Monday, January 21, 2019

Learn From the Past/Present

Look, I’m not one of those people who believes we’re all living in some sort of simulation/The Matrix or anything. But it’s difficult to not think there are, perhaps, parallel universes present which occasionally bleed into one another. And, sometimes they’re not so subtle about it. Like how else can you explain this real episode of the TV Western “Trackdown” that aired in 1958? It features a conman named – wait for it – Trump who comes to a Texas town claiming he alone can save them from a pending disaster by building a – wait for it – wall! I’m not even kidding. It’s 100 percent real. I feel like, with all the warnings about the future we’ve been given from the past about Trump, we really have ourselves to blame. And, you know, the Russians.

Friday, January 18, 2019

My Weekend Crush

What Cardi B said. All of it. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. When I said all of it, I meant all of it. Especially the curse words. Fuck. Yeah.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

A Strapping Blanchett

It has come to my lesbian attention that Cate Balnchett is in a new play where, if Twitter is to be believed, she walks around half-naked while wearing a strap-on and kisses at least one woman.

Yes, you read that right, including the words “half-naked,” “strap on” and “kiss a woman.”

The play in question is new work “When We Have Sufficiently Tortured Each Other” by Martin Crimp based on the 18th Century English novel “Pamela” also known as “Virtue Rewarded.” Playbill calls the story a “dangerous game of sexual domination and resistance.” The Guardian in a profile of Cate getting ready for the role calls it a flat-out “S&M-themed play.” And gay women everywhere are just gonna call it “The One Where Cate Wears A Strap-On.”

The play opened yesterday at the National Theatre in London and runs through early March. Alas, it’s already sold out. But there is a Hamlton/Rent-style lottery for day-of tickets. So, if anyone wants to buy me a plane ticket, I would be happy to stand in line and provide a first-hand report.

You know, for lesbian science.

Until a photo emerges of Cate in said strappy situation, here is a photo of Cate biting her finger while thinking about you thinking about her wearing a strap on while kissing a woman.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

A Close Shave

As you kittens well know, I’m all about the ladies here at Surrenders. But that doesn’t mean I hate men. Sure, maybe I hate some men – but, you know, not all men. *tips hat in feminism* Still for women to be their best, we need men to step up and be their best as well. I mean, men are just slightly less than half the world’s population after all. How men act inevitably and too often negatively affects women’s lives. Which is a long way of saying, “Dudes, do better.” And if you won’t listen to us ladies on this, maybe listen to your fellow dudes? Or, uh, the things you use to shave your dude faces?

The all too predictable freak out about Gillette’s new campaign against toxic masculinity is just that, all too predictable. Yes, yes – the Right Wingnuts are being right wingnutty. Yes, yes – the Men’s Rights crowd is asserting its right to be fragile man babies.

And, conversely, there are progressives who are chiding Gillette for trying to monetize #MeToo and being hypocritical because of its own products and past practices. Look, I have no delusions that Gillette parent company Procter & Gamble is doing this because they’re all totally woke feminists now. I know corporations only care about making money. And I know advertising campaigns help corporations make more money. Corporations are not our friends; they’re only friends with money.

But – and hear me out on this – I think it’s a good thing when advocating for civil rights and social justice is considered a solid investment in capitalist America. So, no, I’m not going to hand Gillette a Nobel Peace Prize or anything. But I do appreciate all the hard work and tireless struggle that went into creating a world where men asking other men to do better and be kinder could be considered a money-making proposition.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Mandatory Sex Ed

Well, that was fun. Now, I was inclined to watch “Sex Education” already because a) Gillian Anderson, and b) Gillian Anderson with an English accent, and c) Gillian Anderson with an English accent playing a sex therapist. While I had heard it was good, I wasn’t prepared for how good and sweet and strangely sincere the whole thing would be amid all the sex jokes. We binge watched the whole season in a day, it was that good. Sure, there’s the salacious and hilarious raunchy sex bits – but it was also just really nice to watch something so frank and honest and nuanced about the weirdness and hang-ups surrounding sex and sexuality, including on the LGBTQ spectrum. Like what a wonderful and refreshing show. And, well, Gillian doing this did not hurt one little bit.

