Music Monday: Owned By Anne

Wait, I’m realizing some of you may not have seen Anne Hathaway totally own Kelly Clarkson at her own game – and with her own song. What a delight from a simpler time (2022) back when movies about scamming billionaires seemed more quaint than the metaphorical locusts of our christofascist capitalist hellscape endtimes. But, yeah, this was cute. Ah, simpler times. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: More River

Welcome to December. We’ve almost made it out of 2025. Just three more years, eh? I wish I had many things this Christmas season – a non-racist, misogynistic, corrupt, felonious, rapist and all-around evil president would be one thing. And also the full-length version of Sarah McLachlan and Kelly Clarkson singing “River” would be another. Look, I didn’t say all the wishes were equal in priority. But, you know, while we’re wishing. Happy Monday, kittens.

Use Your Love

Fine, I guess this is music week. I’ve actually been listening to more music recently, probably as a way to keep off the TV and especially the news. You know what they say about it soothing the savage soul. I keep seeing clips of Kelly Clarkson singing this cover of The Outfield’s “Your Love” on my feed. And I know that is for one very specific, very sapphic reason. Yep, that wink on “you know I like my girls a little bit older.” Interestingly, British rockers who made the song a massive hit back in the 80 also had a single called “Since You’ve Been Gone.” But it is no relation, or comparison really, to Kelly’s hit. Honestly, now I rather prefer Kelly’s version of their big hit as well – what can I say, the wink works.

Music Monday: Good Luck, Straight Babes

Straight gals sure love “Good Luck, Babe!” don’t they? Like I love Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert fangirling over Chappell Roan’s CompHet anthem. Because while these very straight ladies are probably relating to this song because of their respective divorces and other heterosexual relationship whatnots, this song is so clearly about the regret this woman feels about her choice to marry a man instead of, you know, Chappell Roan. But, then, that’s the power of art. When people are able to empathize with an experience that isn’t their own experience – well, gosh, that’s how we, as a society, become just a little better, kinder and more inclusive? So keep singing this song, straight ladies. We totally know the feeling. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: Becky's So Hot

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Pride’s “officially” over or whatever. But here is Kelly Clarkson singing Fletcher’s “Becky’s So Hot” from last month. And while I generally think straight folks should stay silently supportive in their lanes during June, I will make an exception for Kelly who has brought the very lesbian dilemma of possibly thinking your ex’s new girlfriend is hot to the masses. The people need to know our struggle. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Tuesday: Kelly's Rainbow

Look, I know it’s not Pride Month yet. But it’s so close you can practically see the rainbows. If anyone can pre-game us for June’s beautifully bounty of queerness it’s Kelly Clarkson. She of the crushing and conquering every song she covers. Heck, even the inimitable Judy Garland is probably looking over her shoulder and going, “Damn, girl.” Happy four days until Pride and Monday Tuesday*, kittens.

* Yesterday (Monday) was a holiday here in the States, hence the tardiness.

Vacation Vixen: 1999

Basically every New Year’s Eve since the real 1999 has felt like 1999 since. Don’t ask me to explain. Enjoy your New Year’s Eves, kittens. Party like, well, you know.

My Weekend Crush

Start the week with Alanis. End the week with Alanis. Honestly, it’s the perfect bookend for this month for me. And, truly, watching Alanis perform with all these other great female artists has been pretty neat. It’s hard to overstate how big Alanis got once this song came out 28 years ago. And it’s lovely now to see her get her due as an important and beloved performerer now all these years later. Plus, goddamn, she still sounds amazing. And why wouldn’t she? She’s Alanis fucking Morissette.

Female artists in the 90s went through mounds and mounds of (told and untold) shit just for having the audacity to be talented female musicians. The recent confirmation of the ingrained mysogny and sexism of rock ‘n’ roll’s gatekeepers like Rolling Stones honcho Jann Wenner and the extremely belated reexamination of the way young female starts like Britney Spears were treated at the height of their fame are a reminder that it’s long been a man’s world. But we’re here to remind them that female artists have always been great. And you oughta know better than to believe otherwise. Happy weekend, all.

Fade into Kelly

Time for a mid-week music break. While nothing can compare to the beautiful melancholy of Hope Sandoval’s “Fade Into You,” Kelly Clarkson acquits herself more than respectably on this timeless Mazzy Star classic. The grip this song has on my Gen X heart cannot be denied. Let’s get dreamy together, kittens.

