Total Ballers

Yeah, yeah, the world has gone gaga for some hockey gays. But you know what I still can’t get over? Lesbian ballers. O, ALOTO, ALOTO, wherefore art thou, ALOTO?

So imagine my glee (no, not that kind, no one needs Gleek PTSD on top of everything else right now), when I heard that a new queer lady ballplayer show was in the works. “Slo Pitch” comes to us from Crave, the Canadian streaming service behind “Heated Rivalry.” We salute you, Canada, for your belief in equal opportunity queer sports representation. We’re so sorry about, well, everything. I mean, at least the sane among us are.

“Slo Pitch,” a comedy about lesbian softball players, actually started as a webseries. And now it will be a 10-episode series done in mockumentary style comedy which follows The Public Lass Brovaries, a queer underdog slow-pitch softball team. The show’s tagline is “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” I mean, what’s not to love?

Per the official synopsis:

“Welcome to the world of beer league sports, where Joanne Pico (Salgueiro) is to coach six-time league losers, The Public Lass Brovaries. Coach Joanne is dead set on turning things around this season despite having just been brutally dumped by her girlfriend and co-founder of the team. Throughout the summer, Joanne leads her lovable, chaotic crew through a season of strikeouts, petty rivalries, conservative-politician sponsors, and sexy carwash fundraisers gone wrong. With her ex now playing on a rival team, Joanne’s got a lot to prove this season. It’s time to win the breakup, get the gang back together, and maybe even find new love over beers in the dugout.”

You already had me at “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” Adding sexy carwashes almost seems unfair. Almost. But do it anyway, especially softball sexy style. So many wet tubesocks. *snort*

Jess Salguiero (who apparently is in the new “Frasier” reboot I barely realized existed and a couple episodes of “Orphan Black,” but honestly I’ve forgotten more of that show’s plot than I remember) stars at Coach Joanne. Emily Hampshire (a.k.a. Stevie “Are We Sure She’s Not Gay” Budd on “Schitt’s Creek”) also stars and is an executive producer and Elliot Page's PAGEBOY Productions is also behind the project.

I never watched the webseries, but have watched so many lesbian softball games in real life. So many. I don’t know if this will be the sapphics “Heated Rivalry,” but I do know the universe owes us a lesbian ballplayer show after doing us dirty with ALOTO.

My Weekend (Re-Canceled) Crush

By now you’ve probably heard the collective “Fuck this!” launched by queer women everywhere at the news that Amazon has canceled, or I should say re-canceled, the second season of “A League of Their Own.” The queer and diverse reboot of the 1992 women’s baseball classic didn’t even warrant a final four episodes as promised. Instead the cancellation is yet another reminder that billionaire-led corporations don’t really give a shit about inclusive storytelling, lifting up marginalized performers and showcasing diverse voices.

Oh, and trying to blame the ongoing writers’ and actors’ strikes on the cancellation? Yeah, nah to that utter bullshit. We want the people who create and appear in the stories we love with all of our hearts to get paid fairly, you see. They create the value in the entertainment we enjoy, and they deserve a fair cut of the record profits, streaming and viewership their creativity and hard work bring into our lives. We decidedly are not rooting for the Bezos or Zaslavs and Sarandoses of this world to buy themselves more superyachts.

The ongoing Cancel Your Gays trend is a reminder that so-called rainbow capitalism is still just plain-old capitalism. They’ll court us as long as they think our queer dollars will help them profit. But as soon as things get even a little more complicated, goodbye fair-weather corporate allies. (e.g. Bud Light, Target, et al).

The importance of true allies and the essential need to be represented fairly are as critical as ever given our current political climate. There’s a reason conservatives and corporations fight so hard against including us in history or schools. Our very existence continues to be a revolution against the entrenched structures they cling to for power. And they are more than happy to whip up the easily convinced crazies at the expense of our community and everyone who supports us. That includes LGBTQ+ ally and shop owner Lauri Carleton who was fatally shot by a man criticizing the rainbow flag outside her store this week. Don’t tell me the anti-gay laws and anti-gay rhetoric don’t kill. It just keeps killing.

