We do

[Click to Enlarge the Awwww]

You know, I don’t mean to gloat – ah, who am I kidding. Let’s fucking gloat. After 32 straight ballot box losses – yes, thirty fucking two – in one night it all changed. People say change doesn’t happen overnight, and of course that’s true. But it was stunning to see all the hard work, long hours and unwavering dedication pay off finally. Marriage equality won in all four ballot measures across the country. Voters approved same-sex marriage in Maine, Maryland and Washington. And voters repudiated a ban on same-sex marriage in Minnesota. That is a Joe Biden-style Big Fucking Deal. Sure, it’s not legal in every state yet. Sure, it’s not legal federally yet. Sure, it’s not something people should be voting on in the first place. But the march of progress will not be denied. It will happen. Let no bigots put our rights asunder. And you just know the weddings are going to be so damn fabulous. But the equality will be even better.

Mazel tov, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington. It starts with four, it ends with love.

Four more

It was a good night for hope. It was a good night for love. It was a good night for progress. It was a great night for America. President Obama is reelected. Marriage equality votes go four for four. Women will have the most-ever seats in the U.S. Senate. We have our first openly gay person elected to the Senate in Tammy Baldwin. Our first Asian-American woman elected to the Senate in Mazie Hirono. Our first disabled female veteran elected to the House of Representatives in Tammy Duckworth. Rape legitimizers Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock lose. All-around badass Elizabeth Warren wins. Stick that in your binder.

When all the pundits were quieted, when all the numbers were unspun, the people spoke the loudest. And what they said was they want a government that embraces us all. Not just the rich. Not just the privileged. Not just the old straight white heterosexual males. And for someone who is the exact opposite of an old straight white heterosexual male, it felt pretty fucking amazing. As a minority and a gay lady and an owner of a uterus, I’m used to being represented by people who don’t actually represent me. So when the world shifts and becomes a little more inclusive, it’s always a good thing. Always.

Tonight feels different, but no less sweet than four years ago. In fact, in some ways it’s sweeter. Certainly, nothing can top that moment when we realized, as a nation, we had overcome hundred of years of oppressive history and elected our first African American president. But for LGBT Americans, there was the bittersweet realization that California – supposedly the most liberal state in the country – had rejected same-sex marriage. Two steps forward, one step back. But last night, last night we reelected our first African American president. And we also, for the first time ever, passed marriage equality on the ballot in three states and also rejected a gay marriage ban in another. Two steps forward, just forward. Yes, indeed, it was a great night for America.

Forward

[Click Image to Read]

I want a President who will answer the 10-year-old daughter of two gay dads with a letter like this. And, luckily, we have one. Thank you, Barack Obama. Four more years. Forward. Vote.

Naked Lady Monday

All this politics can make a girl weary. So while tomorrow we will all have our eyes glued to the Electoral College, today here is a little something else to ogle as a momentary distraction. And if that momentary distraction is in the form of a nude Kate Winslet, all the better. So here are some more lovely distractions to ogle – in a respectful way, of course. If it has got to be Monday, the ladies might as well be naked. But on Tuesday, be sure to vote.

Kristen Wiig

Funny is sexy. Case in point.

Olivia Wilde

Yet another reason to hate the existence of white jean jackets.

Charlize Theron

This was originally shot for a watch ad. To which I say, what watch?

Winona Ryder

I approve of this wardrobe malfunction.

Kerry Washington

If she dresses like this on “Scandal,” I definitely need to start watching.

Our Firefighter Friends

Let’s hear it for first responders. Also, abs.

My Weekend Vote

The question for me, four years later, remains shockingly simple. Do I believe in hope? Yes, yes I do. I still do, four years later. Sure, that hopey changey thing isn’t magic. My vote four years ago didn’t change the world overnight into a unicorn-riding utopia where we all slide down rainbows while braiding each other’s hair. But I am not so naïve to be disillusioned that change takes hard work and hard work is, in fact, hard. But here is what makes it so simple for me – change is happening. Not as quickly as we all impatiently want, but coming nonetheless. For the first time in our nation’s history, we have a sitting president who openly supports marriage equality. Who believes we aren’t the problem or a scapegoat or a wedge. Who does not say “It’s not right” when gay couples have children. Who affirms our personhood and right to the most basic of liberties – love.

