My Weekend Crush

Where. Are. My. Wanker No. 9s? Right, so if you haven’t watched “Gay of Thrones” that won’t make much sense, well except the Wanker No. 9 part because I know you gay gals totally get that - on a spiritual level. So in what may be her final appearance on the parody recap series “Gay of Thrones,” the intimitable Lena Headey dished over Facetime with host and “Queer Eye” glamazon Jonathan Van Ness about this month’s Emmy Awards.

Basically all the great GoT women are nominated (Emilia, Lena, Sophie, Maisie, Gwendoline, Carice) and it’ll be a particularly cruel death match in the Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Category. Though it remains galling that a handful of the actors (including Gwendoline for her portrayal of endlessly kickass Brienne of Tarth and Carice for her red-flowy portrayal of Melisandre) had to self-submit their nominations because HBO didn’t bother.

Regardless, I wish all the women of GoT success at the Emmys. They’re all so much better than what the material became. And our Lena’s Cersei deserved a more fitting death than to be inexplicably crushed by rocks while hugging her Brother D when they could have just moved over about 10 feet and totally have lived. I mean, in a world full of real villains, we could all use a just a little Cersei to help us get through it all. Or, even better, a lot of Lena. Happy weekend, all.

Sketch Me Like One of Your Funny Girls

If you haven’t watched “The Black Lady Sketch Show” you’ve been missing perhaps the most diverse, and LGBTQ inclusive comedy shows on television right now. The HBO series was just renewed for a second season and it more than deserves the re-up.

Not only are series regulars Robin Thede, Ashley Nicole Black, Gabrielle Dennis and Quinta Brunson wildly talented, they also have a slew of amazing guest stars including but not limited to series executive producer Issa Rae, out comic Brittani Nichols, out TV master of many shows Lena Waithe, Nailed It’s Nicole Byer, Firefly’s Gina Torres (yes, she’ll always be Zoe to me), Patti LaBelle (yes, that Patti LaBelle) and Angela freaking Bassett.

As if all that wasn’t enough, their sketches have seamlessly integrated LGBTQ storylines without the obvious “This Is An LGBTQ Storlyline” stereotypes hitting us over the head. They’re just about people who have funny/weird/hilarious/clinically depressed things happen to them who also happen to be gay. It’s great and not at all basic. And not just because I have a soft spot for barbecue daddies.

Naked Lady Wednesday

Look, some things can’t wait for Naked Lady Monday. Like Kelley O’Hara in the annual ESPN The Body Issue. I was issued a Lesbian Bat Signal and it is now my duty to respond. That’s just, like, the law - right?

So please, take this Hump Day after a holiday to enjoy USWNT star/congratulatory girlfriend kisser Kelley O’Hara taking it all off for, well um, not exactly science but sports. That still counts, P.E. was a class in school.

In the interview Kelley says her butt is her favorite part of her body, which is the kind of quality, hard-hitting journalism you just can’t put a price on. However, I was rather disappointed that the ESPN interviewer didn’t bother to mention the aforementioned kiss at the end of their World Cup victory. Like, we all have eyes, we all saw. Throw us lesbian, bi, queer and just incredibly attracted to ladies who play soccer ladies a bone. Or, you know, the opposite of a bone - figuratively speaking.

Tank Top Terminator

My unapologetic love for big, dumb action movies with very, very strong female leads continues to grow apace. I haven’t really liked a Terminator movie since T2 because, well, they’ve all kind of sucked since T2. Yes, even the one with Kristanna Loken. And, regrettably, even the one with Daenerys.

Still I hope against hope for “Terminator: Dark Fate.” Most of this has to do with those very, very strong female leads I talked about. And they don’t get very, very stronger than Linda Hamilton, back totting serious heat as Sarah Connor. And then there’s Mackenzie Davis (forever our Yorkie) as an enhanced superhuman and Natalia Reyes as what appears to be Sarah Connor: The Next Generation.

I have no idea if this movie will be any good. But I just love to see women kick ass on the big screen. And, you know, the tank top doesn’t hurt. It is Tuesday, after all.

Signs of the Times

Now this is how you get your Monday off right. Please enjoy out lesbian sign language interpreter extraordinaire Amber Galloway Gallego keeping up with one of the world’s fastest rappers Twista.

The clip of her absolutely laying it down went viral recently after Twista himself gave her mad props (do the kids today still say mad props?) on Twitter and called her “the real MVP for keeping up wit me.”

This isn’t the first time Amber has gone viral. She previously turned heads signing for Kendrick Lamar during Lollapalooza six years ago. Over the years she has made signing for rap and hip-hop and music festivals in general her specialty.

