It Is Horrendous, But Then It's Magnificent

You know what, I think I didn’t give Kristin Scott Thomas in Fleabag its proper icon status yesterday when discussing her new directorial debut. I’ve been a longtime KST lover, since “Four Weddings,” heck since “Bitter Moon” (hello, her and Emmanuelle Seigner in bed together *makes purring sound*). And of course, who didn’t swoon over her in “The English Patient.” But unquestionably her most memorable (while simultaneously shortest) lesbian role was as Best Woman in Business Belinda Friers in Fleabag. Her monologue to Phoebe Waller-Bridge? Yeah, let’s relive that one again. As a perimenopausal woman it gives me hope. And it’s a good reminder to, if the chance arises, you should probably snog Kristin Scott Thomas.

My Weekend Crush

When I tell you the strange little noise I made in the back of my throat when I first read this news last week. Like, admittedly, the movies weren’t that great. But we certainly watched them all because ANGELINA JOLIE IN LARA CROFT HOT PANTS AND TANK TOP WITH GUNS STRAPPED TO HER THIGHS, AMEN. (And to a lesser degree Alicia Vikander in her tank top and bow and arrow.) But an entire “Tomb Raider” series created and produced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge? I’m making that sound again, aren’t I? While Phoebe won’t star in the show for Amazon Prime (she clearly got her action-adventure itch scratched by starring with Han Solo in the new Indiana Jones film), you can bet we might finally get good dialogue for Lara. And, you know, maybe something that’s hot and funny. Like, you know, “Fleabag” and “Killing Eve.” A gal can certainly dream. Now the only question (besides whether this show, along with their new LOTR series, can make people remember their Amazon accounts includes a lot of free TV shows), is who should play Lara 3.0? Is this the Essential Lesbian Question of 2023 so far? *rubs hands together* You’d better believe it is. Damn, there I go making that noise again. Happy weekend, all.

Music Monday: When Harry Met Phoebe

Hard to argue there’s a better sentiment than “Treat People With Kindness” to start out this new year. And while, as always, Surrenders is all about the ladies, I am never opposed to highlighting the deserving menfolk amongst us – deserving being the key word here. And as much as I’m no longer in any loops when it comes to today’s hearttrobs, I know Harry Styles is what I think is universally considered a good egg. And, if nothing else, his refusal to conform to whatever beyond retrograde ideal of a manly man is to Right-Wingers continued chagrin makes him A-OK in my book. Plus, like how can you not appreciate him hot-shoeing with Phoebe Waller-Bridge in matching white tuxedo fancy dress in what can only be appropriately described the unbridled and joyous bisexual/pansexual/gender-fluid/anyone-with-eyes fantasy dance sequence of our collective dreams? Happy first Monday of 2021, kittens.

SGALGG/GGALGG: Globes Edition

Well, I’m just going to pretend Ricky Gervais didn’t twat it up with his general everything (fuck that transphobe). Otherwise it was a night of some heartfelt speeches, and some deserving winners. A few baffling winners. And a ton of just staggeringly talented actresses all in one room together. I mean, Carol Aird and Therese Belivet and Queen Anne and Lady Sarah were all there. And many real-life couples as well. Beanie & Bonnie! Ellen & Portia! Kate McKinnon & Everyone In Their Dreams. So in a way it was really the Golden Lesbians, as it should be.

SGALGG

Cate Blanchett & Nicole Kidman

Look, Cate, I’m no Therese. But I have other qualities, I promise.

Charlize Theron & Reese Witherspoon

Reese looks like she’s about to climb Charlize and can you blame her?

Glenn Close & Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo, please cast Glenn in “Hustlers 2.”

Michelle Williams & Busy Phillips

I know they’re just “best friends,” but the way Busy cried at Michelle’s beautiful speech was pure love.

Sian Clifford & Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Yes, I know they play sisters. Still hot.

Olivia Colman & Kaitlyn Dever

I’m not a big May-December person, but if Patrick Stewart can marry a woman 39 years his junior why the fuck not? Like, this is only a 22 year difference, so…

Salma Hayek & Patricia Arquette

They didn’t do anything particularly gay, but boobs so you’re welcome.

Amy Poehler & Kerry Washington

Amy just tested Kerry’s boob tape. With consent. Always with consent.

Helen Mirren & Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Dame Helen is not above flirting to get into Phoebe’s next project.

Helen Mirren & Meryl Streep

And with Meryl, too. Shameless, shameless.

Tiffany Haddish & Awkwafina

Put them in a movie together. Make them girlfriends. What? I thought we were just saying wishes.

GGALGG

Kate McKinnon & Emily Lynne

Fine, it’s Kate’s sister, but I was fine with it for Phoebe & Sian so why the hell not.

Beanie Feldstein & Bonnie Chance Roberts

Say it all together with me, “Awwww.” Also definitely not her sister.

