Friday, May 29, 2020

My Weekend Crush

If you are still staying as safe as much as humanly possible while the rest of the world goes hog wild, please treat your to this continued self-isolation delight. You’ve earned these 40 minutes of Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson doing an Instagram Live chat together for W magazine to ostensibly promote their Hulu series “Mrs. America.” But really it was just an excuse for these two supremely talented ladies to gab like the rest of us when we’re goofing off with our BFFs on a Zoom while drinking chardonnay alone in quarantine.

Also, you get to hear them being nosy about each other’s video conference background wall art, confessing to not wearing pants/only wearing elasticized pants while in lockdown, revealing the shocking truth about Cate’s “blue business” and saying “Hey, gays!” to make all of our little hearts go pitter-patter. Also, they pretend confirm the “Carol” sequel of our dreams, with the obvious working title of “Cabby”. Tease us, why don’t you, ladies. No, really, please keep teasing and talking to us.

So, come on, what are you waiting for? Start your weekend off right by pampering yourself with these 40 minutes. You’re continuing to flatten the curve, staying home as much as you can and wearing a mask when you can’t. You’ve earned this. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Gender Immortal Thursday

Well, now, that got my attention. But then Short-Haired Charlize Theron always gets my attention. And then if you also make her Action Mode Charlize Theron and, well, swoons for days.

I’d never heard of “The Old Guard,” but form the trailer glean that they’re immortals who have learned to be badasses to fight for, hopefully, good. But because the trailer got my attention I did my homework and found out it started as a comic book series by Greg Rucka, who is responsible for both Kate Kane and Renee Montoya being gay in the comics – and now TV/film.

And apparently in the comic three out of the four leads are queer. I know that two of them are a gay male couple. I have no idea who the third is (anyone, anyone? Bueller, Bueller?). But, goodness, so I hope Charlize’s alternative lifestyle haircut makes her our third. Though, I wouldn’t be mad one bit of they made KiKi Layne the third instead. Not one bit.

So, thoughts? Anyone read the comics? I’ll tell you one thing, I could watch Charlize with That Hair and Those Mercenary Skills kick bad guy ass through the centuries for quite some time – possibly even forever.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Waddler Wednesday

As someone with four pets with her at home constantly when I am working, when I am not working, always, I can deeply relate to this. Granted, I’m not sure who is going to be more bereft when I finally have to go back to the office. Being able to snuggle one or two or all of my sweet fur babies whenever I want, at an instant, has actually helped to get through all of this. So here’s to pets. They don’t want us to have to work either. And they are right, work is stupid.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Tank Top Tuesday: Headey Quarantine Edition 3

Lena Headey’s Instagram feed has become quite the relatable emotional roller coaster during these coronavirus times. She seems to have fully embraced the at times delirious madness that comes with living through a modern plague. And, you know, she’s been wearing a lot of tank tops while in self-quarantine. So, obviously, I approve of everything she is doing. Which includes but is not limited to her bouncing up and down on a trampoline while wearing a knitted halter tank top. Yeah, it’s gonna be a good Tuesday, I can see feel it.

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Monday, May 25, 2020

Music Monday

So earlier this month singer-songwriter-serenader of lesbian proposals Sara Bareilles revealed she had recovered from COVID-19 and was “grateful for every breath.” Sara’s smart, empathetic songwriting continues to be a favorite. I am so glad we will be able to hear more from her in the future. And it’s a reminder that this pandemic is far from over and also does not care what political party you belong to in the least. Not wearing a mask to own the libs is perhaps the dumbest self-own in the history of humankind. Yet here we are. Sorry, now I’m getting all worked up again.

So here is Sara and the also lovely Ingrid Michaelson singing my favorite melancholy holiday song “Winter Song” together in better times when we had a real president and not a criminally corrupt and incompetent Orange Turd who is physically incapable of showing even the slightest bit of empathy as our nation hurdles toward 100,000 deaths in the span of just three months and continues to prioritize corporate profits over protecting people’s health. Sorry, sorry, I was trying to find calm. Breathe. And, enjoy. Happy Monday, kittens.

