Friday, November 15, 2019

My Weekend Crush

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billionaire times - corporations are not your friend. Corporations care about money, period. Their only goal is to sell you something to make more money. But, having said that, it is also true that corporations follow the zeitgeist. And as such, they can be a reflection of our values. And, on the rarest of rare occasions, they can make art that moves us in the most unexpected ways. (Again, with the end goal being to make money, but I digress.)

So imagine my surprise when the best lesbian film of 2019 so far is a dialogue-less, 2-minute car commercial from French automaking corporation Renault. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I would watch a whole movie about these two women. Hell, I would watch a multi-season show about these two women. In fact, I kind of demand it. Look, if you can’t beat late stage capitalism, at least let’s milk it for all the nuanced, poignant and moving looks at queer women in love we can get. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Lucy In the Studio With Lesbians

Look, I’ve known Lucy Liu was an abstract artist for several years now thanks to her penchant for painting in a tank top. (See, unlike Tig I’m a lesbian who picks up on the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF, duh.) But I did not realize that some of that art included tasteful shunga art (a traditional style of Japanese erotic artwork) that includes - wait for it - beautiful lesbian imagery.

In fact, Lucy has been showing her artwork since before she was a household name. According to a Hollywood Reporter profile on her artwork earlier this year, she studied art at the New York Studio School and has been showing her work publicly since the mid-1990s. And her rather graphic, if still abstract, erotic art features women loving women, as well as women and men in sexual embraces.

She told THR her sexual paintings were “ruminations on her upbringing in a family where sex and nudity were taboo.” OK, sure. But can we go back and talk a little about the women loving women stuff? Because, as far as I know, Lucy is single (a single mom of son Rockwell in fact) sooooo… I’m just saying, we already know Lucy loves a nice suit. Single queer ladies who live in New York, should the opportunity ever arise, please shoot your shot.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Shame, Shame, Shame

Look, I like Tig Notaro a lot. But we’re definitely going to have to take away her Lesbian Card for not recognizing Lena Headey. Like, at all. I mean, I realize this could all be a bit. Is it a bit? Or perhaps she really is living under a rock and does not watch and TV or movies. Also, what’s with people in the entertainment industry who don’t watch TV or movies?

It’s not just that she doesn’t recognize Lena as Cersei Lannister from “Game of Thrones.” NO, the unforgivable sin is not recognizing Luce, a.k.a. Every Lesbian’s Favorite Florist, from “Imagine Me & You.” I mean, come on, Tig. That’s just Lesbianism 101. Shame, indeed.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Kate-Cat Club

Two days of good TV news? And this one features Kate McKinnon and cats? What is this, Lesbian Christmas? So Kate, everyone’s favorite presidential nominee impersonator and avowed lover of cats is starring in a podcast-turned-TV show about the world of exotic cats for Hulu. I know, that is not a sentence I expected to type either. The new series, based on the Wondery podcast “Joe Exotic,” will star Kate as a real-life big cat lover named Carole Baskin who seeks to expose fellow real-life exotic cat enthusiast Joe "Exotic" Schreibvogel as an illegal breeder and animal abuser. And then things got really weird when Joe Exotic hired a hitman to kill Carole. And did I mention there’s a very prominent mullet involved (though not on Carole, thankfully)? Yeah, Kate + Big Cats + Murderous Mullet Men = imma watch the heck out of this crazyass show.

Monday, November 11, 2019

How You Like Them Peaches?

Welcome to Monday. Would you like some good news? Of course you would! And you deserve it, much like you deserve a “League of Their Own” series to come to television. Which is exactly what’s happening, courtesy “Broad City” alum Abbi Jacobson who is developing the series (with, it should be noted, the blessing of Geena Davis and the late Penny Marshall) for Amazon. More good news? Abbi will start along the best “Not a Girl, Not a Robot” in the universe D’Arcy Carden. *pauses for squeals of delight*

The new series will be a half-hour comedy, but also reportedly delve “deeper into the issues facing the country” in 1943 at the time of the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Can we get a hell yes? Janet, some celebratory confetti please? Now, let’s start a wish list for other players we want on the team this time around. Definitely they need gay ladies. Definitely they need ladies of color (yeah, that one throwing the ball back scene was nice and all, but yeah). And if they find a way for Geena or Lori Petty to guest star, well, I would not be mad one little bit. Janet, please make that happen and start working on your fastball.