Monday, January 14, 2019

Doll Parts

Look, if there is anyone I’d like to watch die over-and-over-and-over again it would definitely be Donald Trump. But if there is someone who I would like to watch die over-and-over-and-over again but make it funny with a side of pathos, then I’m glad it’s Natasha Lyonne. Her new Netflix series “Russian Doll” looks like “Groundhog Day” crossed with “Happy Death Day,” but with more laughs and less Bill Murray. It comes with an impressive pedigree: executive produced and co-created by Amy Poehler along withNatasha and out writer-director Leslye Headland. So, yeah, imma give it a chance. Thoughts? I’m not sure how Russian nesting dolls fit into all of the gratuitous dying, but I’m sure curious to find out.

Friday, January 11, 2019

My Weekend Crush

How do I love Sandra Oh? Let me count at least seven ways. One, she was the first person of Asian descent to host a major award show, as co-host of the Golden Globes last weekend. Two, she was the first the woman of Asian descent to win multiple Golden Globes with her win for “Killing Eve” (she had previously won in 2006 for “Grey’s Anatomy”). Three, she was the first woman of Asian descent to win a Golden Globe for best actress in a TV drama in 39 years (Yoko Shimada won for “Shogun” in 1980).

Four, she showed up wearing yin-yang, good-bad, black-and-white dresses with her “Killing Eve” co-star Jodie Comer. And they looked at each other like this.

And then did this.

And this.

Five, did you know she wears glasses?

Six, after the Golden Globes she wore this jumpsuit and then the morning after the Golden Globes she wore another even comfier jumpsuit.

Oh, and did I mention “Killing Eve” comes back April 7? Yep, that’s reason No. 7. In short, there are seven + and infinite number reasons to love Sandra Oh. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Where In the World Is Blanchett

Look, any year with a new, interesting Cate Blanchett movie can’t be all bad, right? I haven’t read the book “Where’d You Go, Bernadette.” But the movie looks fun, in a reverse Walter Mitty kind of way. And we could all use a little more adventure in our lives. Particularly any adventure that involves Cate Blanchett - with or without a cat.

So, anyone read the book? Is it worth having The Blanchett go missing? Discuss.

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Congresswoman Crush Wednesday

So last Thursday was a good day for America. The 116th Congress was sworn in and we took a giant step toward becoming that more perfect union. How? By looking a whole lot more like our entire union. And that meant a lot more women and a lot more people of color. Well, at least on one of the parties (cough, the Democrats, cough). So just a little reminder of the things to give us hope. Sure, our so-called president may go on TV and spout hateful lies unabated. But we know we are fighting for a government that more like all of its people. Because that? That really is the future that liberals want.

Guess who’s back? Back again? Pelosi’s back. Trump better run.

The first openly bisexual Senator Kyrsten Sinema had known homophobe Mike Pence swear her in on a law book while looking this unapologetically chic.

Freshman Representatives Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Barbara Lee, Annie Kuster and Jan Schakowsky taking selfies like the bosses they are.

Out lesbian and Native American Representative Sharice Davids is sworn in with her family.

Tuesday, January 08, 2019

Gillian Education

Imagine if Gillian Anderson wanted you for sex…therapy. And she had an English accent and this haircut. Yowza, I think I can work up some sexual dysfunction is she was my therapist.

The new British comedy “Sex Education” stars Gillian as a sex therapist whose teenage son embarks on his own under-the-table sex therapy business for his high school classmates. I’m not sure how into the teenage boy runs sex therapy scam story I am. But I am always here for Gillian being funny and talking about sex. Plus reviews so far has been quite positive. And they’re not just “helping” straight couples either from the looks of things.

“Sex Education” debuts in the States Friday on Netflix. Will you be watching/Gillianing?

Monday, January 07, 2019

SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

True story: My power went out about an hour into the Golden Globes and didn’t come back until just a few minutes before the show ended. So I had to catch a repeat to watch the second half. It was a lot of effort for a kind of s0-so show, but that’s just the lengths I’ll go to give you quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals action (sprinkled with some Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, because we are legion).

Sandra Oh & Jodie Comer

Sandra so rightfully won, but Jodie and the show were robbed. Still, when Eve and Villanelle hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes, we all win.