Music Monday: Pink for President

Gosh, I just enjoy Pink and Kelly Clarkson and why not enjoy them together. Pink has a new album coming out this month while continuing to be awesome and rock that alternative lifestyle haircut. Also, since it’s President’s Day, here is her Bush-era banger. Yeah, remember him? He was awful too. We just kinda forgot because of That Orange Atrocity. Never forget. Also, please stop voting for Republicans. It never ends well for anyone but the rich and the bigots (those being not mutually exclusive). Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: Less Problematic Balloons Edition

Well, shit. I didn’t realize Nena was a Covid Truther and anti-vaxxer. And praising Putin? Well, like I was saying, shit. So, here’s a much less problematic version of Luftballons via Kelly “I Can Sing Literally Everything” Clarkson. Again, no war. Stand with Ukraine. Fuck Putin. And, please get your Covid vaccine and booster. Happy weekend, all.

Music Monday: Kelly Freaking Clarkson Edition

One of the best things about Kelly Clarkson is that she is always, entirely Kelly Clarkson. On her talk show she often covers famous songs because she’s Kelly Clarkson and why wouldn’t she sing on her show because, again, she’s Kelly Clarkson. But what makes her covers truly great is how she is able to arrange them perfectly to showcase her voice thereby making them entirely hers. She doesn’t try to be Ariana Grande singing “7 Rings” here. Instead she’s just Kelly Clarkson eating up “7 Rings” and making us almost forget Ariana did it first. When you’re Kelly Clarkson, it’s just another day killing it at the office. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: Kelly Does T&S

Yeah, it’s another Monday. And yeah, it’s not Monday, Nov. 2 – yet. But we’ll get there, and each day brings us closer. Oh, and while we’re at it, here’s Kelly Clarkson singing Tegan & Sara’s “Closer” which I believe we can all agree is pertinent to our interests as lesbians…and lesbian supporters. Happy Monday, kittens and kitten supporters.

Music Monday: Kelly & Brandi Edition

Well, now, this is just...pretty. Gorgeous, really. Start your week off right with the uncompromised beauty of Kelly Clarkson and Brandi Carlile dueting remotely (social distance, y’all) on “Poison & Wine” by The Civil Wars. Kelly tweeted that the experience was “one of my favorite moments singing that I have experienced in my entire existence on this planet. I am honestly embarrassed at how many times I’ve watched this.” Out here in California we’re dealing with record heat, massive wildfires, smoke-filled skies, and - oh yeah - this damn pandemic which somehow isn’t magically disappearing. So we’ll take whatever moments of grace we can get. Watch away without any embarrassment. You deserve this. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: Truest Colors

Some things are just so pretty you want to shut up and listen. This duo of Cyndi Lauper and Kelly Clarkson on “True Colors” is one of those things. Now that’s how you start a week off right.

Ellen DeGrammyres

So, I’ve stopped watching the Grammys with anything more than the most passing interest for wardrobe malfunctions and lip-synch fails years ago. But yesterday after tuning in briefly and then turning to my good friend The Internet, to see what it thought, I was pleased to see that apparently Ellen DeGeneres won the Grammys. I mean what else can you deduce from these photos but that The Great Panted One and Portia had a ball and looked great doing it. Lesbians, we are in your music awards having all the funs.

Ellen & Beyoncé

This photo makes me wish they were in a Laverne & Shirley style sitcom where they shameel shemozzled schlemiel and schlemazeled down the street together.

Ellen & Adele

Adele wants to see that sitcom, too.

Ellen & Lena Dunham

I like how they’re both trying to pretend skeezy Willy Wonka isn’t standing creepily behind them.

Ellen & Nicole Kidman

Nicole clearly wants to kiss Ellen, but this is the most her face muscles can muster.

Ellen, Portia & Ryan Seacrest

I think Randy’s face says it all.

Ellen, Portia & Katy Perry

Best photo sequence of the Grammys, possibly ever.

Ellen, Portia & Kelly Clarkson

And then best photobomb of the Grammys, possibly every.

Monday music

Let's be frank, Mondays hold very little charm on their own. You know it, I know it, we all know it. But there are ways to make Mondays more palatable. To make the mundane start of another weary work week just a smidge more sublime. And one of them is music. But not just any music. Because why have any old music when you can have excellent cover music. And what's more excellent than some of your favorite ladies singing some of your favorite (and guilty favorite) songs. Starting with your friend and mine kelly Clarkson singing Sia's "Breathe Me."

