Music Monday: Christine and the Queens

If you’re still scarred by French Lesbianism because of all the spaghetti and scissoring of “Blue Is the Warmest Color,” mon petits choux, do I have the perfect salve for you. Granted, I’m not nearly the kind of person who goes around bragging about liking some artist before they were cool. I’ve never even claimed to be cool. But I do think French singer Héloïse Letissier, who goes by the stage name Christine and the Queens, is very, very cool. So cool, I actually am not sure if I’m allowed to write about her. I’m probably not cool enough.

But enough about my uncoolness, onto her infinite coolness. First and foremost, she is French, which always has that certain je ne sais quoi about it. Second, she is queer – describing herself in pansexual and possessing a post-gender swagger about her with a proven affinity for long hair, suits, tank tops and glitter. Third she just released her American self-titled debut and is touring the states. Fourth, all of her music videos are basically amazing, even if I don’t know what she is singing about half of the time. Fifth, she can dance, dammit. Sixth, but really, check out her dancing in those videos where she will remind you of a heavenly mashup of Michael Jackson, Fiest, Laurie Anderson and that one amazing modern dance recital you went to in college that totally blew your mind. And, finally, seventh, I really like her sound. Yes, all that and her music is good, too.





Drake’s dorky “Hotline Bling” dancing has nothing on Christine. Like, in this video she does nothing but sit in a folding chair (while crooning some choice Kanye West) and I was riveted the whole damn time.



So, anyway, to repeat: I am not cool, but big oui to this Christine and the Queens lady who most certainly is. Fin.

My Weekend Crush

So the first full “Jessica Jones” trailer is finally out and *low whistle* it looks intense. Descriptors like “dark” and “gritty” and “terrifying” are usually only deployed when talking about show’s starring men doing men things. Or superheroes doing men things (think Batman or Daredevil). But now, Netflix is offering us a woman at the center of all those adjectives. Needless to say, I’m in. I was in when I first heard about the concept. I was really in when I heard it would feature Carrie-Anne Moss playing a lesbian characters. And now that I’ve seen this dark, gritty, terrifying vision I’m ready. November 20, let’s Netflix and send chills down our spines. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Only small complaint? The trailer needs more Carrie-Anne Moss and her haircut, duh.

Good Dog

Not to be controversial, given gay women and their stereotypical penchant for cats, but this dog brings me so much joy today. I love fall, it is probably my favorite season (though, talk to me in the spring and I would have words with my Fall Self). Just wanted to spread the dog joy today. Back to the pop culture trenches tomorrow.

Brokeback to the Future

So in honor of Back to the Future Day (where’s my hoverboard, dammit?), here is a little ode to the “Back to the Future” trilogy in the gayest way possible – naturally. Did I ever mention I had a massive, all-consuming crush on Michael J. Fox while growing up? In my defense, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head he looks exactly like a extremely cute butch girl. So, you know, there’s my root.

Right Now in a Galaxy Right Here

It’s no secret that I was an absolute “Star Wars” nut growing up. I played with the actions figures like other girls played with Barbies. So it was both with a mix of excitement and a little anxiety that I approach this new film. I mean, you can’t blame me considering the disaster of those three prequels. Shudder. But, finally, I think I can breathe a sigh of relief. Why? Because not only do the trailers hit all the right nostalgic notes (Han! Leia! Chewie! R2!), they also seem be to giving us something I quite frankly have never seen in a major motion picture action franchise – leading characters who appear to be a woman and a black man. I mean, I knew Daisy Ridley and John Boyega has been cast in leading roles. But, if this trailer is any indication, they are our all-in heroes. Yeah, let that settle in. Now that’s a Force I can definitely get behind.

And Buffy makes four?

The “Absolutely Fabulous” movie is happening. The “Gilmore Girls” are being revived on Netflix. Adele just teased new music. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. While this is all great news for people who watched television in the last 20 years and/or has ears, I’m still waiting for my Buffy reunion. Now is our chance, since the entertainment gods are apparently granting wishes today. Let’s make it happen, universe. Evil, skanky and kinda gay. What is not to like?

