GGALGG: Oscars Edition

So the thing about this year’s Oscars is they were very, very, veryveryveryvery straight this year. I mean, sure, Ariana Grande opened with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from “The Wizard of Oz” and then Cynthia Erivo followed with “Home” from “The Whiz” and they both finished with “Defying Gravity.” Ari even had a freaking ruby slipper attached to her back. Which, I mean, sure – that’s a pretty fucking gay way to start things off. But instead of staying gay, the rest of the show was pure “Kansas Rainbow” (this is a deep “Somebody Somewhere” cut – which if you recognize it let’s be real gay together).

But after that? None of the higher-profile queer nominees won (not Cynthia, not Brandi Carlile and Elton John, not Colman Domingo and definitely not Karla Sofía Gascón). The highlights for LGBTQ+ folks was out costume designer Paul Tazewell taking home the trophy for “Wicked” – making him the first Black man to win – and Queen Latifah singing “Ease On Down The Road” (was “The Whiz” the telecast’s true winner?) with Glad trash bags tied to her shoulders.

And can we talk for a moment about how neither of the two “Emilia Perez” winners mentioning the trans community even once in their acceptance speeches? Hello??? If you’re wondering why this movie wasn’t embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, uh, that’s why. When you use us as a plot device without any real intention of representing the greater community, it shows. That and it was a bad movie, period.

Honestly, there wasn’t much SGALGG to speak of from the red carpet either. Like hardly any fun shots of straight actresses trying to Sabrina Carpenter themselves with other straight actresses, so clearly queer sensibilities had a bad night. Also, can we talk about how 25-year-old Mikey Madison pulling a surprise upset for Best Actress over 62-year-old Demi Moore is the perfect postscript to “The Substance,” because yeah.

Even if the awards were very cis and very straight, I’m here to bring the GGALGG because that’s my whole and entire mission statement. Granted, most of the Queer Lady Rainbow Mafia only showed up for the after parties – which is just another sign of our good taste. Ahem.

Cynthia Erivo & Lena Waithe

Had to find a sneaky picture of Cynthia & Lena at the Oscars because they did not pose on the red carpet together and posted individual shots of themselves at the Oscars on their respective Instas. Which, hey, I get keeping your personal lives private. But it’s the Oscars, ladies. Not even one official shot together at the Gay Superbowl?

Marissa Bode & Lauren Brooks

The “Wicked” star brought her girlfriend with her throughout the movie’s award show run and happily posed together on the red carpet so I’m not saying she wins Girlfriend of the Year but she’s definitely not losing Girlfriend of the Year for lack of effort.

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Shepherd Carlile

I love them, I don’t love their abundance of bows. Like was Brandi’s suit inspired by Minnie Mouse, what is happening? Are bows the new carabiners? Explain, universe. Explain.

Queen Latifah & Eboni Nichols

Did a Catholic middle school dance chaperone get to them and say they needed to leave space for the Holy Ghost or what?

Niecy Nash-Betts & Jackie Betts

Thank Sappho for Niecy and Jackie, a queer couple that always looks great together and will give us the Gay Superbowl photos we deserve.

Oprah & Whoopi Goldberg

Fine, while neither is truly family, I think we can all just agree they look like the most stylish couple at Senior Prom Night at their high-end 55+ community.

Laverne Cox & Hari Nef

More trans representation in one photo than the entire production of “Emilia Perez.” Enough said.

Sarah Paulson & Hannah Einbinder

It’s like spare body parts from The Substance and a fashion-forward Dalek from Doctor Who showed up as each other’s dates.

Chappell Roan & Elton John

We have reached Maximum Gay. Any more Gay and we may risk Nuclear Rainbow Overload.

Melanie Lynskey & Jason Ritter

The only straight couple I will include because after seeing Melanie in this Jessica Rabbit getup, every lesbian has reaffirmed her spot on their “Celebrity I So Would” lists. And Jason is just adorable, even though he will fight every single last one of us for lusting after his wife.

Renee Rapp

Speaking of Jessica Rabbit, I’m glad to see Renee embracing her inner – or should I say outer – Jessica as well.

Clea DuVall

Again, this is exactly how I would show up at award shows were I ever to be invited to award shows – or in this case, award show after parties.

