My Weekend Crush

What with October right around the corner, I enourage us all to embrace our inner witches. Gather up your closest, witchiest friends and just go for it. Light those candles. Pet those black cats. Make those voodoo dolls. Get your old black magic back. Or a little vengeance. Just a little. Which reminds me, might be time for a rewatch. Though, I always fast forward through the cherry scene because it haunts me still. Also, none for you Susan Sarandon. But, Cher and Michelle more than make up for her. Happy witchy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Michelle Pfeiffer

If we’re throwing it back to the 90s, can you believe it was 31 years ago that Michelle cracked that whip? Talk about a core lesbian memory. Me-ow.

FLOTUS Like a Butterfly

While yesterday was all about a bunch of dead white guys, today is a celebration of the First Ladies of the United States. And what wondrous ladies, indeed. The new Showtime anthology series “The First Lady” boasts an eye-poppingly impressive cast playing First Ladies Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford and Michelle Obama. Playing them, respectively, will be Gillian Anderson, Michelle Pfeiffer and Viola Davis.

Like if that cast alone doesn’t make you want to watch this thing, I don’t know if we can be friends. But it appears the series will not shy away from Eleanor Roosevelt’s personal life and long-rumored same-sex attractions, in particular the open secret of her long-term relationship with lesbian journalist Lorena Hickok. History continues to portray them as “gal pals,” just a couple of BFFs who had shared some 3,500 intimate letters professing love and longing spanning 30 years. (I mean, there’s even a whole book of them, people.)

Hickok, affectionately called “Hick” by Eleanor, rose to be the top female journalist in America in the early 1930s while working for the Associated Press. They met during FDRs first presidential campaign, and after his fourth presidential inauguration she moved into the White House, with an adjoining room to Eleanor’s. As gal pals do, you know. Women supporting women by making sure they can slip into each other’s bedrooms at night. Isn’t platonic female friendship the best?

While you can’t tell too much from the trailer, Hickok’s presence appears to loom large and hopefully will play prominently in Eleanor’s story. Like that scene where Eleanor giving Hick a little spin has to be her showing off their adjoining White House rooms for the first time, right? Basically, I’m very, very excited to witness Gillian Anderson and Lily Rabe smooching. There has got to be smooching, right?

If this series lives up to even half the potential of the combined talent of these actresses then *low whistle* are we in for a treat. Regardless, it’s great to see Eleanor’s true self hopefully shine. Gal pals forever, clearly.

Whip Wednesday: Me-Oww Edition

In case you’d for some reason forgotten, Michelle Pfeiffer is a badass. A hot, talented, ageless badass. Those cheekbones you could slice ham with. The impossible arch of her eyebrows. And, you know, that cat suit left an impression. So it’s more than a little impressive to see this behind-the-scenes footage of her wielding that whip. Like, is it possible to be jealous of a decapitated mannequin? Asking for a friend. The clip also highlights how truly skilled Michelle was with that whip. Like, Me-Owww in deed. I think the behind-the-scenes shots are even more impressive than what ended up on the big screen even. But, then, it doesn’t hurt to have to rewatch that scene either. You know, for science. Sexy, sexy science.

My Weekend Crush

I have no idea whether “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil” will be any good. But I do know that I love seeing Angeline Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer side-by-side. Yes, yes, I know they’re on opposite sides in the film. But in the press tour it has been nothing but bunny ears and secret crushes. I mean, Angelina Jolie has never been more relatable revealing her teen crush on Michelle Pfeiffer. Because WHO HAS NOT HAD A CRUSH ON MICHELLE PFEIFFER?



So I guess this is my week of putting two amazing female superstars together and screaming at the top of my lungs, “NOW KISS!” But in Angie and Michelle’s case, I am a little scared of what would happen when two of the most epic cheekbones in modern cinema come into such close contact. Like, go in careful for that kiss, ladies - no one wants to see gruesome cheekbone slicing injuries. Happy Maleficent weekend, all.

When Cheekbones Attack

Hey, remember when I said I could take or leave the live-action Disney classic remakes? Well, besides the new “Mulan?” I forgot one. I very much enjoyed the recentering of the “Sleeping Beauty” story a.k.a. “Maleficent.” And now I can’t wait for its sequel, “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil” a.k.a. “Attack of the Cheekbones.”



I honestly don’t care about the plot or whether Princess Aurora gets to marry her handsome prince. I just care that Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer square off wearing shit like this.

Always a bridesmaid

Unless all the other nominees fall into a “Rabbit Hole” (puns, puns!) and therefore clear the field for a Nicole Kidman upset, whoever wins for best actress or supporting actress this year will be taking home her very first shiny naked gold man. Well, fine, I don’t want to make any assumptions about these women’s sexual peccadilloes so to be safe let us say their first shiny naked gold man named Oscar – without private parts or facial features, and holding a sword. Right, so my point is that the vast majority of the actresses nominated for Academy Awards this year haven’t won before. No wins for Annette Bening, no wins for Natalie Portman, no wins for Helena Bonham Carter, no wins for Amy Adams. Nada. But that could all change for two lucky ladies. (Though until then, please feel free to ogle their award-winning tank top form as a consolation prize.)

Still, there are so many other ridiculously talented actresses who won’t have that chance this year and are likewise trophyless. Like, did you know Greta Garbo and Judy Garland never won an acting Oscar? No wonder Garbo wanted to be left alone – the shame. And there are plenty of modern-day actresses who have never gotten their proper due. Here is a look at a ten of today’s continual bridesmaids, never a bride when it comes to the shiny naked golden man.