As sadly resigned as we all are now to the table scraps that these massive media companies continue to feed us when it comes to inclusive LGBTQ+ entertainment (but you got one whole season, why aren’t you full yet?), I am still forever grateful for the big-hearted, full-swinging storytelling of Abbi Jacobson and Will Graham and the entire cast and crew of the ALOTO series. Just like we have always been a part of history, LGBTQ+ and POC players have always been a part of baseball. The world needs more stories that bring home the simple fact that our world is more beautiful when we all get a chance to love and shine exactly as we are. Happy weekend, all.

Second Inning, Sorta

Let’s all experience a roller coaster together. “A League of Their Own” has been renewed! Wheee! Amazon Prime has agreed to a second and final season for the series. OK, not sure why they have to be so final about it, but grateful still. And it will only be four episodes long. What the? Oh, and none of that is actually finalized yet, so probably keep hounding Amazon Prime maybe!?!?!?!?

So that was yesterday afternoon’s roller coaster of queer lady emotions. Yay, the show we love is coming back, fine, it’s for a final season, shit, made up of only four episodes, what, and maybe not even that or maybe more? Anyway, keep bugging Amazon Prime is what I heard out of all of this so I am dutifully doing that.

But mostly I’m just tired. I’m tired of having to beg for good things. I’m tired of queer women and POC’s stories being treated as niche and unmarketable. I’m tired of having to fight and scrap for the continuation of unquestionably good things (it has a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes for crying out loud — by comparison “The Last of Us” which has been heavily touted and critically lauded has a 96% rating). I’m tired of any programming that isn’t default made for a white cis het male audience being generally ignored, under promoted and outright cancelled. I’m just damn tired.

But I guess if four more episodes is all we get, well, you’d better believe we’re going to make the most out of them. And I have faith that Abbi Jacobson and Will Graham will treat these women, their lives and these stories with the respect and dignity and joy they deserve. Let’s play ball, even if only for a little while longer.

Renew ALOTO Already

Maybe it’s my terrible head cold (It’s not Covid, I tested five days in a row – just an old-fashioned head cold), or maybe it’s my salty-sad attitude about life in general these days, but WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T THEY RENEWED “A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN” FOR A SECOND SEASON? Why? WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy? WHY? W-H-Y?

The series is a carefully crafted improvement on the original film, bringing in needed marginalized voices in a way that both celebrates those communities and remains entirely historically accurate. Queer women played in that league, but the prevailing homophobia of the time meant they just couldn’t be out and proud and therefore were easily erased by mainstream history. And Black women, of course they were more than talented enough to play in that league, but the prevailing racism of the time meant they were never even given the chance.

Amazon Prime is dragging its feet on renewing a show that was both lauded by critics and adored by fans. And these aren’t just any fans, these are queer women fans. And once you’ve got us, *slow whistle*, you’ve got us forever. So stop your stalling, renew this excellent and important series already. I mean, a show like this is chump change for Papa Bezos. I know every billionaire is a policy failure, but maybe just one of those dudes could do something nice for us instead of just being predictable cartoon villains. Granted, if I could have a billionaire do anything it’d be to actually solve climate change or end world hunger or find permanent shelter for every unhoused person. And then, my next ask would be to renew “A League of Their Own.” Anyway, did I mention I have a head cold?

Gender Fuck Thursday: ALOTO Butches

Omg, have I not stopped talking about the new “A League of Their Own” yet? Of course not. I will NEVER. So when I say the butch representation in ALOTO goes a long way toward rectifying the egrigious lack of representation in most of our more mainstream queer entertainment, I am in no way kidding. Think “The L Word,” where Shane is the group’s resident butch — but really just its andro fuckboi.

But the way the show has shown a nuanced representation of butch and trans people during the era has truly been a revelation. These are legitimately butch-presenting and masculine presenting characters that showcase the beautiful diversity in our community. Roberta Colindrez’s Lupe, Kelly McCormack’s Jess and Melanie Field’s Jo DeLuca, plus Chanté Adams’s Max and Lea Robinson’s Uncle Bert are not only wonderful, but also important. (And Rosie, oh Rosie Rosie.)

Our community contains multitudes, and butch and trans representation is a big and beautiful part of that. So it’s about time we saw them in all of their glory. And it’s not just about putting them in pants or suits or cutting their hair. It’s an attitude. And you just love to see it. You really do.

