SGALGG: Olympic Celebration Edition

Few things are quite as wonderful as women celebrating together. Something about the shared revelry after hard-fought accomplishment just brings out some of the qualities I love best in my fellow ladies. Exuberance. Compassion. Joy – so much joy. And it doesn’t hurt that a lot of times when female athletes celebrate they look remarkably like Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, especially at the Olympics. So in celebration of celebration, here is a celebratory Olympic SGALGG. Though, it should be noted that I make no claims that all the women celebrating are exclusively straight. And that’s just another reason to celebrate.

Jessica Ennis, Great Britain, heptathlon, gold

These two lucky ladies are just doing what we all wish we could do.

Sally Pearson, Australia & Kellie Wells, United States, 100m hurdles, gold & bronze

What I love is when the bronze medal winner is just as excited as the gold medal winner.

Brazil, handball

Hugging each other with your legs in friendship should be an Olympic sport.

Alexandra Tsiavou & Christina Giazitzidou, Greece, double sculls, bronze

This looks like their wedding photo.

This looks like their honeymoon photo.

Russian, basketball

Hugging each other with your arms in friendship is already an Olympic sport.

Camille Muffat, Charlotte Bonnet & Coralie Balmy, France, freestyle swimming relay

And the French have won the Escher arms gold medal.

Sanya Richards-Ross & DeeDee Trotter, United States, 400m race, gold & silver

And the Americans won the Heartfelt arms gold medal.

Norway, handball

Cuddle puddle!

Kristina Vogel & Miriam Welte, Germany, sprint track cycling, gold

Now that’s a bicycle build for two.

Yujie Sun & Anqi Xu, China, team fencing, gold

By all means, please kiss.

Missy Franklin and Elizabeth Beisel, United States, 200m backstroke, gold & bronze

Same goes for you two.

Karina Bryant, Great Britain, judo, bronze

I’m not sure this celebratory pose is entirely consensual.

USA, team rowing, gold

I can’t say for sure what is happening here, but this many women holding another woman by her arms and legs is at the very least a little gay.

Love, Olympics

Turns out coming back from four days in New York is a lot more draining than it seems. Yesterday I just turned on the Olympics after coming home from work and passed the fuck out. So if you, like me, need a little lift, please enjoy these 2.5 minutes of inspiration. It’s the entire Olympic stadium singing “All You Need it Love.” Though my case, all you need is love and possibly a good night’s sleep. Play on, world.

Jump around

You know what I’d like? I’d like to be jumped on by Megan Rapinoe. OK, wait, wait. Not like that. Well, also like that. But the kind of jumping I’m talking about is the celebratory jumping. Rapinoe is a self-described “mauler” when it comes to celebrating. And what that means is if you score a goal, you’re going to get jumped on. So in honor of what I hope will be many Rapinoe jumps today onto fellow teammates in the U.S. semifinals match against Canada, here is a breakdown of the art of being mauled by Megan Rapinoe.

How to Prepare


Front Maul

Back Maul

Group Maul

Bonus: Anticipating The Maul

Good luck, ladies. May the jumps be with you.

Olympic Vacattion Vixen: Kayla Harrison

What I love about the Olympics, besides everything, are the interesting sports you never get to see on TV. Like rowing and archery and judo. When placed in the Olympic setting, these skills seem monumental and fascinating. Of course, they’re monumental and fascinating all the time. But the Olympics are required to finally shine the spotlight on the results of years of hard work, dedication and sweat. So today, please enjoy U.S. gold medal winning judo bad ass Kayla Harrison. Also, is it just me or does she totally look like the more buff big sister of Heather Morris?

Olympic Vacation Vixen: Gabby Douglas

Only 16. Already Golden. Going for more today. And this is how she eats her breakfast. I see a Wheaties box in her future.

Olympic Vacation Vixen: Elena Pirozhkova

So I’m leaving for BlogHer today. Yes, I will be in New York talking about this crazy writing on The Interwbes thing to a group of amazing women. If you’re about, come see my session “Blogging For the Love of It.” But fear not, while I’m away I will of course be posting Vacation Vixens. And, true to my word, I will continue my Olympic fever by making them Olympic Vacation Vixens.

Today, my admiration comes not from an Olympic act on the field of competition, but in the game of life. Because you’ve got to hand it to out* US Olympic wrestler Elena Pirozhkova who quite literally picked up First Lady Michelle Obama last week. That’s even better than going for the gold.

*Guess the Washington Blade jumped the gun on the whole out thing. But still, awesome.

Tank Top Tuesday: Olympics Edition Part I

Right, remember when I said I was gonna write a lot about the Olympics? Toldja. Also, a technical note. For the interest of these Olympic Games I shall be expanding the official definition of “tank top” to include “sports bras.” I hope we can all agree at this small technical point of order. And with that, please enjoy the show.

Lolo Jones, United States, hurdles

I just started following her on The Twitters. Her tweets are almost as funny as her abs are impressive.

Katie Taylor, Ireland, boxing

Is it possible to be adorable and intimidating?

Federica Pellegrini, Italy, swimming

Stretching is hot important.

Yelena Isinbayeva, Russia, pole vault

Quiet, I’m having a religious experience.

Jessica Ennis, Great Britain, track & field

Now I wish we’d never had that revolution.

Saori Yoshida, Japan, wrestling

Maybe I should watch wrestling more if it ends up like this.

Sophie Schmidt, Canada, soccer

I call her the Canadian Rapinoe.

Amélie Cazé, France, modern pentathlon

I did not realize looking like a badass was an Olympic sport.

Valerie Adams, New Zealand, shot put

Another kind of gun show.

Caster Semenya, South Africa, track & field

Gender test this..

Allyson Felix, United States, track & field

Take out the dictionary definition of “fast” and insert this picture.