Emma Stone, Olivia Colman & Rachel Weisz

I want these three to come out hand-in-hand cracking lesbian sex jokes at all award shows.

p.s. Thanks for, quite literally, shouting how sorry you were for taking an Asian role in “Aloha,” Emma.

Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph

If Amy is going to cheat on Tina, I’d only ever want it to be with Maya.

Judy Greer

Every time a female celebrity wears a tuxedo on the red carpet, a baby dyke gets her wings.

Alex Borstein & Rachel Brosnahan

“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” may be having a hard time making Susie officially gay. But Rachel seems to be having no problem checking out Alex’s, uh, Borsteins – if you get my drift. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

Emily Blunt & Debra Messing

Since we’re talking about Borsteins, Emily is being vey animated about what she plans to do to Debra’s.

Halle Berry & Lena Waithe

I believe sexual orientation is largely genetic. But you can almost see Halle mentally switching teams as she holds hands with Lena here.

Olivia Colman & Glenn Close

Olivia and Glenn just heard Rachel tell them about the “tongue lashing” they’re going to receive from her later and they’re clearly excited.

D’arcy Carden & Jameela Jamil

In real (after)life, Janet would totally fall for Tahani instead of that dum-dum Jason.

Marin Hinkle & Rachel Brosnahan

Blah, blah, blah – I know they play mother-daughter on screen. But that’s acting people. Award-winning acting.

Patricia Clarkson & Amy Adams

Again, yes, yes, yes, I know they played mother-daughter. But it’s called acting, people. Equally award-winning acting.

Regina King & Tiffany Haddish

Regina promised to make all of her projects at least 50 percent female moving forward. I suggest she starts with Tiffany – in her pants. Too much? Did I mention my power went out for a while?

Jamie Lee Curtis

Fine, she’s not doing anything particularly gay. But she looks awesome and I think awesome things are gay. So, there you go.

Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira & Janelle Monáe

I wanna be a fly on that wall…

Oh, look – now we can be! Thanks, Lupita & Danai.

Friday, January 04, 2019

My Weekend Crush

The first crush of 2019 is not a new crush. But she is an eternal crush – an eternal crush who now rocks thigh-high glitter boots. HELLO. I have never missed the Obamas more than at this political moment. But I’m so glad to see they’re both out their living their best lives – particularly Michelle. After all, happiness is the best revenge. That and, you know, looking amazing in thigh-high glitter boots. May we all enter 2019 with thigh-high glitter boots in our hearts, and determination to walk all over injustice this year. Happy first weekend of 2019, all.

Thursday, January 03, 2019

Under My Umbrella

Look, I don’t know fully what “The Umbrella Academy” is all about. But I know it has supernatural events, Ellen Page and Mary J. Blige as a suit-wearing assassin all together in a new show. So, yep I’m in. This totally seems like something to get excited about for 2019. Now, what’s this all about again?

Wednesday, January 02, 2019


How do I know 2019 is going to be a good and gay year at the movies? Mainstream Hollywood is giving us Bisexuals in Black, Terminator: San Junipero and Captain Marvel-ous, but there will be at least two lesbian movies featuring high-profile casts. Late last year it was announced that Kristen Stewart was in talks to star in a Clea DuVall-penned lesbian holiday rom-com AND that Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan are set to star in a lesbian period piece. Sure, it’s not quite 2018’s Carol Effect wave of movies just yet. But it is a super gay start.

A little more on both projects.

K-Stew’s “Happiest Season” was written and directed by Clea (who co-wrote the script with writing partner Mary Holland). Per its synopsis, Kristen would play a “young woman whose plan to propose to her girlfriend while at her family’s annual holiday party is upended when she discovers her partner hasn’t yet come out to her conservative parents.” K-Stew starring in a contemporary, heartwarming holiday-themed lesbian rom-com? We truly are living in the future.

Kate and Saoirse’s “Ammonite” is set in seaside 1840s England. Kate plays real-life pioneering paleontologist Mary Anning who meets a young, wealthy London woman who is sent to the coast for her “health.”

Butter that popcorn, kittens. It’s gonna be a super gay ride.