Gays love a parade

L Word goddess Jennifer Beals came, saw and waved to all the hundreds of thousands of queers (plus the merely curious and possibly lost) folks gathered to celebrate San Francisco Gay Pride 2006. Though, possibly more fun than seeing Jennifer ride in an open convertible was seeing the brawny men in suits (out of picture) surrounding her car and keeping the rabid dykes away. Though, as far as I could tell, their services weren't needed...we behaved.

Another "star" sighting this pride -- former N'Syncer Lance Bass walking out of a Castro restaurant. Hmmmm. Very interesting, considering his "rumored" boyfriend Reichen Lehmkuhl was another celebrity guest in the parade. Lance, with a male companion, was spotted during the early part of the parade, wearing a green cap and trying to look incognito. No word on whether he made it down to Market Street to catch his fella waving to the crowd. Here's a hint, Lance, if you insist on keeping the closet door shut, perhaps best not to be on seen in the queerest city in America on its queerest street during its queerest weekend of the year. Just a suggestion.

It has reached epidemic proportions...

Yeah...so I really, really, really do not understand the bandana thing. But I am greatly concerned that the sickness is spreading. First Kanye. Now Justin. Seriously, Timberlake, are you a nattily dressed bank robber or just a fey germaphobe? Either way, it's a bad look. Very bad indeed.

Joss Whedon, Will You Marry Me?

Just in case you had any doubt, Joss Whedon is the coolest man on the face of the planet. Here he is receiving an award from the feminist group Equality Now, with his trademark wit and passion on display.

"Equality is not a concept, it is not something we should be striving for. It is a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women."

Go rent Buffy the Vampire Slayer now. You can thank me later.

Add Grand Marshal to Alpha Bette's Credentials

Jennifer Beals will grace the streets of San Francisco with her presence as Grand Marshal of the Gay Pride Parade this weekend. In an attempt not to drool on my keyboard, I will hold off from commenting on this topic until I can reform words. I just want to look at the pretty picture...

The Evolution of Ashlee

What the hell is up with Ashlee Simpson? It's like she's the star of her own secret reality series, called "Becoming...Jessica Simpson." I mean it, check out the photographic evidence. It's actually kind of sad. Now she looks like everyone else. Behold:

circa 2004

circa 2005

today

Holy homosexuals, Batman! Batwoman likes girls!

Well, well, well. Comics just got a whole lot more interesting. DC Comics confirmed today that Batwoman will make a comeback as a lesbian socialite who fights crime. See, we do have superpowers! Spread the word.

Batwoman - a.k.a. Kathy Kane - will return in July issue of a comic called 52. Her character will appear as a "lesbian socialite by night and a crime fighter by later in the night" who has a romantic ties with another 52 character, ex-police detective Renee Montoya.

All I can say is, damn, I'd love to get a peak at what she's packing inside that utility belt...ahem.

Cannes does Escher

OK, so this photo reminds me of those M.C. Escher paintings where its all topsy-turvy and at first everything is interconnected and then, if you tilt your head and squint, everything is unconnected.
For the record, this is actress Cate Blanchett at the Cannes Film festival. Lord only knows who all the arms belong to.

It is so much worse than we all suspected, yo

OK, so here it is, the Jodie Foster Rap. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.

Jodie...You'd better graduate, yo

I've harbored a crush on Jodie Foster since before I even knew she belonged to our team (or, perhaps my preadolescent gaydar was just that good). Anyway, here she is giving the commencement speech to the University of Pennsylvania Monday. Them Ivy Leaguers stick together (Jodie, Yale, class of '85). Apparently, she was critical of our current political situation in her speech.

"The U.S. 'squandered' the goodwill and sympathy other nations offered after the Sept. 11 terror attacks, Foster said. She also criticized officials for the 'disastrous and shameful' handling of Hurricane Katrina."

But then she ended it all by quoting the great scholar Eminem. The AP says it was the chorus from "Lose Yourself." Soooo, if this is correct we missed hearing Jodie say, "You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo."

Yeah, I don't really get it either. But enjoy these shots of Ms. Foster in her cap-and-gowned cuteness.

Kanye goes Brokeback for bandanas

Sooooo... I dig Kanye West and all (even that inescapably catchy "Gold Digger" song despite my better, feminist instincts), but what's up with all the bandanas buddy? The above shot is him today on the Ellen Degeneres show. Please note the purple, purple, bandana.

Think I'm kidding about his latest fashion obsession. Oh, no. I'm not kidding. Take a look.

Well, I've done some research thanks to the site KanyeWest.org and have been able to trace this phenomena back to April 5, 2006 at a concert in Japan. Behold. Now, after even more research I was able to uncover the possible source for Kanye's cowboy chic phase. On April 4, 2006 the DVD for "Brokeback Mountain" was release. Coincidence? Yeah, I don't believe in them either.

