I am so thrilled for you that today you get to watch lesbian beer league softball shenanigans. I so want to join in on the fun. But, alas, the Crave series has no U.S. distribution yet. (Though New Zealand and Australia, you seem to be in luck.) And because our barely sentient racist Cheeto for a president is The Worst In Every Way, who knows when this Canadian delight will trickle down to us. I get it, and honestly America deserves your disdain. Would it help to tell you that at least 48.3% of us are really, really, really sorry about all this *waves arms at the horrors*? We hate it too. And we WILL vote this November. Again, we can’t apologize enough for being such bad neighbors.
With Love on Behalf of Your Sane American Friends,
Ms. Snarker
So, I know I ask variations on this questions a lot, but – for real, should I be watching “Sterling Point”? I’ve heard such good things about this series from “My Old Ass” creator Megan Park. A teen girl from New York inherits her grandpa’s remote Canadian island and drama ensues when she meets her secret sister – but at least some of that drama is sapphic in nature (as is that secret sister). I won’t lie, these days I can feel some kind of way about watching teen stories, wlw or otherwise. This Gen X perimenopausal gal isn’t even sure if she has the patience to sit through teen drama, let alone interest. Then there’s also the desire to not seem like a creepy old lady. But, again, I keep hearing good things. So, anyone wanna admit to watching the latest teen drama?
p.s. Also, sorry my Canadian kittens, I hope the story of an American who comes in and causes drama in your lovely country is not too triggering right now. We are really, really, endlessly sorry about our barely sentient Cheeto-in-Chief.
I don’t know why, but Ilona Maher has been working out in tank tops with a bunch of sports sapphics and/or guestbian sapphics lately. Actually I do know why, it’s the Olympic medalist’s new digital series where she sweats with other athletes and celebrities. And some of her first few guests included Azzi Fudd, Amber Glenn and Laysla De Oliveira. So, for those keeping score at home – WNBA gay, ice skating gay and plays gay on TV (“Lioness” to be specific, which I don’t watch – but should I?) Anyway, as an avowed heterosexual (much to her own chagrin), Ilona certainly is playing to her fanbase with this lineup is all I’m saying. And in tank tops no less. Standard disclosure, the rules have always stated that sports bras count. Happy Tuesday.
Forget Arctic Monkeys, Arctic Lesbians are apparently all the rage. And by “all,” I mean Jodie Foster got her parka on for “True Detective: Night Country” and now Suranne Jones and Rose Leslie are bundling up for the third season of “Vigil.” Admittedly, I haven’t made it through the second season of “Vigil” yet. It seemed like the show kept finding new and inventive ways to keep Detective Chief Inspector Amy Silva and Detective Sergeant/Inspector Kirsten Longacre apart. Also, the whole pregnant lesbians thing. Speaking of which, who is watching the baby as they traipse off to the North Pole? Anyway, I don’t know why, but I might just tune into Season 3 and skip all the drones. I just like lesbians in snow better, I guess.
In case you weren’t sufficiently hyped for Greta Lee and Rebecca Ferguson’s “full-on” sapphic romance, here is a reminder of what Greta Lee looks like dancing around in her Calvins. I see Greta was also method acting for her wlw role by sporting queer women’s No. 1 bra, the Calvin Klein bralette. I have one in like four colors. But I very rarely dance down the middle of street in them. Glad Greta did her stretches and seemingly has no such inhibitions. Happy Monday, kittens.
Um, did we manifest the new Rebecca Ferguson/Greta Lee sapphic rom-com or what? Between her heavy wlw flirting and her tank top supremacy, Rebecca has apparently been method acting her way to her new lesbian role. Also, how did we not know about her new lesbian role – with Greta Lee no less – before this?
The only whisper of it was Greta’s Interview magazine chit-chat with Willem Dafoe earlier this month where they had this exchange:
LEE: I’m about to leave on Saturday to do something in London. I’m scared to do it.
DAFOE: That’s good. What is it?
LEE: It’s a romance, but it’s between two women, and I haven’t done that before.
DAFOE: What kind of romance? Full on?
LEE: Full on, baby. I’m doing my stretches.
And then the Internet gods gifted us with these shots of them being all kissy-kissy in London together on set. I guess not everything in the world is terrible. May we all survive long enough to see Rebecca and Greta “full-on” lezzing out for each other on screen. We expect so little from you these days, universe, please let the sapphics at least have this. We promise to do our stretches, too. Happy weekend all.
When you fumble so hard, and the whole lesbian internet knows it. The other weekend influencer and artist Eleanor Barnes interviewed Rebecca Ferguson at San Diego Comic-Con. And, well, she fumbled. When Eleanor – who goes by snitchery – asked Rebecca what luxury item she’d take with her into the Silo, and Rebecca answered with a extra flirty, “You free?” Swoon forever. Plus, just look at her super tomboy/super Supergirl outfit? Like, pick up on the vibes, girl. At least the poor lass acknowledges the error of her ways. And millions of sapphics scream, “I'm free, Rebecca! I'm FREE!” But seriously, that outfit and answer? *raises wlw eyebrow*
Did you know you can watch Maya Hawke and Victoria Pedretti be gay together for 18 minutes? Yeah, neither did. But thankfully The Lesbian Internet graciously alerted me to this fact. The actors appear in the short film “The Non-Actor,” which is available to stream now on Mubi – whatever that is.
