Jean v. Gillian

As if we needed more reason to be excited about “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!,” but it has ignited a probably parasocial, definitely enjoyable heated rivalry between Gillian Anderson and Jean Smart for Hannah Einbinder’s affections. Like, when Hannah posted a picture of Jean in a jaunty beret with a sexy martini, Gillian had to respond with her own French twist - yes, towel beret and grape olive and all. Seriously, please, more of this. We need it. The world needs this. I did not have Gillian Anderson and Jean Smart battle to be drawn like one of Hannah Einbinder’s French girls on my 2026 bingo card, but I will most definitely take it. Gillian, Gillian, I was unfamiliar with your towel game.

Mothers Mothering

I half watched the Actors last weekend. And it had some nice moments. The lovely posthumous acceptance/tribute to Catherine O’Hara. Harrison Ford’s humble, empathetic Lifetime acceptance speech. I’d like to note that it’s a small point of pride that I picked one of the better straight white men as my movie idols from the very start. That’s my Han Solo/Indiana Jones.

Still, because, I have to make it gay somehow, I thought I’d instead comment on these pictures of Connor Storrie being anointed by these Sapphics-Approved Mothers. The “Heated Rivalry” star is fresh off hosting SNL and then this happens? Kathryn Hahn and Sarah Paulson give you their blessing on the same night?

Also, doesn’t the picture with Sarah look like she is an immortal vampire queen and he is her hand-selected son who she sends out into the night to seduce men and women alike, but only to bring the tastiest women back to her for…reasons. You know, just as a suggestion. Meanwhile Kathryn looks like she’s his proud drama teacher. Look, everyone has different fantasy sequences in their heads.

Camp Time

Do I know what’s happening? No? Do I care that I don’t know what’s happening? Also no. I do know that Gillian Anderson and Hannah Einbinder are gonna get weird together in “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!.” And that’s good enough for me.

Actually, that’s a lie. I also know that the movie’s queer, trans, nonbinary creator Jane Schoenbrun also directed my favorite film from 2024, “I Saw the TV Glow.” Also, I know it stars Eva Victor (who I love, love, loved in last year’s quiet “Sorry, Baby”) in a mohawk and leather.

I also assume that Gillian is playing the original final girl turned reclusive actress behind the hit “Camp Miasma” slasher franchise which now years later is being resurrected by an “enthusiastic young director” played by Hannah. I’m assuming the weird shit we can’t yet explain from the trailer is the “blood-soaked world of desire, fear, and delirium” they find themselves falling into.

So, to recap: Gillian. Hannah. Eva. A kickass director. DELRIUM.

Heck, I don’t even care that it’s about slasher horror films, which has historically been one of my least favorite film genres. Let’s get weird.

Music Monday: Joke's On Them

I’m going to see Brandi this weekend. This will be my second time seeing her, but my first since she became BRANDI FREAKING CARLILE. So, you know, that’ll be fun. I also hope that she plays “The Joke” and continues to dedicate it to the U.S. Women’s Hockey Team. Because, damn, do they deserve it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I always, always love the Olympics. But this year, the event (despite its many, many flaws from ongoing corruption, exorbitant expenses, environmental impacts, et al) came at perhaps the perfect time. For a nation like ours that is so fiercely and feverishly divided, the Olympics was a hopeful reminder of what makes us really great. No, obviously not that rah-rah jingoism of bald eagle screeches and whatever the fuck Kash Patel was doing in the Team USA men’s hockey lockeroom. But the big-hearted, big-dreamers who care about and cheer for each other.

The version of America that most of the athletes of the 2026 Winter Games showed was that of empathy, grace, compassion and most importantly concern for their fellow athletes. I’ve never seen a more genuinely caring figure skating Olympic competition. Like this is the same contest where in the past one athlete ordered a hit on another athlete, FROM THE SAME TEAM. I’ve never heard more athletes talk openly about the toll Olympic pressure puts on their mental health. Or what success means outside of winning medals. And, of course, I’m heartened despite the horrid backlash they’ve endured that so many of Team USA also have spoken out about what is happening in this country. More of that, from more athletes and everyone else, all the time and not just every four years, please.

