Tank Top Tuesday: Wishful Winslet

I am going to count whatever Kate Winselt has on under that jacket as a tank top. Do I know that it’s a tank top? No. Can I confirm that it’s a tank top? Again, very much no. Do I believe in my heart it is a tank top? Yes, obviously. And, truly, isn’t that what matters? Look, if one whole major party presidential nominee doesn’t need to be even remotely in touch with facts anymore (not that his little orange hands had any grip on facts in the first place), I can believe with my whole heart that we’re witnessing a tank top moment from Kate Winslet.

Also, believing it’s a tank top helps distract from the fact that this photoshoot was in The Telegraph. But at least it was considerate of her to pair my favorite kind of top off with my favorite other kind of top – namely, a suit jacket. See, dreams really do come true.

Music Monday: Melissa Met Chappell

The mash-up you didn't know you needed @ChappellRoan 🫶🎸#RedWineSupernova

🎥: Lary Chinowsky on Youtube pic.twitter.com/Ku8vYy3UQN

— Melissa Etheridge (@metheridge) August 29, 2024

Holy cross-generational lesbian fandoms uniting, Batman! Or, I should probably say, Batwoman (or Batgirl, again with the cross-generational). I wish I had better video of Melissa Etheridge starting out “I Want to Come Over” with Chappell Roan’s “Red Wine Supernova.” But the precious few seconds we have are enough to make me want to clip my carabiner keychain to my belt loop, grab my Carhartt jacket, jump in my Subaru and, well, come over. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I have been relentlessly mocked by some friends (in my exact same age bracket, I might add) for expressing my excitement at the new Matlock reboot. But you know what? Me and my creaky joints are unabashedly not ashamed about being hyped to watch Kathy Bates run legal circles around a bunch of whipper snappers. And my Gen X heart is so full with the use of Britney Spears to promo the series. Like, yasss, you understand my demographic perfectly! Look, I honestly have been waiting for this series for well over a DAMN YEAR. So while I am youthful for my age, I am also cranky and impatient and did I mention those joints? Look, underestimate women of a certain age at your own peril, TV and world. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Will & Harper Edition

Now isn’t this a perfectly heartwarming way to Gender Fuck your Thursday? Comic Will Ferrell and former SNL head writer Harper Steele made a documentary about a cross country road trip the two friends made after the latter’s transition. I feel like Harper’s story has the potential to move a lot of people, heck I was moved by this 2-minute trailer. Something about the combination of allowing trans people to tell their own stories, coupled with the familiar safety of a beloved figure like Ferrell – gosh, how relatable it all feels.

Now, excluding contemptibly avowed transphones like that horrid wizard lady and squalid space man, I think most people just suffer from lack of exposure to trans people. It’s the same as gay rights, before people came out in larger numbers many people thought they didn’t know any gay people. So now, as more trans people find the space, community and resources to come out and transition it’s more important than ever for us to support them. These cynical efforts to separate the L, G, B from the T and Q is unacceptable. As if hate is somehow stopped by hating on another underrepresented and marginalized group. So I plan to watch this and hope it will open some hearts that might not ordinarily be opened. We all deserve a place in this America, it’s all of our country. And don’t let them forget it.

Falling for Fall TV

Now, mostly I recommend shows with queer female leads because representation still matters and all that good gravy. But, sometimes shows without queer female leads can be equally great. And if those shows are created by and star very talented actors of color, well, damn – representation means all representations so pass me the remote. Two such shows I happily stumbled upon with the start of the new fall season are “English Teacher” (on FX and Hulu) and “How to Die Alone” (also on Hulu).

The former is from writer, creator, actor Brian Jordan Alvarez (you may remember the out actor as Jack’s flight attendant husband Estefan Gloria on the “Will & Grace” reboot) and the latter is from writer, creator, actor Natasha Rothwell (who as long-suffering spa staff Belinda was the only remotely sympathetic character on “White Lotus” season 1).

Both feature main queer characters. Alvarez plays the titular gay English teacher at a present-day suburban Texas high school and Rothwell’s JFK airport work bestie is gay. And both, at least so far, are really quite good. Funny, incisive. This is what happens when you let talented POC and members of other marginalized groups tell their own stories. Creative takes on popular themes! Originality! Hilarity! Even a little pathos! More shows like this please, TV. So many more.

The Gay Emmys

So how gay were the Emmys? The Oscars better step it up this year, because the Rainbow Mafia looked good, won good at this year’s TV awards fest. I won’t bore you with all the straight winners, etc. etc. (Like, how did I not know that Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup were married? The Straights, I swear.) Anyway, here are the most notably queer shit at this year’s award show.

Jodie Fucking Foster

Really and truly I cannot get enough of this wildly happy, wildly successful, wildly gay era of Jodie’s life and career. Everytime I see her all glammed up with with Alexandra Hedison I think, see, big gay dreams can come true. I hope Jodie signs up for some kind of prestige limited TV series every few years (her, Kate Winslet and Gillian Anderson can rotate seasons) to keep her and Alex on the awards part circuit for our personal enjoyment? What? We can’t get a little residual happiness off her big gay glow these days?