The short follows Elliot (Pedretti) who is staying with her ex’s new girlfriend Bella (Hawke) while attending a medical trial for her recent, unexplained loss of hearing. Per Letterboxd: “As she reconfigures her relationship with her (sonic) environment and herself, an intimate connection sparks between the two women.”
That spark better include smoochies is all I’m saying. So, does anyone subscribe to Mubi? Is it worth the $14.99(!) a month? Or, more likely, activating the 7-day free trial? Inquiring lesbian minds need to know. So far, I like the unsolicited knee pat. But, yeah, imma need some smoochies to make giving another site all my contact information seem worth it.
Last month, “High Art” was added to the Criterion Collection. The 1998 indie was the debut feature from Lisa Cholodenko, who would go a dozen years later to make some lesbians very, very upset about the also excellent “The Kids Are All Right” (and, yes, I still stand by that assessment, now another 16 years after that – whew, time is crazy). Now, I haven’t rewatched “High Art” in a decade, possibly two. But I remember how viscerally I felt this movie, with its arty intensity and grungy tragedy. Also, Ally Sheedy was obviously a revelation after only knowing her from her 80s brat pack days. I wonder now, much older and possibly a little wiser, if I would feel the same way about “High Art.” Guess I have to pick up the Criterion edition to find out. Also, what happened to Radha Mitchell? I definitely had a little crush on her. I mean, remember “Love & Other Catastrophes?” Gosh, I wonder if that’s available anywhere? Anyone up for a 90s lezzy movie marathon? Deep cuts only.
Gee, what kind of claustrophobic situations can Silva and Longacre find themselves in next? Oh, the Arctic you say? So it’s True Detective: Lesbian Country for these two? I will admit not making it all the way through “Vigil” Season 2 yet. Something about the secret military base and the drones and pregnant lesbians had me a tad bored. Or maybe I’m just not as into copganda as much anymore. Anyway, I really did enjoy Jodie Foster’s “Night Country,” so I might be ready to watch Suranne Jones and Rose Leslie get parka with it for another season.
Speaking of OGs returning just in time for Pride, did you hear about that “Bound” 30th anniversary reunion earlier this month? Let’s pretend none of us heard the whole it’s been 30 years since “Bound” came out part and instead celebrate Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon and Lilly Wachowski and some of the fellas from the movie (men, they always have to tag along) showing up to talk lesbian sex and queer subtext. It reminded me that there’s apparently an uncensored European cut of the movie. European kittens, please, help a gal out. Drop a non-geoblocked link in the chat, you know, for charity.
You don’t often see media about older queer women that isn’t cloaked in tragedy. Granted, there aren’t enough non-tragic stories about queer women of any age – period. Bury Your Gays is real, and relentlessly hard to kick. But for older women-loving-women, so many stories revolve around the lack of acceptance, or death of a partner, or generational miscommunication. Or, you know, falling off a ladder while trying to fix a birdhouse. (Yes, I am still traumatized by “If These Walls Could Talk 2,” why do you ask?)
So imagine my delight when I stumbled on this little short, about an older woman who seeks the advice of her younger queer coworker on how to flirt with women. It’s just 10 minutes, but feels like a little gem. As a single woman getting older herself (oh, time, and its relentlessness), I can deeply relate. But mostly, I appreciate this story for bringing back those little gay butterflies, when a queer story simply lets its subjects find joy in each other. We all deserve that, no matter what age. Happy weekend, all.
Right, so apparently Sophie Thatcher and Havana Rose Liu play former lovers in this. You couldn’t guess it from this teaser, but then you really can’t guess anything from this teaser except that Charles Melton has great pecs. But, per Deadline, the plot of “Her Private Hell,” follows an actress named Elle (played by Sophie, teenage Nat of “Yellowjackets” fame) working on a new movie who reunites with Dominique (played by Havana Rose of “Bottoms” fame), who happens to be her former lover but is now married to her father. Which, ew.
There’s also some sort of urban legend and/or myth and/or hallucination about a The Leather Man who drags young women to Hell. And/or it could just be a real serial killer. Anyway, Deadline goes on to call the movie, which premiered in Cannes out of competition, pretentious. But possibly in a good way? I dunno. I just know we’d better get some payoff for all these movies (looking at you, “Mother Mary”) that feature fraught relationships between former female lovers. Otherwise, no matter how pretentious, what’s the damn lesbian point?