But, really, no one should be surprised by Amber’s prowess in ASL. We lesbians certainly know how to use our hands. Ahem.

EDIT: No disrespect was meant in highlighting the amazing dexterity and skill it takes Amber, who is not deaf, to sign at this speed. My apologies for any offense.

My Weekend Crush

I know I already wrote a little about MTV’s VMAs this week, and I am admittedly way too old to be writing so much about MTV’s VMAs this much. But while I tend to be a pop/alternative/Americana type of lady when it comes to music, do love me a little hip hop, and to be more specific, I love me little ladies of hip hop. Actually, I love me a lot of ladies of hip hop. And I really love Missy Elliott. Someone tweeted (and apologies for not being able to find the exact tweet and give full credit) that despite most of Missy’s hits being more than two decades old, they still sound like they’re coming from 20 years in the future. And that’s the damn truth.

More than a little Missy made the dance playlist for our wedding last fall. It’s her joy and her verve that I can’t get enough of. And, you know, them sick beats. But watching her perform a medley of some of her best bops was very, very fun. And, the lady can still put on a hell of a show. I mean, someone got abducted by aliens in the middle of her set, yo.

Also, you may recognize the badass female dancer in the yellow track suit as none other than *that* little girl from Missy’s 2003 “Work It” video. So some 17 years later Alyson Stoner is back to rip it up on stage.

Love you. Forever grateful. Thankful for your warmth, diligence, spirit. It’s the greatest honor to celebrate you with the world. Still geekin!!! ❤️❤️ https://t.co/be5GMh437m

— Alyson Stoner (@AlysonStoner) August 27, 2019

It should also be noted that Alyson came out last year in Teen Vogue as having been in a same-sex relationship, fallen in love with a woman and being attracted to “attracted to men, women, and people who identify in other ways.” Work it, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

Teenage Fantasy Fulfillment

I did not watch “Beverley Hills 90210” when I was younger. While I was in the right age bracket for the show, I was always a “My So-Called Life” kind of gal instead of a “90210” kind of gal while growing up. So I don’t particularly feel any nostalgia about the new, very meta “BH90210” reboot. It’s the old 90210 actors playing themselves while working on a project to reboot “90210” and play their old characters again. Like, uh, what? But then I heard they made Gabrielle Carteris/Andrea Zuckerman kiss a lady and I thought, what a blatant ratings stunt…I am totally going to watch that. It helps that they cast Ali Liebert as her kissee.

Theresa confesses her 90s crush, drops the words "Suze Orman" and "Sapphic" and asks Gabrielle about her sexuality all under 50 seconds. Well done, @AliLiebert 👏🏼 -T #BH90210 pic.twitter.com/prRuroaNqQ

— LezWatch.TV 📺 🏳️🌈 (@lezwatchtv) August 12, 2019

I will say, the few episodes of “90210” I did watch, I always related to Andrea Zuckerman the most. I mean, she worked on her high school newspaper and I worked on my high school newspaper. She wore glasses and blazers and those awesome 90s vests. And I wore glasses and aspired to wear blazers and those awesome 90s vests.

So you really can’t blame Ali for taking her shot and hitting on Gabrielle/Andrea.



I would do the exact same thing were I ever to ever be working as a bartender and serve Claire Danes.

For Love of Lizzo

I’ve said this since Nov. 8, 2016, but joy is an act of resistance. And right now nothing is more joyful than Lizzo. Since it came out late last month I’ve watched her NPR Tiny Desk concert no fewer than four times – just as a little pick-me-up for the soul. Plus, a good booty shake certainly never hurt anyone.

But more than just being joyful, which her music unmistakably is, Lizzo is radical in her love. Love of herself. Love of her audience. Love of what love can really do. And she speaks these radical ideas out loud, to a beat that no one can deny.

When Lizzo says, “It’s so hard trying to love yourself in a world that doesn’t love you back,” you feel it. And when she says, “You deserve to feel good as hell,” you believe it. She frequently says, “If you can love me, you can love yourself.” And, if you really think about that, it’s a wildly radical flipping of the self-worth script.

You often hear, “You can’t love someone until you love yourself.” While probably a well-intentioned way to think about our love and worth, it lays the onus of being worthy or unworthy of love all on our shoulders. So if we’re unworthy of love, i.e. don’t love ourselves, it’s basically our fault. Again, not necessarily the intent, but too often the outcome of this kind of thinking.

But what Lizzo says is, if you can love me (or, really, anyone else) then you already have all the tools you need to love yourself. And that’s a pretty profound way to think about your self worth. It’s not that you are unworthy, because you can love, it’s that you haven’t deemed yourself worthy. But, guess what, you are. I know it, Lizzo knows it, and deep down I truly hope you know it too. Because you deserve to feel good as hell. We all do.