Friday, May 22, 2020

My Weekend Crush

Someone shared this clip from the unaired 2016 “Cruel Intentions” pilot and I’ve been scrapping myself off the floor ever since. So, naturally, I had to then share it with you. Some 17 years after the original movie, Sarah Michelle Gellar reprised her role as ruthless socialite and Salma Hayek kisser Kathryn Merteuil for the episode. NBC passed on the project, so the episode was never broadcast. But thanks to the Series of Tubes someone uploaded a clip from the show and hello. Very, very HELLO. I have absolutely no idea if the series would have been any good, but goodness does that scene make me wish we could have watched to find out - at least for a little while. And, in case there was ever any doubt, Kathryn is definitely a top - especially when she is making ladies take off their bottoms. Ahem. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Gender Fuck Thursday: Villanelle Edition

Look, I told you this season of “Killing Eve” was going to be bananas, and has it not been legit BANANAS? One of the other things that has been fascinating to watch is how gay it has become. And we’re not just talking the subtext, but the full-on maintext. The season started with Villanelle’s wedding to another woman. I mean, sure it all went awry. But, uh, it started with a gay wedding! And then there’s (look away now if you haven’t watched) That Kiss. Sure, some can read all of this same-sex subtext as queer baiting. But I think and hope it is building to something more complex and interesting. Villanelle’s lust for the ladies (to be as cliché as possible about it) has become more than canon. And now the question remains what does Eve want from all of this.

But, while we wait to see if Eve figures out her shit, can we talk about Villanelle’s high-fashion butch outfits this season? Like, all the yeses to all of this.

Like her wedding tux.

Like how she’s sitting (plus I see you, wrist cuff).

Like the way she effortlessly tops Eve in this suit.

Like (look away now, you know who you are) That Kiss.

Like I was saying, bananas. And, bananas is good.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Don't Call Me Shirley

Neon has really come into its own as the go-to indie for beautiful, smart cinema. Last year they scored with “Parasite” and “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” (among others) and now they’re back with “Shirley,” a fictitious look at a period in the life of acclaimed author Shirley Jackson of “the Lottery” and “The Haunting of Hill House” and many other stories fame.

I actually don’t know that much about her real life, but given that she was reclusive that’s not too surprising. But Elisabeth Moss certainly attacks the role with gusto here. From what I’ve read the young couple who end up staying with Shirley and her husband Stanley Edgar Hyman are fictitious, meant as foils to move the narrative of what looks like story of brilliance intertwined with madness and depression. Ah, yes, the crazy genius - that old chestnut.

I don’t know about you, but I detect some fairly flirty subtext between Shirley and Rose, the young wife. But, that could just be my gay goggles. Shirley also seems mildly murderous, so we shall see. Though I certainly hope they don’t meld murderous and liking the ladies together somehow. I mean, that’s one old chestnut too far.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Portrait of a Lady Playing Animal Crossing

If you’re anything like my household, there has been a lot of Animal Crossing happening during this pandemic. And while I don’t personally play, I do find it soothing to watch my wife play this incredibly relaxing and ridiculously amiable game that essentially has you working nonstop on your islands and others to gather resources and raise money to expand your house and buy things. So, you know, like life but a lot more pleasant. Anyway, someone took the time to recreate “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” in the game and it’s kind of a delight. Where there’s a will, there’s a lesbian who will find a way to make it super-duper gay.

Monday, May 18, 2020

Music Monday: Our Girls Edition

Well, here is something super gay to soothe your soul this Monday. The Indigo Girl have been live-streaming on Facebook this month for our self-quarantine pleasure and to raise money for their Honor the Earth foundation, a nonprofit focused on indigenous environmental justice. Last week Amy and Emily performed the entire “Rites of Passage” album from start to finish. I don’t know about you, but that’s the album that started my love for Our Girls. It got me to buy their entire back catalogue and wear all my CDs to a nubs, in addition to seeing them so many times in concert.

Now, of course, a stream can’t beat a real live show. But it’s not bad either. Plus, you get to see that famous folks are just as bad at setting up live streams as the rest of us - so much so that the stream comes in two parts due to our inevitable friend technical difficulties showing up and causing problems. Celesbians, they’re just like us but with much better harmonies. Happy Monday, kittens.

Friday, May 15, 2020

My Weekend Clone

Clone Club, reassemble. The cast of “Orphan Black” is coming back this weekend for a virtual table read to entertain us all while we continue to shelter in place (and for all the places where you are no longer required to shelter in place, uh, please continue to be safe no matter what your Republican governor says). The event will also raise awareness for Mental Health Awareness Month and International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia while raising cash for CenterLink, a nonprofit that supports some 250 LGBTQ community centers around the world, and Sistering, a nonprofit that helps at-risk women and trans people. This very special social distanced Clone Club reunion will span a two-episode table read. It will be quite something to watch Tatiana Maslany switch characters mid-stream. She fully became Sarah and Cosima and Alison and Helena, so much so that sometimes I would almost forget they were all the same stupidly talented person. What will happen? Are Cosima and Delphine still curing the Ledas? Have Sarah and Felix launched a pop-up art space for LGBTQ+ creators? Did Helen*Rachel cut her own hair during self-quarantine to maintain that razor-sharp bob? Guess we will find out at 3 p.m. ET/12 p.m. PT Sunday, May 17, on the official Orphan Black Facebook page. Fetch me something gay, I've got some Cloning to do. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.