Katy M. O’Brian

I love that these are actually pants. Oh you didn’t notice the pants because of the muscles? Yeah, you’re gay.

Clea Creates

Don’t you just love it when good things continue to happen to good people? I’ve been a Clea DuVall fan for well over a quarter century (which, ouch, I old). Of course 2000’s “But I’m a Cheerleader” cemented my eternal love for her work. But over the years it’s been extremely gratifying to watch her blossom as a filmmaker and director. And I think those of us who can remember her long-ago closeted days (I still have that OUT magazine somewhere with her and Natasha Lyonne posing as two ostensibly straight actors), feel even more gratified that her body of work behind the camera continues to be out and proud. From “Happiest Season” (yes, I know, it had its problems but STILL) to “High School” (which was criminally underappreciated, go watch it on FreeVee, it’s FREE), she is forging a super gay path filled with super interesting work. You love to see it!

So I’m thrilled to see that her next two projects appear to both center women and at least for one have queer storylines. It’s been announced that Clea will write and direct the series “Perfume & Pain” as well as direct the film “ Abbi and the Eighth Wonder.”

The latter is a “female-driven comedy adventure film.” There isn’t much else out there about the plot right now, but according to a script review site the period piece set in the 1930s follows the female assistant to a famous, and famously misogynist explorer, who dies suddenly and decides to take his place adventuring. She teams up with a female gossip columnist named Jo, and try to find the Eighth Wonder of the World. (The script review site was also sad that the misogynist explorer explorer was killed off and the story instead featured two women working together with a “feminism is awesome” theme, so take it all with a snow shovel of salt.) I don’t know if anything gay happens, but it has a female character named Jo, so there’s that.

Meanwhile Clea’s TV project “Perfume & Pain” does have explicit sapphic themes. The series is described as ““a sexy and twisted character drama following a hopelessly romantic and equally reckless sapphic novelist on the verge of superstardom and simultaneously total self-destruction – depending which way the wind blows and what pill she pops next. Astrid will need to write her own deliverance into healing, true love, and success… before she succumbs to the vices that threaten to tear her apart.” The series is being produced by Christine Vachon’s extremely queer-friendly Killer Films. So, you know, that’s exciting.

I don’t know when either project will be completed (they both seem to be in the early stages without any cast attached). But, goodness, will we have a county of Clea-created goodness to look forward to.

p.s. The crush I had on Clea circa her Graham Era remains undefeated, greasy hair and all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Top Chef Edition

So I started watching “Top Chef” again after, well, years. I wanted to see how Kristen Kish did replacing Padma Lakshmi. Which is to say I wanted to see Kristen Kish. And so far I think her and her vests are doing just fine as the new host. I mean, no one can replace Padma Lakshmi because Padma Lakshmi. That said I am enjoying how Kristen shows up every week in her signature vest-in-lieu-of-a-top look. And when she isn’t wearing a vest, she’s wearing something sleeveless. And if she isn’t wearing something sleeveless, she’s wearing a blazer. So, truly, we are all winner here.

I’ve also been a little thrilled with how lesbian the special guest judges have been so far this season. Clea DuVall and Dominique Crenn (a.k.a. Maria Bello’s fiancée)? Thank you, whatever queer lady foodie producer is making these booking choices. Thank you. So, thoughts on this season so far? I mean, it is a Tuesday and the rules do consider vests to be acceptable variations on a tank top. Oh, and clearly I’m rooting for queer cheftestant Rasika, not that she needs my help. But, you know, Go Team Rainbow Chefs! And vests!

Gender Fuck Thursday: Awards Edition

While it hasn’t been a particularly surprising award season so far (yes, we get it, you liked Beef, Bears and the movie about The Bomb), it has been a pretty season to behold. Many of the best and brightest or at very least most photogenic among us have decided to go the Gender Fuck route and wear snappy suits to the various red carpet outings. And, as always, I am here for it. In fact, if we don’t get at least a few major suits at the Oscars I will riot. (Kidding, I won’t riot. There’s too much real shit happening that deserves rioting - sadly.) Anyway, keep up the good suits, you gorgeous actor types.

Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall

Truly, exactly what I’d expect Megan and Graham to look like together 25 years later. (Yes, I’m sorry to inform you, it’s been 25 years since “But I’m a Cheerleader.)