But, lest you think I’m a single-issue voter, I am not. Sure, my ability to exchange rings and eat cake with a roomful of my friends in a way that is recognized and sanctioned by the government is huge. But other issues are just as huge. I am a liberal of the bleeding heart kind – and proud of it. So I see government as a benevolent force for good, not a malevolent impediment to progress. Is there waste, sure. And it drives me crazy. But I’m even more thankful for the road we drive on and the law enforcement who keeps us safe and the teachers who educate the next generation and the safety net that catches us if we stumble and the first responders who risk everything when emergency strikes. That’s big government, folks. And in the wake of Superstorm Sandy, I’m extra proud to have my tax dollar go to federal disaster funding. Because I see nothing “simply immoral” about my money being used to help people ravaged by forces they cannot control. Can the private sector help? Of course. But do we really want a world where “This Rescue Was Sponsored by McDonalds” becomes a thing?

I want a president who believes the government can and must do those things as well. I want a president who believes my love is equal, instead of “not right.” I want a president who believes we need to combat the rising of the oceans, instead of mock them. I want a president who believes all Americans should have access to affordable health care, instead of just the richest. I want a president who believes in a woman’s right to choose, instead of vowing to overturn Roe v. Wade. I want a president who believes rape is rape, instead of only the “forcible” or “legitimate” ones. I want a president who believes in the power of the government to lift people up, instead of faith that corporations are people too. In short, I want four more years of Barack Obama as my president. I want four more years of hope that a better world is waiting. Vote Tuesday. Happy weekend, all.

Define dancing

Today is my birthday. I am *mumble mumble damn old mumble* But, despite my somewhat diminishing enthusiasm with each passing birthday, there are still presents and cake. So, you know, it can’t be all bad. And, in this past year, I’ve had some extraordinarily good things happen. Things that have me feel incredibly lucky and indescribably happy. So, while I may not be thrilled about the number of candles on this year’s cake, I am thrilled about the prospects of another year filled with wonder and love. In fact, I feel a little like I’m dancing through space. Here’s to another year, kittens.

There will be blood

I’m, basically, a wuss. I own more than one nightlight. And I can’t watch scary movies without a big, big pillow. So then the new remake of “Carrie” leaves me conflicted. On the one hand, awesome cast of Chloë Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer and more. On the other hand, so much scary. On the one hand, queer filmmaker and “Boys Don’t Cry” director Kimberly Peirce is at the helm. On the other hand, so much blood. On the one hand, classic story of bullying, power and vengeance. On the other hand, they already told this classic story of bullying, power and vengeance pretty well already. Also, have I mentioned the scary? But, in the end, my curiosity will overcome – I think – my fear and I’ll venture to see what one picked on girl and a bucket of pigs blood can unleash on the world. Someone get me a really big pillow. Happy Halloween, gals and ghouls.

Zombies 2012

Right, so did everyone make it through the wrath of Sandy? I hope you stayed safe and warm and dry, my East Coast friends. My thoughts are with you all as you heal, rebuild and dry out. Between the apocalyptic storm coverage and post-apocalyptic media I’ve been watching lately (a steady diet of “The Walking Dead” with a light sprinkling of “Resident Evil” for taste), I’ve been thinking a lot about how to survive the end of the world. Note: Marathoning two seasons of “The Walking Dead” in a day will result in a restless night of mentally packing and repacking one’s zombie apocalypse survival kit. I’m sadly lacking a lot of things – like multi-gallon jugs of water and a machete. I enjoy post-apocalyptic entertainment, because it quite literally brings us back to our most base survival skills. But I also know in my heart of hearts I’d probably not be one of the rugged survivors. Not much use for a snarky writer type with terrible coordination and no idea how to hotwire a car. But, on the plus side, at least I know the kinds of things that will hasten our descent into total zombie apocalyptia. A week before the election and remember, there’s only one man running for president who calls funding for federal disaster relief “simply immoral.” So listen to our friend, Joss. Zombie Apocalypse 2012, anyone?