Julianne Moore

Julianne has been nominated four times (“The End of the Affair,” “Boogie Nights,” “Far From Heaven,” “The Hours”). More often than not, Moore picks interesting, off-beat projects over commercial, big-budget offerings. And she is ready and quite convincing at playing gay from “The Hours” to “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee” to “Chloe” and “The Kids Are All Right.”She should have been nominated alongside Annette. I mean, if she can make a totally ludicrous stalker flick like “Chloe” watchable, she should have a whole separate room in her house just to hold all of her Oscars already.

Glenn Close

Glenn Close has not won an Oscar. Yeah, let that sink into the little gray cells. Five nominations (“The World According to Garp,” “The Big Chill,” “The Natural,” “Fatal Attraction,” “Dangerous Liasons”) and no wins yet Mira Sorvino, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Roberto Benigni all have acting Oscars.

Sigourney Weaver

Everything I said above, ditto. Three nominations for Sigourney (“Aliens,” “Gorillas in the Mist,” “Working Girl”) and no wins. Don’t make her get into that hydraulic robot suit from “Aliens” and crush some heads, people.

Naomi Watts

The first time I saw Naomi was in the dream within a nightmare within a blue box that was “Mulholland Dr.” When she made the transformation from Betty to Diane, I didn’t even recognize her for a minute. And then I knew – I knew this one was special. Only one nomination so for “21 Grams,” but that’ll change. It has to.

Angela Bassett

Angela only has one nomination for 1993’s searing “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” but that’s not for lack of talent but the paucity of strong roles for actresses of color, period. Come on, she’s been giving us two tickets to the gun show for years, the least we could do is invite her to a few more award shows.

Michelle Pfeiffer

I think the problem with Michelle is that she is so damn beautiful that sometimes you forget she can act. Three nominations (“Dangerous Liasons,” “The Fabulous Baker Boys,” “Love Field”) prove she can. But once you see that face, you’re all, “Um, wait, what were we talking about?”

Laura Linney

Laura is one of those people I fear will never win because she is always good, always. In fact, she is so good we take her for granted. But being that consistent isn’t luck, it’s hard work – like her three nominated roles (“You Can Count on Me,” “Kinsey,” “The Savages”). Well, at least she is doing well for herself on TV.

Catherine Keener

Nominated twice (“Being John Malkovich,” “Capote”), Catherine is another one of those unendingly dependable actresses. But just because it looks easy, doesn’t mean it is. Also, dude, she’s Dawn Denbo’s sister.

Salma Hayek

Don’t let the accent fool you, Salma is good. Her one nominated turn in “Frida” was great. And – think about it nominating committees – why would you ever pass up the opportunity to have Salma in a form-fitting ball gown on your red carpet? That opportunity you’re missing is golden.

Lauren Bacall

In 1996, when Lauren lost in an upset to Juliette Binoche after her first and only nomination for “The Mirror Has Two Face,” you could almost see her mentally telling Juliette to put her lips together and blow.

So many snubs, so many ways that blows.

Tank Top Tuesday: Burton’s Babes Edition

You know, I enjoyed “Alice in Wonderland.” Truth be told, I pretty much enjoy all Tim Burton films on one level or another. “Alice” was a good film, not a great film. It was fun, but without some of the wonder you'd expect Burton to bring to the land. But what I really liked were the women in the film (I know, I know – when don’t I like the women in a film?). I wasn’t familiar with Mia Wasikowska before the movie. I’d never seen “In Treatment” and just basically didn’t know her from Mia Hamm. But, oooh and doogie. Did she make an impression. Actually, I think it was her suit of armor that made an indelible impression. Say what you will, but Tim Burton has great taste in women. (Men, too, but – gosh – who doesn’t love Johnny Depp?)

Helena Bonham CarterAlice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Big Fish, Planet of the Apes

Anne HathawayAlice in Wonderland

Christina RicciSleepy Hollow

Pam Grier

Mars Attacks!

Michelle Pfeiffer

Batman Returns

Marion CotillardBig Fish

Sarah Jessica ParkerEd Wood

Winona RyderBeetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands

Mia WasikowskaConsider this a bonus, like Armor Top Tuesday.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Women in suits make me want to be bad. Really, really bad. Like sweaty, steamy, sticky bad. Like someone is going to lose a button, probably several, bad. Like, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning bad. You know, bad. Interestingly, Jane Lynch makes me feel exactly the same way, suit or no suit. Of course, the suit doesn’t hurt. Now, please excuse me. I have things to do – very bad things.

[Hat tip, @betternovembers for the Jane Lynch deliciousness]

BeyoncéDrew BarrymoreAmanda PalmerM.I.A.Maggie GyllenhaalKeira KnightleyCharlize TheronMichelle PfeifferFrankly my dear, I do give a damn. A hot damn.

My Weekend Crush

Michelle Pfeiffer, girl, where you been? It’s been five years since you last graced us with your big screen presence. And now you’re back with not one, not two, but three films this year. First comes the May-December romantic comedy “I Could Never Be Your Woman” with Paul Rudd and Tracey Ullman (who plays Mother Nature. Yeah, I don’t get it either). Also slated is the fairy tale fantasy “Stardust” with Robert De Niro and Claire Danes (Oh Angela Chase, sigh). You round it all out with the all-singing, all-dancing remake of the John Waters-film-turned-Broadway-musical “Hairspray.” Yesterday, you showed up at ShowWest with Hairspray cohorts like John Travolta and Queen Latifah. And, dang it, if you didn’t outshine them all. At 48 you look, well, I’m not sure good even covers it. Or great. Or amazing. I’m going to have to go with me-owww! Happy weekend, all.