Hacks & Hannah Einbinder

Yes, I know, it’s inappropriate to secretly be an Avorah shipper. But, I mean, deep down we’d all at least like to see what would have happened if Ava hadn’t woken up from that dream when she did, right?

Niecy Nash-Betts & wife Jessica Betts

Honestly, does Niecy not not have the most handsome arm candy always at these things? I swear. It’s almost unfair.

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Whereas these two always look like the royal court for the May-December Queer Prom.

Nava Mau & Jessica Gunning

The “Baby Reindeer” LGBTQ+ cast broke ground both with Nava’s nomination and Jessica’s win. Which means I probably should watch “Baby Reindeer” after all, shouldn’t I?

Jane Lynch & Sue Sylvester

I only wish Jane and Ilona Maher interacted onstage instead of Coach Beard, for obvious reasons.

Meredith Baxter & Other TV Moms

Lest we forget, the mom from “Family Ties” came out like 15 years ago. So, my grade-school crush on Michael J. Fox remains vindicated.

Ayo Edebiri & Reba

When you come out as queer, you need to stand next to random queer icons for photos. And, like, I think Reba qualifies, but I may need to consult the rule book since I never followed contemporary country close enough to know for sure about her.

Kristen Kish

Like all that AND she can cook. Again, unfair.

Lily Gladstone & Greta Lee

Like, yeah I know Greta is married to a fella and whatnot. But like you’d hold Lily’s hand too, and you know it.

Jodie & Kali Reis

I amend my previous statement, where I want Jodie to put up every other season or so in a prestige limited series. I want Jodie to put up every other season or so in a prestige limited series that features out LGBTQ+ cast and other marginalized voices. Because, you want more pictures like this too, right? Right.

Music Monday: She Bop Edition

Honestly, getting a song about female masturbation on the radio 40 years ago is such a flex that if Cyndi Lauper ever did anything else with her career that alone would have made her a legend. But, luckily for us, she has done so much more. From being the original Girl Power (ugh, I know the concept got commercialized, but still) pop superstar to then continuing to take a stand for the outcasts and the oddballs and the queer folks even before it was popular in most cases makes her an enduring icon. She has never strayed from that inclusive vision since the very start of her careers. And, again, in 1984 she sang about girls getting themselves off and made it a Top 10 hit. So, as I was saying, legacy secured. Also, if you want to learn a little more about that legacy my I suggest her documentary “Let the Canary Sing” on Paramount+. She’s so unusually good, it’s great to watch. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Vengeance) Crush

Aw, man. Look at these two. I almost forgot what it was like to be invested in a long-term, healthy queer couple on screen. Anyway, happy Return to Purgatory Day for all who celebrate. Go figure out how to access Tubi and let’s go kick some demon ass. This “Wynonna Earp: Vengeance” special isn’t going to watch itself. Like, WayHaught hugs await! Happy weekend, all.

Cate for All Seasons

I mean, who amongst us hasn’t dreamt of being chased around by a chainsaw wielding Cate Blanchett? Absolutely no kink shame, indeed. OK, fine, if Cate with a chainsaw is too intense how about Cate in Cluckingham Palace? Holding a chicken your thing?

Nah still? Well, then how about bees? Not the bees! Not the bees! OK, sorry, Wicker Man flashbacks for some of you.

Well, surely, SURELY, you’ll like a short-shorts jumper with knee-high wellies. And a Jeep, for good measure?

There, see, a Cate for everyone.

p.s. I'm like one of those late-night infomercials from the 90s! But wait, there's more! How about Cate belly dancing with a spoon belt? As I was saying, a Cate for all seasons.

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It’s Agatha Season

Honestly, I was kind of over all the Marvel shenanigans. I’ll watch your Avengers. And some of your spinoff Avengers shows. And some of your spinoff from the spinoff Avenger shows. But, truly, at this point I’m tapped. The MCU? More like Meh-CU – amirite? But then, BUT THEN…Agatha came along. A show with a very strong female lead (at least she’s working on getting her very strong mojo back…). A show about witches. A show about a ragtag coven of witches. A show about a ragtag coven of witches that draws on the Salem lore. A show about a ragtag coven of witches that draws on the Salem lore with Kathryn Hahn! Aubrey Plaza! Patti LuPone! The mom from “That 70s Show!” And SNL alum Sasheer Zamata who just came out as a “late in life lesbian!” And just when I’ve finally settled into spooky season. Yeah, fine. OK, I will happily watch this series. And Emma Caulfield is returning as her WandaVision character for all the Buffy (but not necessarily Joss Whedon) fans out there. As I was saying, yeah, fine. I will watch this in the spirit of the Sanderson Sisters et al. Look, if they can make 10 movies about Spider-Man, they can make a second show about powerful witches. Because, you know, witchy representation matters.

Any Lesbians In the Building?

