SGALGG: Wannabe Queer Oscars 2022 Edition

So, fine, some straight people showed up at the Academy Awards, too. I guess. And they were perfectly lovely, for the most part. But, as always, how those Straight Gals love to act like Gay Gals when the fancy dresses (and suits) go on. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And, yes, a few Queer Gals also slip back into this post. But, then, anyone who has ever been to a college party knows Straight Gals can flock to Gay Gals like moths to a flame when the mood strikes. Or so I’ve heard.

And, to be honest, who isn’t happy to see Sarah, Jean and Judith all together again? On y va!

Judith Smart & Judith Light

See, hanging out with Sara has made them want to SGALGG by themselves.

Rosario Dawson & Amu Schumer

Love means always having to share your jalapeno poppers.

Marlee Matlin & Penelope Cruz

Marlee’s clearly saying, “Don’t worry, Penelope. I was on The L Word, I know what to do.”

Billie Eilish & Megan Thee Stallion

Look, people will try to lick you if you wear a dress made out of Reese’s peanut butter cup wrappers.

Zendaya

I don’t even understand the physics of how she can look like this in that suit. But I kind of hope this signals the return of big shouldered 80s broads – in attitude if nothing else.

Nicole Kidman & Jessica Chastain

Getting a little handsy there, Nicole.

Nicole & Zoe Kravitz

Am I sensing a theme with Nic?

Nicole & Ariana DeBose

Theme confirmed.

Now, this part I call, Everybody Loves Ariana (Unlike Chris, ahem)

Ariana & Kirsten Dunst

It’s the intense hand-holding for me.

Ariana & Jessie Buckley

Using that fellow nominee status to sneak in a long embrace, I see.

Ariana & H.E.R.

Now, that would be a ridiculously talented couple.

Ariana & Rita Moreno

I mean, who am I to judge that May-December love?

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

To be honest, at this year’s Emmys there were so many Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals at the Emmys we hardly need a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Plus we’ve got Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals With Gay Gals. Hell, at this point it’s just one big gay jumbles and I’m here for all of it. Though, if any of this smorgasbord of sexuality is causing any lingering confusion, please allow me to clear things up.

SGALGG: Mackenzie Davis & Gugu Mbatha-Raw

San Junipero forever (like, literally, forever).

GGALGG: Lena Waithe & Alana Mayo

Thanking your girlfriend in your Emmy speech is like 1 million Girlfriend Points, no?

SGALGGWGG: Sarah Paulson & Thandie Newton

No one tell Holland.

GGALGG: Samira Wiley & Lauren Morelli

Happily married photogenic couple is happily married and photogenic.

SGALGGWGG: Samira Wiley & Oprah

No one tell Gayle.

SGALGG: Anna Chlumsky & Ellie Kemper

My Girl is Unbreakable. Sorry, they can’t all be winners.

GGALGG: Evan Rachel Wood

I lied. Evan Rachel Wood and her vests can always be a winner.

SGALGG: Zoe Kravitz & Tessa Thompson

Unfortunately, rainbow dresses don’t actually make you gay – yet.

GGALGG: Kate McKinnon

Gay Lady World Domination Tour starts here.

SGALGGWGG: Kate McKinnon & Nicole Kidman

I see Kate’s already attracting tour groupies.

SGALGG: Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Laura Dern & Zoe Kravitz

I may or may not have cropped Shailene Woodley out because she had the gall to brag about not owning or watching television on the red carpet of a television award show where she was nominated for acting on a television show to a reporter broadcasting it on a television show. Also I’m pretty sure she voted for Jill Stein.

SGALGGWGG: Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton & Jane Fonda

Legends only.

Rough Decision

So remember yesterday when I was like, “THIS MOVIE TRAILER IS MY REASON TO LIVE?” Of course you do, it is also now yours. Well here’s another movie trailer which is not exactly life affirming (actually sorta the exact opposite), but I still have a keen interest in for a number of reasons – as well as one very big reservation.