Kiss the future

If you’re gay or a lady or a human with a functioning sense of empathy, election season can really start to get you down. Our bodies, our loves, our lives get thrown round like a political football. We’re used as a wedge. We’re used as a divider. We’re used as a scare tactic. It can all get rather disheartening. I just want to live my life and be a decent person and watch too much TV, like everybody else. But, the good news is, no matter what happens this election, we’ll all wake up Nov. 7 and do just that. Sure, it may or may not be easier and fairer for us that next morning. But we’ll still be who we are and love and laugh and eat a Reese’s for breakfast because those free-loading kids shouldn’t get all the Halloween candy, right? And, whenever another idiot talking about what rape is or how our relationships are abominations or why corporations really are people, remember there are also lovely people – all over the world – who think the exact opposite. And those people will stand up with us against the tide of injustice with their voices and vote and, like our French friends above are doing in front of an anti-gay rally, their lips.

p.s. If you are still down, give my lovely friend Up Popped a Fox and her lovely post a read. Hope and perspective bring forth better days.

My Weekend Roar

You know what I like? Women. You know how I like ‘em? Roaring. This election season has been hard on us and our lady bits. There’s been a lot – too much – talk of what we can and cannot do with them. There’s been a lot – too much – talk of what is legitimate and not legitimate when it happens to them. And there’s been a lot – too much – talk of what should happen when someone violates them and whether the unwanted result is something God intended to happen. Enough, old white men. ENOUGH. So this weekend my crush is not on any one woman, but all women – and discerning men folk – who are tired of more than half of the population being told what they can and cannot with our lives and bodies. So here are a lot of smart, talented, funny and fierce ladies saying enough is enough. My vote is my roar. Happy weekend, all.

Out in the clouds

I loved “The Matrix.” Who didn’t? It’s two sequels, well. But “The Matrix” was one of those universal cinematic moments where we all let out a collective Keanu “whoa.” And then I was impressed by “V for Vendetta.” And, come on, if you don’t get a little hot just thinking about “Bound” I’m not sure you have a pulse. So the Wachowskis have always been filmmakers on my radar who make me sit up and pay attention. In the past decade, the sibling duo has made headlines themselves, but not just for what they’ve put on screen. Lana Wachowski came out as transgender and transitioned in the past decade, and during promotion for her new movie “Cloud Atlas” discussed her experiences for the first time publically. Over the weekend she was honored with the Human Rights Campaign Visibility Award at its annual gala. Her acceptance speech is funny and thoughtful and well worth a listen. I haven’t written much about transgender issues here, not necessarily out of disinterest but because of the lack of mainstream discussion, period, of transgender issues. It is, admittedly, a lame excuse. Sadly we still live in a world that is wary of the other. We love our boxes and our binaries and those who stray outside get branded with the freak flag (and worse) with frightening speed and frequency. So to have such a well-respected and high-profile advocate, albeit a reluctant one, is wonderful. It’s also wonderful to listen for 30 minutes to someone’s experiences that may be outside your own and realize we humans aren’t so different despite out so-called differences. We all want to be loved, accepted, respected and able to feel comfortable in our own skin. I honestly can’t tell you what “Cloud Atlas” is about from watching the trailers. Something about identity and interconnectedness and space and time and love, always love. But, man, it sure looks fascinating. And knowing it comes from the minds of those wondrous Wachowskis makes me ready to take that ride.

The New Leisha

Lady, are you a sight for sore eyes. In case you blinked for one minute and 42 seconds last night, you missed the very welcome return of Leisha Hailey to television. The artist formerly known as Alice appeared as half of the “wonderful, eloquent” lesbian couple Ryan Murphy had promised us on “The New Normal.” The jury is still out on whether they are indeed truly wonderful and eloquent. But they certainly were childless and bitter about it. Also a little frowny. But, hey, Leisha looked great. Of course, it’s unfair to judge them just one very short appearance. The true proof of their wonderful and eloquentness will be on how much the couple reappears and reveals. Though I will say Leisha and Constance Zimmer managed to have more chemistry in one minute and 42 seconds than Justin Bartha and Andrew Rannells have had in their 420 minutes so far.

I know Leisha has the whole being a rock star thing going already, but I sure so miss her lovely face and impeccable comic delivery on my teevee. In fact, seeing her reminded me of how many wonderful (and eloquent) actresses I’d love to see more often in my living room. Actresses like Emma Caulfield and Rachel Shelley (both had guest Actresses like Lauren Ambrose and Shelley Conn. And so many, many more. Well, here’s hoping we’ll get a lot more than one minute and 42 seconds from Leisha in the future.

p.s. Love the hair, Leisha. Very power lesbian chic.