The Dark Rey Side

So I’m what I think the kids today call an OG Star Wars Stan. Like, I just brought home a box of my childhood vintage Star Wars figures from my visit back home. And I still have all their accessories – like Han Solo’s gun and Leia’s bounty hunter helmet and all the Ewok’s headpieces. So, yeah, I stan.

I’ve greatly enjoyed the new “Star Wars” films, and have an even greater appreciation of them putting women and minorities front and center in a galaxy that before left them largely on the margins. So I am looking forward to the final part this new trilogy, “Rise of Skywalker.” And the teaser from D23 only made me look forward to it more – with one important caveat.



I swear if they make this end with a Dark Rey/Evil Daenerys slain by Savior Jon Snow/Kylo Ren situation I will go double-bladed lightsaber on ALL THE MEN IN HOLLYWOOD. Seriously, I cannot take another build-up of a female heroine only to have her unceremoniously go nuts and get killed. Can. Not.

Granted, I don’t actually think that’s where they’re taking the Star Wars universe. First I don’t think they’d casually drop that massive of a spoiler in a first-look teaser trailer. This is probably a vision or, at most, a brief temptation.

But also I have to believe that at least one person at Disney would be like, hey, maybe let’s not destroy all of the goodwill we built up through two new films by doing a full reversal of character with Rey. Right?



I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think Dark Rey looks badass and you gotta love that double-switchblade lightsaber. But anything more than just a brief fashion adventure on the Dark Side is totally unacceptable. That is unless she starts carrying a full Swiss Army Knife lightsaber, then at least she’ll have all the gay ladies on her side.

The Holy Trinity

There still is no spoon. But soon, there will be more of “The Matrix.” The return to the green-tinted, black leather world of falling code and angry computers will reunite original franchise co-creator and director Lana Wachowski and stars Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss reprising their roles as Neo and Trinity.

To quote The One in pretty much every movie, “Whoa.”

I will freely and proudly admit to harboring the most intense crush on Carrie-Anne Moss’s Trinity. I mean, how could you not? She had an alternative lifestyle haircut and wore skin-tight leather/PVC pants and tank tops and could kick you backwards in the head like a freaking scorpion. Also, Carrie-Anne Moss is very good in the face and body and all those other superficial places. I also freely admit to having dozens of truly ancient probably 12-24kb photos of Trinity saved somewhere on some backup hard drive from the late 90s, early 2000s era. So there’s that.

Granted, I have absolutely no idea how they plan to resurrect her since she died in the third film “The Matrix Revolutions.” (Also, that movie is 16 years old so I don’t want to hear any whining about “spoilers” here.)

But I can say I am truly excited to see what happens next and how Lana and Keanu and Carrie-Anne return us to The Matrix in already endlessly online times. The films (the first, definitely, the rest to diminishing degrees) still feel so contemporary in their technological dystopia. And, let’s just admit it, they were so fucking cool. The story was cool. The actors looked cool. The technology was cool. I mean, I still kind of want one of those auto-slide open phones.

With trans filmmaker Lana at the helm I feel assured we will get a bold and queer-inclusive return to a universe we all couldn’t get enough of two decades ago. While The Wachowskis post-Matrix work has been a tad uneven, you have to admire the sisters’ singular vision and willingness to take enormous swings into the unknown. Plus, they gave us “Bound” which remains an iconic staple of lesbian cinema. And their truly terrible “Jupiter Ascending” is perhaps my favorite truly terrible movie of all time. I’ve unashamedly watched it like half a dozen times.

So bring on the skin-tight PVC and let’s all take another Red Pill (but not in the horrible Men’s Rights/Al-Right way) together. Time to reboot all those latent Trinity fantasies.

My Weekend Crush

Holy shit, kittens, maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s the Lizzo, but this trailer looks…good. Like really freaking good. Perhaps it’s just my Pavlovian response to seeing these characters – who I have loved against my better judgment so long – again. But dammit if I don’t feel exited. Like really freaking excited.

I know, I know – don’t get your hopes up. I’ve tried many times unsuccessfully to do full “The L Word” rewatches in the past, and I find myself fast-forwarding through basically all of the insanity/worst Jenny bullshit and just watching the most relatable lesbian content. (Like the phone tree scene or the gay pot brownies scene or the “Close to Fine” sing-along scene or anything and everything to do with Dana Fairbanks.)

But goodness if Jennifer Beals, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig don’t look ah-mah-zing in this trailer. Like really freaking amazing. Like do these women even age? Like *low whistle forever*

I also want full credit for manifesting Bette Porter’s political aspirations. I mean, I’ve been talking up Straight Bette Porter for so long now, it feels like Lesbian Bette Porter was feeling a little left out. Also Bette running for office makes Election Day an official lesbian holiday. Look it up, it’s in the Constitution.

