My Weekend Crush

It might seem weird to bestow a crush on a reality show I don’t watch and a celebrity I don’t really understand. But who needs expertise over a subject when you’ve got vibes? And the vibes I get from recently out social media star JoJo Siwa competing as the first same-sex dance team with professional dancer Jenna Johnson on the popular reality dance show are good. Like, it’s really great a YouTube star and online influencer with such a young and accepting fanbase is performing in a historic same-sex pairing on a long-running reality series shown on primetime American television and it hasn’t raised basically any fuss. I don’t know what JoJo and Jenna’s chances are. But win or lose they’ve already danced their way into history. And making your dancing debut to “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” I see what you did there. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I mean, come on, she and her partner danced a TANGO in PLAID to BRITNEY. SO GAY!

The Princess & The Movie Star

Well, now, I’m definitely going to have to watch this, aren’t I? Kristen Stewart is arguably the biggest out gay female star working today. And Princess Diana was arguably the most famous member of the British Monarchy in at least recent history. That the actress and her subject’s stories and the cautionary tales about the cage of fame and the oppression of hiding one’s true self dovetail so beautifully make it feel all the more poignant. I hope K-Stew gets a trip to the Oscars for this one. She’s come a long way from those days of the sparkly vampires, and almost all of it on her own terms. May she see the rewards of being her true self realized, when too many others were not afforded that chance.

Nabokov Could Never

I am going to request that no one chews gum while reading this post. For soon-to-be obvious reasons, I don’t want to be held liable for any choking hazard you may experience. Consider yourself, uh, warned.

Now I’ve marveled on Ye Olde Blow often about how it’s so unendingly cool that young people today have so many out queer artists to look up to, follow and generally fangirl over. Sure, we had the Girls and k.d and Melissa. But, gosh, can you even name them all in one breath nowadays? Janelle. Hayley. Phoebe. Kehlani. Carrie. St. Vincent. MUNA. girl in red. King Princess. I mean, come on — those are just off the top of my head.

So now into that mix comes Zolita, who I’d never heard of before but now am acutely aware of because — holy shit, have you seen her music videos? They’re...sexy. Like extremely, very, intensely traditionally sexy. Like t.A.T.u. sexy, but there is just one of them and she’s actually queer.

Per The Internet Zolita is a 27-year-old U.S. singer-songwriter who released her first independently produced full-length album last December. She’s been performing since 2015, and in 2017 came out in an essay for Out magazine. Her music has been described as dark pop and she’s discussed her interest in witchcraft as well. So, yes, we’re talking witchy queer dark pop here which sounds very, very gay.

Her newest video is for “Somebody I F*cked One” and in the tradition of all the best queer music videos these days its a mini movie. In this case it’s like “But I’m a Cheerleader” crossed with “Ghost” (but only in the corporeal throwing pottery sense, not the weird ghost sex sense - despite her witchy inclinations). Anyway, I should just shut up and let you watch it.

I know right? And, honestly, it’s a fun bop.

So, obviously I checked out her other videos and well, reader, they are no less va-va-va-voomy. Like, I am glad I work form home now because I felt like I was watching naughty Skin-a-Max After Dark with her “Bedspell” video. Hello. Also NSFW.

See, now that gum warning doesn’t seem so crazy. Now, rest assured, after some exhaustive research/falling down a Zolita rabbit hole I can confirm that not all her music videos are just an excuse to cast some hot lady to make out with on camera. Like here’s “Fight Like a Girl.”

Fine, she still seems to be a fan of that complicated strappy lingerie style.

Right, so I felt it was my duty as a proud member of the Lesbian Blogging Community to bring this news to you. Do with it what you will. But, uh, there’s a reason I posted it on Hump Day. Ahem.

September's Non-SGALGG SGALGG

So OK, so as promised I found a couple fun SGALGG images from last month’s big swanky shindigs: The Met Gala, Emmy Awards and Tony Awards. And by “fun,” I mean “gay.” And by “gay” I mean, “Yep, they’re gay.” So here are the Not Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, and their straight-ish friends, from all of September’s fancy functions. We’re here, we’re queer – we look amazing on the red carpet.

MET GALA

Tessa Thompson & Zoe Kravitz

Sorry, Janelle. You’ve got competition.

Megan Rapinoe

Now that’s something to salute.