*Quarantine tired brain strikes. I'm just making up sestras because why not, our "president" makes up facts, crimes, history, science, words, people and scandals on a daily basis.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

Salute to Dunning Kruger Syndrome

Sure, Mother's Day was last weekend. But the last part of my Mother's Day gift will be delivered to my mom many states away today. Plus it is a global pandemic and all the children are home, so why not let moms have a whole damn week this year instead of a day. Please allow my TV/Movie/Pandemic Sympathy Wife Tina Few express my deepest gratitude to all the moms out there trying to make it through the day. And, yeah, I Googled it. That All-White Meat Turkey Face definitely has Dunning Kruger Syndrome.

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Waddler Wednesday

Look, I don’t know if groundhogs technically “waddle,” but the way this cute fella is scarfing down that pizza without a care in the world, I would lean toward “yes.” Man, nature sure is loving all of us staying at home and out of its damn way, isn’t it? This guy seems to be saying to the two dogs and human who witnessed it all, “Lol, hoomans. Enjoy your pandemic!” Yeah, Mother Nature DGAF about our absence. In fact, I’m quite certain she rather enjoys it.

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Dance Dance Revolution

I guess this is a month for legends only. This made the rounds recently and I have to say it was so much more delightful than I was expecting and I’m not even sure why. Wait, I know why. It’s because it’s always a delight to see the great Lucille Ball and the great Ginger Rogers and the probably great, but I don’t know her as well, daughter of Lucy and Desi, Lucie Arnaz, dancing together. But it’s somehow made it even more delightful by dubbing the scene to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” I mean, Beyonce does make almost anything better, so.

Now the original was a clip form Lucy’s sitcom “Here’s Lucy,” which featured the whole Ball-Arnaz family, and ran for six seasons from 1968 to 1974. The episode in question was from 1971, when Ginger Rplayed herself and through a series of mishaps, wouldn’t you know it, they end up doing a totally unrehearsed dance number together. Like one does. As I was saying, a true delight now matter the music or the time period.

Monday, May 11, 2020

Music Monday

Yes, more joyful noise for your Monday. This time it comes courtesy of our queer brothers in the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. They created a virtual chorus to sing a mashup of “Brave” and “True Colors” in honor of healthcare workers and first responders putting themselves at unspeakable risk to fight for us through this global pandemic. I’ve seen the SFGMC live a handful of times and they’re always inspiring and lovely and fun. Now, isn’t that a great way to start out a week?

Friday, May 08, 2020

My Weekend Crush

We have, at best, a handful of universally beloved living celebrities. Your Tom Hanks. Your The Rocks. Your Betty Whites. And, of course, your Dolly Parton. I mean, who doesn’t love Dolly Parton? Her music. Her feistiness. Her advocacy. Her philanthropy. Her everything makes her a true American original and one of the, again, handful of country artists I adore and could listen to on repeat forever.

And, even if her distinct twang and even more distinct vibrato aren’t your cup of moonshine, you’ve got to admire her charitable work. Like, for instance, Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. The free program mails a book once a month to any child who asks from the day they are born until they turn 5 years old. Started in 1995, the charity flew under the media radar until the Library of Congress celebrated her giving away the program’s 100th million book two years ago. Yes, 100 million books given away for free by Dolly Parton. It is now one of the largest literacy programs in the world.

There’s also how she has responded to the global pandemic, by donating $1 million to coronavirus research at her home state's Vanderbilt University. How many billionaires are in Trump’s cabinet and how much have they donated? Yeah, thought so. But she’s not just putting money behind the fight of COVID-19, she’s also putting her heart into it. Last month she started reading bedtime stories to all of us once a week. Yes, you can have Dolly Parton read you to sleep. What an empathetic way to reach out to each other during this frightening, crazy, stressful and unprecedented time. “The Little Engine That Could” was her inaugural read which is pretty perfect, given everything.

And, if all that wasn’t enough, it was recently revealed that Dolly Parton’s production company Sandollar Entertainment was an executive producer on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Yes, you read that right. Dolly the Vampire Slayer! She is an uncredited producer, and was co-creator and owner of the production company that was involved both with the movie (meh) and the series (yay). So Dolly is a member of the Buffyverse. Like, hello, mind blown.

So, yeah, Dolly Parton. A great musician, a great entertainer, a great celebrity, a great philanthropist, and in generally just a great human being. The world could use a lot more like her. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.

P.s. Please enjoy Dolly being Dolly singing “Here You Come Again” above, which is low-key my favorite song of her enormously impressive catalogue.

Thursday, May 07, 2020

That's Madam Boss Bitch to You

Well, we all know that “Choose Your Quarantine Fighter” meme by now. (Again, I’m the one who cried in the shower after reading the news.) But some real-life badass quarantine fighting ladies got together to film the ultimate “Boss Bitch Fight Challenge.”

