Gender Fuck Thursday: Red Carpet Edition

Well, here’s a good trend for a change. You know, not like the precipitous decline of our democracy and dismantling of our public services. But, uh, a positive fashion trend counteracts all that, right? Right?!? Anyway, at least we have women in suits. I’ve noticed more female stars opting for suits on the red carpet recently and obviously I am not mad about that. Oversized suits seem to be the specific trend, but I don’t size discriminate. So, please enjoy this stylish selection. Does it make up for the undeniable creep of fascism? Yeah, no. But I’ll take what I can get to spark some joy these days. Keep suiting up, ladies. A grateful nation needs you (well, 75 million of us need you). Nicole Kidman

All these sexy straight roles for Nicole, I say it’s time to mix things up – sapphically speaking. This suit agrees with my casting requests, clearly.

Carrie Coon

Mike White should really fuck us all up and have Carrie’s character and Parker Posey’s character have a wild lesbian affair together on “White Lotus” this season. This tux says it would work.

Halsey

Sure, she looks like she’s running for county comptroller. But you know you’d vote for her based on that suit alone.

Olivia Wilde

Whereas Olivia looks like she’s everyone’s favorite poetry professor at a small liberal arts college.

Cynthia Erivo

I think this is her only suit during this whole Wicked premiere/award season tour. Which, as we can see here, is a shame for us.

Cate Blanchett

Ties are, obviously, optional.

Lisa

Bow ties are also optional (hear that, Brandi?).

Janelle Monae

Shirts are also, obviously, optional.

Keke Palmer

Pants, too!

Kate Winslet

Giving us a choice between black and white suits, really Winslet – you are too kind and I totally understand why you needed all that space on the door.

Booksmart Review: A+++

Well, now that was, fun, wasn’t it? I hope you took a little time out of your long holiday weekend to go see “Booksmart.” The teen comedy opened wide in an unusual move for an indie film with a largely unknown cast. And, as one might expect, it did not fare too well against the Avengers and John Wicks and Aladdins of the world. But, still, an $8.7 million opening for a movie with two female leads, no big household names, and a word-of-mouth heavy marketing campaign is not too shabby. In other words, yes, Hollywood – you can make money with a female-fronted, female-directed, female-written film. Like, duh.

One of the other things I love about “Booksmart” is not it so effortlessly shifts our pop culture paradigm. On its surface, this is your standard do-something-for-a-big-life-event teen hijinks movie. Find a date before prom. Get laid on spring break. Amy and Molly are nerdy kids who just want to go to one epic high school party before graduating. Along the way they encounter an array of seemingly standard teen movie characters: the jock, the mean girl, the wannabe, the stoner, the slut, etc. etc. etc.

Yet instead of giving us the expected victory of the "good guy" nerds over the "bad guy" popular clique, everyone gets to win in their own way with “Booksmart.” Like in life, people are always more than their labels. Notice how much more interesting, not to mention inclusive, a story gets when everyone is allowed at least some agency. It also gives more people the opportunity to be in on the joke, instead of the butt of one. So instead what could have be just another silly teen comedy is all the better for allowing us to see the humanity, in all its messy and hilarious glory, of all these characters and allow it to resonate with more people.


While we’re talking about glory, can I get a halle-freaking-lujah for an LGBTQ storyline that has nothing to do with coming out or homophobia/transphobia? The seminal coming out storyline will never go away, it’s essentially the first-love narrative of all LGBTQ people. But it is beyond refreshing to get to see the shared normality of our lives reflected as well. Gay people have crushes, like everyone else. Lesbians have awkward first times, just like everyone else. The more kinds of stories we’re allowed to tell – beyond those centered on our identity – the better.

And, finally, it would be criminal for me not to tell you that Billie Lourd’s Gigi alone is worth the price of admission. The rest of the movie justifies the large buttered popcorn, box of Junior Minits, pack of Twizzlers (don’t @-me you weirdo Red Vines people) and extra-large Icee.



p.s. Did you know Beanie Feldstein (a.k.a. Class President Molly) is dating a woman in real life? And is also Jonah Hill’s Sister??