And, uh, same Megan when it comes to holding Venus William’s dress.

Cara Delevingne

Sadly the Shane of Celebrity Lesbianism stole this slogan from a POC creator.

Elliot Page

I truly love and am so happy for Elliot, but I think we can all also agree this suit doesn’t fit and he would look much hotter in something nicely tailored. What, I can’t help a dude out sometimes?

Kristen Stewart, Zoe Kravitz & Cara Delevingne

This is like a lesbian Renaissance painting, K-Stew reaching out and Cara watching out.

Kehlani & SZA

Like, the hand holding and leading her tho.

THE EMMYS

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley

Look at these two rays of sunshine. They’re genuinely one of the best thing to come out of “Orange Is the New Black.”

Billy Porter & Mj Rodriguez

Not to be corny but slay was made for moments like this.

Sarah Paulson & Beanie Feldstein

Just two women in relationships with other women handing out a shiny gold woman to someone.

Hannah Einbinder & Jean Smart

I think Hannah’s tux is really celebrating the fact she got to on-screen smooch Jean. I mean, I’d wear a tux too if I achieved such an accomplishment.

Gillian Anderson 1997 & Gillian Anderson 2021

What a difference 24 years makes, or doesn’t make.

THE TONYS

Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel

Not actually gay, but dammit if these witches don’t get me every time.

Mary-Louise Parker

Also not gay, but it’s Ruth dammit.

Lauren Patton & Guest

So Lauren (b&w suit) is gay. But also her show is controversial Dammit.

Bernadette Peters

Fine, not gay but an ICON. And, uh, this is how she looks at 73. So, please don’t swallow your tongue. Damn.

Music Monday: Kacey Smash Edition

Now, you know I love Kacey Musgraves (hello, she’s touring with King Princess AND MUNA! Did I buy tickets immediately? YES I DID.), and you know the world loves a good breakup album. (Like, isn’t that Olivia Rodrigo’s like whole deal – teen breakup angst/anger?) Anyway, Kacey has said her new alum “Star-Crossed” was inspired by her divorce. And its first single “Simple Times” is not only a fun bop, it’s video is a fun mini revenge movie. Part “Clueless,” part “Kill Bill,” part less lethal “Jawbreakers,” the movie has Kacey and a trio of friends arm themselves with medieval weaponry and chainmail masks. Her high-impact friends include “Haunting of Bly Manor” star Victoria Pedretti (Dani a.k.a. The Gay Au Pair), rapper Princess Nokia and RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Symone – plus there’s a cameo by their supplier/comedian Megan Stalter. All in all, a good time was had by all except those who work in the Bridal Industrial Complex. I mean, who doesn’t like watching shit get smashed? Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Out of Nowhere) Crush

Um, what? Dammit? Now do I have to get a damn Apple TV+ steamer subscription too? It’s too many! It’s TOO MANY! OK, now that my Old Woman Yells at Cloud (Streaming Subscription Service Abundance)-moment is over, can I just say where in the world did that come from? I know about “The Morning Show,” but despite its impressive cast I wasn’t won over because of so many middling reviews. Plus, there’s already Too Much Television (see previous rant). But now the show has gone and given Reese Witherspoon’s character, Bradley, a High Profile Lady Kiss out of nowhere with Julianna Margulies’s guest character, Laura. Though, and again I have never watched this show even once, should we really be that surprised? Her character is named Bradley. Hello. Anyway, now I feel obligated to follow along because that’s a lot of Oscar/Emmy-caliber talent giving traditional Sweeps Weeks Lesbianism the old college try here. I have no context for the moment other than its quick backseat setup. And, uh, it kind of seemed like Bradley did it to get out of a tough spot with Laura. But, whatever, I’ll take it. It’s Reese and Julianna K-I-S-S-I-N-G and that’s enough for me. What? I’m but a simple woman who likes seeing women smooching other women. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. So, subscribers, was there more smooching this week?

Pre-L: Last Call (210)

Well here we are standing together at the end. And while I hate to be that gal, boy-howdy was I right this season. Not just about Finley’s reckoning, but all the easily telegraphed couplings this year. Oh are two people suddenly spending a lot of time together on screen? Oh, yeah, they gonna smash.