I suggest you go ahead and watch if you haven’t already before reading the rest. But if you don’t mind getting spoiled, get ready to see stuntwoman and actress Zoe Bell fight it out (while maintaining proper social distance) with many of her talented and famous – and might I add fierce – female friends.

Fighting it out are professional stuntwomen and some very famous actresses. They go, in order: Zoe Bell, Lucy Lawless, stuntwoman Tara Macken, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, stuntwoman Tamiko Brownlee, Rosario Dawson, stuntwoman Amy Johnston, Cameron Diaz, stuntwoman Kim Murphy, Daniela Ruah, stuntwoman Michaela McAllister, Kaitlin Olson, stuntwoman Lauren Mary Kim, Florence Pugh, Zoe again but this time with a puppy, Julia Butters, stuntowman Angela Meryl, stuntwoman Sarah Irwin, Daryl Hannah, Sophia Di Martino, Tracie Thoms, stuntwoman Shauna Duggins, Zoe Saldana, stuntwoman Ming Qiu, Renee Goldsberry, Rosie Perez, Lilly Aspell, Thandie Newton, stuntwoman Mel Stubbs, stuntwoman Jessie Graff, Zoe but this time at her car, stuntwoman Monique Ganderton, Halle Berry, stuntwoman Heidi Moneymaker, Scarlett Johansson, stuntwoman Dayna Grant, Margot Robbie, stuntwoman Renae Moneymaker, KT Tunstall and finally back to Zoe.

Gosh, that was fun. Who was your favorite? I’m still crying in the shower as far as my fighting styles goes. But, I’d gladly have any of these ladies tap in for me at any time. Any time at all.

Wednesday, May 06, 2020

Choose Your Quarantine Fighter

I know that I am incredibly, incredibly privileged to be able to a) still be workings and b) be working remotely from home right now. So many are still being asked to risk their lives and livelihoods interacting with the public, just to keep what remains of our economy running and people’s lives as regular as possible. But, if you like me have been working from your home/sweatpants for the past month-plus, I can relate so hard to Buzzfeed comic creator Kristin Chirico – and I don’t even play video games! I just deeply, deeply feel “Me but the snacks are all gone cuz I read the news and then cried in the shower.” So, your turn, choose your quarantine fighter.

Tuesday, May 05, 2020

Tank Top Tuesday: Headey Quarantine Edition 2

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Can’t stop. Staying fucking home

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Did I expect Cersei Lannister to become the Tank Top Wearing Queen of Coronavirus Self-Isolation we all needed? No, admittedly, I did not. Do I appreciate each and every one of her sheltering-in-place tank top videos? Yes, admittedly, I sure do. And this time it is two tank tops in one post. Lena really captures the real aimless unknowing of our particular plague zeitgeist. Plus, like I was saying, tank tops. Happy Tuesday, let’s hope there’s another one next week!

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Monday, May 04, 2020

Music Monday: Zoom Cocktails Edition

Late last month, a still-dark Broadway (and Hollywood) celebrated the 90th birthday of Stephen Sondheim with a star-studded self-quarantine live-from-home show that raised money for the charity group Artists Striving To End Poverty. You can watch the whole two-and-a-half hour affair here (now embedded above, which you are welcome to restart or watch in its entirety) because, heck, what else do a lot of you have to do right now? (Though not us, The Essentials, but everyone else.) Still if you only have time for one I cannot recommend highly enough the boozy rendition of “Ladies Who Lunch” from Sondheim’s musical “Company.”

It features – wait for it – Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski and Audra McDonald in their bathrobes mixing and drinking cocktails on The Most Epic Zoom Call Ever. It’s so wonderful that after watching it the first time I replayed it – and I am not exaggerating – half a dozen times in a row. The robes, the sass, the cocktails, the glimpse inside these stars’ homes, The Voices. Goodness it’s just so damn great. May you enjoy (or re-enjoy) this to start your week and remember to find joy (and cocktails or mocktails) wherever you can. Cheers, kittens.

Friday, May 01, 2020

My Weekend Crush

Sure, AOC and The Squad get most of the headlines (and, don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful). But fellow freshman Rep. Katie Porter deserves to be our progressive gets-shit-down girl crush as well. Not only is she uncompromisingly tough on dumbass Trump officials and whatever billionaire CEO who crosses her path, she gives me that real Elizabeth Warren tingle when it comes to being sensible and capable and utterly unwilling to put up with anyone’s bullshit.

Like I was saying, totally crush worthy. Makes me almost wish I lived in the southern half of my state so I could vote for her. No bullshit. Happy safe and healthy weekend, all.