Vacation Vixen: Abbi Jacobson

Yep, the one who made it all happen. Our forever catcher. And a truly wonderful and inclusive creative voice. Thanks, Abbi. Thanks for flipping off the haters. Let’s keep playing incredibly gay ball together forever, please.

Vacation Vixen: Rosie O’Donnell

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Once the Queen of Nice and the Ellen before there was Ellen, she was ahead of her time on everything. The first to publicly feud with Trump. The first lesbian (albeit closeted much of the time) with a wildly successful talk show. And now a butch icon. I only hope they give us more secret queer bar owner Vi in the (fingers crossed) second season. We can’t have the last we see if this silver fox be her being beaten by the cops. We just can’t.

Vacation Vixen: Roberta Colindrez/Kelly McCormack

I can’t get enough of Lupe and Jess’s lezbro friendship. Along with Lea Robinson as Uncle Bert, Roberta and Kelly and Chanté’s Max are making amazing strides for butch/masc/non-binary/trans representation. (Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about Rosie. Later.)

Vacation Vixen: Chanté Adams

Please, like Max Chapman wasn’t going to be a Vixen. Chanté’s Max is a portrait of a true stud coming into her own. And, goodness, is it hot to watch. She can light me up with her fastball, and whatever else, anytime.

Vacation Vixen: D'arcy Carden

Obviously my first Vacation Vixen is D’Arcy. Obviously. Her Greta became an instant lesbothrob. She seems made for that role because, and I say this with nothing but respect, hubba hubba. Am I slowly going to feature every single cast member of “A League Of Their Own” as a Vixen while I’m gone? Maybe. Probably. Just you wait and see.

p.s. Obviously I loved her as Janet in “The Good Place.” The Good Janet. The Bad Janet. The Disco Janet. That’s my not a girl, not a robot. But a helluva ballplayer.

TV Review: A League of Their Own

So, obviously, I love the new “A League of Their Own” series on Amazon Prime. This rebooted take on the 1992 movie makes up for a lot of sins of omission of the original, and then some. Series co-creator and star Abbi Jacobson seems like she took the whole “I’m gonna give the gays everything they want”-meme quite literally. And we are all the better for it, as is this show.

I enjoy the many callbacks to the original film, which remains iconic for its time. Indeed, the movie casts a long shadow over the new series. But instead of simply retreading the path blazed by its predecessor, the new ALOTO has chosen to shed light on what the original ignored — namely all the queer women playing in the league and the talented Black women who were denied the chance to play because of prevailing racism.

The new League is as refreshing as it feels fresh. Some of that is due to the sometimes decidedly modern dialogue and communication style (no, not the swearing – we always fucking sweared), but it doesn’t distract too much because of the joy this cast injects into every story. Yes, this is a show that actually lets people see the dominant racism/sexism/homophobia of era while also showing how oppressed people still found their happiness (in this case, baseball).

Also, it’s hard to think of another series released on a major network/streamer that cast such a high-profile straight white male lead only to completely disappear him from the screen midway through the season – (SPOILERS) never to return again. Is this heaven? No, it’s lady baseball.

Telling diverse stories always matters. But telling diverse stories that help to tell the accurate history of marginalized groups really, really matters. Part of the reason we’re where we are today is because of the whitewashing of history. Like, slavery wasn’t so bad — at least they were given food and housing for free! Like, the pilgrims were friendly with and appreciated the help of the Native Americans — and that’s why we have Thanksgiving!

We know none of that is true. Yet the battle of how we teach our often ugly history continues to rage. It’s why conservatives have whipped up a frenzy about Critical Race Theory. They’ve fought so hard against the accurate teaching of American history because they know the truth hurts their cause. And, just in case you were confused about their cause, it’s the continued supremacy of straight white men and the patriarchal power structure. You know, that old chestnut.

We’ve always had racists and sexists and homophobes among us. The history of civil rights has been the gradual process of changing hearts and minds to all people’s humanity. When you tell the truth about our history — good, bad and very, very ugly — it actually helps to change people’s minds.

All this relates to “A League of Their Own,” I swear. And that is about the all-too-predictable backlash against the new series from certain segments. You know the ones. The ones that scream “Woke!” at anything with a non-white lead or queer storylines. The ones that think casting Black people or women or queer people in previously straight white males roles is an affront to the natural order and somehow also ruining their collective childhoods.

