “How to Look Evil for Dummies.” Somehow, I thought supervillains would be harder to spot. Oh well, makes it easier for us, I guess. So that is something positive to start your week with.

My Weekend Real Anne

My love for Anne of Green Gables is eternal. The magic of those books found me even before the mid-80s miniseries. But it was through that series and endlessly irresistible charms of Megan Follows I feel in love for good. And, I say this every time, but I really did make my family vacation on Prince Edward Island one summer. I even have a little vial of P.E.I.’s famed red sand somewhere in a keepsake box.

But now with the released of this new Netflix “Anne With An E” series on Netflix (also, uh, what’s with the late name change wasn’t it just “Anne” before that), I just feel perplexed and very sad. I was willing to give this “grittier” reboot of L.M. Montgomery’s beloved heroine a chance. I really was. But then I read negative review after negative review. Though, to be honest, if Heather Anne Hogan says to skip it, I will always skip it. (In my world, the abomination known as “Skins Fire” does not exist).

Because, and I ask this quite sincerely, why? Why make a dark, gothic, gritty Anne of Green Gables? Why? Sure, realism is important and the world is admittedly awful. But we all know that already. To be honest, we have all the darkness we can deal with right now, thank you very much. What made Anne Shirley special wasn’t just how she overcame her life’s tragedies. It wasn’t because of her being beaten mercilessly. Or her dealing with PTSD. Or her being rescued from a would-be rapist in the woods. Sure, in the real world maybe she would have had to deal with these things. Sure, in the real world too many people have to deal with these things.

But Anne Shirley made us always believe in a better world. Some would call it innocent or naïve or fanciful. But it was her unrelenting optimism and determination and, yes, spirit that made us all think things could be better. We could be better. And people who make us feel like that, well, you love forever. So no thank you, Anne With An E, I already have a bosom friend. I’ll keep my Anne of Green Gables just as is. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I know the new Anne is apparently canonically gay (or at least professes her love for Diane in a gay way), but you know what, we all knew that already.

The Days of Our Scandals

You know, if our entire democracy wasn’t hanging in the balance, this week’s news cycle would be amazing to just sit back and observe because…THIS SHIT IS BANANAS. Like you can’t look away from the new for 15 minutes without something major dropping. And not kinda major. Like Jesusfuckwhattheholyhellishappening major.

I mean, we thought it was big news a week ago when Trump fired Comey. And it was.

But this week alone we’ve learned:

Monday: Trump blabbed highly classified intel to Russia.
Tuesday: Trump pressured Comey to drop the Flynn investigation.
Wednesday: Trump is now facing a special counsel who is taking over the Russia investigation.

And that’s not even mentioning Wednesday’s other minor earthquakes like the House GOP leadership flat-out saying/”joking” that “Putin pays Trump” last year. Or Mike Flynn telling the Trump transition team almost a month before inauguration and his subsequent appointment to national security advisor that he was under investigation by the feds. Or Mike Flynn in his role as national security advisor block a military operation Turkey was opposed to, all while he was being paid $500,000 by – you guessed it – Turkey.

Oh, and we have’t even touched on the narcissist-in-chief as usual dumbass shit Trump said in a US Coast Guard commencement address: “No politician in history — and I say this with great surety — has been treated worse or more unfairly.” Yeah, dude, assassinated presidents Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and Kennedy would like to object to that posthumously.

Like, this whole week is that classic “30 Rock” Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy joke about a tough week. America, it’s Wednesday.

As I write this I have no idea what fresh hell Thursday will bring. Maybe Trump will pull off his doughy orange face and it will be revealed he was Putin all along. Nothing would surprise me. Oh, wait, if the GOP found it moral compass and put country over party. That would surprise the fuck out of me.

Anyway. All this is a roundabout way of saying each day in the Trump administration has been three months. So to look back at these outtakes of Melissa McCarthy performing on Saturday Night Live over the weekend seems like it happened, what, a year ago. I will always love Melissa’s Spicey (though I wish they hadn’t gone for the easy two dudes kissing, ewww, joke – be better). So, that is one good thing this infernal administration has brought us. Though, to be honest, I would trade four years of Melissa’s Spicey for four of Kate McKinnon’s Hillary in a heartbeat.

Just a Lie

Who would have ever guessed the guy who used to host a show with a segment called “Girls on Trampolines” would become a hero of the resistance? First, his emotional TrumpCare rebuke. And now, this. “The Man Show” was and still is utter garbage. But, keep on earning your respect back swipe by swipe at our Mango Mussolini. But, seriously, can we impeach him yet? How about now? Can we now?

Nothing Matters

"Wait, so, did I get him?" #SNLLiveCoastToCoast pic.twitter.com/iePaQf2fbD

— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) May 14, 2017

Look, if blurting out highly classified intel while bragging to the Russians won’t get this utterly unqualified egomaniacal creamsicle impeached, I don’t know what will. Maybe if he personally came every one of his voters’ homes and killed their grandmas and then set fire to their house? No? Nothing matters. Absolutely nothing matters anymore.

That's Our Girl

Here is just 3 minutes and 19 seconds of Kate McKinnon dancing to start off your week. You’re welcome.

My Weekend Crush

I’m not a religious person. I don’t belong to any church. And I don’t pray. But I do, on occasions, understand the inclination. Sometimes, when I’m listening to a beautiful song or reading a glorious turn-of-phrase or looking at an exquisite piece of art, I feel moved by the mysterious. It’s not that I believe there is an invisible, all-knowing divine being guiding us – or anything remotely like that. But, on our best days, it feels like perhaps we humans do share some sort of unseen connection. Granted, the tiny warlike selfish side of us far too often cancels that out. We can be such petty, petty beasts. But it’s nice to remember that the universe is vast and unknowable, and that’s all right. At a time like this – when so many are hurt and angry and scared and worried that the fundamental institutions and principals this country has come to stand for are in jeopardy – it never hurts to send a little song or beauty or the thing atheists like me does that isn’t praying but hopefully has the same effect out into the universe. So, with that, please enjoy the sublime Brandi Carlile with an assist from the late, great Leonard Cohen. Happy weekend, all.

Orange Is the New Solidarity

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I’m not sure I’m ready for the new season of “Orange Is the New Black.” But after seeing the official trailer I feel, somehow, relieved. Yes, things ended horribly. No, I’ll never get over it. But, yes, I like the idea of the ladies coming together for a common cause. Yes, I like the idea of solidarity. And, yes, I love how OITNB continues to be one of televisions greatest Trojan Horses for inclusive storytelling. Create a show ostensibly about a white female lead, but then flood the narrative with stories about women of color and queer women instead. More of that show, always more of that. Who is in?

Could Have Been

Just a reminder, it didn’t have to be like this. It didn’t have to be this constant, overwhelming feeling of dread, hopelessness, incredulity and rage. We could have elected Hillary Clinton president instead. But, you know, her emails, blah blah, Wall Street, blah blah, her voice, blan blah, her smile, blah blah, her lack of smile, blah blah, her being a woman. So here we are. Here we fucking are. Hey, America, how about next time you just hire the smart, hard-working, infinitely qualified (and, yes, flawed because no one can ever describe Hillary - or any woman for that matter - without having to add the word "flawed") woman instead.