Teenage (Lesbian Vampires) Wasteland

[Hook (& Lewis]

Right, so how is it that a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) is coming to Netflix and nobody told me? Like, is the Lesbian Bat Signal broken or something? Did we collectively forget how to work a phone tree? No, instead I had to have TikTok – TikTok of all places – tell me that there was a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) coming to Netflix. The indignity of it all.

But, seriously, I’m happy to report the aforementioned teenage lesbian vampire show, called “First Kill,” is based on a short story of the same name. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the story follows a “teenage vampire Juliette Fairmont (played by Sarah Catherine Hook), who has to claim her first victim in order to take her place in a powerful vampire family. She sets her eyes on Calliope Burns (played by Imani Lewis), a new girl in town. Calliope, it turns out, is a vampire hunter from a celebrated family of slayers. They each find out that the other won't be easy to kill — but far too easy to fall for.”

So, what you’re telling me is this is “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” crossed with “Romeo & Juliet” but MAKE IT GAY? Yes, thank you. I will watch this. I haven’t heard of either actress before, which is fine considering they’re supposed to be teenage lesbians and all. Hook has episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” and “Monsterland” on her IMDB, and Lewis has some recurring roles on “The Get Down” and “Hightown” on hers. I know nothing else about the series except Emma Roberts is producing it. But then, again, they had me at star-crossed lesbian vampire and lesbian vampire hunter series.