So, of course, we had to endure the “They ruined ALOTO” whining and the negative review bombing of the series because it puts queer women and Black women front and center. Those are the people who can’t be bothered to learn accurate history, and insist anything that tries to make more people feel included is woke nonsense.

These same people show their own completely gross ignorance. Because they want us to believe that somehow no queer women played in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Which, excuse me, let me laugh at that forever. Just because they weren’t necessarily out and proud doesn't mean queer women weren’t there. It means queer women were closeted because otherwise the League, fans and public would never accept them.

Seeing Carson and Max’s stories, which should be parallel, go perpendicular because of racism and homophobia is important. Equalizing their lives, yet showing the inequity of their realities is part of the critical work of dismantling white supremacy. Stories - both fictional and historical - matter because in the end stories are all we have, the ones we tell ourselves and the ones we tell about each other. How truthful we are about both makes all the difference.

What the new League is isn’t a rewriting of history, it’s a truthful retelling of hidden LGBTQ+ history. History books don’t reflect the real lives of closeted historical figures. They don’t reflect the secret queer coded world of our community. Instead, like in the original League movie, they just pretend we don’t exist. But we’ve always existed. And we’ll keep existing.

They say history is told by the victors. But history belongs to all of us, and we all deserve to see the stories of our lives reflected accurately. A League seeks to correct our omission and let us finally play ball. And I for one couldn’t be more thankful.

There's Definitely Queers In Baseball

Finally, here’s a trailer I have absolutely no reservations about. Like, actually the opposite. How loud can I scream it from the rooftops? They’re taken “A League of Their Own” and made it — at least by all early appearances — properly gay. I know, FINALLY!

While the first teaser trailer got us all hot and bothered, the full trailer for the new Amazon Prime series based (loosely) on the movie by the same name has us positively erupting with excitement and, uh, other stuff. We finally get to see our new Rockford Peaches in action and, well, can it be Aug. 12 already? Please, pretty pretty please?

Also, not to laud my own gaydar or anything, but series creator/star Abbi Jacobson and “The Good Place” alum D’Arcy Carden are definitely gonna be a couple. Definitely. I mean, I could tell from the Intense Lesbian Eye Contact while sliding into home from the teaser they were gonna be a thing, but the continued Intense Lesbian Eye Contact and added Lesbian Hand Grazing in the trailer seals the deal. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m right about Rosie the lesbian bar owner. Yes, make it extra, extra gay!

I’m thrilled the new series (which follows the WWII era Peaches, but with a different set of characters than the iconic film) is much more inclusive and diverse. It’s about time they did more than just show one throw by Black female ball players of that time. And it’s equally time they aknowledged how queer a lot of these women were (and still are!).

I can’t wait to get some dirt in these skirts (which should be pants, but I digress). So, thoughts? At this point the only thing left is to start the pool about how many queer characters this show will end up having. I’m going with 4-5, but more is always appreciated. Play ball, Peaches!

Gender Fuck Rosie

A Rosie by any other name would be just as gay. And thank heavens for that. Rosie O’Donnell, sometimes forgotten as that other pioneering lesbian talk show host, is coming back to “A League of their Own.” The comic has a role in the new Amazon Prime series which reboots the movie premise with a new cast of players and, we’ve been promised, considerably more diversity and queerness. Rosie famously played third basewoman Doris Murphy in the 1992 movie.

In the new series she won’t be a player, at least not in that sense. Ahem. What? I like her in that suit — I’m always sucker for a lady in a suit, always. According to Entertainment Weekly, Rosie’s new character will be a local bar owner named Vi. She’s described as:

A "warm, gregarious" fan of the Rockford Peaches, Vi crosses paths with (Abbi) Jacobson's catcher Carson and soon welcomes her into her orbit.

I knew there was something to that look Abbi gave D'Arcy Carden as she slid into home. I KNEW it. Abbi, who co-created the series, is also bixesual and currently dating “Bomb Girls” alum Jodi Balfour. Also, how did I not know about this couple before I researched the new “A League of Their Own” series? Is the Lesbian Bat Signal not working or something?

Anyway, I can’t wait to see Rosie play a lesbian bar owner (what, reading between the lines here) who wears pinstrip suits. I reall can’t.