My Weekend Crush

So, I was out of town this weekend for a wedding (or, as I like to call it, a fancy dress party with free wine and bad music) and missed Amy Schumer’s HBO special Saturday night. But, as soon as I could, I watched it and now cannot recommend it highly enough. What makes Amy isn’t that she is just a “sex comic,” as she is too frequently labeled. It’s that she is a woman who speak frankly and doesn’t give a fuck whether the men in the room like it. No, she doesn’t hate men (that’s just for us lesbians, duh). She just isn’t interested into buying into the stereotypically prescribed male fantasies of what women should be. And that, that frees a person up to just be themselves. And what Amy is a hilarious truth teller. So pour yourself a big bottle of wine and enjoy. Happy (what is left of the) weekend, all.

More, More, More...Women

You know, a lot of people whine when Hillary Clinton brings up her outsider status as a woman running for president. Your gender is not a qualification for president, they wail! Your vagina will not solve this country’s problems, they hoot! Your sex shouldn’t even be an issue, they scoff! On their face value, all these points are very true. In a perfect world we should not be influenced by a candidate’s gender, race, sexual orientation, et al. None of that should matter. But then, how come it always has?

When we say someone’s sex is not a qualification, we always mean a woman’s sex does not qualify her for something. Because, if you look at the facts empirically, a person’s sex very much does qualify them for leadership. Given our nation’s past history, being a man is automatic qualification for the presidency. Why? Because every single one of our presidents has been a man. Every. Single. One. Dating back to 1789, when George Washington was elected our first president to today, 226 years later, we have had nothing but men hold the highest office in the land. If that isn’t conclusive evidence that we as a nation consider gender important when picking our leaders, then I don’t know what is.

And therein lies the rub. Those who profess we should be a completely gender-blind society miss the fact that we’ve never been one and are nowhere close now. It’s like saying we don’t need feminism because, of course, men and women should be equal. You’re right, we should be; but we aren’t. You can’t deny what’s actually happening. Women still make about 78 cents to every dollar a man makes – and for women of color that number is even worse. Women make up only 84 of the 435 U.S. Representatives and 20 of the 100 U.S. Senators in Congress. Women represent only 24 of the top CEOS in Fortune 500 companies across the country.

Something as simple as Elle UK’s #MoreWomen campaign is incredibly effective in showing us the obvious disparities. Photoshop all the men out of prominent situations and what you’re left with is a bunch of very lonely women.

Guess what, world, we’ll stop complaining about parity when we actually reach it.

Right, so now that that’s settled, how great was Hillary’s definitive “No” response at this week’s debate? It’s a model for all women (and men, because equality) of how to handle bullshit.

Pride Goeth Before the Zombies

Right, so I’m more excited for this movie than I probably should be. Given the first big-screen adaptation of a Seth Grahame-Smith novel was pretty awful (yes, I’m honestly talking about you, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”), I shouldn’t have such high hopes. But then I’d be lying if I didn’t say the first trailer made me feel almost giddy. Call it the “lots of kick-ass women banding together to kick ass”-effect, but I’m in. Also, I sort of can’t get enough zombie hooha. But don’t take my word for it. Experience the thrill for yourself.

Though if the trailer still wasn’t quite enough to push you over the edge into exuberant anticipation, did you notice who that one-eyed badass two-fisting the katanas was? Yep, that’s every lesbian’s favorite former florist. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Lena Headey makes everything better.

Somewhere Over the Rain-Bo

Gosh, how gorgeous this week's "Lost Girl?" I am going to pretend the Wizard of Oz theme was done just for me, naturally. I always loved the episodes where the actors are allowed to act against type. Check out my recap of this week's episode over on AfterEllen today.

Confidently Gay

May I present to you Demi Lovato’s continued flirtation with lesbianism, lesbian iconography and things in general pertinent to your lesbian interests. (Yes, yes – don’t worry, I’m just saying “lesbian” because it sounds funnier that way – but it’s also pertinent to your bisexual, genderqueer, trans and otherwise sexually other interests.) While some may have dismissed “Cool for the Summer” as too queer baity, I rather liked that little jam. And, to be honest, I thought it celebrated sexual fluidity rather than titillated for the sake of getting dudes watch hot girl-on-girl action.

Anyway, so Demi is back with more super gay imagery. And while nothing explicitly gay happens, it’s a video starring Demi Lovato and Michelle Rodriguez. Come on.