Bella Ramsey

Bella’s suit game has been STRONG all season, and they have only just begun their red carpet career. So many more suits to come.

Ayo Edebiri

It’s hard to call someone so cool the “darling” of the award season, but she is definitely my darling and I’ve only seen her in “Bottoms.” Speaking of which, did anyone clock the little suit she’s wearing - in white. Ahem!

America Ferrera

Suddenly I have the strongest wish to see America as Ken. Because in that tux she’s more than Kenough. Much more.

Meryl Streep & Greta Gerwig

Little Women, but they wear suits through the whole thing. What? I can’t have innovative IP ideas as well?

Amanda Seyfried & Meryl Streep

Or, hear me out, The Devil Wear Prada but Miranda only wear Prada suits and sunglasses. Amanda approves, clearly.

BONUS Someone on Twitter called them boygenius and honestly, yeah. I’d definitely buy a ticket.

Vacation Vixen: Natasha & Clea

Can’t stop, won’t stop with the 90s nostalgia. I am remember buying this Out magazine with Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall on it back in 1999. Honestly, “But I’m a Cheerleader” would make a great double feature with the Barbie movie. Pink Squared.

But Can We Have More Cheerleaders

While this post is not Yellowjackets specific, it is Yellowjackets adjacent given the presence of Melanie Lynskey. She and Clea DuVall and Natasha Lyonne had a “But I’m a Cheerleader” reunion last month and it’s doing by Gen X lesbian heart so much good. I did my own journalisming and found out the women reunited at a W magazine shindig celebrating “2023 Greatest Performances Occasion” or some banal party excuse like that. Clea and Melanie look like they arrived together, which also does my heart good. Honestly, can we just start casting Melanie in more lesbian shows, because she seems to be the common thread when it comes to series with queer female leads surviving the Cancel Your Gays axe for a second season (basically “The Last of Us” and “Yellowjackets”), which given her characters on both those shows is fairly ironic and not Alanis-ironic. I’d love a “But I’m a Cheerleader” sequel where we see these grown up women now. I mean, if they can keep churning out endless adaptations of Batman, Superman and Spider-Man, they can at least give us one more movie about lesbian cheerleaders, right?

My Weekend (High School) Crush

Sometimes you go into a show without any expectations and you leave feeling energized by the evocative power of a simple story told exceptionally well. “High School” is that rare series that draws you in through its sheer relatability, making it feel like a slice of your own life is being told even if you don’t grow up to be part of one of the most influential queer duos in music history. Based on the memoir by the same name by Canadian wonder twins Tegan and Sara, this sweet and unhurried story is sure to melt even the most cynical Gen Xers heart.

Now, perhaps I can relate so hard because this falls right into my generational sweet spot. But truly anyone with a firm memory of the 90s should feel instantly transported back to the era of flannel shirts, combat boots and perma scowls. Plus, if you’ve ever had a fraught relationship with a sibling growing up, you’ll recognize the push-pull that simmers under the surface between you and the person you’re probably closest to in the world, but also sometimes hate with every last fiber in your body.

What “High School” also does exceptionally well is capture the claustrophobia of being a closeted teen in the 90s. The ethereal thrill of like-liking someone for the first time. The stomach-churning panic of discovery because no one can know the person you like-like is a girl. The rush of your first queer crush is depicted in a way that is at once so specific yet also universal. We can all relate to the language of longing, but LGBTQ+ people especially will be transported back to the furtive thrill of first love.

Now, remember, this was before Ellen told the whole world, “Yep, I’m gay.” Before rainbow merch was easy to buy at Target. And before anyone running for president would even consider supporting same-sex marriage.

Now, I shouldn’t really have been surprised that “High School” is so good. The show was created by Clea DuVall (who is countless queer women’s root thanks to ber “But I’m a Cheerleader” days) along with Tegan and Sara with fellow writer Laura Kittrell (“Insecure,” “Black Monday”) and director Rebecca Asher (“Frankie & Grace,” “Raising Hope”). They’ve picked two very talented actresses in newcomers Railey and Seazynn Gililand who will instantly transport you back to the feeling of being a teenager again — for better or for worse.

Truly the only downside is this show is on the ridiculously named free streamer Freevee which most people don’t even know if they have, let alone ever heard of. (But, good news if you have Amazon Prime you already have it.)