Yes, “The L Word: Generation Q” is a much more consistent and competent show than the original. The first TLW has serious borderline personality disorder, and we are all dealing with our respective PTSDs from that era. The new TLW: GQ knows what it’s doing, which makes it less surprising in both a good and a bad way.

In the end I think the biggest difference from the original and the revival is where things are for LGBTQ+ people socially and politically. In 2004, when the original show debuted, George W. Bush was president and federal marriage equality and workplace non-discrimination were nowhere in sight. In the presidential election that year neither Bush nor Kerry supported full same-sex marriage. (Though at least Kerry was against a Constitutional amendment banning it, so uh, thanks?)

Now, 17 years have passed since the original debuted. That’s a whole high school senior’s lifetime ago. For those who can still remember that far back and beyond, being out and queer (though, honestly, we didn’t universally call it queer as a norm back then because it was still a no-no word that hadn’t been fully reclaimed) was still a pretty radical thing to be. And finding a community that understood that was a critical part of our success and survival.

Queers throughout time have relied on their chosen families for support and companionship against a world that until very, very recently (six years ago for marriage equality, one year ago for workplace non-discrimination) was consistently unabashedly hostile to our very existence.

Now, at least on its surface, being openly homophobic is frowned upon. And while coming out is still an undeniably major life event, many are able to approach it with less anxiety than before because of the acceptance and hard work of LGBTQ+ activists through history. These are all good things.

But that also means that bond that tied the first show together, that hunting for something that reflected our lives, isn’t as desperate. Each on screen representation meant more because we had so few to choose from. Like, I watched everything – and I mean everything – with gay women in it back then. Now, I can’t watch it all and don’t feel the urgent pull to either. Granted, we could always use more, better and more inclusive representation. Representation will forever matter. But I think it’s perhaps a sign of progress that maybe the new TLW is less a desperate communal touchstone than the old TLW.

At this point you’re probably thinking, I came here for the hot lesbian screencaps, not some rambling essay about the fairly recent olden days. What is this, one of those recipes that makes you read their life story before telling you how many eggs to use? Yes, yes it is. This is essentially my long-winded way of saying, “You’ve come a long way, lesbians!” Let’s see how they mess everything up here in the finale just to prove me wrong.

1) It’s my party and I’ll roll my eyes if I want to.

2) When New Shane doesn’t like when you bring up Old Shane.

3) Who wears the flannel in this house?

4) So many pussy bows on this show, like, we get it costume department – they’re LESBIANS.

5) I thought everyone knew the “If You’re Naked, Don’t Answer The Phone”-rule.

6) Like the lesbians and turkey baster jokes just write themselves at this point.

7) I mean that’s generally frowned upon in court, but as judge I’ll allow it.

8) The happy-ish couple.

9) Jesus, haven’t you heard of long-distance relationships? I hear all the TikTok Lesbians are doing them.

10) Is it wrong to yell “Fight! “Fight” Fight!?

11) I regret to inform you The Straights are at it again.

12) Either their relationship has terrible timing, or you believe in karma.

13) See, I told you that was some “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry”-shit.

14) Choices. Choices.

Well, Showtime better renew them for a Season 3 right quick, or you’re gonna have just so many pissed off queer women. Desperate cultural touchstone or not.

The S.S. Silvacre

So, speaking of crime shows, thanks to The Series of Tubes I am aware there is a British police procedural miniseries called “Vigil” on the BBC. My understanding of the series is that Suranne Jones (Gentleman Jack herself) and Rose Leslie (the hottest Wildling) play detectives investigating a death on a submarine, and also they give each other an extended hug. Now, The Series of Tubes being the series of tubes it also informed me that Suranne and Rose do more than hug. So, clearly, this is now pertinent to all of my interests.

As yet, mostly because of general laziness, I have not had a chance to watch this show. But the women wear autumnal clothes while investigating crimes and making out so, I ask, what’s not to like?

Obviously, the show presents some workplace sexual harassment concerns. Suranne plays Detective Chief Inspector Amy Silva who ostensibly is the boss of Rose’s Detective Sergeant Kirsten Longacre. But, hey, there’s a good portmanteau already, so get it Silvacre! I mean, it’s literally a show about a ship, of course they have a shipper name.