This year’s Olympics were also a reminder for me about how much I despise all the unchecked AI being thrust into our lives. I can’t help but believe it’s true intent is – besides, of course, getting rid of all those pesky higher-paying white collar jobs so the oligarchs can buy more private sex islands and megayachts – is to rob us of the wonder of humanity. So with each picture, each video, each given “fact” we have to ask, “But is it real or AI”?

Honestly, when I look at any of the magnificent photography coming out of this year’s Olympics, I see why I will never accept AI art. A whole industry just to recreate and reorder reality. Yet the beauty of human emotions doesn’t need enhancement. We’re doing it every day. Look at Alysa Liu's face. The JOY. All that, and it’s also destroying the planet. So, truly, truly fuck off, AI. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Credit to the human photographers Matthew Stockman/Getty (top) and Christophe Ena/AP (bottom).

Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age

Someone called me “creepy” for noting that Amber Glenn, who is a 26-year-old fully adult woman, is hot. Which, I might add, could just be empirical fact. Regardless, I would like to comfort those who are concerned about my moral compass, that I would never actually initiate any real-world romantic relationships with someone approximately half my age. Nor do I want to. But, also, I have eyes that work – and I’m not dead. Anyway, to not offend anyone’s sensibilities – delicate or otherwise – how about some Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age? All these women are well within an appropriate age bracket for a Gen Xer who keeps throwing those AARP invitations in the trash.

Suranne Jones, 47

It’s the manspreading for me.

Tracy Chapman, 61

Boy, I wish she would play publicly more so I could objectify the shit out of her…talent.

Cate Blanchett, 56

I’ve never pulled off a velvet suit this well at any age.

Jodie Foster, 63

Granted, I might be on the edge of youngish for Jodie depending on her May-December tolerance. Which clearly would be the only thing holding us back and not the fact that she’s already married and also Jodie Foster.

Jenna Lyons, 57

I wish she was still with J.Crew, because as a Gen Xer I still have major residual nostalgia about that brand and its catalogue.

Regina King, 55

I’m pretty sure I can’t pull off an orange suit either, regardless of age.

Lena Headey, 52

I’ll always have a thing for age-appropriate florists thanks to her.

Cynthia Nixon, 59; Carrie Coon, 45; Christine Baranski, 73

Yes, I know Louisa Jacobson (34) and Taissa Farmiga (31) are just sweet baby angel children, so please accept the reverse 20+year age gap with Christine as my mea culpa.

p.s. In case further apology is needed, please accept this with my most sincere age-appropriate feelings (just put your thumb over 38-year-old Karen Gillan’s face if necessary) as everyone else is 50+.

Back Down, And Under

The Shetland Pony and Lesbian Giraffe are back! Dulcie and Eddie, the odd-couple Aussie detectives are back solving even odder Down Under crimes which all involve animals somehow. First a seal, now a croc, AND they added a Hemsworth brother for the second season? Come on, how Australian is this show? Anyway, I’m just glad the whole gay/gay postive gang, including Dulcie’s extremely demonstrative in the most lesbian way wife Cath, are all back. Also, I figured out a way to watch Prime without having to sign up for Prime again. So, you know, fuck you Jeff Bezos for good measure too. Just good vibes all around, actually.

The Hand Hold

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Look, maybe I’m still post Olympics afterglow (more on that later in the week). So I am perhaps feeling especially nostalgic. But this little clip of Amy Poehler being Angela Chase and Claire Danes herself being Jordan Catalano spoke directly to the deepest parts of my Gen X heart. I only wish it was set to Buffalo Tom’s “Late at Night,” like the original (though, who knows, maybe it was wherever the clip originated - but this was the only embeddable version I could find). Though, points for finding a somewhat Jordan-y jacket for Claire and grunge stripes for Amy.

Right, where was I? Oh, yeah, time to go down another “My So-Called Life” rabbithole. Too bad Jared Leto turned into such a douche. But, at least for a moment, they had a time.