Monster lane

You know what I miss? So many things. My ability to do a handstand. My ability to remember where I parked my car at the end of the day. My ability to eat half a pizza and an order of breadsticks with cheese sauce at 2 a.m. and not gain 30 pounds and extreme hearth burn overnight. But I digress. What I’m missing today is the zany magic wonder that is a Brian Fuller series on my TV screen. You know, the man behind “Wonderfalls” and “Pushing Daisies” and “Dead Like Me.” His style is as signature as that “chung-chung” sound from “Law & Order.” So imagine my delight when I heard that his modern-day Munsters reboot “Mocking Bird Lane” was on. Then on off. Then maybe on again. Then a one-shot Halloween special to air on NBC. Confusing, I know. Look, I was never a huge Munsters fan. I was more of an Addams Family girl myself. But I’ll gladly tune in, even if only for a night, to get a little of that old Fuller magic again. Plus, if enough of us watch, it might actually start airing on our TV screens on the regular. And then I could cross if off my list of things I miss. Which, as we’re all aware, is the real priority here.

p.s. I can’t decide whether Portia with the dark hair makes me purr or pause. A little of both, I think.

At last, an update

Right, so I owe you fine folks an update on my Indiegogo perks distribution. And that update is that they are still coming. And I am extremely sorry because I have not gotten them out sooner. When my laptop crashed and burned I lost a bunch of the files I’d been working on the get your perks sent out. I am currently using my tiny, slow backup netbook, which is limited to say the least. I haven’t bought my new laptop yet (I know, I KNOW, stop yelling at me Mac people.) But once I finally buy my oh-so-terribly needed new laptop, I will resume work on getting the perks out to you and promise to have them delivered to every single last one of you before the end of the year. Have I mentioned already that I am sorry? My lack of a good laptop is also the reason, among others, many of my posts have been a little later than normal. Like, you know, this one.

Also, as long as we’re discussing things I feel guilty about, I am working on making a dent in my inbox. It’s ugly in there, but I am trying. If I haven’t written you back it is not because I don’t care. It’s because I suck at writing back.

So. To recap. I am sorry. I haven’t forgotten about you. Thank you for your patience. Have I mentioned how pretty you look today? No. Well, you do.

A few other quick reminders about me, blah blah, narcissism, blah:

You can always find me on Twitter @dorothysnarker
You can sometimes fine me on Tumblr @ Ms. Snarker Regrets
You can read my slightly more professional thoughts every week @ AfterEllen.com

Thank you, as always, for reading. And now as thanks please enjoy this picture of Lena Headey gently brushing her hair behind her ear. It’s the least I can do.

My Weekend Spirit

In honor of Spirit Day, here is teen activist and inspiration Brittany McMillan explaining the day she founded in 2010. I met her earlier this year at the GLAAD Awards and she was a smart, articulate and compassionate young woman. Her anti-bullying message rings true any day, not just today. Also, who doesn't like a splash of purple? Happy weekend, all.

Lesbian Horror Story

WARNING: Scary-ass spoilers for the Season 2 premiere of “American Horror Story” ahead. Especially the scary part.

First, it was like a lesbian dream. Sarah Paulson and Clea Duvall playing lesbian partners in 1964. One is an eager cub reporter wanting to prove herself (that’s be Sarah’s Lana). The other is a third-grade science teacher. They’re in love, living together and – yes – even get to kiss.

Then, just like that, it’s a lesbian nightmare. Sarah gets discovered lurking around the mental asylum and then, horror or horrors, institutionalized because of her homosexuality when her partner is blackmailed into signing the papers with the threat of exposure.

Of course, the nightmare part is sort of the point. The whole show is like a waking nightmare. Truth be told I stopped watching the first season after a few episode because ZOMGSCARY. But now I’m torn about this season. I’m pretty much a wuss, so scary movies/shows/whathaveyou make me hide a pillow. But, I do greatly appreciate that this is a show with actual gay ladies playing gay ladies on screen. But then on the other hand, how terrifying is it to be thrown into an insane asylum for being gay. Worst still, it actually used to happen.

There’s also the matter of this being a Ryan Murphy/Brad Falchuk production. So, their track records with the lesbians is a mixed bag. On the one hand, they gave us Brittana. On the other hand, everything else. So I’m not sure if I should be afraid or really, really afraid for the lesbians in the show.