My Weekend Crush

I cannot express in words how excited I am about “Booksmart.” Something as familiar as the teen coming-of-age comedy, a buddy movie, a story of outsiders, but being told in a way that refreshes and rejuvenates the well-worn tropes as a reminder that new and diverse eyes are needed if you want to see new and diverse stories. Anyway, have I mentioned I’m excited about “Booksmart?” Because I am. Happy I’m going to go see “Booksmart” weekend, all.

p.s. Here are the first six minutes, in case you want to get a head start.

My Weekend Trailer

We conclude trailer week with something entirely unexpected. I’d never heard of “Booksmart” before it debuted this week at SXSW. It’s the story of two high school best friends vowing to have a little fun before they head off to college. It’s also the directorial debut of Olivia Wilde. Yes, that Olivia Wilde. And it stars actresses Kaitlyn Dever as Amy and Beanie Feldstein as Molly (you might remember her as the best friend in “Lady Bird”) as the aforementioned booksmart best friends. Amy, it appears, plays on Team Gay. And she’s gay enough to realize scissoring is not a thing. (Like, sure, you can do it – but there are so many better/easier/more satisfying ways to gay…) This film follows in the recent trend of young women claiming their sexuality and claiming their full agency. Movies like “Blockers” and shows like “Sex Education” have taken the raunchy teenage boy sex comedy genre and reframed it wonderful, empowering way. From the trailer, it looks like “Boosmart” fits delightfully in that new, refreshing tradition. Happy weekend, all.

Sweeps Lesbianism Redux

You must remember this. A lesbian kiss is just a kiss. A very special lesbian episode is just a thing to make us sigh. The fundamental things apply, that they won’t stay gay as time goes by.

Ah, yes, Lesbian Kiss Episodes. So many shows have had them. So many shows will no doubt continue to have them – though hopefully with less frequency and sensationalism. Though it’s funny how lesbianism so often seems to break out around Sweeps Week. Must be something about the cycles of the moon.

So now Vulture has handily compiled this video of Lesbian Kiss Episodes. I have to say, it makes me oddly nostalgic.

And, I will actually argue that some of these kisses were actually slightly more than just solely ratings stunts. I mean, sure, the ratings didn’t hurt. But there was actual bravery involved in 1991 when CJ and Abby shared a kiss on “L.A. Law,” because it was also primetime TV’s first-ever female same-sex kiss. Ever.

And the Roseanne kiss was also historic because, while still a one-off, the episode had more to do with homophobia and to show that lesbians – real ones – were actually everywhere. Even in middle America.

Also, as much as I am loathe to defend “The O.C.,” Alex (Olivia Wilde) and Marissa (Mischa Barton) actually kissed a whole bunch of times. And they had an actual relationship, which lasted about two months, with sex and everything. Sure it was short-lived and ended disappointingly for all of its lesbian and bisexual fans, but it wasn’t a just one-off.

So there you have it. So many random lesbian kisses. Which Very Special Lesbian Kiss is your favorite? You know you have one, fess up.

Naked Lady Monday

All this politics can make a girl weary. So while tomorrow we will all have our eyes glued to the Electoral College, today here is a little something else to ogle as a momentary distraction. And if that momentary distraction is in the form of a nude Kate Winslet, all the better. So here are some more lovely distractions to ogle – in a respectful way, of course. If it has got to be Monday, the ladies might as well be naked. But on Tuesday, be sure to vote.

Kristen Wiig

Funny is sexy. Case in point.

Olivia Wilde

Yet another reason to hate the existence of white jean jackets.

Charlize Theron

This was originally shot for a watch ad. To which I say, what watch?

Winona Ryder

I approve of this wardrobe malfunction.

Kerry Washington

If she dresses like this on “Scandal,” I definitely need to start watching.

Our Firefighter Friends

Let’s hear it for first responders. Also, abs.