I am going to have to ask our Kittens Across the Pond for some more real-time intel on the show. I understand the finale was last month so, was it worth it? I anxiously await its arrival on one of our stateside streaming services (or, you know, a good link which wink, wink is totally above board). Not having seen the show but feeling supremely confident in my uninformed assessments, I will from here on out until my actual viewing of it (and perhaps even after) be referring to this show as “The Hunt for Lesbian October.” I feel good about my choices.

Law & Lesbians

Streaming services give us a seemingly endless supply of quality (or at very least trashy and addictive) content in small, bingeable doses. In the past month alone we’ve completed “White Lotus,” “Nine Perfect Strangers” and most of “Only Murders in the Building.” They’re so easy to digest because most of these seasons run 8 to 10 episodes, 12 if you’re lucky.

But then there’s good old-fashioned broadcast TV. You know, the kind that runs 22 to 24 episodes as reliably as the sun rises and sets each day. I’ll be honest, I haven’t latched on to too many new broadcast series these past few years because, um, they usually aren’t as interesting. But one thing our reliable square friends are good at doing on broadcast TV that can sucker me in every time is your friendly neighborhood crime procedural.

And, dammit, if I’m not sucked in all over again thanks to “NCIS: Hawai’i.” The spin-off of the “NCIS” universe (yes, I know, groan) is as pleasantly predictable as you’d expect from a cheesy cop show on primetime American television. But, dammit again, if I haven’t already set up a series recording for two reasons.

Because, one, they made Vanessa Lachey the series lead, one of the first times that I can tell that a solo female actress has been at the head of major crime procedural franchise like this (and not automatically paired with a co-lead male actor). Even her character bio lists her as “first female Special Agent in Charge of NCIS Pearl Harbor.” Meanwhile solo dudes a plenty leading the teams on “NCIS,” “NCIS: Los Angeles,” “NCIS: New Orleans,” “CSI,” “CSI: Miami,” “CSI: NY, “Criminal Minds,” “Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, “Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders” and so on, and so forth…

And, two, because they made two of the show’s female stars gay for each other from the start. Yasmine Al-Bustami plays NCIS agent Lucy Tara, part of Lachey’s team, and Tori Anderson plays Defense Intelligence Agency agent Kate Whistler, who they seem to be positioning as often at odds with the NCIS team over chain of commands issues. So, you know, work AND romantic tension abounds. The series begins with their Will They/Won’t They status firmly in the “Already Did It” category. And now it seems the two women are trying to, uh, keep things professional with very unprofessional results.

Is there already a shipper name? Who can resist a short, feisty brunette with a tall, coldish blonde dynamic? Not me, clearly. I am weak. And the Will They Keep It Up/Won’t They dynamic is more delicious because, FUCK, we’re all adults and no one is vying for valedictorian of chastity school here. The show is from a trio of creators including Jan Nash, who #Gayzolli fans will remember as The Lady Who Took Over As Showrunner From Janet on “Rizzoli & Isles.” But here, they’re actually gay for each other — what a concept! Right now they’re the only overt romantic coupling on the show which, again, what a concept! (Though they are very unsubtly trying to play out the Will They/Won’t They between Lachey and Enver Gjokaj’s ridiculously square-jawed Navy Captain. Gotta give the straight something, I guess.)

Also, I see Whistler drinking wine out of a repurposed jar. Hello, lesbian culture.

Also, I see you little lip bite. Now that’s not even playing fair. Queer gal Kryptonite right there.

Now, I know what you’re thinking already. Is this just Copaganda? Of course! Yes! Abso-fucking-lutely! Our national (international - more on that tomorrow) love of police procedurals helps elevate a heroic mythology about law enforcement that all too often sadly does not hold up under closer (or truly any) scrutiny. But, obviously, these kinds of shows draw us in with soothing narratives about good guys conquering bad guys in a neat 42-minute package each week. Do I still watch it if they put a strong female lead in charge and/or make some of the strong female characters smash with other strong female characters? Of course! Yes! Abso-fucking-lutely! As I’ve already fully confessed, I am weak and clearly easily manipulated by the media.