Tegan & Sara, "Umbrella"

Admit it, this version makes it sound mighty, might gay.

Ingrid Michaelson, "Toxic"

This version makes me feel a little better about dancing to this song until nearly dawn in my younger days.

Zooey Deschanel, "Wouldn't It Be Nice"

Manic pixie dream surfer girl.

Brandi Carlile, "Crazy"

Brandi could sing me the phone book, but Patsy is better.

From lesbians to Kelly

I don’t know much about much. But I know one thing for damn sure. Lesbians love them some Kelly Clarkson. Maybe it’s her feisty independent streak. I mean she sang “Miss Independent” after all. Maybe it’s her cathartic post-breakup song selection. Put on “Since U Been Gone” in a lesbian club and watch everyone – and I mean everyone – sing along. Maybe it’s her relatable everygirlness complete with Texas waitress backstory. That she never seemingly strives to be a size 0 makes me happy about the universe. Maybe it’s those rumors. Whatever, they’re rumors – I have no claim to knowledge about which team she plays on one way or the other. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s that the gal can flat-out sing. No egg carriage or papal themes or fireworks tits required to keep our rapt attention. Whatever it is, us gay gals can’t get enough. So here’s to you, Kelly. May your breakup anthems keep gay gals singing to you at top volume in the car for years and years to come.

Stronger


Since U Been Gone


Behind These Hazel Eyes


Miss Independent

And, of course, nothing says you’ve made it with the lesbians like the Troubletones covering your music. Plus it’s five more weeks until “Glee” returns. So we have to pass the time somehow, and how better than with a little Kelly.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Beyoncé may have emphatically sung about going “to the left, to the left,” but today is all about the right. No, not the state of being correct or, banish the thought, the political affiliation. I’m talking about the actual physical direction. As in turn to your right. Your other right, Brittany. Hey, not all the themes are deep. But they are hot. So without further ado, all righty then.

Piper Perabo
Monica Bellucci
Dita Von Teese
Janelle Monáe
Tilda Swinton
Kelly Clarkson
Katharine Hepburn
Juliette LewisWell, there’s always a contrarian.

p.s. Hey, tumblesbians. I’m always extremely, extremely flattered when you post my pictures. But, if possible, please provide a link back. Consider it old-school reblogging. In keeping with today’s theme, it’s just the right thing to do. Merci buckets.

My Weekend Crush

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who isn’t, somewhere deep down, at least the tiniest bit in love with Kelly Clarkson. How could you not love her? We all know the story: An ex-cocktail waitress plucked from obscurity, voted on by America and transformed into a superstar. She is the pop star next door; an everywoman with an otherworldly talent. Her voice is clear and in command, as is – from the looks of things – her life. Which, once again, only makes you love her more.

What quite possibly makes us love Kelly the most is that she is so refreshingly, confidently herself. She is still a spunky gal from Texas who just wants to sing her heart out. The blinding glare of celebrity that can cripple so many into self doubt and self loathing has not changed who she is. And who she is is a gal who sometimes weighs a little more, sometimes a little less, but always looks entirely normal and altogether fantastic. As she told SELF magazine:

“My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I’ll be different sizes all the time. When people talk about my weight, I’m like, ‘You seem to have a problem with it; I don’t. I’m fine!’”

This of course makes the recent brouhaha around her airbrushed SELF cover all the more ironic. The very magazine in which she professed her happiness with who she is is apparently not all that happy with who she is. Why else would they Photoshop her to be who she is not? And why, after admitting to the airbrushing, would they say it was an attempt to make her “look her personal best.” No, you’re trying to make her look like who she isn’t. Which is not her personal best; it’s make believe. Also, if your goal (as the editor professed) is to “inspire women to want to be their best,” how can they possibly attain that when what they are aspiring to is pure fiction? Thanks for setting us all up for eternal failure.

Look, I hadn’t intended on turning this into a very special body awareness week on Surrenders, but the world keeps making me repeat myself. Some airbrushing is inevitable. But the wholesale rearranging of a human being is not. Must we learn, once again, from the wisdom of Angela Chase? “People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.” And definitely Kelly. Happy weekend, all.