Tuesday, February 28, 2012

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.


J9 said...

Suddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

This is why I love you!

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what the leg thingy was about?? Angelina looks really, really bad. Is she on drugs, eating disorder, sick???

She was once an attractive woman, now she is grotesque. Brad do something!!

egghead said...

Funny roundup of pics here Snarks. I was entertained by your captions.

Oh my gosh, spot on about Ms. Streep seducing world. Although she portrayed a horrifying woman she did capture her - it wasn't just the makeup -- Okay Meryl? Give yourself some credit. You are the perfection of acting! Eat that everybody else. No one else like Meryl. No one. Yeah, she made me cry in Sophie's choice, and she sent chills (good and bad all at the same time!) through me with her acting prowess in that devilish fashion movie. OMG. I still watch that movie with my mouth open in amazement - and I really believe something/someone transformed Anne Hathaway during and after that movie. ;)

On another note - completely in another sphere - Penelope Cruz's hair and dress was a 10+. Was she playing herself?

Anonymous said...

Jessica Chastain was the prettiest lady that night.

Anonymous said...

Naah these are straight girls acting like STRAIGHT Girls, but it doesn't surprise me that this blog doesn't know how lesbians behave, aren't you even against acknowledging that lesbians exist?

More specifically though for all intents and purposes these are straight girls acting like white girls.

Colleen said...

I think Angie's right leg was just looking for food.

Norma Desmond said...

Meryl is my queen. That is all. (I seem to be saying this a LOT lately... as well I should be)

Vee said...

You're making me want Glenn/Janet to be a real thing in the world.

Anonymous said...

Clashida? Oh yeah! And Queen Meryl's faces were priceless. Cheek

Lisa said...


What is the dealio with Busy and Michelle?