Reasons to love in no particular order:

- Scarlett Johansson, love her plus she is sporting the hair that has led to all sorts of amazing red carpet amazingness.
- Kate McKinnon, obviously love her and her mystery accent (like, I think it is Australian, but then maybe not).
- Ilana Glazer, clearly love her.
- Zoë Kravitz, again love her even though it makes me feel a little weird because I also loved her mom.
- Jillian Bell, I don’t really know her that well but she certainly seems if not entirely lovable then very funny.
- Written and directed by Lucia Aniello from “Broad City,” which duh, I love.

Reason to not love:

- Seriously, the whoops we killed a stripper thing? The whole, oh no, we have to get rid of the body thing? The world doesn’t really need a gender swapped “Very Bad Things” and/or “The Hangover,” but with more murder. How about you pack all these very, very funny and talented women into a movie that doesn’t feel derivative and dismissive of the lives of sex workers, eh?

So, what do you think? And, for real, what is Kate’s accent? And is it gone there at the end? What’s happening, girl? Just kidding, you know I still love you. Call me (with whatever accent you want).

Tank Top Tuesday: Technically Edition

Right, fine, so technically they aren’t all wearing tank tops in the above image. But I think, deep down, in spirit they are. Goodness, I had forgotten how much I loved seeing the ladies of the United States Women’s National Team all over the place. So consider this a little refresher for everyone. Plus, you know, who can resist a good tank top – even if only in spirit.

Beyoncé

Technically, this is a swimsuit. But, as I always say, a swimsuit is just a tank top that doesn’t know when to stop.

Alycia Debnam-Carey

Technically, this is a muscle shirt. But, girl, the boots more than make up for that.

Zoe Kravitz

Technically, this is a camisole. But, we all know, a camisole is just a tank top that wants to Netflix and chill.

Brandi Carlile

Technically, this is a vest. But, duh, that makes it even gayer.

Pink

Technically, this is just netting. But, please, like you’re complaining.

Winona Ryder

Technically, this is overalls. But, yeah, overalls.

Christine and the Queens

Technically, this is really a tank top. But, I told you, I am just really into her music right now.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, basic white tank top. How simple you are. Yet how undeniably effective. Sure, other colors are also nice. Your blacks. Your blues. Heck, even your reds. But the white tank top, well, it’s just a classic. What it does is really focus our attention on what’s in the tank top, as opposed to the tank itself. The way it hugs the form is almost workmanlike, yet exposes a natural womanliness. It’s the perfect conduit for unadulterated sexiness. Sheer yet still a statement. Right, so are you buying any of this? Have I prattled on for a sufficient amount of time to justify just showing you the hot ladies in white tank tops now? Or have you not heard a single word I’ve said because for the last five minutes you’ve been staring at Naya Rivera with your mouth open and a thin line of drool forming on your chin? I know, two days in a row with the drool on your screens. So perhaps before proceeding today, might I suggest a bib?

Lena HeadeyI’m pretty sure Lena is laughing at my attempt to wax eloquent about the white tank top. I am totally OK with that as long as she keeps wearing one.

Yvonne StrahovskiWhat? I’m sorry. Have you been standing there long? My brain stopped working temporarily for some unknown reason and I had to do a full system reboot. Oh my God, is that Yvonne in a... Dammit, not again. Control-Alt-Delete.

Cote de PabloJust think, if things had gone differently on “NCIS” maybe Cote would be the one having eye sex and TGTGT with Angie Harmon on “Rizzoli & Isles” instead of Sasha Alexander. Man, just thinking about what those subtext recaps would be like is tripping me out.

Minka KellyDoes it make me a very bad lady if I tell you I’ve decided to skip the new “Charlie’s Angels,” or a very good one?

Jordana BrewsterI probably won’t watch Jordana’s new remake, “Dallas,” either. But I will search the network press site for pictures of her in a tank top. So, you know, win-win.

Zoe KravitzOf course the daughter of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz is gorgeous. Of course.

WARNING: The last picture is NSFW. Thank the technology gods for smartphones, eh?

Karina LombardThis is like Tank Top Tuesday and Naked Lady Monday had a love child, make that twins.