Friday, February 22, 2008

My Weekend Crush

In honor of this weekend’s Academy Awards, I had wanted to make this Weekend Crush one of the nominated actresses. But then I realized that aside from the age-inappropriate ones and Amy Ryan (who, to be honest, I simply don’t know anything about), I had already pretty much crushed them all. Instead, I decided to take a trip back into Oscar’s 80-year history to honor an actress who, while she never won a statuette, left her indelible mark on both the awards and cinema. Greta Garbo was nominated three times for best actress, the first time in 1923 at only the third Academy Awards ever. Eventually in 1954, she was given an honorary Oscar. But Garbo’s greatness isn’t about the hardware. It transcends the normal trappings of fame and gets down to the heart of what it means to be a star.

That face, dear God, that face. With her perfect, broad cheekbones, intimidating arched eyebrows and slow, steady gaze, she gave nothing away. Some faces are open books, hers was a locked diary. But, oh, the secrets that waited inside, if only you knew the combination. Just her name alone, Garbo, has become synonymous with beauty and mystery. As an actress who emerged in the silent era, her first talkie was promoted breathlessly with “Garbo Talks!” -- which gives you an idea of the enigmatic figure she cut even back then. Her early exit from the industry, at age 36, only contributed to her mystique. Her sexuality was just as shrouded in mystery. Since her death in 1990, biographies have delved into her affairs with women including the poet Mercedes de Acosta and fellow actress Marlene Dietrich. And today, people still use her oft-quoted line from “Grand Hotel” as a plea for privacy: “I vant to be alone!” But a face like that will always leave us wanting more. Happy Oscars and happy weekend, all.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Say cheese

Ah, yearbook photos. They were the bane of pretty much all of our school-age existences. Because no matter how much you planned or prepared or primped, something inevitably fucked it up so that from here on out until eternity, you would be remembered as the kid with her eyes closed. Not that this happened to me, or anything. Ahem. But you know, it was always something. The big zit. The bad hair. The good hair (let’s face it, looking back at some of our dos, they were decided don’ts). But you know what makes looking back at those old annuals just a little bit less painful? Knowing that even the stars must suffer the indignities of a cheesy school picture from their past. Ah, yearbook photos.

So, let’s have a little fun. Can you guess the future celebrity lurking beneath their geeky teenage faces? Have you picked out everyone above? Give up? Find out on three: 1, 2, 3 ... SAY CHEESE!

More, you want more? But of course. I say there can never be enough snickering at the awkward adolescent years of others. Present company excluded, of course. Or, at least, not to your face. Ahem, again. So, without further ado:

When Big Hair AttacksSAY CHEESE!

When Lesbian Hair AttacksSAY CHEESE!

When, Dammit, Don’t You Take A Bad Picture?SAY CHEESE!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wednesday Wattage

As you might have already noticed from my post time stamps, I don’t sleep much. So today, to give my poor tired brain cells a few more precious REM cycles, in lieu of lots of words I give you Naomi Watts dancing around in a dress shirt and tie. Really, I think it’s a more than fair trade. In fact, you may be getting the better end of this deal. [Click to enlarge the unbuttoned-down goodness.]

Ever since she perplexed the hell out of me in “Mulholland Drive,” Naomi has been a favorite of mine. For an astonishingly beautiful woman, she is surprisingly willing to let herself look unglamorous for a role. Though, speaking of glamour, who the hell at “Glamour” decided to dress Naomi in what appears to be a very fancy lamp shade? I gotta hand it to the boys on this one; she looks a hell of a lot hotter on lad mag than on the ladies glossy. But then, you really can’t go wrong with knickers and an over-sized shirt.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Paging Ellen

So, I finally watched the last of the five Best Picture Oscar nominees yesterday* and can I just say thank fucking God for Ellen Page. Holy crap, if it wasn’t for “Juno,” you’d be left with a decidedly nihilistic view of humanity and possibly some suicidal feelings (or homicidal ones, depending on if you’re an internalizer or an externalizer). Granted, all the films were well done and nicely acted. But, damn, so much for finding the best in people.

But back to Ellen. On Thursday, Ellen turns 21 (happy early birthday!) and already she graces the March cover of Interview magazine. Whoever decided to pose her in a tux and boys briefs is a genius and my new personal hero. And, yes, I am ignoring the age difference that borders on creepy. Just go with it. Drew Barrymore (her upcoming director in the roller-derby flick “Whip It!”) conducted the interview. Celebrities interviewing celebrities, it’s a fame clusterfuck. Somewhere a journalist is weeping. Especially after reading Drew’s first question: “What do you believe in?” Man, how much do I wish Ellen had answered: “The Easter Bunny.” And then Drew asks the old job interview stand-by: “And what about the next five years? What are your aspirations?” The kicker: “What’s your favorite color in the Crayola box?” Aspirin. I need aspirin. Don’t get me started on how Drew keeps inserting her own stories into the questions. Argh. But I digress.