So, with that, here is a breakdown of the most totally gay moments in her new video “Confident.” Granted, it would be better if they actually made out and/or joined a softball team together. But you have to believe that’s still coming.

Butch posturing


More butch posturing


Dealing with the male gaze


Realizing you have a mutual ex


Heavy flirting


Consummation


Deciding to U-Haul


Turning down unsolicited threesome requests


Riding off into the sunset together

My Weekend Crush

You’ve made it through another week. Treat yourself with this glorious image of Frances McDormand drinking wine on the toilet. The photo comes from a couscous dinner fundraised Frances hosted for The Wooster Group, an experimental theater troupe based out of New York City. Other attendees who came together to enjoy a plate of couscous included Steve Buscemi, Louis C.K., Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maura Tierney and more. But, again, I don’t really care about any of that. I just care that Frances looks wickedly pleased with herself. And why shouldn’t she? She is drinking wine on the toilet. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. This reminds me, I should probably watch “Olive Kitteridge” sometime soon.

All She Wants To Do Is Dance, Dance, Dance

http://jerseyless.tumblr.com/post/130640475705/theperksofbeingagleek-hold-it-against-me

You guys, I hate to even admit this. But sometimes I intensely miss “Glee.” Not necessarily the “Glee” that became “Glee.” But the “Glee” before it was totally “Glee.” You know, the potential of “Glee.” I’ve now said “Glee” approximately 2,017 times in span of less than four sentences, for which I deeply apologize. It is in no way my intent to bring up any post-“Glee” traumatic stress disorders (PGTST, for short). In summation, what I think I’m really trying to say is, damn, I miss Heather Morris dancing. I miss it a lot.

Free To Be...

So ABC Family, indisputable the best channel on basic cable television and perhaps televisions in general for LGBT representation, is changing its name to … wait for it … Freeform. The new rebranding is meant to reflect the channels, um, freeform approach to programming aimed squarely at what they call the new (network-coined) “Becomers” life stage. In short, it means anyone – regardless of age – who thinks/tweets/Instagrams like a millennial and/or whatever the next most highly sought after advertising target groups will be called.

As far as names of channels go Freeform is purposefully amorphous and pretty ridiculous. What does it mean? Who the hell knows! But the good news is the channel will continue its programming aimed – most solidly – at young women age 14-34. And the best news about that age group is they love shows with great LGBT representation. “Pretty Little Liars,” “The Fosters,” “Switched at Birth” and (cue wah-wah sound) the just cancelled “Chasing Life.”

But, all joking aside, the ABC Family name really didn’t convey the channel’s approach to programming anymore. So a rebrand in that regard makes sense. But what I love most about this entire evolution is that the gayest channel on basic cable television was founded by televangelist and noted bigot Pat Robertson as the Christian network The Family Channel back in the 70s. But today, we happily accept that “family” encompasses gay teenagers, lesbian moms and everyone else on the sexual otherness spectrum. Now that is truly ironic, and not the Alanis Morissette kind.

I can only ABC Family went with Freeform because ABC WhateverFloatsYourBoat and ABC TooGayToFunction tested poorly with focus groups. Still, whatever you call it, ABC Family/Freeform is still the channel that gave us an uninterrupted 3 minutes and 22 seconds of Emily Fields making out with girls. Welcome to brave new Freeform world, America. You’re gonna like it here.

p.s. Holy lesbianism, Batman, how does that video not have 900 million views already?

Tank Top Tuesday

So it has been undeniably strange watching “The 100” warrior leader play the “Fear the Walking Dead” sullen teen. But Alycia Debnam-Carey has done admirably in both. Though I can’t help but think with a little more eye paint Lexa could kick all those zombies’ butts no problem. So in honor of some other great transformations, here are some more great ladies in tank tops.

Alycia Debnam-Carey

Still needs more eyeliner – and weaponry.

Shannyn Sossamon

You may only remember her as the asymmetrical chunky pixie cut girl from all those early 2000s movie. But I, for one, am super excited to see her as the big bad on this season of “Sleepy Hollow.”

Angela Bassett

She is supposed to hook-up with Lady Gaga on “American Horror Story: Hotel” this season. Like you aren’t watching just for that, too.

