Movie Review: "Bottoms" Up

Oh, goodness, you should go see “Bottoms.” It’s the teenage lesbian fight club comedy of your wildest (and I mean wildest) dreams. It reminds me, in its energy if not its style, of “But I’m a Cheerleader.” But whereas Cheerleader leaned into its colorful camp, Bottoms goes for the comedy throat punch – literally and figuratively.

While high school girls slugging each other in the face might seem a little jarring, the fim’s genius is in its dedication to its unhinged premise. Two unpopular lesbian best friends (played by Ayo Edebiri and Rachel Sennott) attempt to score chicks by starting a “self defense” club at their high school, and the plan kind of works – and draws a lot of blood.

As far as teen lesbian movies go, “Bottoms” is refreshingly over the coming out narratives. Nor is it about anti-gay bullying or anything very special episode worthy (though, obviously, not that those kinds of stories aren’t important). But this movie is just about two weirdo friends who somehow land the girls of their dreams by beating each other up. Director Emma Seligman (who co-wrote the script with Rachel) took your standard madcap high school comedy romp and said, make it queer! And absurd! Both in a good way!

The gonzo gusto and awkward everything of Ayo and Rachel and the rest of the cast make this wonderfully weird movie work, when nothing should work (especially their plan, especially). Also, holy doppleganger Batwoman, is Kaia Gerber the spitting image of mama Cindy Crawford or what? Like, it was almost distracting. Anway, where was I? Oh yeah, first rule of teenage lesbian fight club is everyone should go see the teenage lesbian fight club movie.

Music Monday: Dolly & Linda

I love the ageless Dolly Parton. I love the seemingly equally ageless Linda Perry. And together on a cover of “What’s Up?” I mean, what’s not to love? Except the brutal fact that this cover is 30 years old. THIRTY. 4 Non-Blondes released that hit in 1993. I know, I can feel that one in my knees. In fact, it makes me feel as ancient as a fossil on the Dorset coast with dreams of being dug up by Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan (deep “Ammonite” cut anyone?) Anyway. Still a good song though. Happy Monday, kittens.

My (Belated) Weekend Crush

Better late than never. The weekend got away from me, but I at least can take comfort in the fact that whenever I want I’ll have something hopefully delightful to watch. “Sex Education” has been quite a ride, and I’m ready for whatever the final season brings for these extremely likable/horny teenagers and their accompanying adults. As always, I hope for more Gillian Anderson, because that’s just like a good life mantra. Also, hello surprise Dan Levy. Opposite of ew, David! Happy watching and weekend, all.

Mental Health Minx: Kate McKinnon

Honestly, what’s so weird about convincing other women to wear Birkenstocks? Nothing at all, I say. Nothing at all.

Mental Health Minx: Aubrey Plaza

Abby remains an idiot for picking Harper over Riley. Idiot.

Mental Health Minx: Sara Shahi

I saw Sarah in that Prime gay boy rom-com “Red, White & Royal Blue” recently and it jogged my mind back to when she was on that cop show after leaving “The L Word” and got to wear tank tops and guns like this. Anyway, just a little glimpse of how my mind works in mysterious ways – on a Tuesday.

Mental Health Minx: Cate Blanchett

I’m, um, still a little tied up. Like Cate. But soon, soon.

Mental Health Minx: Katharine Hepburn

I watched the Netflix documentary “Call me Kate” recently. Interesting, but they sure yada yadaed over the whole her probably being queer thing. Which, come on, are we still doing this in this year of our Lesbian Jesus, 2023? Sigh.

Mental Health Minx: Sara Ramirez

I still think Che is an annoying character. And I still think they are being a bit obtuse about the reasons we are annoyed by Che. But I’d still rather a complicated, albeit not entirely likeable, nonbinary character got such a high-profile platform.

Mental Health Minx: Ashley Park

Granted, Ashley seems to be havinga pretty good summer too. And “Joy Ride” was a delight.

Mental Health Minx: Janelle Monae

Has anyone had a better summer than Janelle? Honestly, good for her.

