Get On the Bus

Well, I’m still recovering from Super Tuesday (I had some election-related work that kept me busy yesterday). So how about you enjoy The Girls on the Bus instead this morning as all us primary states awake from the voting haze. The new show is based on a former NYT Hillary Clinton campaign reporter’s memoir about covering the race and stars “Supergirl” alum Melissa Benoist, Carla Gugino and more as fellow reporters on the trail.

I know politics doesn’t feel very fun right now, because it isn’t fun. It’s life and death and the end of democracy stuff. So, instead, why not settle into a retelling of the 2016 election. I’m sure none of us have lingering PTSD about that or anything. I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure how much of this series I can stomach during another high stakes presidential election year. But I do see that at least one of the reporters is queer/into kissing girls. So, yeah, we’ll see if we can stomach the politics this time around. Admittedly, kissing hotties does help.

Vacation Vixen: Gunpowder Milkshake

As promised, I watched “Gunpowder Milkshake” basically as soon as it came out. And while it has flaws and isn’t a perfect movie, I did greatly enjoy it’s moxie and matriarchal assassin society. Plus, goodness, you can’t beat that cast. I mean, you can beat them, but these ladies beat right back and then some. While the story is a bit Lady John Wick-ish, honestly it’s just refreshing to have women continue to enter the male-dominated action world and kick all kinds of ass. And, I mentioned the cast, right? Lena, Karen, Angela, Michelle, Carla. Yeah, gimme a movie filled with unbelievably talented women and point them at something to attack and I’m yours for two hours.

p.s. Had to add one more picture because I mean, look at them.

Drink Your Milkshake

Fuck. And. YES! The trailer for “Gunpowder Milkshake,” the movie I plan to watch no matter what because HELLO, is finally out. I don’t think I need to say much more than Lena Headey, Karen Gillan, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. The trailer makes it out to be a bit like if the Birds of Prey decided to let their inner John Wicks out while trying to Kill Bill. Heck, if this wasn’t coming to Netflix in July I’d happily go see this in an actual real theater with other humans. Yeah, that’s how much I am definitely watching “Gunpowder Milkshake.”

My Milkshake Brings All the Girls

You know when you just look at a cast and say, damn, I don’t care if it’s good or not. I am going to watch the shit out of that. And that’s exactly how I feel about “Gunpowder Milkshake.” The new action thriller about an organization of elite female assassins stars Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. Oh and I guess maybe some dudes, like Paul Giamatti or whatever. But, yeah. That cast, ladies, THAT CAST. Netflix won the U.S. rights to the movie, which means I’m going to be very happy on my couch in the not-too-distant future. And, a sequel is apparently already in the works, according to Deadline. As with the planned follow-up for “The Old Guard,” a lady could get positively used to seeing all these amazing women starring in their own action flicks. And casting Luce the Florist and Amy Pond as mother-daughter? Yes, and thank you.

Also, the behind-the-scenes photos on female-fronted action films are so much better than the dude ones. Like, could you see the cast of “The Expendables” doing this? Carry on, ladies, carry on.

Their Milkshake Brings All the Girls

I know there aren’t a lot of things to look forward to right now. But, there is at least one thing, which is “Gunpowder Milkshake.” The movie description says, “Gunpowder Milkshake will follow three generations of female assassins who, over the course of a single night, fight to stop a cycle of violence.” Which, cool. And then you read the roster: Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. So that’s a lot of things to look forward to, actually. The film finished filming last year, and is now awaiting release. Which, uh, yeah. Who knows when that will happen. But with a cast that great and a premise this interesting, I think it’ll be worth the wait.

p.s. Here is Lena strangling Karen with what appear to be socks. Like I said, something to look forward to indeed.

Vacation Vixen: Carla Gugino

“San Andreas” was big and dumb and a ton of fun. Plus, it was a pleasure to see Carla on the big screen again. And she’s also in “Wayward Pines.” So, you know, double your Carla, double your fun.

p.s. I’ll be on vacation the next two weeks. But don’t worry, hot, fresh any very tasty Vacation Vixens will be up each day while I’m away.

Naked Lady Monday

Hey, only 20 shopping days left until Christmas. But don’t let the crass consumerism of what should be a season of reflection and thanks get you down. Because there are still joys to be had that cost nothing. Well, next to nothing. OK, in real life this sort of thing would take at least dinner first. Possibly several dinners. Some sparkling conversation. Plenty of wine. And, you know, a fantastic personality. I mean Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t strip down to her birthday suit and cover herself in what appears to be tar for just any old lug. But, for you today, it’s totally free. Nothing says happy holidays like a bunch of naked ladies, amirite? Holly jolly, indeed.