Lights, camera, murder! Everyone’s favorite multi-generational true crime murder podcasters are back, and investigating the gayest murder so far. OK, fine, perhaps killing off (or at least so it seems…though the knee joints are hard to fake…RIP, Sazz) the show’s most consistently queer character might not be my favorite way to start a new season. Though I do enjoy the extra hallucinatory Jane Lynch we’re getting to see this season instead. Plus, great homicidal queer representation with the bonus [Spoiler Alert if you haven’t watched the first two episodes yet…] Jan sighting. Anyway, I think what I’m trying to say is for a show set in New York City it needs more consistently queer characters. No, Mabel Season 2 does not count unless we see some of the same in Mabel Season 4 (we all know there was none Mabel Season 3). Harumpf. I will, however, accept more scenes where Meryl Streep chews the scenery as an apology – for now. In conclusion, more gays please – and not just as murder victims.

Music Monday: New Beginnings

Well, my divorce became official over the weekend. So, that’s that. It’s a good thing, but still feel...strange. Anyway, here’s a song for us all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I consider the fact that “Somebody Somewhere” is getting ready to release its third season a minor, but definitely not insignificant, miracle. That its third season will be its last, alas, can’t even dampen my excitement. This little show with a big, open, wonderful heart is perhaps my favorite show on air right now. It’s definitely my favorite show about Midwestern lives. Nothing much happens and everything happens, and ain’t that life in a nutshell. Knowing I’ll get to return to the lives of Sam and Joel and Fred Rococo et al fills me with so much quiet joy. In fact I will consider it a balm for this election season. It’ll premiere nine days before the election, and be there for us after it as well no matter the result. Though, you know you wanna party with all these Midwest misfits when we win. Happy weekend, all.

Clea Creates

Don’t you just love it when good things continue to happen to good people? I’ve been a Clea DuVall fan for well over a quarter century (which, ouch, I old). Of course 2000’s “But I’m a Cheerleader” cemented my eternal love for her work. But over the years it’s been extremely gratifying to watch her blossom as a filmmaker and director. And I think those of us who can remember her long-ago closeted days (I still have that OUT magazine somewhere with her and Natasha Lyonne posing as two ostensibly straight actors), feel even more gratified that her body of work behind the camera continues to be out and proud. From “Happiest Season” (yes, I know, it had its problems but STILL) to “High School” (which was criminally underappreciated, go watch it on FreeVee, it’s FREE), she is forging a super gay path filled with super interesting work. You love to see it!

So I’m thrilled to see that her next two projects appear to both center women and at least for one have queer storylines. It’s been announced that Clea will write and direct the series “Perfume & Pain” as well as direct the film “ Abbi and the Eighth Wonder.”

The latter is a “female-driven comedy adventure film.” There isn’t much else out there about the plot right now, but according to a script review site the period piece set in the 1930s follows the female assistant to a famous, and famously misogynist explorer, who dies suddenly and decides to take his place adventuring. She teams up with a female gossip columnist named Jo, and try to find the Eighth Wonder of the World. (The script review site was also sad that the misogynist explorer explorer was killed off and the story instead featured two women working together with a “feminism is awesome” theme, so take it all with a snow shovel of salt.) I don’t know if anything gay happens, but it has a female character named Jo, so there’s that.

Meanwhile Clea’s TV project “Perfume & Pain” does have explicit sapphic themes. The series is described as ““a sexy and twisted character drama following a hopelessly romantic and equally reckless sapphic novelist on the verge of superstardom and simultaneously total self-destruction – depending which way the wind blows and what pill she pops next. Astrid will need to write her own deliverance into healing, true love, and success… before she succumbs to the vices that threaten to tear her apart.” The series is being produced by Christine Vachon’s extremely queer-friendly Killer Films. So, you know, that’s exciting.

I don’t know when either project will be completed (they both seem to be in the early stages without any cast attached). But, goodness, will we have a county of Clea-created goodness to look forward to.

p.s. The crush I had on Clea circa her Graham Era remains undefeated, greasy hair and all.

Islands Girl

This one goes out to everyone with young kids at home or are themselves young at heart (and, yes, I still sometimes sing “How Far I’ll Go” in the shower). Now, normally I’m not too psyched about sequels to kiddie movies. But a sequel to the “Moana” movie? Chee-hoo! And then some! You see, the great thing about “Moana 2” news is it’s also gay news because its lead voice actress Auliʻi Cravalho is bisexual. So her success is queer success. As I was saying, chee-hoo!

This is also a reminder that if you haven’t rewatched “Crush” recently you really should because it was a criminally underrated fun queer teen rom-com. And if you saw the “Mean Girls” musical you know her Janis is a totally queer badass. In short, I’ll take all the Auliʻi I can get. Respectfully, of course. She’s like 23. Anyway, between Cynthia Erivo’s “Wicked” coming out Nov. 22 and Auliʻi’s “Moana 2” the following weekend Nov. 27, fans of wildly talented bisexual actor-singers will be eating well this Thanksgiving.