Play Ball

If you heard loud, unrelenting cheering earlier this week it was just all the lesbians (and friends of lesbians) rejoicing at the first teaser trailer for Amazon Prime’s new “A League of Their Own” series. The new streaming show won’t premiere until August (whines internally), but given the intense female-to-female eye contact and sports badassery, my body is ready now.

The series stars “Broad City” alum Abbi Jacobson, “The Good Place” alum D'Arcy “Not a Girl, Not a Robot” Carden, “Vida” alum and out queer artist Roberta Colindrez, “Killjoys” alum Kelly McCormack, and relative newcomers Chanté Adams, Gbemisola Ikumelo and Priscilla Delgado as the new Rockford Peaches. They’s also hired “Parks & Rec” alum and mustache aficionado Nick Offerman as their manager. Set in 1943, the show will cover the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League.

But while it shares a name and general premise with the movie, the series follows a different group of characters and promises to be more inclusive of both women of color and queer women. Like, we all peeped the intense look D’Arcy gave I think Abbi when she slid into home, right? Right. I’m very excited to watch this, though also bracing for the inevitable era-authentic racism and sexism (who are we kidding, those have no era unfortunately, they’re just ever present).

So, thoughts? Get read for some dirt in the skirts, kittens. Play ball (in like two months…)

Play Ball

Mention “A League of Their Own” to any queer woman and she’ll likely get a warm, far-off look in her eyes as cherished memories of what is no doubt many a gay lady’s root come flooding back. And now, a whole new generation (and us old fogeys) get to feel that warm embrace anew with the new “A League of Their Own” series coming to Amazon Prime. But more than just a reboot of Penny Marshall’s classic film, this new hour-long show will be a more inclusive reimagining of the original movie. So that means the stories of both women of color and queer women will hopefully be told to make for an even richer, more welcoming root for all.

The series, from “Broad City” co-creator Abbi Jacobson, is described as taking “a deeper look at race and sexuality, following the journey of a whole new ensemble of characters as they carve their own paths towards the field, both in the league and outside of it.”

Jacobson and her co-creator (“Mozart in the Jungle” executive producer Will Graham) released a statement that said:

“28 years ago, Penny Marshall told us a story about women playing professional baseball that up until then had been largely overlooked. We grew up obsessed with the film, like everyone else. Three years ago, we approached Sony with the idea of telling a new, still overlooked set of those stories. With the help of an enormously talented team of collaborators, an amazing cast, and the devoted support of Amazon to this project, we feel beyond lucky and excited to get to bring these characters to life. It took grit, fire, authenticity, wild imagination and a crackling sense of humor for these players to achieve their dreams. We’re hoping to bring audiences a story with all of those qualities.”

The series stars Jacobson along with “The Good Place” Janets extraordinaire D'Arcy Carden, “Vida” regular Roberta Colindrez, “Killjoys” actress Kelly McCormack, “Famalam” (a UK series) actress Gbemisola Ikumelo, and Chanté Adams who was most recently in Issa Rae’s “The Photograph” - among others.

I love that it will tell a more diverse story than the original, which never broached the subject of sexual orientation (I mean, come on, Marla Hooch is family). And I love seeing women’s stories step up to home plate in such a big way. So, yeah, I’ll be watching. And, yeah, I’ll be rooting for a whole lot of new roots to come out of this show. Play ball, ladies.

How You Like Them Peaches?

Welcome to Monday. Would you like some good news? Of course you would! And you deserve it, much like you deserve a “League of Their Own” series to come to television. Which is exactly what’s happening, courtesy “Broad City” alum Abbi Jacobson who is developing the series (with, it should be noted, the blessing of Geena Davis and the late Penny Marshall) for Amazon. More good news? Abbi will start along the best “Not a Girl, Not a Robot” in the universe D’Arcy Carden. *pauses for squeals of delight*

The new series will be a half-hour comedy, but also reportedly delve “deeper into the issues facing the country” in 1943 at the time of the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Can we get a hell yes? Janet, some celebratory confetti please? Now, let’s start a wish list for other players we want on the team this time around. Definitely they need gay ladies. Definitely they need ladies of color (yeah, that one throwing the ball back scene was nice and all, but yeah). And if they find a way for Geena or Lori Petty to guest star, well, I would not be mad one little bit. Janet, please make that happen and start working on your fastball.