My Weekend Crush

MUNA is back and as queer as ever. In fact, did they get even gayer in the interim? Brava, you magnificent music makers, you. Also, hello, nonbinary bandmate Naomi McPherson going bare chested and Josette Maskin with the masc haircut and just so many tank tops. Maybe there is a Lesbian Jesus after all and she loves us. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

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As if there was any other choice than newly engaged Olympic medalists and celesbian supercouple extraordinaire Hilary Knight and Brittany Bowe? As captain, Hilary just led Team USA to its third gold medal at the Winter Olympics, defeating arch rivals Canada (we’re sorta sorry about that, given how our government has been such twats to our Canuck friends – but still) yesterday. Today, Brittany takes to the ice again to race in the 1500m, her final of these Games.

And they aren’t the only Team USA queers to make their mark on these Olympics. From Amber Glenn’s team gold (plus redemptive free skate last night) to Breezy Johnson’s downhill gold and Hilary’s fellow golden out teammates Cayla Barnes and Alex Carpenter, I’m so proud of our out athletes. In fact I’m proud of so many Team USA athletes for speaking out against what this corrupt and cruel administration. But anyway, back to the newly engaged lovebirds. Mavel tov, you magnificent sporty sapphics, you. May your lives together be golden always. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Hot Masc Queer News

On this fine Thursday, I am happy to report that Meryl Streep’s hot masc queer daughter that I first reported on last April remains hot and masc and queer and Meryl Streep’s daughter. So, carry on, Louisa Jacobson. A grateful nation, that could really use the pick me up, thanks you. Very, very happy to be able to keep you abreast of the very latest and clearly most important news. You are welcome.

p.s. Her hands are also hot masc and queer. (As are her friends.) Just being thorough with my reporting.

The Lesbian Jesus Movie: The Trailer

The Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer has arrived! I repeat, the Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer has arrived!! Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls,” the movie based on the novel based on the song that she all wrote, has dropped. The coming-of-age story will come out in theaters June 19. You know, Pride Month, nice. It is of course based on the song that came out in the summer of Our Lesbian Jesus more than a decade ago – before we all entered The Bad Place. Sigh. Also, yes, that is Zach Braff as The Dad. Talk about some manic pixie dreamgirl nostalgia or what. Yeah, also that movie came out more than 20 years ago. OK, I’ll stop talking now. Enjoy the Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer, even if time is after us all.

This One Time at Lesbian Camp

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Gillian Anderson and Hannah Einbinder in the same frame for “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!!!” As I was saying, ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Also, there’s a teaser of some sort, and some creepy posts on the movie’s new social feeds. But I would expect nothing less from the queer, trans, nonbinary creator behind “I Saw the TV Glow.” I simply cannot wait for Jane Schoenbrun’s slasher, and I kind of hate slasher movies. But with Gillian and Hannah? Bring on the “Little Death,” ahem.

Also, this film description which says it will also continue Jane’s “body of work shaped by themes of trans identity and queer horror?” Slash me, baby, one more time.

“After years of slapdash sequels and waning fandom, the Camp Miasma slasher franchise is handed over to an enthusiastic young director for resurrection. But when she visits the original movie’s star, a now-reclusive actress shrouded in mystery, the two women fall into a blood-soaked world of desire, fear, and delirium.”

Also, no, I have no idea what’s happening here either. But it’s creepy! And, I’m assuming, gay.

Music Monday: When Brandi Met Leisha

I never went to the Dinah, and never really wanted to, but I kinda do wanna go to Girls Just Wanna Weekend. Brandi Carlile’s annual sapphic music bacchanalia along the Mexican coast has only become bigger and cooler and gayer. OK, it’s always been pretty gay. But dueting with Leisha Hailey? And I guess The Chart really was right, because did you hear that Rose Garcia (of “The Real L Word” fame, lord, remember that show?) and her business partner purchased it from the original lesbian spring break’s founder Mariah Hanson (who has announced that 2025 would be the Palm Spring event’s last)? Anyway, where was I? Oh righ, it is always fun to remember that before Alice, there were The Murmurs. See, all roads lead to lesbianism. Happy Monday, kittens.