Tank Top Tuesday: Ilona Issue

I know that Ilona Maher is straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some people are just born that way. But, damn, has she missed an opportunity with queer women everywhere. Like, how you don’t look at this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue digital cover (I know, I know) and not swallow your tongue? Yet she has well chronicled the opposite sex’s difficulties with her, well, body. Oh no, she has broad shoulders and a strong jaw. Oh no, she is strong enough to pick you up and carry you around like a pretty, pretty princess. Yeah, not a problem for us. Not a problem at all. Anyway. The bronze medal-winning US rugby star looks great in the many, many, many, many, many photos of her in various forms of a bikini in this photoshoot. (And, once again, I contend bikinis still fall under the larger Tank Top umbrella. So say us all.) As I was saying, good for her. And, you know, call us if you ever give up on the fellas.

Music Monday: March to the Polls

Even if we all fell for that social media rumor about Beyonce (which is a reminder that no matter how problematic mainstream media can be, they’re still more reliable than TMZ or influencers), the DNC was not without its musical superstars. Stevie Wonder. Lil Jon. Pink. And, of course, The Chicks. I say of course because Natalie, Martie, and Emily have been on the political frontlines for more than 20 years.

The Youths among us may not remember but they were one of the OG cancel culture victims. This was before the term was used as a cudgel by conservatives whining about being shunned for their terrible, hurtful beliefs, but progressives being literally banned from country music radio and having their CDs (gosh, remember those) crushed by, again, literal steamrollers.

That they were able to emerge from that much concentrated bile and refuse to be silenced (or Make Nice, ahem), is a testament to their own foundational beliefs. The ladies released “March” in the summer of 2020 when we were on the verge of another make-or-break American election. And they returned in 2024 to sing the national anthem at the DNC. Sadly, the cause today is no less urgent. I truly think the human body is not equipped to endure THREE Trump presidential campaigns in one lifetime. Yet here we are, marching to the polls once again. Sixty-three days to go, America. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I know all the scuttlebutt around last week’s Democratic National Convention were around the barn burner speeches by Kamala and Michelle and Barack and Oprah. So you might have missed Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s short, sweet and extremely sassy speech. So I send you into this weekend with a reminder of what’s at stake in this election. Yes, our democracy is on the line. Our freedoms are on the line. And even as a soon-to-be officially divorced single cat (and dog) lady, I know that our marriages are also on the line. So for all you marrieds (or those who want to get married at some point), let Dana be your rallying cry. They can pry those wedding bands off of our cold, dead, gay hands. Happy weekend, all.

The Women Next Door

Granted, I would watch almost any movie filled with slow, lingering shots of Julianne Moore and Tilda Swinton’s exquisite cheekbones. But when it’s a Pedro Alodóvar movie filled with slow, lingering shots of Julianne and Tilda’s exquisite cheekbones, well – say less, as the kids today say. This is also Alodóvar’s first English-language feature. Though anyone familiar with his work knows he is famous for centering women’s internal lives (sometimes, extremely internal – like Vagninal Tours internal). So I’m extremely curious where “The Room Next Door” will take its characters, former colleagues who worked at a magazine together years ago but have since gone their separate ways. Tilda’s Martha is a war correspondent and, if the contextual clues of the trailer are correct, appears to be ill. Julianne’s Ingrid is now a novelist and, if the contextual clues of the trailer are correct, appears to be helping Martha with her illness. There isn’t much more out there about the plot, but the film is based on the novel “What Are You Going Through” by Sigrid Nunez, so if anyone’s read it give us the heads up. As always, my first question will be does anything gay happen. I guess we shall see. Until then, we can dream.

Good Taste

Yes, I know The Kiss in this video is the sneaky kind of body-swap they used to sneak into Very Special Lesbian Episodes of TV shows back in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell days, but…it’s still a kiss. So of course I loved Sabrina Carpenter’s new music video for her song “Taste” featuring Jenna Ortega. Two of the most popular Gen Z stars in the same music video trying to murder one another in increasingly gruesome ways over a stupid boy while paying homage to some 90s and 00s cult classics? Does it pain me to know younger generations consider some of these films (including “Death Becomes Her,” “Adams Family Values,” “Ginger Snaps” and “Kill Bill”) ancient cinema. But then my knees probably would agree, so, you know – time is after us all.

Also, even though Jenna isn’t technically one of the 20something Pop Girlie (à la Sabrina, Chappell, Billie, Renee, et al) she is a bonafide Gen Z superstar. And, unlike those Very Special Lesbian Episodes of days of yore, at least now Sabrina and Jenna acknowledge that that boy was stupid and they’re better off without/murdering him. And that hair brush says also says maybe they liked that kiss a little more, too. Sabrina, how about the next video includes homages to “The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love,” “But I’m a Cheerleader” and “Imagine Me & You.” Just a suggestion.