Ashlyn Harris

To most of America she is Hope Solo’s back-up. To lesbians she is half of Krashlyn.

Michelle Rodriguez

I would have never guessed she would become the girl who loves to post Instagram pictures of herself in sparkly ball gowns and on fancy yachts in Ibiza. But, hey, at least she still also looks great in a tank top.

Rachel Skarsten

Turning Tamsin into a lovesick teenager AND a sexual assault victim in one season? Wow, show, wow.

p.s. Full recap of Lost Girl episode 5.13 up today at AfterEllen.

Four More Years

Look, I like Bernie just fine. Not the best gun control record, yet still a true progressive on just about everything else. But I really, really love Hillary. Sure she has her flaws and they have been well documented, yet I very much want her to be my next president. I could go into an extremely long list of why, but the absolute shallowest reason for this is I really do think it would be amazing to have four more years of Kate McKinnon impressions. And that is still a better reason to vote for someone than any of the reasons people are voting for Trump.

A vote for Hillary is a vote for four more years of Kate McKinnon's impression. #citizens pic.twitter.com/8WFlf1dy9n

— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) October 4, 2015

My Weekend Crush

So today is a momentous no matter how you look at it. First, it’s a Friday, and that’s always a good thing. And second it’s the day “Freeheld” opens. Granted, it’s only in Los Angeles and New York right now. But it will open across this great country later this month. A high-profile lesbian movie is reason to celebrate in and of itself, but a high-profile lesbian movie starring an out lesbian actress is quite another. So no matter how the film does and is received – and I hope it is very well on both points – we should celebrate this momentous step for our community. Congratulations, Ellen Page and Julianne Moore (who, after so many queer roles, is basically an honorary lesbian at this point). I can’t wait to see your movie. Happy weekend, all.

LaTina Fey Thursday

Hey, I just said Tina Fey was my perfect woman; not that she was perfect. Please enjoy your belly laugh for this Thursday in the form of My Fake TV Wife totally failing at the “LaTina Fey” game with Billy Eichner. Watch to the end with the trophy, I promise it’ll be worth it.

Needs More Scully

Look, I think we can all agree this has too much Mulder and not enough Scully. But, darn, if that “X-Files” music doesn’t hit you squarely in the sweet nostalgia box. And it is rather clever to tie in paranoia of being in a state of high-tech government surveillance (drones, drones, drones) into the revival. Still, I don’t know about you, but while I enjoyed the conspiracy, over the course of the series it became so convoluted that I longed for the Monster of the Week episodes. Plus it is hard to argue there was a creepier episode in the entire series than “Home.” *Shudder* *Shudder some more*

Sp, do you have high hopes for this? I won’t lie, even if I didn’t I would watch just to see Gillian Anderson’s glorious face. Speaking of which, when is “The Fall” coming back?

Same Old Story

Hell hath no fury like a fandom scorned. So, yeah, that happened. Stop reading if you don’t want to be spoiled for the upcoming final episodes of “Lost Girl.” Or, you know, if you’d rather live in a magical and benevolent land of happy relationships and never-ending shower scenes where couples don’t break up – again – for no good reason. Look, at this point I feel like that saying, “Fool me one, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,” might actually apply. How could they do this to us again? How could they keep breaking Bo and Lauren up for increasingly lame reasons? The initial spy-bang thing? OK I get that might create some trust issues. The whole my ex-girlfriend is in a coma, but just woke up? Yes, that does pose a bit of a wrinkle. The I need a fae-cation stuff? Um, sure, but only if it’s just a break. This I am a healer and you are a protector and I can’t make you watch me grow old crap? Shut up, shut up, shut up. The most frustrating thing about all this, even if you aren’t a die-hard Doccubus fan, is how needlessly repetitive it all is. Like, we’ve all seen this episode before, many times. I feel like Anna and Zoie probably picked up their scripts and said, “Wait, didn’t we already film this before?”

Because of that, because it had already happened again and again and again, I guess I just did not think they would go back to that same well once more. This is not our first time at this rodeo, and yet it still threw us. And we’re left dazed and dusty on the dirt wondering what the hell just happened. This crap happened, that’s what happened.

For my full recap of this week’s episode, check out AfterEllen later today.