Maximum Tatiana

Anyone watch this yet? It debuted a week ago on Apple TV, and, I am curious. I’m always rooting for Tatiana Maslany to find another great series. But so far, since “Orphan Black,” most of her projects have fumbled her extraordinary talents. Like “She-Hulk” was fun and all, but nah. So who knows, maybe “Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed” will be the one to remind the world that Tatiana can and should do it all. Also, love seeing her Helena hair back. Here’s a free idea, Hollywood, cast Tatiana and Jodie Comer together in a spy thriller where they both have to use a lot of accents and disguises. And kiss. What? Manifest your dreams, kittens. MANIFEST! (If you got what “Somebody Somewhere” reference, let’s hang out.)

Historically Stupid Men, Always Men

Everything is so stupid (and, of course, scary) all the time these days. But can we all just have a deep, endless belly laugh about the World’s Richest Man crashing out so spectacularly about a 3,000-year-old epic poem? He can’t shut the fuck up about how the casting of Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy in “The Odyssey” is “ahistorical.” My dude, it’s a mythological story. There’s also a cyclops, a six-headed serpent and vessel-devouring whirlpool monster. Are you also gonna complain that the vessel-devouring whirlpool monster is anatomically inaccurate?

But then, why would we expect anything less from the World’s Most Racist Serial Killer (I mean, he killed USAID, which is killing…*stares in ebola crisis*). He’s mad about Elliot Page being cast as (maybe Achilles, maybe not Achilles, really anything) in the movie as well because why just be a Nazi when you can also be a transphobic piece of shit? Anyway, I’m going to see Christopher Nolan’s next opus, not because I’m a homer for Homer. But because it will make Elon crash out even more if it does well at the box office. And these days, it’s the little things that get you through.

p.s. Like how attractive is this female cast? All their faces could launch a thousand ships – and more. So Stay mad, Musky! Stay mad.

Tank Top Tuesday: Feeling Ripe

Sports bras, as we all know, count as tank tops. Also, did we know Kelley O’Hara was also developing a sapphic soccer story for the big screen based a little on her own life/famous World Cup winning smooch? Like I knew about “Cleat Cute,” though I’m not sure where that project is now since the end of Megan and Sue. But “Ripe!”? Yeah, somehow I missed it. Maybe because the name is, how do I put this, terrible. I mean, I get it. But also kinda hmmm. But teasers about the film featuring its star, “The Summer I Turned Pretty” lead Lola Tung are certainly leaning into the whole ripeness of it all. According to Them, the movie, based on a Spanish short film, will follow an American exchange who falls for another female soccer player while playing overseas. But all I know is things are about to get sweaty.

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Music Monday: This Song Kills Fascism

Happy Memorial Day from these here United States. I can think of nothing more patriotic on this day when we honor those who died fighting for our democracy and against fascism than a little singalong. So please join The Bette Midler in her adaptation of this little Woody Guthrie ditty. This machine kills fascists indeed. Also, who couldn’t love this impromptu “Beaches” reunion with Barbara Hershey? Hell yeah, all you fascists bound to lose this November. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t forget to get your ballots in for the June 2 primary, Californians!

My Weekend Crush (Fascism)

Look, as a rule, we don’t center men – especially straight white men – here at Surrenders. But in these extreme simultaneously stupid and scary times, sometimes you just gotta make exceptions. I’ve always enjoyed Stephen Colbert, from his Colbert Report days to his Late Show reign, his sharp wit has always been matched by his compassion and thoughtfulness. He seems, in short, like a good man. But here we are, in a world where being a good person and stating the obvious (specifically about Donald Fucking Trump) gets your No. 1 rated late night talk show canceled – and much, much worse for so many others. I hope the history books, if in fact we have history books in the future, will reflect the staggering criminality, cruelty and complicity of the Trump era. May all the tech oligarch fanboys, corporate boot lickers and institutional kowtowers be forever branded and haunted by their gleeful embrace of all of this madness. How will we get out of this? Burn it all down, and build a better world from the ashes. And, while we’re at it, dance on their graves whenever we get the chance. Happy trails, Stephen. Thanks for your kindness and your joy. Fuck Donald Trump forever. Happy weekend, all.