Tank Top Tuesday: Good Greta

Look, I’ve been abundantly clear about my belief that muscle shirts and sports bras all count as tank tops. I am from the Big Tent Tank Top Party, we accept all and love all who bare arms. Anyway, as I was saying. Greta Lee recently did an ad campaign for Calvin Klein underwear. And I have a penchant for Calvin Klein underwear (well, their Every Lesbian Has One Bras). So, I was admiring her new spot and thinking, it’s probably age-inappropriate for me to feel these kinds of feelings for Greta Lee doing her best “Risky Business” slide. So, because I wanted to punish myself, I Googled and – lo and behold, Greta is 41 and therefore within my acceptable age-gap parameters for not feeling super creepy. I mean, I’m definitely older. But my ex is actually younger than Greta. So, uh, you know. As I was saying. We should all feel and look great in our underwear, no matter the age. So, well done on that front, Greta. Respectfully-ish.

Music Monday: Loves Lucy

Let’s throw it back, wayyyy back, to 2006. Here is Lucy Lawless singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” with Bonnie Tyler on the reality competition “Celebrity Duets.” It was kinda like “The Masked Singer” but without masks and also with duets with other celebrities. I have 100% memory holed this show, but Wikipedia tells me Wayne Brady hosted and other contestants include Alfonso Ribeiro, Hal Sparks, one of the original Queer Eye guys, and Lea Thompson among others. Lucy, it should be noted, was runner up to Hal. Again, I have absolutely negative recollection of this show. But it came out the same year I started this blog. So, um, maybe I was busy? Anyone remember watching this show? I mean, Lucy’s hair alone seems memorable. Happy Monday, kittens. *Xena Battle Cry*

My Weekend Presidential Crush

This is, as you all know, a gay pop culture blog. Duh. I write about the effervescent fluff that makes life fun, because who doesn’t like having fun? But as a queer person of color, politics is always personal – as I know it is for so many of you. So I have also written about every presidential election since this blog started – wayyy back in 2006.

Remember 2006? Before Obama. Before Hillary. Before Trump. And I’ve been unabashedly liberal, progressive, whatever you want to call it since this blog started. Heck, I’d say I’ve gotten more liberal as I’ve aged – to defy the getting more conservative as we age stereotypes. This Gen Xer is no Boomer, dammit.

I think this is because with each passing election, it feels like the stakes keep going up. The differences between the choices become more stark – more dangerous, more destructive, more divisive. So much so that we’ve gotten to the point where democracy is, legitimately, on the ballot. Someone who says he wants to be a dictator on “day one” and says vote this once and we’ll “fix it” so you never have to vote again is no small threat to our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

So, I dreaded this election. I, like so many others, continue to have PTSD from 2016. And, up until late July, it felt like it was all slipping away again. A second Trump presidency felt almost inevitable. I renewed my passport. I kept reminding myself that lots of people around the world live under fascism and authoritarianism. It would be awful, it would be painful, but maybe we could survive it – maybe. I even started to mentally prepare myself for the possibility of not seeing progress on civil rights in our nation for decades, possibly longer. Possibly for the rest of my lifetime.

It felt like election night Nov. 8, 2016 all over again. I remember the next day writing that the America I believed in did not exist. And, for a while, it didn’t.

But, whew, what a difference a Kamala makes. Now, instead of the existential dread of a wanna-be-dictator running our country, I am filling the giddy excitement at the possibility of America’s first female president, first Black and South Asian president. The possibility of, yes, hope. And the realization that there have always been more decent, rational, welcoming and inclusive Americans who care about their neighbors and communities than angry, spiteful, fearful hatemongers. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got plenty of those too. But, essentially, we are a people who want to be seen as, and do, good.

While we don’t always live up to our better angels, we have indeed made great progress. We’re still not that more perfect union, and who knows if we’ll ever be. But as long as we keep striving, keep fighting, maybe we’ll get there one day.

I think the great lesson on Kamala Harris’s candidacy is that we should dream bigger. No more we can’ts because (x, y and z). No more, but will people vote for a (fill in the Black). Because, yes, we can. We can elect the first woman president. We can elect the first Black and Asian woman president. We can do better. We can fight for better. We can defeat Trumpism, once and for all. We can demand a better future, because we deserve it.

I know Vice President Harris isn’t perfect. (Hello, neither is Bette Porter – ahem.) But I believe she is a decent, rational, welcoming and inclusive American who cares about us, our neighbors and our communities. And I believe if we work hard, talk with our friends and families, and continue to fight for what is right, on Nov. 5 we will write a new, better chapter for the history of our country together. Now wouldn’t that be truly great. Happy let's fucking win this thing weekend, America.

Live, Laugh, Love Lies Bleeding

With the Olympics over, you might be thinking, dang I wish I had more strong women to watch. Well, do I have the movie/super gay head trip for you. I missed out on seeing “Love Lies Bleeding” in the theaters because of some bad timing. But as soon as it began streaming on Max last month, I made sure to watch. And, well, that sure was something.

What I liked about “Love Lies Bleeding” was its approach to its queer characters and queer desire. No need for any “coming out” framing. No earnest struggles with homophobia or self-doubt. Just two women attracted to each other who become the epitome of “Be gay, Do crimes.”

In order to enjoy this film you just need to be prepared for violence and muscles. You also need to brace yourself for a little magical realism. This is less the “Water for Chocolate” whimsical magical realism and more of the queer fantasy magical realism. Either way, it’s trippy and unexpected and weird as hell – but mostly in a good and definitely in a gay way.