Technical Difficulties

Technical difficulties at Casa de Snarker today. So please accept my apologies and enjoy this photo of Olivia Wilde in a hoodie. I know I do.

Wilde wiggle

So, if you follow Olivia Wilde’s Twitter feed, you know she can be a pretty funny lady. Also pretty. But also just funny. And you know how I love me a funny lady. You probably also know I love to look at pretty, funny ladies. I am totally not above a good ogle now and, well, kind of now. Though, I try to appeal to my own better angels by making it a respect-based objectification I practice here at Surrenders HQ. But, still, I unabashedly like to look at the ladies. It comes with the whole gay thing. Which brings me back to Olivia. The very nice to look at Ms. Wilde appears on one of two new covers for the New British GQ Comedy Issue. Which, you know, is fine and good. She’s wearing a bra and jeans and precious little else. See, women are both pretty and funny and pretty funny. But then, oh dear, then things get complicated. The other cover features a host of funny fellows, all dressed in their GQ best. They are dubbed “The Kings of Comedy.” Right, I know – this is a lad’s mag. What should I expect? But then, then they had to go and release a video trailer to promote the issue. And, well, here’s where things get at once more complicated and more basic. Please, sit back and take in the next 1 minute and 48 seconds.

Right. So, yeah. I’m guessing you rewound back to second :14 a couple, few, dozen, wore out the button – eh? Yes, people of the Internet. Olivia Wilde just jiggled her boobs for your enjoyment. Boobs. Jiggle. Yes.

Oh, but here is where that complicated v. basic thing comes in. On the one hand, as a red-blooded American gay lady, I am drooling a little over my keyboard and high fiving my cat at the sight of a lady as luscious as Olivia giving the ladies a little loving. On the other hand, as a women’s studies minor earning progressive feminist lady, I am fairly appalled that Olivia is the only woman included and being put into an assortment of skimpy outfits while the men are all wearing full suits. So it goes like this:

Brain: This is so sexist!
Area Lower Than Brain: Shut up and hit rewind!

I’ll admit, it is kind of a chicken and egg situation. Which is right? Are both answers right? Are both answers wrong? I think, in the interest of science, we should watch those 3 seconds in question again and again and again. For science. Yep. Science.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.

Tank Top Tuesday: Global Warming Edition

It’s been an unusually warm winter out here in California. Granted, it’s California. So it’s always going to be warmer in the winter than, say, Minnesota. But still, even for the Golden State it’s a little nuts. Especially up here in Northern California. I mean, it’s supposed to hit the 70s this week. It’s still February, right? I know this should probably be wringing my hands about global warming and our carbon emissions. And – don’t worry, Al Gore – I totally do. But I’m also a tiny bit selfishly grateful for our depleted ozone layer. Because it means ladies are going to break out the tank tops that much faster. Hey, don’t judge me. I recycle.

Troian Bellisario

I’m so behind on my “Pretty Little Liars.” Is Spencer gay yet? Because she should be.

Lena HeadeyRemember when Lena was on that show about robots from the future and she ran around in a lot of tank tops. Yeah, me too.

Olivia WildeRemember when Olivia was on that show about teenagers from The O.C. and she made out with Mischa Barton? Yeah, me too.

Maria BelloOh, “Prime Suspect,” you could have been so damn good.

Halle BerryIt’s been 10 years since she won her Oscar. I know, that is blowing my mind too.

Mila KunisMore movies where you make out with Natalie Portman. Less movies where you make out with Justin Tumberlake. Oh, and don’t even consider making out with Ashton Kutcher again, honey.

Charlize TheronEvery time I see her in a tank top I think, “You know what, $140,000 for a kiss might even be a little low.”

Michelle RodriguezIf I had a dollar for each time Michelle gave a camera this look I’d be able to buy everyone of you a tank top, and then some.

Hope Solo

OK, OK – this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it sure makes me appreciate warm weather. Also sweat. Also abs. Mmmm, abs.

Right, so maybe our carbon footprint isn’t looking so great. But until the rising oceans swallow all the land, I’m going to enjoy this silver lining while I can.