Anyway, I sure hope they keep the fireworks up between these two because for me they elevate what is essentially your solid B crime procedural to Must Watch status. Again, I am weak and the prospect of 22 to 24 episodes with the chance of lady flirts and hookups throughout sounds pretty OK to me. You’d better not just feed us table scraps on this relationship, show. We want and deserve to feast.

p.s. Was I the only one who thought Whistler came out of her room in only that sweater? The scourge of flesh-toned pants strikes again (plus, I was watching on an iPad so, uh, time to check the prescription).

Music Monday: For Good

Please, like we all aren’t big sloppy suckers when it comes to seeing Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel hold hands together and sing! Broadway celebrated its big return after a year-and-a-half dark with a Tony Awards show featuring some of its biggest stars. And who else would they bring back but Cheno and Adele Dazeem? Awww. Plus it is October, so let the witches sing, Universe! This makes me wanna go sit in a room with a bunch of (masked and vaccinated) strangers again. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Please consider this post a mea culpa in lieu of traditional SGALGG posts for this past month’s various award shows & red carpet events (Met Gala, Emmys, Tonys, et al). It’s actually been harder finding SGALGG art these days, which considering we’re all still stuck in this endless pandemic is perhaps for good. But I do have a little something, something planned for you soon. I promise.

p.p.s. Some bonus “Rent” and “Ragtime” numbers in there as well, because my goodness it’s been 18 months dark for these folks. Let them sing.

My Weekend (Horror) Crush

Well, it’s officially spooky season. And I honestly can’t think of anything scarier than Will Schuester. A grown man who lives to sing and dance with children — and subjects them to his rapping? The horror, the horror. I look back at “Glee” — a show that took up so much of my pop culture headspace for so long — with a funny kind of nostalgia these days. We certainly had a time. Was some of it scary? Oh, hell yeah. Happy October, kittens. Happy weekend, all.

Pre-L: Last Dance (209)

Well, well, well. The more things change, the more we have another happening at the CAC. Yes, we get a callback to turmoil at Bette’s beloved California Art Center. (Remember Season 1, Episode 13 “Locked Up?” That prison wall sure does.) But instead of a bunch of anti-gay protestors it’s a bunch of artists. And this time no one gets arrested and then had adulterous prison wall sex. I consider that growth.

1) I think Team Artist had a bigger turnout than Team Homophobe. As it should be.

2) I get the birth father storyline, I do. But part of it also feels like a mea culpa for the show’s many, many past continuity sins. But, hey, at least it brings Tibette together.

3) Is she serving Dani’s berries? Because that’s some real “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry”-shit right there.

4) No matter what I think of this storyline, it’s amazing that kids get to go with their same-sex partners to prom now. Plus, tux game strong, Angie. Respect.

5) Great, does this mean we’re all required to drink Heineken now? How did I miss that lesbian memo?

6) Remember when they had parties with gay pot brownies instead of polite bougie crudité?

7) Look, coming out as a straight couple can be hard. It’s OK. We accept you. (Yes, of course, I know he’s still queer.)

8) Like are the Shipping Wars still a thing? Because this moment was made for them.

9) Gay Aunts are the best, and I speak from experience as a very gay aunt.

10) That moment you realize you’re dating a Bette Porter Jr.

11) Like, never go on “The Price Is Right,” girl. You seem to pick the worst doors possible.

12) This show’s track record with hospitals scenes is, uh, not the greatest.

Carol's Alley

Remember when – back before we were all trapped in this endless pandemic – we were all like, OMG, “Nightmare Alley” looks like the “Carol” sequel we all need and deserve? Well, we still deserve (and especially need, after the last 18 months we’ve had) to see “Carol 2: Lezectric Boogaloo,” the new trailer makes it clear(-ish) we won’t be witnessing the perpetual sunrise of Carol and Therese. Instead director Guillermo del Toro is giving us late 40s carny creepiness with a side of psychological horror. Cate plays Dr. Lilith Ritter, a psychiatrist who is teams up with Bradley Cooper’s carny to manipulate people and cause general mayhem. It’s undeniably delicious when Cate plays evil (hello, Hela), so I’ll definitely check this one out. Also it has Toni Collette, who is great in everthing. (Though, uh, this cast is about as white as “Carol,” which insert grimacing emoji here.) Still, we see you Rooney Mara and your Therese-esque beret. And we see you Cate with your Carol Aird lipstick and bob. We’re sure this isn’t a “Carol” sequel, right? I mean, a gay gal can dream.I mean, a gay gal can dream.