And while K-Stew is the marquee name here, Katy O’Brian is the breakout star here. I mean, those muscles alone. *heart eyes emoji forever* I’m surprised between “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Twisters,” that Katy isn’t hanging on a poster in every young lesbian’s wall right now.

While this movie probably won’t go into your feel-good canon of lesbian rom-coms à la “Imagine Me & You” and “But I’m a Cheerleader” or even grand sweeping romances like “Carol” or “Portrait of a Lady on Fire,” it deserves its own place in queer pulp history. Back-to-back screening with “Bound?” Now that’s a noir lesbian movie night I can get behind.

So, thoughts? I don’t want to give away the ending too much, because I think you just need to experience it. Buckle up and wear a helmet.

Maid to Order

Here I go again being all randy on Hump Day (again I literally never say this IRL, I promise!). Now, I would first like to acknowledge that I am very late on this. Like extremely, extraordinarily late. Like a literal decade late. BUT, a good picture is a good picture. (Also, I already declared any day with Blanchett a good day, so you're welcome.) So when I was alerted that images like this existed of course I decided to pass them along in case you, like me, had somehow not seen them back in 2014.

Long story short, Cate Blanchett, Isabelle Huppert and Elizabeth Debicki all starred in the stage production of “The Maids,” which ran both in Sydney and in a limited engagement in New York 10 years ago. Cate and Isabelle play sisters and maids for Elizabeth’s socialite character who plot to kill her. But plot, smot. Let’s make up our own stories to these photos because, HELLO. Anyway, as I said any day with Blanchett is a good day – even belatedly and especially in a maid’s outfit. Add in Elizabeth and Isabelle too? Well, better late than never.

Loop De Parker

Sometimes I’ll be sitting around and randomly, I’ll think, “Gosh, I wonder what Mary-Louise Parker is up to?” Because, since her Showtime comedy “Weeds” went off the air a dozen years ago, she hadn’t had super steady work. (Yes, yes, I know she has shown up in things like “The Blacklist” and “Billions” and “Mr. Mercedes” etc.) But no real leading roles in major projects unless I missed them – which may well be by choice on her part. But, goodness, is that a shame for us.

So imagine my delight when I heard she was going to star in a new film with none other than critically adored and Ireland’s own (this is a joke) Ayo Edebiri. I first only had the budget line to dream about, which was: “A quantum physicist finds herself stuck in a time loop with a black hole growing in her chest and only a week to live.”

OK, dark – quite literally. But then the trailer was released and it’s both dark and funny and beautiful and tragic. In short, it’s the perfect Mary-Louise Parker movie. Think of it as “Groundhog Day for Physicists.” I also feel like this is gonna be a cryer. But, you know, a good kind of cry. Because time is relentlessly pursuing us all unless we all meet the inevitable. So might as well watch Mary-Louise and Ayo try to fight it with science. Also, did anyone else catch this little moment? Do you think in one of her lives she found her Idgie? Because I sure do.

Music Monday: Blanchett For Breakfast

Hey, remember when last year Cate Blanchett randomly showed up in a banana-yellow suit to dance her way through the music video for the Sparks song “The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte?” And we were like that is so weird I love it! Well, did you know she did it live at Glastonbury last year as well? Because yeah, of course she did. Now I’m not really a music festival girlie (all day, no sitting or shade, I’m old…), but I would have perhaps toughed it out to see Cate. But then I think a healthy dose of Blanchett makes everything better. So here’s to a weird and wonderful start of this week. Please be kind, universe. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

In the interest of equal opportunity and cross-genre posting, let’s give some love to country star Maren Morris. I don’t know a ton about Maren, other than having noticed she tends to hang out with some really cool folks, because I’m simply not that into contemporary country. So somehow I missed when Maren came out as bisexual this June (snaps for Pride proclamations!) And now her new song “Push Me Over” makes things more, explicit. Well, not that explicit (though, briefly I misheard the lyric “Sitting on the fence…” as sitting on something else that starts with “f” and ending with a “ce,” ahem). Still, wow. Could you imagine being a queer or questioning kid and have the choice of queer mainstream artists to listen to from Maren to Billie to Chappell to Brandi to boygenius and beyond. Things can get better, and with a beat that you can dance to. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Them Thursday

This is actually what the Olympics is *supposed* to be about. pic.twitter.com/drTPVdw3Qi

— Earthling (@ziyatong) August 10, 2024

Well, well, well – if all the real-life supervillains/billionaires aren’t finally entering the “finding out” phase. After disparaging, degrading, defaming and downright harassing Algerian boxer Imane Khelif through her whole Olympics, the gold medalist has hit back – legally. This week Imane filed a lawsuit with French authorities against that horrid wizard lady, that self-driving death traps guy and everyone else who has relentlessly cyberbullied her insisting she was a “man.” JK, Elon, et all, I say this most sincerely, fuck you you fucking fucks. And so very well done, Imane. Like, I feel like moments like this were made for that Lucille Bluth “good for her” gif.