Natalie Cook, Australia, beach volleyball

That’s alotta gay lady laying herself out. Ahem

The Netherlands, Field Hockey Team

Tank dresses totally count too. And four members of the team are out gay ladies. So Dutch treat, indeed.

Let the ogling begin

Yes, I plan to write a lot about the Olympics. Like a lot. Yes, I am aware some of you don’t like the Olympics. Like a lot. But, no, I will not stop writing a lot about the Olympics. They only happen every four years. And they only last for two weeks. So I ask for your patience while indulging my unapologetic joy in all things Olympics and even more unapologetic ogling of all the Olympic athletes. And while we’re at it, how about that lesbian kiss in the opening ceremonies? Missed it? Did you blink at any point? Then, yeah, you probably missed it. But it was very definitely there and it was very definitely awesome.

In case you missed it, here it is. During the weird love story section where Frankie and June danced and texted, a bunch of great kisses were included in a montage. And among them was the first lesbian kiss on “pre-watershed” (i.e. during the family friendly time period) British TV from the soap Brookside. Look for it right after Lady and Tramp share their spaghetti smooch.

I know! Ladies kissing! Opening Ceremony! Thank you, Danny Boyle! About a billion people worldwide saw that, including in countries where homosexuality is illegal like Saudi Arabia. Sure, it lasted a split second. But it was there. We were there. We were included. It was, well, pretty fucking cool.

Also pretty fucking cool? The entire US Olympic Swimming Team singing “Call Me Maybe.” Why? Why not.

But just in case ladies kissing and Olympians lip dubbing don’t get you excited for these next two weeks, then you can always cheer yourself up by playing the official My Drunk Kitchen Olympics Drinking Game.

My Weekend Crush

I’ve always loved the Muppets. My family used to gather on the couch and watch “The Muppet Show” together and the theme song send a warm, welcome wave of nostalgia over me from its very first notes. And now those loveable fuzzballs become even more sensational, inspirational, celebrational and Muppet-ational with their stance on the homophobic fast-food company Chik-fil-A and gay marriage. This week, the Jim Henson Company posted this on its official Facebook page:

The Jim Henson Company has celebrated and embraced diversity and inclusiveness for over fifty years and we have notified Chick-Fil-A that we do not wish to partner with them on any future endeavors. Lisa Henson, our CEO is personally a strong supporter of gay marriage and has directed us to donate the payment we received from Chick-Fil-A to GLAAD.

Now, I realize the Jim Henson Company sold the Muppets to Disney long ago. But it’s really the spirit of Henson and his fuzzy faced friends that I am celebrating here. I love the Muppets, Fraggle Rock, The Dark Crystal – all his goofy and gangly and good-natured creations. They are the epitome of that rainbow connection, where the lovers, dreamers and even me can be embraced for exactly who we are. Keep your fried chicken, Chik-fil-A, and your embarrassing damage control attempts. Nothing tastes as good as equality feels. Happy weekend, all.

Stewing

Oh for fuck’s sake. Look, people cheat. It’s a not-so-great quality of our puny human hearts, but it happens. But what shouldn’t happen when someone, anyone cheats is that they then have to go issue a public apology to People magazine. Because you know what? That shit is nobody’s business but the people who cheated and the people who got cheated on. I know we had a little discussion here earlier this week on privacy and what people have the right to keep secret and what people have the responsibility to reveal. But having to issue a public apology to the universe for having an albeit ill-advised indiscretion with someone is a bit nuts. I mean, she did not cheat on us.

Indeed, this sort of thing is normally the stuff of salacious political scandals. We’re used to politicians having to apologize for fucking around on their wives because the public trust is involved. It makes more sense then, while it’s still mostly an exercise in shamegasming schadenfreude. Those cases can underscore hypocrisy from policymakers who wish to impose their so-called superior morals on the rest of us. (i.e. Conservative Congressmen who cheat, but tell us we can't get married to protect to sanctity of marriage.) But this whole thing is just unfortunate and unpleasant and private. You can practically see the gears of a massive PR machine grinding in the background. If this is really coming from her and a place of genuine contrition, so be it. But it seems so contrary to her two-fingered salute to caring about what people have thought about her in the past.

Also, boy, am I not looking forward to the misogynistic tidal wave that is about to be unleashed on Kristen. Just wait for the “Slutlight” and “Ho White” headlines, they’re coming. Look, I’m not pro-cheating. Respect the person you are with and the loved ones of all involved. I hate that a family and children and anyone has to be hurt. But, this? Ugh.

Anyway, to summarize, I hope the next time a 22-year-old decides to cheat on her boyfriend, nobody has to issue a press release to People fucking magazine.

p.s. To be honest, the most “shocking” thing about this whole “scandal” is that KStew chose to cheat with someone from “Snow White & the Huntsman” and didn’t have the good sense to pick Charlize.

Goooooooooooal

Turn on your TV right now. Right now. (Well, given your timezone and when you’re reading this.) But even if you’re reading this later you can get excited because women’s Olympic soccer is happening. While the opening ceremonies aren’t until Friday, the Olympics are very much on. The women started playing today and it is a wonderful thing. Women’s soccer always rises to the occasion when given the world stage and I have no doubt the players will do the same in London. I won’t even pretend I’m not an unapologetic homer when it comes to my soccer. Team USA, all the way. So in honor of the first day of play, here’s a very special Wednesday edition of Tank Top Tuesday for some of the wonderful women of the U.S. National Women’s Team.

Megan Rapinoe

Alex Morgan

Sydney Leroux

Heather Mitts

Tobin Heath

Amy LePeilbet

Shannon Boxx

Carli Lloyd

Abby Wambach

Christie Rampone

Hope Solo

USA! USA! USA! And, you know, have a great Olympics rest of the world, too.