Mental Health Minx: Gillian Anderson

I regret to inform you that it’s Monday again. Would two Gillians on couches help? I thought so.

Mental Health Minx: Tina Fey

You made it to Friday. Treat yourself to a few fistfuls of cake.

Mental Health Minx: Lena Headey

Cersei says it’s gonna be “OK?” I’m not sure if that’s reassuring or not. Now Luce saying it’s “OK,” well, that’s definitely not wanker behavior.

Mental Health Minxes

Right, so this whole getting my shit together is taking a little longer than I had anticipated. Some major changes professionally (including work bestie leaving, sob) are taking up most of my available brainpower right now. The rest, I fear, is melting down at the impending one-year anniversary of My Little Life Implosion. (It’s just a date on a calendar, it’s just a date on a calendar.) So until I can rededicated more of the little (oh so little, these days) gray cells to the unabashed queer joy of respectfully ogling the endless beauty, talent and intellect of women of all kinds, I will leave you with a few Mental Health Minxes. Now, whether to take the Maserati or the McLaren to go fetch the groceries tomorrow? Decisions, decisions. But in all seriousness, your warm encouragements mean so much. I am forever thankful for the grace and empathy you’ve extended to me, basically just another stranger on Al Gore’s Internet, in your readership, generosity and kindness. You’re the best, kittens. Please accept saucy Blanchett as the first official Minx in the spirit in which she was intended.

Wednesdays, amirite?

Well, shit. It’s been another week. Some life shit has thrown my off-keel (not to overshare, but The Ex is moving in with The New Girlfriend). Add that to some health issues (again, not to overshare but some carpal tunnel and hypermobility issues in my hands and the continued menace of perimenopause) means I am just not feeling it right now. But I want to feel it again, I’m just trying to figure out the best way back to feeling less topsy-turvy. The ground keeps shifting, but the sun keeps rising. So, I guess, onward. I swear I’ll get back to posting hot women doing hot things soon. Until then, please enjoy my current favorite moody song on everyone’s existential crisis playlists.

Music Monday: Rapp Edition

I, honestly, am too old to know much about Reneé Rapp other than that the twentysomething and under gay girlies absolutely adore her. I never started watching “The Sex Lives of College Girls” (see: too old) and I am not enough of a musical theater queer to know her from “Mean Girls” on Broadway (never a theater gay in high school, alas). But my TikTok feed occasionally feeds me Gen Z baby dyke celebrity crush content and bisexual actor-singer/singer-actor Reneé is not infrequently being fawned over in them. So, like, I get it. She’s got some Charlize Theron’s little sister who did show choir energy — which I respect. I also enjoy that talking about her new music video is a bit like queer lady Mad Libs. It would go something like this: Bisexual performer Reneé Rapp releases a video for her single “Pretty Girls” which is about kissing pretty girls and was directed by real-life queer celebrity Shane/Cara Delevingne and features Reneé making out with her slightly shorter haired doppelganger. Anyway, having too many pretty girls to make out with and not enough time sounds like a problem I am honestly too old for. Probably. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Re-Canceled) Crush

By now you’ve probably heard the collective “Fuck this!” launched by queer women everywhere at the news that Amazon has canceled, or I should say re-canceled, the second season of “A League of Their Own.” The queer and diverse reboot of the 1992 women’s baseball classic didn’t even warrant a final four episodes as promised. Instead the cancellation is yet another reminder that billionaire-led corporations don’t really give a shit about inclusive storytelling, lifting up marginalized performers and showcasing diverse voices.

Oh, and trying to blame the ongoing writers’ and actors’ strikes on the cancellation? Yeah, nah to that utter bullshit. We want the people who create and appear in the stories we love with all of our hearts to get paid fairly, you see. They create the value in the entertainment we enjoy, and they deserve a fair cut of the record profits, streaming and viewership their creativity and hard work bring into our lives. We decidedly are not rooting for the Bezos or Zaslavs and Sarandoses of this world to buy themselves more superyachts.