I cannot imagine the levels of hatred and abuse (and racism, don’t forget that part!) that this poor woman has had to endure simply because the simultaneously richest, stupidest and most malevolent billionaires in the world have an anti-trans agenda. Though, if we’re being accurate, they have an anti-woman agenda. Because anytime an outside group of people gets the power to determine who or who isn’t a woman – besides that woman herself – all women lose. Oh, well, she may “technically” be a woman, but she doesn’t act/dress/look/punch sufficiently how we think a woman should, so you’re not a woman anymore. That road leads to only bad things for women, all women. Plus, none of these kinds of attacks – almost always when white women lose to women of color – are new. Remember Caster Semanya? Same old bigoted story.

(And fuck off with that “gender testing” hooha. The so-called boxing association that made those declarations has been permanently banned from the Olympics and has ties to Russia. It’s always fucking Russia.)

Anyway, I hope she sues the pants off these disgusting wealth hoarders and then gets to live a long, happy, successful life doing whatever the fuck she pleases. You come for the OLYMPIC BOXING CHAMPION, you best not miss.

p.s. Instead of posting photos of moldy mansion and space dick, I thought I would share what the true Olympic spirit should look like as all of Imane’s fellow boxing medalists celebrate together. More joy, less hate, less billionaires aand bigots telling us who qualifies as a woman.

La Langue Lesbian

@lievelingspaars Emergencyyyy… #jodiefoster #wlw #masterclass ♬ origineel geluid - Carmen

This really needs no explanation. But in this week’s spirit of extreme randiness, it felt like my obligation to share it with you all. You’re welcome. Also, I consider it the definitive answer to the video below. Lesbianism, the answer is definitely lesbianism for both videos. Happy Hump Day, indeed.

Love & Other Apocalypses

Hey, remember getting the bejesus scared out of you by “The Last of Us?” And remember how it’s coming back for Season 2, a.k.a. When Shit Gets Really Gay? The first footage and images of Bella Ramsey as Ellie and Isabela Merced as her girlfriend Dina have emerged as the second season continues production. Hello, thigh holsters! You gotta give the makeup and props department props for how well they’ve recreated the videogame. Granted, I never played the game but from my untrained (but highly gay) eyes that looks great and super gay.

So, there’s at least something to look forward to as we trudge through our own hellscape. There may be an apocalypse, but there is also gay love. And we haven't really seen Kaitlyn Dever as Abby yet either. So bring on the murder mushrooms again. Time to strap one one and get ready for the second season.

Music Monday: Charli & Billie

So we begin this week in our post-Olympics haze with no more athletic hotties to ogle cheer. (Sad, sexy trombone.) Luckily, The collaboration between pop girlies Charli xcx and Billie Eilish has produced one of the more randy songs of the summer in a summer practically brimming with randy songs. How randy? Like climbing up a literal mountain of women’s underwear randy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Get it, girls. I’ve just really enjoyed watching Billie Eilish blossom into her queerness this year. And when I say “blossom,” I mean hornily celebrate in the gayest way possible.

First "Lunch," now Charli likes boys, but she knows I'd hit it? Check off crushing/hitting on your straight girl friends from Billie’s Queer Rites of Passage 101 list. If she hasn’t already received her toaster oven in the mail, she’s owed a second one just for that line. Also, lest we forget, Charli was the one who jump started the Kamalanomenon when she declared Kamala brat. Gay and politically aware? Yeah, I’d hit it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well, it’s been another extraordinary week for Team USA and Team World at the Olympics. As we head into the final weekend, I’d like to provide some intellectual analysis of how our inspirational performances have helped reinvigorated long-dormant patriotism within a deeply divided nation. I mean, I’d like to do that – theoretically. But instead I’m just going to be deeply, deeply shallow. Because is it just me or is every single Team USA women's gold medalist in track & field like the hottest person you've ever seen in your whole entire life? Respectfully.

The second week of the Olympics has featured America’s best and brightest track and field stars. And, goodness, have these athletes delivered. Gold for Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone in the 400m hurdles. Gold for Tara Davis-Woodhall in long jump. Gold for Gabby Thomas in the 200m. Gold for Valarie Allman in discus. And that’s just so far.

Each one of these women is unbelievably talented, determined, accomplished and, yes, hot. While it shouldn’t be terribly surprising that the most athletic people on the planet are also terribly good looking. But, like, they’re all just so inescapably attractive. Truly, it hardly seems fair to us mere mortals. But at least we get to gaze upon these modern-day super(hot)heroes.

Though, honestly, all the US team’s female medalists – gold, silver and bronze – in track and field so far are just…*lower lip bite* (Anna Cockrell, Annette Echikunwoke, Sha’Carri Richardson, et al, I totally see you). And if we’re being really honest, track and field is filled with smoke shows regardless of the country. Go Team World, indeed. Look, I watch the Olympics for its spectacle of global goodwill, competition and excellence. But I also watch it because these women athletes are just astonishing to behold. And sometimes, well, you just want to spend two weeks watching the fastest, highest, strongest and hottest among us. Respectfully. Happy last weekend of the Olympics, all.