Friday, November 08, 2019

My Weekend Crush

I have not endorsed any candidate yet in the Democratic primary for president. And, regardless of who ends up winning the nomination, I will vote for her…or him – if we must (but maybe not Tulsi, she’s a Republican/Russian asset anyway). What I will say in the SNL primary I think Kate McKinnon’s Warren is definitely winning and has my vote. And both in real life and SNL, my favorite thing about her is how freaking scared and whiny she makes billionaires. Like, for real, they’re terrified of her. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Whoddathunk the damn Democratic primary would have more billionaires running than the Republicans? I mean, we all know Donald isn’t really a billionaire anyway because if he were he’d let us see his taxes/Russian paperwork. But come on Mike and Tom, just donate to Kamala/Straight Bette Porter or Cory (two fine, more moderate candidates) instead of spending a couple $100 million on your billionaire savior vanity project. But I guess billionaires gotta billionaire, which is kind of the whole damn problem in the first damn place.

Thursday, November 07, 2019

Gender Fuck Thursday: Suit On, Shirt Off

I don’t know what glossy magazines have against shirts, but I for one am not complaining with this new trend of putting queer female celebrities in suits sans a shirt underneath. Not at all. For example, here are Evan Rachel Wood and Megan Rapinoe in shirtless suits for Self and Glamour magazines, respectively.

Now, neither magazine seems fully opposed to shirts. Self did manage to find one for Evan, but promptly made it wet. So, now all I need to know now is who to send the mini-muffin gift basket to at the magazine.

Meanwhile, Megan’s Glamour looks were more...questionable. Like, normally I love any and all tank tops. But something about the sheer layering over the top and having it tucked in is not necessarily giving me Tank Top Tuesday goodness vibes.

Though the deciding looks for these dueling photoshoots come down to pinstripe versus bodysuit. And here, I think, we can all agree the pinstripe wins hands down. Because what even is that highlighter yellow monstrosity? May we never find out.

Wednesday, November 06, 2019

Socially Irrelevant Heteronormative Gender Roles

Look, I’m no Kristen Stewart stan. But I do appreciate how “Fuck You, Hollywood and Socially Irrelevant Heteronormative Gender Roles” she has become of late. Like, she literally said exactly that to Jimmy Fallon’s befuddled face on “The Tonight Show” last week while talking about her girlfriend.

Kristen returned over the weekend to host SNL, two years after her “I'm like so gay, dude” heard around the world. That Totino’s skit is now officially a classic in queer cinema. Or, at least, that’s how I classify it in my head.

Another queer classic? Kate and Kristen Stewart thumb wrestling in this SNL promo. Last time she was on, I think they purposely kept K-Stew and K-McK (not a thing, I know) apart in skits. But at least they got a promo together battling for Lesbian Thumb Supremacy.

Tuesday, November 05, 2019

100 Percent That Scary

Look, you have Olivia and Phoebe and ukuleles, and we have Lizzo. Just to prove you don’t have delightfulness cornered, here is Lizzo going through a haunted house with Ellen’s executive producer/resident scaredy-cat Andy Lassner.

I particularly like when she uses her ass as a defense against the Dark Arts. And runs and leaves him to fend for himself.

Lizzo, it should be noted, also won Halloween with her costume this year. As I was saying, delightful on this, Britain.

Monday, November 04, 2019

Music Monday: Great British Ukulele Show

Gosh, you Brits do know how to make the most palliative entertainment. Like, for example, the finale of the “Great British Baking Show” managed to be both tense, surprising, exciting, calming, and oh so lovely. (I won’t spoil it but, again, I cannot recommend my favorite televised Xanax highly enough - even with the new hosts and everything.)