The ongoing Cancel Your Gays trend is a reminder that so-called rainbow capitalism is still just plain-old capitalism. They’ll court us as long as they think our queer dollars will help them profit. But as soon as things get even a little more complicated, goodbye fair-weather corporate allies. (e.g. Bud Light, Target, et al).

The importance of true allies and the essential need to be represented fairly are as critical as ever given our current political climate. There’s a reason conservatives and corporations fight so hard against including us in history or schools. Our very existence continues to be a revolution against the entrenched structures they cling to for power. And they are more than happy to whip up the easily convinced crazies at the expense of our community and everyone who supports us. That includes LGBTQ+ ally and shop owner Lauri Carleton who was fatally shot by a man criticizing the rainbow flag outside her store this week. Don’t tell me the anti-gay laws and anti-gay rhetoric don’t kill. It just keeps killing.

As sadly resigned as we all are now to the table scraps that these massive media companies continue to feed us when it comes to inclusive LGBTQ+ entertainment (but you got one whole season, why aren’t you full yet?), I am still forever grateful for the big-hearted, full-swinging storytelling of Abbi Jacobson and Will Graham and the entire cast and crew of the ALOTO series. Just like we have always been a part of history, LGBTQ+ and POC players have always been a part of baseball. The world needs more stories that bring home the simple fact that our world is more beautiful when we all get a chance to love and shine exactly as we are. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Keke Edition

Talk about making all of your lesbian R&B music video fantasies come true. Thank you Keke and Usher, who with their “Boyfriend” music video gave the world and petulant tech billionaires everywhere a lesson on true trolling and queer gals everywhere even more reasons to swoon (fine, the straight ladies/gay boys can swoon about Usher too). In case you don’t keep up with the latest celebrity tea and assorted other hot beverages, back in July Keke’s then boyfriend criticized her because of a video of Usher serenading her at his residency in Vegas. Like he really said, “It’s the outfit tho.. You a mom.”

Anyway, that’s why he is her ex-boyfriend. If you want more schadenfreude you’re welcome to Google the whole sorted saga yourself. But, in the ultimate clapback, Keke has now teamed with Usher for his music video to “Boyfriend” which… like, again, chef’s kiss for trolling. And lesbian chef’s kiss for R&B fantasy wish fulfilment. Like Kee dressed exactly as Usher doing all his moves and being fine as hell in the process? Yes, pleases and thank yous.

Keke, who has repeatedly reaffirmed her own queerness, thanked Usher for casting her in the video and making her own dreams of being Usher in an Usher video come true. This is such an endlessly relatable statement for queer women everywhere, who no doubt at some point in their lives wished they could be in the place of the leading man they were watching on screen and make the women swoon for them instead.

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Like, if Keke Palmer serenaded me in Vegas wearing that Usher outfit, yeah. She would be definite boyfriend material.

Race to the Bottoms

In an alternate universe where the heads of studios and streamers understood the irreplaceable contributions that the writers and actors provide to a process that has made a lucky few like them and their fellow CEOs obscenely wealthy already and actually paid the creative class fairly instead of trying to replace them with machines, we would no doubt all be delighting in the press tour antics of Rachel Sennott and Ayo Edebiri as they promoted “Bottoms.” But instead, we’ve only got their work in the trailer and clips to try to glean every last queer drop of publicity and enjoyment we can from. Which, that being said, is still considerable. I recently, finally, watched Rachel in “Shiva Baby,” but have yet to start “The Bear” (though I’ve enjoyed Ayo in “Abbott Elementary"). So I know the talent involved is considerable. I just hope that a pair of teenage lesbian losers who start a female fight club in their high school to meet girls is a comedy and satire concept the wider world can recognize and embrace without, you know, some charming press tour antics to grease the endlessly hungry maw of our social media attention span. Yes, I am talking in long sentences without pause for some reason right now, don’t question, just admire my literary breath control. *gasps*

Anyway, to get those not normally inclined to maybe attend a female-led queer comedy, it apparently also stars former NFL running back Marshawn Lynch. Go see this movie this weekend if you can because, well, gay stuff…and sportsball stuff. Go Team (and that team is Gay).