The lovely tidbits (Drew’s questioning not withstanding) include that Ellen adores Kate Winslet, named her dog after Patti Smith (and said about her, “the whole combat boot, black jeans, shaggy salt-and-pepper hair, spitting on stage thing. If that’s not sexy I don’t know what is”), and would trade places for a day with Peaches or Karen O. Gaydar sufficiently dinged. Oh, and just in case you wanted a visual on the Ellen loves Patti stuff, here she is posing as Patti. God, how much do I love a woman in a suit?*NOTE: In case you were wondering, “There Will Be Blood” was the last one I had left to catch. Yeah, bleak.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The gay vote

Well, gee, that was unexpected. I’ve made it into the Top 5 finalists for The Lesbian Lifestyle’s Lesbian Blog of the Year Award. Awww, you like me. You really like me. Thanks to all who nominated me and this crazy little blog. This is the second year in a row I’ve made it to the finals. What can I say, every now and then the sleep deprivation pays off. Also nominated are these very worthy, very gay ladies:

Hahn at Home
Lesbian Dad
Sugarbutch Chronicles
This Girl Called Automatic Win

Voting begins today and runs though March 3. You can vote here; one vote per (living) person. This isn’t Chicago circa 1960. So get on out there and cast your ballot for your favorite blog. And, as always, I will in no way try to influence your vote. I mean, that Naked Lady Monday post was purely informational -- I swear. We are above that here at Surrenders. We be believe in the blogotics of hope. And what’s more hopeful than an edition of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals? Am I right? Oh yeah, I’m right.

Salma Hayek & Jodie FosterSo I didn’t say everyone involved had to be a straight gal.

Rihanna & FriendHands! Hands!

Scarlett Johansson & Natalie PortmanThose Boleyn Girls share a special bond.

Rose McGowan & Rosario DawsonHands! Hands! Take II

Marion Cotillard & Cate BlanchettFine, nothing too gay going on here but it’s always nice to see classy ladies hold hands.

Liv Tyler & Kate Bosworth & Drew BarrymoreWhat can I say, girl gets around.

Padma & FriendJust in case you missed it in the Weekend Crush. Cause, you know, thud.


UPDATE: Since it’s been asked, simply follow this link to vote. It’s quick and painless with no registration required. In fact it takes just two clicks. Click the bubble, click vote and you’re done. As for the prizes, yes, the Dyke Duck is mildly terrifying. But it is also tremendously nice that the winners get anything at all. So many, many thanks to those who have already voted.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Pre-L: Lesbians Gone Wild

L507: “Lesbians Gone Wild”
Well, I hope all of your collective heart rates have returned to normal after the Tibette Carnival of Hotness (trademark pending) from last week. This week’s Pre-L is all about oil and oily situations. My advice, bring some Wet-Naps.

1. Giggling: The only appropriate way to react to Jenny’s dialogue.2. Meet Jenny Kent, the not-so mild-mannered Super Nut.3. Golf game. Single malt scotch. Officer’s club. Hello, Col. Homo.4. Open a thesaurus, search for synonyms for “View.”5. Is this really how Alice decided to wear her hair on national TV?6. Faux Hasselbeck got an upgrade. What? I’m observant.7. Bette makes her case to be the next Wonder Woman. I’m sold.8. Know your enemy.9. Fun gay?Angry Gay?Which will Alice choose?10. The gay that gets her on television, that’s which one. OK, can I just take a second to say that I truly, truly despise the personality transplant Mama Chaiken & Co. have given Alice this season. Who is this transgender hating, closeted military encouraging, famous person outing, televised fame hunting pod person in Alice’s body and how can we make her leave?11. Man, you could fit a football in that thing.12. I can’t believe Maxim cover girls eat all that crap either.13. Hey……jealousy.14. So, Jodi, how is it with Bette and you?15. More fun with math.++++=Lesson: Never snog at work.

16. Clearly not heeding the above lesson.17. You can almost see the wheels turning.18. Shane brings her A-game. Teacher gives it a D.19. I was wrong. So is this. Yeah, this can’t end well.20. Oh my God, Shane is the lesbian Fonz!21. Dawn Denbo and lover Cindi define the term “oily.”22. Kit know the ABC’s of revenge.23. Am I the only one who thinks this is gross and unsanitary?24. All of a sudden I love crazy Jenny.25. Now this is how Alice should have worn her hair for TV.26. Bring……it……on……bee-yotch!27. Occifer, I’m not as think as you drunk I am.29. Cut. Print. Creepy.

New Guestbian Count: 2
[Kelly McGillis as Colonel Gillian Davis; Danielle Kremeniuk as Lez Girls director of photograph Sam Makavejev]
Best Line: “I enjoy a man with confidence. Makes it all that much more enjoyable when I crush him.” -- Col. Davis
Best Question: “The internet, do we believe it?” -- “The Look” Topic of the Day
Best Way to Make Tibetters Cry: “No, no, no, no. Ex, ex, ex.” -- Tina to Sam when asked if Bette is her girlfriend
Weirdest Way To Respond To “I Love You”: “I’m going to give you a hickey.” -- Jenny to Niki