Yes, of course, it’s not perfect. Tibetters are pouring a little out of their sippy cups no doubt because Tina/Laurel Holloman is nowhere in sight. (For what it’s worth Laurel has said she is retired from acting to focus on her painting instead – so I guess we’ll all wait to see how they explain Tina’s absence. As long as it doesn’t involve cancer or a tractor we should be fine.)

Also, while I certainly welcome the new diversity in the cast, it appears butch and more masculine ladies are still not allowed in West Hollywood. Pity.

Still, I wasn’t expecting how good it would feel to see these characters back at their gay lady shenanigans – and a new generation ready to flip off the patriarchy.

So, anyone else feeling the same tingle? And I guess now until Dec. 8 I’ll be setting up my politician consultant business for fictional lesbians.

Book Smart

[Find bigger version here]

Look, we all know Carol Aird is The Smoulder Stare Queen of the Lesbians. But goodness if Elizabeth Debicki’s Virginia Woold and Gemma Arterton’s Vita Sackville-West aren’t giving it the old destined to be taught in college literature classes try. This exclusive clip from their upcoming film “Vita & Virginia,” which opens Friday, certainly makes me want to be a fly on that wall. Or, you know, Virginia’s cigarette.

Under the Sea Monsters

Do I like disaster monster movies? Yes. Does this movie look like it might be a bad disaster monster movie? Yes. Does it have a super dykey Kristen Stewart with her super dykey hair being threatened by unseen sea monsters? Yes. Am I going to see it at some point? Yes, definitely. No more questions.

I Want My Unicorn T V

Well now isn’t this amazing news to come back to? Emily Andras of “Lost Girl” and “Wynonna Earp” fame and adoration has inked a new deal for a new show with Syfy. And it’s not just any show. It’s a super-duper mega about, and I quote form The Hollywood Reporter:

“Axeholes follows a mismatched bunch of comic convention attendees who inadvertently get transported into the real-life world of their favorite fantasy TV series, Blue Bar’Bara. In the worst role-playing game ever, the unequipped party must learn to navigate a dangerous land of profanity-spewing battle axes, sociopathic fairies, disturbingly sensual dragons and a chainmail-bikini-wearing shield maiden as they struggle to find a way back home.”

All of this is amazing and I want to watch this immediately if not sooner. Emily said the series is a “an adoring, tongue-in-cheek love letter to fandom in general, and fierce barbarian princesses in particular.” She also said she was thrilled to be working with Syfy for being “endlessly supportive of the hilarious, moving, action-packed feminist genre shows.”

As if that wasn’t enough, Andras has already lured “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” star and bisexual shero Stephanie Beatriz onto the project to play a, and again I quote, “barbarian shield maiden.”

IM IN IN INNNNNNNN

— Stephanie Beatriz (@iamstephbeatz) August 19, 2019

So buckle up lil unicorns and unicorn lovers, we’ve got some watching to do.

Vacation Vixen: Rachel Weisz

I don’t know what it is about the look down, look up that is so ridiculously effective. But, fuck, does it work. Now that’s how you end a vacation.

Vacation Vixen: Tina Fey

You made it through another week. Here is My Fake TV/Film/Executive Producing Wife Tina Fey in a suit delivering you some balloons. Did I say you? Just kidding, they’re definitely for me. Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Hannah Hart

Ah, Hannah Hart, we knew you when you were just a drunk gay gal making a mess in her kitchen. Now you’re a drunk gay gal making a mess in her kitchen while wearing an immaculate tuxedo. Or, at least, that’s the video I see playing in my head.

Vacation Vixen: Lucy Liu

Lucy Liu volunteers to punch this week in the face for you. She’s generous like that.

Vacation Vixen: Tank Top & Thighs Tuesday

I feel like in honor of Kelley O’Hara and Rose Lavelle’s display, I should rename it Tank Top & Thighs Tuesday. You know, just a thought.

Vacation Vixen: The Forever First Family

Guess what, I’m on vacation! Again! I’m off to a quick last-minute family reunion back in “Real ’Merica.” Kidding, it’s just Indiana – which is, you know, totally fine except that it gave the world Mike Pence. So, yeah, our bad.

Anyway, as always, in my absence I leave you with some Vacation Vixens to help you pass the time. While I am not doing anything even remotely as glamorous as Michelle, Sasha and Malia (though, damn, if seeing them now doesn’t make me ache for the days when an extraordinarily good, true and decent First Family was in the White House), they remain eternal vacation goals. Though, perhaps without the jet skiing police escort.