Love Match

As the Olympics draw to a close this weekend, and we continue to celebrate all the medalists and athletes, let’s not forget our past Olympians. Like everyone’s favorite open-secret USWNT couple Tobin Heath and Christen Press. I know, I know we all knew. But to confirm it, to confirm what we all knew for the past eight years. Yes, that still matters. Long live Preath. Congratulations on continuing to be lesbian soccer girlies couple goals.

Good Canadians, Bad Fish

Well, this is disturbing. I had no idea that Tegan and Sara were victims of catfishing. Or that it would ripple out to hurt their fans. How horrible and fascinating. I mean, more horrible than fascinating. But you’d better believe I will be watching their new Hulu documentary “Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara” this fall.

I hadn’t heard that Tegan’s identity was stolen in 2011. I thought it was maybe because I just wasn’t paying enough attention to everyone’s favorite queer twins. But, no, they confirmed it was “the biggest story we never shared.” So, don’t feel bad if you’re surprised like me. I am just sad it happened to them at all. I mean, they’re even Canadians. You do this to the nicest, most polite people on Earth?

Also, while we’re talking about our indie icons – don’t forget that if you have an Amazon Prime subscription you can watch their excellent series “High School,” based on their memoir by the same name, for free on Freevee. I mean, you gotta watch something while you wait for Oct. 18, right?

Home, Sweet Purgatory

And that’s why we call them WayHaught. Dominique Provost-Chalkley and Katherine Barrell made quite the handsome couple at Comic-Con, as expected, and I can’t wait to see the domestic not-so-tranquility Waverly and Nicole are getting up to in good old Purgatory. The full trailer for Tubi’s new 90-minute special “Wynonna Earp: Vengeance” was released at the con last weekend. And it looks like another gun-slinging good time, with some smoochies thrown in between the face punches. You know, typical Earp heir shit.

Dom and their short hair will debut in the reboot (emphasis on boots), but in interviews they’ve said Waverly is not changing pronouns. But don't worry, you heard me mention the smoochies already, right? Yeah, bring it on, Earps. We got some demon asses to kick and wives to kiss.

Music Monday: Hotties for Harris

Yes, I am fully coconut pilled. But then you know I’ve been on Team President Straight Bette Porter since, well, wayyy back. And here we are, at a singular moment when the momentum, excitement and unadulterated joy is all on our side. Just think, a month ago it felt inevitable that America’s worst inclinations – toward a horrifying christo-fascist future – would win. But now, the fight has returned among those of us who still believe we can build that more perfect union for all of us. What a difference a little hope makes. And what a difference a joyful warrior like Vice President Kamala Harris makes. I expect Megan Thee Stallion to be the first of an endless stream of rap, pop and every other genre superstars showing up at rallies to lend their voices. We have history on our side – and all the hot girlies. Hotties for Harris, indeed. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

[Click to Embiggen the Femininomenons!]

I don’t mean to be a total homer, but can I just say, “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” Now, I apologize to our International Kittens. I actually root for everyone to do their best during the Olympics. But, admittedly, I can’t help feel a little righteous pride as we hit the half way mark on the 2024 Paris Games. Of the nine gold medals won by Team USA, seven of them are by female athletes or women’s teams.

In fact, no individual male US athlete has won a gold medal thus far*. Two USA men’s teams (men’s 4X100 freestyle swimming relay and men’s four rowing) have won gold, alongside the two USA female teams (women’s team foil fencing and women’s team gymnastics). Indeed so far the individual gold medal winners for Team USA are ALL women – Simone Biles, Katie Ledecky, Torri Huske, Kate Douglass and Lee Kiefer. It’s been awesome to watch and amazing to experience.

This is no shade on Team USA’s silver and bronze winners (which, should be noted, were also mostly female. In fact, USA men/men’s teams have only won 12 of our 37 medals so far).

Not to put too fine a point on this (and extrapolate any political prognastications, ahem), but something tells me this is NOT the year to bet against women. Talk about your Femininomenons! Happy Women of the Olympics weekend, all.

*This was written at end-of-day Thursday, so these numbers could have changed over the weekend. But, my point still stands. WOMEN!

Gender Fuck Thursday: Queer Qamp

Not that we need reminding in our current political hellscape, but representation matters. It always matters, and it always will. If you want a joyful reminder of this, check out the new documentary “Queer Qamp” streaming now on Peacock. The film follows the campers at Camp fYrefly, a camp for queer, non-binary, and trans teens in Alberta, Canada. You’ll be drawn into these students' stories and struggles, and be reminded once again of the power of acceptance and inclusion. What if we, as a world, embraced those who loved or looked or identified differently than us instead of responding with hate, fear, exclusion and far, far worse? What if the whole world was like “Queer Qamp?” I recommend this 80 minutes of queer, non-binary and trans joy, no matter your age. I promise it’ll do your heart good, and have you chanting “Queer Joy!”