Put a Ring on It

Well, isn’t this an interesting predicament. Celebrating the federal government’s continued recognition of same-sex marriages as valid and legal, while my own real same-sex marriage is ending. Life, ain’t it a kick in the crotch?

Still the Senate’s passage of the Respect for Marriage act yesterday is an important step in protecting queer relationships — past, present and future — across the country. The House is expected to pass the bill early next week followed by President Biden’s signature into law. And, voila, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer folks will be able to continue to get married and have those marriages recognized by the federal government.

But, and this is a very big but, it does not truly “codify” same-sex marriage as legal in America. Right now, under the combined protections of Obergefell v. Hodges and United States v. Windsor SCOTUS decisions, all states and the federal government must allow and recognize same-sex marriages.

But, the Respect for Marriage Act only keeps a portion of those protections — namely that states must recognize other states’ legal marriages as legal. But the Respect for Marriage Act does not mandate that all states must allow or perform same-sex marriages. Instead is just requires that same-sex marriages from states that allow same-sex marriages must also be recognized by other states, whether those states allow their own same-sex marriage or not.

Also it gives nonprofit religious organizations of all kinds — churches, universities, medical facilities, charities, adoption agencies, you name it — a pass and says they do not have to provide “goods or services for the celebration of any marriage, and could not lose tax-exempt status or other benefits for refusing to recognize same-sex unions.”

So basically that means it lets any group calling itself a “religious organization” to continue to discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community without the risk of losing their tax-exempt gravy train. Neat-O. I thought the religious right was against special interest groups getting special rights! Just kidding, only they want rights.

We get to call this thing “bipartisan” because 12 Republicans said “Yes.” But they wouldn’t vote yes unless they got it written into law that these so-called religious groups can continue their fucking around as hateful bigots without the finding out phase of losing any of their privileges/powers. Again, that concession got 12 Republicans on board. The remaining 36 Republicans — the vast majority of their caucus — voted no. Again, I am begging the mainstream media to call Republicans an anti-LGBTQ+ right party in their reporting, because it is true.

While I certainly applaud the much-needed protections the Respect for Marriage Act presents, it is s stop-gap and not the full enchilada of rights. In essence, depending on where you live you can or cannot get married in your state depending on where you live. So, not exactly codifying.

Also, just in case you’re thinking, “But what state ban gay marriage in this day and age?” Well, may I direct you towards the more than 300 anti-trans/LGBTQ+ bills introduced this year in various statehouses this year alone as a “Like hell they wouldn’t!”

Indeed, if the Far-Right Wing of the Supreme Court (or, I like to call it, the Supreme Court) was to overturn Obergefell — as Thomas and Alito are licking their chops to do — some 35 states currently have laws on the books that would ban legal marriage recognition for LGBTQ+ couples in some form. Granted, one would hope that many of those states would reverse those old Defense of Marriage Act-era bans. But if you look at the climate for queer people right now, it’s easy to see a path where the “OK Groomer” crowd makes our lives even harder than they already are in statehouses and governors mansions across this country.

As long as bigots are allowed to continue their bigoted practices without the fear of any kind of consequences, they will continue to be bigots forever. With this SCOTUS we need to go all in on protecting LGBTQ+ right, women’s rights, BIPOC rights, immigrant rights, disabled rights, worker rights, you name it. So while I’m happy for all the happily married queers — past, present and hopefully future — out there who know their relationships are safe, I implore Democrats and progressives to push against hatred because the other side uses it as their rallying cry instead.

And, who knows, maybe even I will get married again — someday. I mean, I really did like being married…a lot. So, mazel to all the married queers. Now let’s go get the whole brass ring of rights.

p.s. Yes, that’s us and our rings. I miss wearing that ring.