And, as another example, here is Olivia Colman (sorry, Oscar winner, two different Queens, and fictional creator of critically important plot point headless female torso statuettes Olivia Colman) singing my all-time favorite Portishead song “Glory Box” accompanied by her “Fleabag” co-star Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Phoebe’s musician sister Isobel Waller-Bridge accompanying her on ukelele. And it’s all being recorded for charity? I mean, come on, Brits. We get it; YOU’RE DELIGHTFUL. Stop rubbing it in. I mean, what with Brexit and Boris and all, I guess you deserve some counteracting loveliness. Just as long as we can also enjoy Olivia and Phoebe and people cooking in a tent along with you.

p.s. In case you’re looking for even more British delightfulness, it appears Henry (he of the constant neckties) and Michael (he of the deepest dimples you’ve ever seen) from this season of GBBO might be dating? As I was saying, COME ON. You can’t possibly be this cute, Britain.

Friday, November 01, 2019

My Weekend Crush

There has never been any question that Jane Fonda is a badass. She’s been a badass since, well...looks up date of her famous anti-Vietnam War era mugshot. While she was vilified back then for taking a stand, it’s abundantly clear that our Jane remains on the right side of history.

Now she’s taking a stand and getting arrested to protest government inaction on climate change. And we’re not just taking putting a bumper sticker on her car or writing a strongly worded letter to her congressperson. No, this month Jane moved to Washington D.C. to lead weekly demonstrations. Basically, every Friday through January Jane and other protesters (and a few famous friends) are getting arrested in what they’re calling Fire Drill Fridays. Basically, she’s acting like our house is on fire because, you know, it is.

Anyway, last week instead of going to the British Academy Britannia Awards to accept BAFTA’s Stanley Kubrick Britannia Award for Excellence in Film, she got arrested. But, like the badass she is, Jane managed to accept the award anyway - just from cuffs while getting hauled away by cops. Legends only, kittens, legends only. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

What Lesbians Through Yonder Window Breaks?

Happy Halloween, kittens! May your bags be overflowing with candy, but probably the metaphorical kind because I’m assuming you’re all a little long in the tooth to be trick-or-treating. Not a criticism, just knowing my target demographic. Speaking of target demographic, who wants to see some photos of USWNT star Kelley O'Hara and her lady friend dressed up for Halloween? Because, let me tell you, that’s so much better than even a full-sized Snicker bar.

Kelley and who I think we’re pretty damn safe to assume is her girlfriend stepped out together for a Halloween party over the weekend dressed as - wait for it - Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes as Romeo + Juliet. And can I say they hit the look out of the (soccer) ballpark. Everything, everything was there: the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, the high-water jeans, the greasy Leo hair, the facial cut, the arm bandage, the necklace in the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and her angel wings.

And the caption to her Instagram Stories post? “Love is tragic, y’all.” Everyone, put away your couples costume - Kelley and her Juliet win this year.

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

True True Crime

Tired of all the non-stop politics? Ready for something light and fun? Let’s talk about murdered women instead! I kid, a tiny bit - but not really at all. If you’re anything like me you’ve watched your fair share of true crime shows/movies et al. And if you’re like me you’ve puzzled about where this morbid fascination comes from. Well, please let comic Jena Friedman explain it better, and funnier, than I ever could. This explains so much, ladies. So, so much.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

L Is Better in Color

Man, the ladies (and gentlemen) are sure making the most of The Power of Lizzo. The new official trailer which dropped last week brings us more sex, more Lizzo, more sex, more Lizzo and a whole lot of pretty. I continue to be excited for this show’s return, despite my better judgment. I really appreciate the abundant diversity. And I’m even beginning to take a shine to some of the new characters based on these trailers.

In particular, I’m thinking Jacqueline Toboni’s character Sarah Finley may become the new Alice (a.k.a the character everyone loves/constant comic relief). Now, you may already recognize Jacqueline as Jo from the Netflix series “Easy.” She was part of the anthology series’ lesbian coupling. I highly recommend watching Season 3, Episode 3 to watch Jacqueline and Sophia Bush flirt and make out. Each episode is basically a short story, so no need to prep. Also, did I mention Jacqueline and Sophia flirt and make out a lot? Enough said. So, what number is your excitement level at having the ladies who do all that shit from the Betty song back? I won’t lie, I’m about an 8 right now.