All this boils down to one big question: Will I keep watching? Well, not alone and definitely not with the lights out.

Lady binders

We live in interesting times indeed. Life no longer moves at the speed of light. It moves at the speed of meme. So now for all of you political watchers, here is my favorite insta-meme from last night's presidential debate. Mitt Romney and his "Binders Full of Women." I mean, if we can't laugh at this shit we just end up crying uncontrollably.

For those who didn't watch Barry v. Mittens Take 2, the quote came out of a question about women's pay equity. Romney waxed on about an anecdote from when he was elected governor in Massachusetts. And, gosh darn, if all the candidates for his candidate positions weren't men. So he damned they bring him some women and sought them out himself.

And he said he: "went to a number of women's groups and said, "Can you help us find folks," and they brought us whole binders full of women."

Ladies belong in the kitchen – er, I mean in binders, amirite fellas?

The funny thing is, according to the Boston Phoenix, that's not even true. The women's groups had already compiled those "binders full of women" and presented them to him without being implored when he came into office. Also, in case you didn't notice, Mitt never actually answered how he fell about pay equity for women - just binders filled with them.

Anyway, #bindersfullofwomen trended on Twitter and spawned an immediate Tumblr and in general caused much merriment among political watchers because, come on, who says they have binders full of women? In the first debate, zero mention of women. In the second debate, we're all in binders. Oh, Series of Tubes, thanks for making me not have to cry alone in a corner. Good thing nobody puts baby in a binder.

Bitches get hosting done

SWEET LESBIAN JESUS, YOU HAVE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS AT LAST. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are going to co-host the Golden Globe Awards. Let me repeat that one more time for emphasis. TINA FEY AND AMY POEHLER ARE MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE. With all due respect to Chris Traeger, this is LITERALLY the best news ever. I am LITERALLY overcome with joy. The world is LITERALLY in for a treat. Yes, Joe Biden, I know I’m using literally wrong.

This news is great/amazing/wonderful for so many reasons. One, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are both smart, talented, funny women on their own. Two, together they are like the ultimate dynamic duo of female empowerment and hilarity. Three, awards shows rarely have female hosts, let alone two of them. Four, they’re a refreshing antidote to the Academy Awards’s choice of dude-centric host Seth MacFarlane. Four, this is the perfect excuse to watch old clips of Tina and Amy together on Weekend Update. Five, they'll further fuel our feverish fantasies as Tina and Amy gaze lovingly at each other (see above). Six, bitches get stuff done – mic drop.

Screw Christmas. I’ll have all the presents I’ll ever need come Jan. 13. I mean, if them just chatting together for 10 minutes is this entertaining, imagine how amazing 3 hours of them together will be. Please, hold me – I’m lizzing.

Twelve!

Had a bout of nostalgia this weekend which led me down a YouTube rabbit hole and ended up with me humming this nonstop for two days. If you’re a gay lady (or straight lady or fella, I don’t judge) of a certain age I invite you to relive the grooviness with me this fine Monday. Just don’t blame me for the epic earworm that will ensue.

My Weekend Crush

So last weekend I went to see my previously confessed guilty pleasure and it turned out to be a total pleasure with only the smallest twinge of guilt. The guilt had nothing to do with “Pitch Perfect,” which turned out to be loads of fun and elicited more than a few snorts of laugher. No, instead the guilt was that it took me this long to fall hopelessly in love with Rebel Wilson. Some might remember the Australian comedian as the horrifying roommate from “Bridesmaids.” But in “Pitch Perfect” she sets herself up as a true scene stealer. She projects a mix of bravado and sweetness with a sense of humor that manages to be both understated and hyperbolic. All in all she catches you off guard with her charm and her hilarity.

And in a series of talk show appearances to promote the film, she has only proved more charming and more hilarious. Like when she told Leno that during her audition for “Pitch Perfect” the producers must have thought, “Well, she kind of looks like Adele, but can she sing?” Or when she told Kimmel that, having come from a family of professional dog showers, she thought “Best in Show” was “such a good documentary.” Or when she told Conan that using the proper term for a female dog got her in trouble her first day of kindergarten. I now want to watch everything she’s ever been in and all the things she is going to be in. Also, did you know girlfriend can straight-up rap? Word. Happy weekend, all.