Kickball is the new softball

OK, so there is nothing extraordinary about this video, except that you get to watch CSI's yummy Jorja Fox play kickball (oh, fellow castmate Eric Szmanda - you know, the goofy lab tech turned field guy - is also there).

According to TMZ, they both play for the World Adult Kickball Association on a team called the Royal Blue Balls. Who knew? Kickball is apparently the new softball. And Jorja looks right at home playing the field, so to speak. I mean, girl's even got special kickball playing gloves on. Mighty butch if you ask me.

Only bad - she is a smoker. Boo! Jorja is such a great environmental, animal rights and human rights activist (plus a proud - if not completely open - toaster oven owner), how could she be a willing contributor to Big Tobacco?

Lesbianism does the body good

More reasons to love the ladies - no need to bother with life-threatening eating disorders. Three cheers for Portia and Ellen and their healthy and healthy eating relationship.

"Learning to be more honest is probably the biggest influence that Ellen has had on me. We've talked a lot about this, which is a big thing for me."

Portia reportedly told the press that Ellen has helped her overcome her dangerous eating disorder and become more comfortable with her body image. Hell, I could have done that for her. Seriously, call me.

Damn, she did it again...

Well, the news we had all feared is, alas, true. Britney Spears is pregnant, again. Good, 'ol Britney just loves to be barefoot and pregnant.

Plus, what's with all this celebrity use of late-night talk shows as a platform to announce life plans. First Arnold announced his running for governor on Leno, now this.

Celebrity Death Match averted on "The View"

Well, Page Six is reporting that Star Jones is getting das boot from "The View."

Damn, I was kind of looking forward to watching the blood feud between Rosie and Star. Though, this news does mean that there is just a little bit more right with the world now that Star will no longer be polluting our lives with her presence each morning.

In other "View" news, Barbara Walters and is apparently steamed at Meredith Vieira for jumping ship to host the "Today" show. How dare you cross Baba Wawa! Now she'll stop filming you in soft filter lighting. That'll teach Meredith.

Dorothy is definitely not in Kansas anymore...

Sorry I've been away. A project called "f*cking with my banner image" has preoccupied me of late. And you know what, I'm still not happy with the damn thing.

Oh well, at least I'm back to posting.

Quiet desperation, public humiliation

Well, Katie Holmes has emerged from her post-birthing hiding to attend the L.A. Mission Impossible: III premiere with her captor, nee fiance, Tom "The Wingnut" Cruise.

I'd like to take this moment to reflect on what we, as a public, have lost with the enslavement of Ms. Holmes to the ranks of Scientology wingnuttery.

1) A promising actress - of all the Dawson's Creek alums, I thought Katie had the brightest careers ahead of her.
2) A smart actress - "First Daughter" aside, Katie had made very smart film choices from "Pieces of April" to "Wonder Boys" and "The Ice Storm."
3) A seemingly normal person - Ohio girl made good has now become the silent half of one of the most embarrassing public spectacles to hit Hollywood.

Sigh. Katie, Katie, Katie. What have you done?

Jail does the body good

Ah-ha! Now we know why Michelle Rodriguez chose jail time over all of that community service. She knew she wouldn't be needed on the set of "Lost" because, you know, her character got KILLED OFF!

Oh, sorry, if you didn't watch last night's episode, I've now spoiled all your fun. Well, someone had to do it. There's no Santa Claus either. So there. Deal with it.

I'm actually not a big "Lost" watcher (I'm too lazy to catch up and therefore, you know, lost). But heck, even I knew this recent development was big news.

Anyway, here is an alive Michelle on TRL today, apparently no worse for her five days of incarceration. Girl looks like she was at the spa instead of behind bars. What do they feed the inmates out there in Hawaii?

More lameness, only this time my fault

Ok, so I've been toying with a new banner. Whaddayathink? I'm not sold on the image, which I crudely cut out last night and looks like a five-year-old's handiwork. But it's better than nothing, I guess...

See my first attempt here.

And you were there...and you were there...

This photo reminds me of a crazy dream I once had. You know the kind - you wake up all disoriented and then tell your friend later over coffee, "...Rupert Everett and Lenny Kravitz were discussing Nietzsche while playing ping-pong naked. But things didn't really get weird until Donatella Versace showed up with the whipped cream..."

How lame? This lame.

So, I know California is having a budget crunch, but this is simply unacceptable. This, THIS, is the best our great Golden State could come up with for its State Fair concert headliners.

• Loverboy
• Boyz II Men
• Lifehouse
• Sinbad
• Rick Springfield
• Ted Nugent
• Tesla

That's it, I'm moving to Kansas.