The eight-episode series excels at depicting the angsty longing that was the hallmark of coming of age in the Grunge era. You’d also expect a show from two musicians to have an impeccably curated 90s soundtrack and “High School” delivers the mix tape of your dreams. Honestly, after watching the show, I’d recommend letting it play again in the background and letting the music wash over you like sonic nostalgia. (It also helps that the show spends a lot of time showing, less time telling and even less time talkings. It’s all 90s vibes, no filler.)

You can tell DuVall and her team have a deep respect for “My So-Called Life,” the one-season wonder of the mid-90s remains the gold standard for teenage coming of age shows. Like MSCL, “High School” excels at capturing the awkward searching of your teenage years while also offering a more rounded view that realizes these teenagers aren’t the only people on the planet. Also like MSCL, the show’s parents are given more to do than pour orange juice and ask when the kids will be home tonight. But then with Cobie Smulders playing their mother, how could they not. As she studies for her social work degree, her character Simone has her own career and stresses and dreams (including those of escape from it all, including her family).

In perhaps the show’s biggest hat tip to MSCL, in the pilot episode one of the characters invites the twins to a party by saying, “It’s gonna be the time of your life. Or at least a time of your life.” Those with great 90s memories will remember in the pilot episode of MSCL, Angela, Rayanne, and Rickie try to get into a club but end up drinking in the parking lot instead and are hit on by older guys who definitely should not be hitting on teenagers. The next day, Rayanne recounts the Very Big Adventure by saying, “I'm telling you! We had a time. Didn't we. Didn't we have a time.”

You will have a time with “High School,” you really will. Happy weekend, all.

How to Donate To My Little Life Implosion Fund:

Venmo: @Dorothy-Snarker
Paypal: idgie2@hotmail.com

Twin TV

Looks like some of us will definitely be reliving our high school experiences very soon — well, minus the whole then becoming international rock stars thing. The TV show based on Tegan & Sara’s memoir by the same name (and produced by Clea DuVall) is coming to Amazon’s Freevee (in the running for worst streaming service name, in deep competition with Tubi) now has a trailer. It’s filled with all the 90s angst and closeted drama any former Gen X youth will instantly recognize. I haven’t read the memoir, so the eight-part series will be a whole new learning experience for me about the Canadian twins. But, as expected, it appears sweet lady kisses will very much be part of the experience. So, you know, I’m in. The series debuts Oct. 14. Now go figure out if you get Freevee.

How To Happy Ending

Yeah, I know, bit of broken record at this point but I’m still pissed about that “Killing Eve” finale. Mostly because it took four seasons of bold, complicated storytelling and reduced it to some sort of extended rebirth metaphor. Of course, that’s what I’ve been watching my favorite queer women assassins spy drama for all these years — a morality play.

While I understand that creators do not have a responsibility past telling good stories, and should certainly not be beholden to the whims of fandom, But just because they can do something, doesn’t always mean they should. And for a show with such a dedicated/obsessive (and I say that with love) fanbase of queer women, greater care should have certainly been taken in handling such an iconic queer character’s ending. Honestly, this show could have become legend had it allowed even the faintest sliver of a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. Instead, this TV series written exclusively about PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING decided to moralize at the bitter end. OK, sure, Jan.

But enough screaming into the void between clueless showrunner ears. How about we celebrate some happy endings instead? If you feel a distinct pang of deja vu, that’s because we did this once before back in 2016 when the Bury Your Gays trope last reared its ugly head in such spectacular fashion courtesy the Clexa debacle. Luckily, we’ve added a few more since then. But just a few.

So, here are a few of my personal favorite happily ever afters for queer women in movies and TV. Obviously there are more (and courtesy The Wayback Machine you can still see them on That Other Website whose name we no longer mention). Here are my Top 10 11 film and Top 5 6 TV happy endings for queer women (what, we’re gays, we always need to be a little extra). Apologies in advance as I have most certainly left off your favs. So, please, tell us your most beloved queer women riding off into that perpetual sunrise together moments. Share more joy, not less, kittens.

MOVIES

1. Desert Hearts (1985)

Kissing through the car window weakened our collective knees, getting on the train took them out.

2. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

To this day, I still want to buy myself a white Range Rover and ride off into the sunset together precisely because of this movie.

3. When Night Is Falling (1995)

You probably didn’t see this indie gem about a Christian college professor and a circus performer. But you should because they even resurrect the dog at the end.

4. Bound (1996)

You can’t beat an ending where the girl gets the girl and the truck.

5. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Happy endings plus pom-poms. Like, straight teen rom-coms could never.

6. Saving Face (2004)

Not enough people have seen this movie and more people should see this movie.

7. Imagine Me & You (2005)

This movie set unrealistic expectations for all future lesbian movie endings.

8. Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

I mean it’s got about a cooking competition and lesbians, I’ll ignore the “Ghost Dad” overtones for that.

9. Carol (2015)

Let’s go to the Oak Room and make eyes at each other forever.

10. Summerland (2020)

The only recent lesbian period piece where the lesbians stare off into the ocean and still get to live happily ever after together.

11. Kajillionaire (2020)

Honestly, I had to include one more because this is such a strange and wonderful film AND it gives us one of the most unexpected and swoony happy queer endings in recent memory.

TELEVISION

1.South of Nowhere (2008): Spencer & Ashley

Oh, Spashley. You always remember your first (queer teen TV show happy ending).

2. Glee (2015): Brittany & Santana

Look, “Glee” did a lot of stupid things. But letting Brittana be endgame was not one of them.

3. Lost Girl (2015): Bo & Lauren

Sacrificing Tamsin was obviously not great. But this show about one woman’s insatiable sexual prowess gave us our Doccubus ending after all.

4. San Junipero (2016)

This “Black Mirror” episode is perhaps the most perfect example of how to subvert the Bury Your Gays trope. I mean, they literally bury their gays, but then still let them live on in endless happiness anyway.

5. Ratched (2020): Mildred & Gwendolyn

This is honestly not a very good show, like at all. But, if you ignore the gore and horror and crippling character inconsistencies, it was rather stylish to look at and is one of the only mainstream female queer romances I can think of where both the leads are played by out queer women as well. Plus they literally escape to sunny, beautiful Mexico together to be gay and free, after first faking us out with an unhappy ending before going, “Not so fast, straights!” L.O.L.

6. Wynonna Earp (2021): Waverly & Nicole

Continuing the Marry Your Gays grand tradition pioneers by Brittana/Klaine, WayHaught’s series trajectory follows what I hope will be the also much emulated Give The Gays Everything They Want trend.

Wonder Twins, Activate

Hey, remember like two years ago when we thought the pandemic was maybe slowing down and we got some really good gay news that made us even more hopeful? The news in question was that Tegan and Sara’s memoir about their high school years was getting turned into a TV series by Clea DuVall.

Well, fast forward today and the pandemic is slowing down (but I know enough to not say over because, hello, new variants) and again we get the good gay news that the project about everyone’s favorite singing lesbian twins is moving forward and has cast its twin leads.

Railey and Seazynn Gilliland were apparently found on TikTok, which — wow — does that make me feel old. Anyway, they’ll play T&S and Cobie Smulders and Kyle Bornheimer will play their parents (well, mom and her boyfriend. Yes, that Cobie Smulders. Bless this series for giving lesbians of a certain age someone age-appropriate to crush on.

I had to check, but I do get IMDb TV with my Prime subscription (I know, I know, *shakes fist* Jeff Bezos!). They start filming this week, but there’s no eta on when it might air. Did I mention it’ll be set in the grunge 90s and Cobie Smulders will play their mom? Yeah, clearly we’re watching.

Vacation Vixen: Happiest Season

Fuck, it’s September already? That means in like a month – if that – we’ll start seeing Christmas and holiday junk in the stores. And then another year will have passed. And then time and its relentless march will just keep marching. Right, sorry, where was I. Oh, yes, the pits of too-early holiday despair. Well one thing I don’t despair about is a planned annual rewatch of “The Happiest Season.” Now, just like life, the movie wasn’t perfect. Yes, I know, it was about coming about again. But, thinking back even 10 years ago, the thought of having such a high-profile out actress in such a high-profile out role in a freaking holiday movie about lesbians seemed inconceivable. Also 10 years ago we couldn’t get married. Anyway, happy September!