Write What You Know

Well, now, isn’t this a treat. A period piece prestige drama featuring a high-profile star about a real-life female trailblazer who also happened to be bisexual woman who had long-term relationships with other women and does not appear to be shying away from the gay bits. Like I said, a rare treat. Sure, I’m not crazy about all the dude taking credit for a woman’s work stuff – but then women have been not crazy about dudes taking credit for their work since, I don’t know, the beginning of time. What I am crazy about is seeing Keira Knightley play the fascinating Noble Prize nominated French author Colette. It’s also a reminder that the issues we face today, they’re not new. Sure, some things have changed and even for the better. But the struggle to be seen as equal, to be given respect and to be allowed to be exactly who we are in this world is always with us. Oh, and Keira should always, always wear suits like that. Always.

Bullseye, ladies

Archery is hot. I mean, if the Girl on Fire does it, you know it’s got to be hot. But “The Hunger Games” is not the first nor more than likely the last film to bring us female heroines brandishing bows and arrows. Plenty of cinematic and real-life heroines have taken aim with one of mankind’s oldest weapons. And I’ll tell you a little secret about myself, I loved archery growing up. I didn’t do it a lot because I lived in town and my parents had this thing about not accidentally shooting the neighbors and all. But I went to a summer camp a few years in a row and my absolute favorite activity was archery. Something about drawing back that string and feeling the bow flex mixed power, grace and physics in an intoxicating way. I also liked the crisp thump sounds the arrow made as it hit its hay target. So here are a few other ladyies of the longbow to take their place beside Katniss Everdeen.

Keira KnightleyShe picked up a bow as Guinevere in “King Arthur.” I’m not sure how a bare midriff helped her aim, but everyone has her own method I suppose.

Natalie PortmanJust to keep the “Is it Natalie or Keira” confusion going, she did her own movie as bow-and-arrow wielding warrior in “Your Highness.”

Lena HeadeyI’m thinking up a zany crossover movie where Lena’s flower girl Luce from “Imagine Me & You” and huntress Angelika from “The Brothers Grimm” go on a road trip and to rescue fairy tale characters and kiss pretty girls. Fine, admittedly I haven’t thought it through very much.

Anna PopplewellI really loved the “Chronicles of Narnia” growing up, but it wasn’t exactly brimming with strong female heroines. Thank heavens for Susan Pevensie and her trusty bow and arrow.

Jessica Biel“Blade Trinity” was not a good movie. But it did introduce us to Jessica Biel’s magnificent shoulder muscles. And for that the universe will forever be grateful.

Jennifer Garner“Elektra” was not a good movie either. And not even seeing Jennifer prance around in a crime-fighting wardrobe made by Victoria’s Secret could make me thank the universe for it.

Jennifer LawrenceJennifer trained with a four-time Olympian and arching champion for her role in “The Hunger Games.” But I don’t think that’s why all the showings I wanted to go to were sold out this weekend.

Stana KaticDid you know besides speaking like half a dozen languages she also enjoys flamenco, falconry and a little archery on the side? Don’t worry, PETA, I don’t think she practices her archery and falconry at the same time.

Geena DavisGeena is another real-live archer, who even tried out for the 2000 Olympics team. She didn’t make the team, but that’s OK because she already has some gold hardware named Oscar at home.

Lucy LiuI have no idea why she’s using a bow and arrow while wearing this jaunty little outfit, but I entirely approve.

Christina HendricksLikewise, I have no idea why Christina is posing seductively in a spiked leather jacket with a bow and arrows. But, again, not complaining.

Princess MeridaI dork out so hard when I think about this movie, you guys. I am so ready to be “Brave.”

Gender Fuck Thursday

Yes, yes. I know. This is a lot of Charlize for one week. But I just cannot resist a crisp white shirt and a pair of suspenders. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. The moon and stars. The Captain and Tennille. OK, you see where I’m going with this. And while they’re perfectly nice by themselves (well, I don’t know about The Captain – he seems needy), together something special happens. And that something is hot. Really hot. But you don’t have to trust me. Just trust Charlize & Co.

Emma WatsonIf Hermione looked like this she would have watched softball instead of Quidditch.

Diane KrugerThe tuxedo shirt and bow ties says business. The sleeveless arms say parrrrr-tay.

Kate MoennigShhh. Don’t speak. You’ll ruin the religious experience.

Winona RyderWell, I didn’t say you had to button the shirt.

Kristen BellOr that the shirt had to have any buttons, period.

Rachel MaddowNow comes the part in the religious experience where you should be leaving small offerings as a sign of respect.

Keira KnightleyOK, fine. She’s not wearing a crisp white shirt. My bad.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Shirtless Edition

They say no shirt, no shoes, no service. But in cases like these if you’re wearing no shirt, there’s no way you’re not getting serviced. Rimshot! Hey, it can’t all be high brow. Sometimes it’s just about the exquisite pleasure of a lady wearing a nice jacket without a nice shirt. And if that lady happened to be wearing a lovely garter set underneath, like Kirsten Dunst – well, that’s some extra special service coming up right there. Extra special, indeed.

Catherine Zeta-JonesBest black-tie optional attire ever.

RihannaOne of my goals in life is to have vacations like Rihanna.

Anne HathawayPeople seem worried about whether the new Catwoman will be sexy enough. I have to say, I’m not overly worried.

Keira KnightleyI wish Keira would go back to the short hair. You don’t know how much.

Eva GreenFrench women, amirite?

Amber HeardLots of you seemed concerned about informing me that Amber is now single. Good to know, very good.

Tilda SwintonRight, like one of these would be complete without a little Swinton.

Lauren Hutton & Christy TurlingtonI find shirtlessness most fun in pairs, too.

Demi MooreWell, I never said she needed to be wearing a jacket, too.

Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

SGALGG: The Revenge

You know what I like? I like it when women who break up with guys who then immediately start dating women 20 years younger their junior find a way to still show up their exes in spectacular fashion. So when Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen got divorced earlier this year, and then he started to date his 23-year-old “Saturday Night Live” co-star Abby Elliott (he is 43, by the way), I thought, “Bring it, Elisabeth.” Granted, Elisabeth is only 5 years older than Abby, but her ex still managed to trade younger. Well, consider it brought. Besides her continued “Mad Men” success, Elisabeth is set to make her London stage debut next year. Opposite Keira Knightley. Who she falls in love with. In a revival of “The Children’s Hour.” Hmm, getting lesbionic with Keira night after night in front of a live audience? That’ll do it.

So, I could quibble about the play itself. Really, must we revive the lesbian love ends in tragedy and despair thing again? But the casting is amazing and the story while sad is well told. So bully for them. Of course, this role will require research. So let me offer these helpful, Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-y acting tips to Elisabeth to prepare for her West End debut.

Hang out with fake gay ladies.Though you might want to take Joyce up on her offer next time, for practice.

Hang out with real gay ladies.Tell her you like vampires, gay ladies love vampires.

Dress like a gay lady.You know the cop contingent is your favorite float at the Pride Parade.

SGALGG at every opportunity.Erika Christensen looks more than happy to help.

Hey, but no SGALGGing with Tina.Sorry, she’s mine.

Become part of a lesbian ship.Do they have a portmanteau yet?

Become the ham in a very pretty sandwich.That’s the kind of bread you really want to butter.

Add a different kinds of Hamm.I mean, come on, even lesbians like a little Jon Hamm.

Look ridiculously hot.So random women everywhere are forced to go, “DAMN, GIRL.”

When all else fails…

…just keep getting licked.

Never mind the Stanislavski Method, this is the SGALGG Method.