Monica BellucciI’m not sure how she tears herself away from the mirror each morning. I mean, the view – Jesus, the view.

Carla GuginoThat “Spy Kids” is what most of Americans know her from is a tragedy of epic proportions.

Lady GagaI still haven’t figured out if this picture turns me on or frightens me. Either way, I’m going to keep looking until I figure it out.

Sara RamirezSometimes I can’t decide if I’m more jealous of Jessica Capshaw* because she gets to kiss Sara Ramirez…

Jessica Capshaw…or Sara Ramirez for getting to kiss Jessica Capshaw

Angie HarmonI am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her… Wait, what were we talking about?

p.s. Don’t forget to catch the Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps Wednesdays on AfterEllen.

*Total brain fart on the Jennifer/Jessica thing. So many ladies, so many names, one little brain to remember them all. Apologies.

SGALGG: Sucker Punch Edition

As counterintuitive as this may sound, there are considerably better ways to spend a Saturday night than with five hot girls in tiny shirts kicking ass. So, yeah, “Sucker Punch” is not a good movie. It’s a bad movie. And not good bad, but bad bad. It’s like they gave a 14-year-old videogame addict $82 million dollars and told him to go make the movie of his dreams. Except they told him he wasn’t allowed to show nudity or sex. So he made up for it with more samurais and more robots and more dragons and more zombie German soldiers. Oh, and a lot of threats of rape. Sigh. Also thanks to all the slo-mo CGI green screenery, I never noticed how short Emily is. She’s a good head shorter than all her co-stars. She’s practically elfin. Has anyone checked her ears?

Of course, none of this complaining about the film is meant in any way to disparage the movie’s lovely leading ladies. Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung and Carla Gugino are very lovely. In fact, I think I might have enjoyed the film more on mute, just to gaze at their loveliness and forget the huge fucking mess around them. Still, I am grateful to the movie for bringing these delightful women together, and giving them the opportunity to do their best Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals renditions at the film’s premiere last week. In short, save the 10 bucks and just enjoy the eye candy here. You can always make your own popcorn at home.

Carla & EmilySqueeze a little tighter, darling. It’s working.

Emily & VanessaSo that’s why she broke up with Zac.

Abbie & EmilySignature short-girl second base move. Trust me, I’m short.

Emma Roberts, Emily & some girl who went for itHey, you’ve got to take your shots when you see them.

Vanessa & JenaNo, wait, clearly this is why she broke up with Zac.

Jamie & AbbieWhatever Abbie is doing, Jamie likes it.

Abbie & CarlaSomewhere Ryan Phillippe is seething.

Malin Akerman & CarlaHer ex-costars keep coming back for more snuggle time.

CarlaAnd now we know why.

Read my full “Sucker Punch” review on AfterEllen.

Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.

Naked Lady Monday

Kittens! Did you miss me? It seems like ages since I’ve given you a proper post because, well, it’s been ages since I’ve given you a proper post. But now my interwebs is back and my vacation is over, the sleep deprivation in the name of hot can recommence. So, because it’s Monday, and because I love you, how about a little Naked Lady Monday to ease us all back into the routine? I’ll take that little bit of drool I see as a yes. Though, I should really call it Nekkid Lady Monday today. Naked is just taking your clothes off; nekkid is taking your clothes off to do something naughty. Ahem. And with that, let’s all get nekkid. [Obviously, kinda NSFW, but you know you can’t resist...and if you feel particularly brave at work, click any and all to enlarge.]

Olivia WildeSarah ShahiCarla GuginoSalma HayekEmma ThompsonKristen BellAngelina JolieAdmit it; you kind of miss the old crazy, I'll kiss my brother, I'll bite a horse Angelina.

Tank Top Tuesday

A month? It has been a month since last we lasciviously luxuriated on the loveliness that is ladies in tank tops? What was I thinking? Where was my head? Why, oh the humanity, why? Sheesh, in my absent-mindedness I also totally missed the first anniversary of Tank Top Tuesday. Gosh, was it really only a year ago we first came together (ahem) to celebrate The Hot? Let me grovel my apologies in the only way I know how – by going back to the beginning. Ladies, the plain white tank top. The plain white tank top, ladies. And, just to class things up, it's black and whites of ladies in plain white tank tops. Plus, this way it seems less like objectification and more like art appreciation – really hot art.

Charlize TheronHalle BerryMaria BelloJenny ShimizuCarla GuginoFranka PotenteElizabeth HurleyAmy Adams

If I may be so presumptuous, I think that I'm forgiven.