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi

Ellen & Portia seem to be competing for the most Big Top Energy.

The Look

With “The L Word” coming back, the unabashed portrayal of female desire – that is women desiring other women – is back on our screens. And while the show definitely starts with a wham, bam, tampon ma’am, the act itself isn’t all there is. Far from it. In fact, one of the sexist parts of sex is the seduction. Especially when you can see the desire in her eyes. And then there’s The Look. Oh, you know The Look. You love The Look. The Look is definitely one of the Top 3 reasons to get out of bed in the morning. Especially if The Look looks you up and down. I just... *bites lip forever* So here, in honor so The Look being back on our screens, please enjoy some classic looks.

Wendy & Kay, Mindhunter


Anne & Ann, Gentleman Jack


Villanelle & Eve, Killing Eve


Ronit & Esti, Disobedience


Fleabag & Belinda, Fleabag


Therese & Carol, Carol

Music Monday: Great British Ukulele Show

Gosh, you Brits do know how to make the most palliative entertainment. Like, for example, the finale of the “Great British Baking Show” managed to be both tense, surprising, exciting, calming, and oh so lovely. (I won’t spoil it but, again, I cannot recommend my favorite televised Xanax highly enough - even with the new hosts and everything.)

And, as another example, here is Olivia Colman (sorry, Oscar winner, two different Queens, and fictional creator of critically important plot point headless female torso statuettes Olivia Colman) singing my all-time favorite Portishead song “Glory Box” accompanied by her “Fleabag” co-star Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Phoebe’s musician sister Isobel Waller-Bridge accompanying her on ukelele. And it’s all being recorded for charity? I mean, come on, Brits. We get it; YOU’RE DELIGHTFUL. Stop rubbing it in. I mean, what with Brexit and Boris and all, I guess you deserve some counteracting loveliness. Just as long as we can also enjoy Olivia and Phoebe and people cooking in a tent along with you.

p.s. In case you’re looking for even more British delightfulness, it appears Henry (he of the constant neckties) and Michael (he of the deepest dimples you’ve ever seen) from this season of GBBO might be dating? As I was saying, COME ON. You can’t possibly be this cute, Britain.

Gender Fuck Thursday/SGALGG Emmys Edition

You didn’t think the start of Hot Impeachment Fall would make me just breeze past Clea DuVall’s Emmys tux with one line, did you? Please, it’s like you don’t know me at all. So in honor of all the Very Pertinent To Your Lesbian (and Bisexual, and Queer, and Trans) Interests, here is a very special combination Gender Fuck Thursday/SGALGG Emmys Edition post.

Clea DuVall & Her Tuxedo

I just… I can’t… Who gave her the right…. I mean, the hand in her pocket is just… And cheekbones like… All that and the tailoring makes me want to be a better woman.

Clea DuVall & Natasha Lyonne

The only thing that could possibly make me happier than knowing Graham & Megan made it is if they then became couple BFFs with Luce & Rachel.

p.s. I know this is cheating, but at a pre-Emmy party Clea & Natasha radiated the strongest “Longtime Couple on A Date Night That Is Going Extremely Well”-couple vibes I have ever seen.

Natasha Lyonne & Amy Poehler

I know Megan is with Graham (20 years and still going strong!), but when her wife has to work late Megan lets Amy and her Big Top Energy take her out on the town (in a flirty but respectfully platonic, “Let’s Break Everyone’s Heart at This Bar Just For Fun”-kind of way.)

Jodie Comer & Sandra Oh

See, Eve can look genuinely happy for Villanelle when they aren’t stabbing/shooting each other. The only thing you two should be cutting is that sexual tension.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge & Sian Clifford

Look, I know they play sisters, but they’re not sisters. So I will totally allow it.

Joey King & Patricia Arquette

Look, I know they play mother-daughter, but they’re not mother-daughter. So you see where this is going.

Amy Poehler & Catherine O'Hara

Free Idea, Hollywood: Amy and Catherine play a May-December lesbian couple in a rom-com where they move from New York to rural Iowa to start an organic farm and attempt to befriend the locals.

Laverne Cox & Chase Strangio

The two trans rights advocates, and in particular Laverne’s purse, are a reminder that LGBTQ rights are very, very much at risk. Because on Oct. 8 the Supreme Court will decide whether trans (and really all LGBTQ) people can legally be fired for simply for being ourselves.

Gwendoline Christie & Her GoT Ladies

Her Brienne Jesus look obviously brought all the girls to the Tarth. Can Arya and Daenerys be her disciples, because they’re something I can believe in.

Gwen & Emilia Clarke

I mean, imagine how much better the ending would have been if instead of getting stabbed by Know-Nothing Jon Snow, Daenerys was saved from herself and her murderous madness by Brienne of Tarth and they then ruled together as co-queens with compassion while also adopting all the stray cats in Westeros.

