Ode to the Secretly Gay Pop Stars

If I’m being brutally honest, SNL these days usually only elicits some earnest yet not-overly-enthusiastic guffaws these days – at best. But when cast newcomer Jane Wickline sang this song on Weekend Update late last year, I laughed – like really, really laughed. Like out loud and everything. And then I watched it again, and laughed and laughed. So in the interest of starting this year as hilariously gay as possible, please enjoy Jane’s “Sabrina Carpenter” song. And, not to belabor the “if you asked me on a deeper level” meme, it’s a glorious sign of our continued progress as a queer community that a song about wishing people would think you are gay to increase your cultural cache, but alas instead being recognized as the most benignly straight pop superstar around hits a universal theme. I mean, she really did make out passionately with Jenna Ortega and a female alien and we’re all like, aw, I wonder why her and Barry couldn’t work it out. Truly, if you don’t lose it at the deadpan “Hellllp me” then I’m not sure we can be friends.