Hell Is Other Sapphics?

Right, so apparently Sophie Thatcher and Havana Rose Liu play former lovers in this. You couldn’t guess it from this teaser, but then you really can’t guess anything from this teaser except that Charles Melton has great pecs. But, per Deadline, the plot of “Her Private Hell,” follows an actress named Elle (played by Sophie, teenage Nat of “Yellowjackets” fame) working on a new movie who reunites with Dominique (played by Havana Rose of “Bottoms” fame), who happens to be her former lover but is now married to her father. Which, ew.

There’s also some sort of urban legend and/or myth and/or hallucination about a The Leather Man who drags young women to Hell. And/or it could just be a real serial killer. Anyway, Deadline goes on to call the movie, which premiered in Cannes out of competition, pretentious. But possibly in a good way? I dunno. I just know we’d better get some payoff for all these movies (looking at you, “Mother Mary”) that feature fraught relationships between former female lovers. Otherwise, no matter how pretentious, what’s the damn lesbian point?

Eat Your Heart Out, Everyone Else

@gilliana Jean Smart, eat your heart out 👄❤️🔪 @MUBI ♬ original sound - Gillian Anderson

Well, now. I truly appreciate Gillian Anderson’s commitment to her campaign to start major beef with Jean Smart over the affection of Hannah Einbinder. So far Jean has largely tried to stay above the fray, confident in her place as Hannah’s O.G. Alpha May-December Suitor. But after those glowing reviews of “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma” from its Cannes premiere last week, I’m more invested in the Jean Smart-Gillian Anderson throwdown than ever. Also, Hannah’s wide-eyed reaction and insistence that they’re “open.” Talk about giving the sapphics what they want.

p.s. This is exactly how I’d look at Gillian if she put her hand around my waist like that. Exactly.

p.p.s. I know, I know, I’m super behind on all the gay shit on “Hacks.” But this is Gillian’s moment anyway.

Tank Top Tuesday: Throwback Tanks

Man, since “Everything Everywhere All At Once,” Jamie Lee Curtis seems to be exactly that. She’s been on “The Bear,” she’s headlining the “Scarpetta” adaptation (which, I haven’t watched because Prime, but how is it folks?), and coming soon(ish) the new “Murder, She Wrote” reboot. But we remember her when she was a good ol’ OG Scream Queen. And. of course, those tank tops.

Music Monday: Rock Out

Charli XCX remains that girl. Is that something the kids still say today? Is this my “How do you do, fellow kids” moment? Anyway, Charli is cool and I love her bratty, rocky everything. Us old timers are allowed to rock out too. Happy Monday, kittens.

Vacation Vixen: Kristen Kish

SOMEBODY GIVE KRISTEN KISH A QUEER DATING SHOW TO HOST, IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. Thank you, that is all. Oh, and happy weekend.

Vacation Vixen: Kate Winslet

Truly, after this picture, no one should be surprised that Kate has revealed her first “intimate experiences” were with women. No. One.

Vacation Vixen: Anne & Meryl

OK, sometimes fashion is art. Not necessarily at the Met Gala, but definitely between Mery and Anne. Also, has anyone seen the sequel yet? Thoughts?

Vacation Vixen: Kristin Scott Thomas

Does it look a little like Kristin Scott Thomas skinned Gritty and made him into a fabulous coat? Yes. Do I care? No. I mean, Gritty should feel honored to grace those shoulders. And be under that hair. Also, I’m not really on vacation. But I have a work conference this week still the end result for you is the same. Some lovely, lovely vixens. Don’t worry, they’re not all big game hunters like KST.

Music Monday: More Like Muna Monday

I don’t have a great sense for how famous MUNA is. I mean, in my little gay world they’re kind of a big deal. But I willfully admit to living in a super sapphic bubble these days where I blissfully do not know the names of any of the straight people on those rich-people-screaming-at-each-other shows. Anyway, as I was saying, I hope MUNA remains/becomes properly famous. Because queer ladies singing about their love of/hots for other queer ladies will never not be awesome in my book. Famous or not famous. Happy Monday, kittens.