Gwen & Lena Headey

Fine, part of me would also be fine if Daenerys let the world burn and Brienne instead saved Cersei and they then found a new life together crafting fine battle swords in a remote beach village across the sea while also adopting all the stray cats in Dorne.

Gwen & Her Pink After-Party Jesus Suit

I am not a religious person, but this is a real come to Brienne Jesus moment for me.

Fleabag Says Thanks

HOLY CRAP, THAT WASN’T HALF BAD. SORRY, AFTER JODIE WON I PROMISED I’D TYPE IN CAPS LOCK FOREVER. RULES ARE RULES. Kidding, SORTA.

But in no way am I kidding when I say the Emmys weren’t half bad. I mean not the show’s production, which was basically a weird, host-less mess. But television’s biggest night mostly eschewed the safe and predictable and instead went for some unexpected but very, very (very, very) deserving winners. Like, I would never have thought the Academy would dare to not give Julia Louis-Dreyfus the trophy for her final year of “Veep.” But instead another three-named comedy goddess took it all in Phoebe Waller-Bridge. I know, Fleabag would be so shocked.

So here are some somewhat random (though thankfully not in all caps) thoughts about last night’s Emmy Awards.

1) JODIE! FUCKING! COMER! (Sorry, I lied about the all caps.)



Like, I know how much we all gush about Sandra Oh. But without Jodie’s gorgeously seductive psychopath, the show would just be about an overqualified lady who gets a little too obsessed with her job. Also, Jodie has a standing invite to come murder me.

2) PHOEBE! FUCKING! WALLER-BRDIGE!



When the announcers called “Fleabag” a show about a female sex addict I basically dashed all hopes of the Academy understanding its brilliant. But hot damn, did they ever. But, then, they were just following my instructions to give Pheobe all the awards always.

3) I commit myself to our Lord and Savior, Brienne of Tarth.



I mean, she’s not wrong. And Gwendoline Christie totally wore it better.

4) ALL MY BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE (sorry, the struggle is real with the caps locks.)



But, seriously, Clea’s tuxedo is making me feel so validated in keeping my 20-year crush on Graham alive.



5) Michelle Williams and the damn good speech.



She eloquently reminded everyone in the room about women and particularly women of color’s worth. Now I feel extra bad about not watching “Fosse/Verdon” yet.

6) Billy Porter the EG_T.



He just needs an Oscar to join the club. But regardless he is the first out gay black man to win best actor in a drama – not to mention the only out gay black man to ever be nominated for the honor.

7) The Totally Exonerated Five.



While it was beyond great to see the Exonerated Five honored in Jharrel Jerome’s win, a quick reminder that our “president” took out a full-page ad back then to demand they be executed immediately. So, there’s that.

8) Cersei deserved better.



It remains outrageous that in eight seasons Lena Headey never won an Emmy for playing Cersei. But, as this dress implies, she’ll always be our favorite florist, regardless.

My Weekend Emmys

Look, I’m not saying the Emmy’s have impeccable taste. But, they basically had my taste in TV this year. Sooooo. I guess what I’m saying is the Emmys had impeccable taste this year – you’re welcome.

“Killing Eve” getting nominations for Best Drama, Best Lead Actress in a Drama (for Sandra and Jodie) and Best Supporting Actress in a Drama (for Fiona). “Fleabag” getting eleven, yes ELEVEN, Emmy nominations including Best Comedy and Best Lead Actress in a Comedy for Phoebe and literally every other female actress who appeared in either a supporting or guest role on the show. Seriously, I am not kidding: Olivia, Sian, Kristin and Fiona (yes, again) all got nominations.

And then there was all the love for “Russian Doll,” a head-trip of a show that was way smarter and stranger than I thought the Academy would ever recognize. And “The Good Place” getting rightfully recognized too. And “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” thought admittedly I haven’t had time to start the second season yet. And same goes for “Schitt’s Creek,” but there are only so many hours in a day and sometimes I need to close my eyes.

In short, it was a very good year for smart women who like to watch smart television about other smart (and strange and sometimes murderous) women. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. This is how Phoebe Waller-Bridge acts when she wins a big award. So, just saying, Academy voters – you too can make this happen.

Lady Storytime

While June is LGBTQ Pride Month, May should be retroactively named Good Lady TV Month. In the last week of May I watched the Season 2 finale of “Killing Eve,” the first two episodes of the new season of “Vida,” the entire second season of “Fleabag” and the continuation of the first season of “Gentleman Jack.”

I’ve honestly never felt more exhilarated by all the diverse female-led, female-told, stories on television. (All that, and I also went to see “Booksmart” last week – so it was really just Good Lady Stories, Period, Month.)

Truly, it has felt like a good, long, passionate kiss right smack dab on the lips. I won’t mention any of the other bases might have been passed. Not because a lady never tells, but because it’s nobody’s goddamn business what women do with their bodies. And we are more than capable of telling our own stories.