While absentmindedly flipping through my feed recently, I came across a vintage photo of Tilda Swinton from the 90s. Which, of course, got me thinking about her 90s gender-queer masterpieces “Orlando” and “Female Perversions.” While aggressively chauvinistic pseudo-sexual thrillers (for some reason mostly starring Michael Douglas) were all the rage at the mainstream box office, Tilda was blowing my little gay socks off with a female-gaze/verging on nonbinary vision of sexuality that defied easy definition. Also, both films are examples of using queer themes for genuine exploration, and not just titillation. (Ahem, Anne and Dakota, ahem.)
Now I haven’t watched either movie in a good decade, if not much longer. And, naturally, neither appear readily available on major streamers. So I’ll have to go off memory. But I just remember feeling so engrossed and so awed by both movies. I’m sure there are things in these 30+-year old films that don’t hold up. But the intoxicating rush of unexpected sexuality, well, that will stay with me forever. Also, hot damn, I forgot how stacked the cast of “Female Perversions” was in particular. Tilda (Oscar winner), Amy Madigan (Oscar winner), Frances Fisher, Paulina Porizkova, Marcia Cross. I think, as I continue to rummage thrift store DVD racks in search of physical media we can own and keep (because, truly, fuck subscriptions and never owning anything outright), I will add both movies to my “Must Find” list. Until then, here’s a little reminder. Yeah, 90s Tilda could get it (2026 Tilda too, but she’s been in a long-term relationship for a while so, you know, respect).
Now this, this is the kind of lesbian movie trailer I do like. (Verit-what-now?) Very much in fact. “Notice Me”? Consider yourself dulty noticed. I only wish it was for a full feature and not just a short. But, you’d better believe as soon as I know how to watch this I will because, come on, how charming was all that? Also, the short film has an all-female team from the writer to director to Lena freaking Dunham as executive producer. I have some complicated feelings about Lena, but “Girls” was genuinely a thing and now that she’s back in the spotlight I’m certainly open to continuing to check out her work. Also, did I mention how charming this trailer is? As I was saying, full movie, please.
Well, now, this is disappointing. And, believe me, that’s hard for me to say when you’ve got two hot ladies kissing front and center. But, alas, context. Always, always context. Because under normal gay circumstances I would LOVE to see Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson kiss on screen because, duh, I have eyes and am a lesbian. But, tricksy tricksy context.
You see, despite initial reports, Anna Hathaway and Dakota Johnson’s characters aren’t really kissing in the new trailer for “Verity.” Look closely. No, you see, they’re Sapphic Psychosis Smoochin. You know the kind. Where a gal starts kissing one person and pulls back only to realize, IT’S A GIRL. Or, maybe it’s not even a girl – it’s just their overactive psychotic imagination. Possibly murderous, too. Don’t forget that.
We have, certainly, seen this before. Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega (and tempting poor Jane Wickline) in “Taste.” Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis (and possibly Evil Natalie Portman) going at it in “Black Swan.” It’s the old fake-out. Just another niche version of the Very Special Lesbian Kiss Episode of Sweeps Weeks of yore.
And, again, while normally an Anne and Dakota smooch would be, you know, not a bad thing, the bad thing is that it is likely solely for the oh-lalas and not any real plot and or queerness. How do I know? Well, because “Verity” is based on the book by Colleen Hoover and a little research tells me there are no queer storylines in her book, nor any smooching between the two women in question. So they added it to the movie to, you know, spice things up. But, safely, without any real gay stuff.
It should be noted that Hoover’s work was behind “It Ends With Us,” a.k.a. The Most Disastrously Marketed Movie of the 2020s that has resulted in me disliking everyone involved more (minus perhaps Jenny Slate).
Annie Hathaway, come on – can you give us something truly sapphic sometime soon? Sure, there was “Eileen,” which was kind of gayish (but mostly sad), and there is “Mother Mary,” which is in limited release but [SPOILERS] Anne and Michaela Coel don’t ever kiss or define their past “relationship.” The sapphics would appreciate a real queer moment from you. And, no, being in “Brokeback Mountain” doesn’t count – at least not for us. (Same for those devilish Prada movies...)
So, guess I’m going to have to start watching “Bridgerton” again. I don’t know how many of you have kept up with this alternative history early 19th Century romance series. I admittedly haven’t watched regularly since the first season. And, I liked it well enough. But I’m just not really a period piece person – at least not with TV shows. Also, even though it was wonderfully diverse and has queer actors in the cast, its characters have been overwhelmingly, you know, heterosexual. This last season I did hear flutters about flirtations between Francesca Bridgerton and Michaela Stirling. But, hello, they made them the whole next season. Yes, Virginia, you can have your very own sapphic Regency romance! I don’t know anything about Francesca and Michaela except they are played by Hannah Dodd and Masali Baduza and their shipper name, duh (Franchael, by the way). But I am kinda excited to catch up and get to know them. All I know is there better be a lot more than back of hands touching. Bring on the double bodice ripping! Luckily, and also unluckily, we’ll probably have two years to get up to speed as the new season has just started filming and the show has averaged two years between season so far. Sheesh, making us wlws wait for it, aren’t they?
Forget football, I want more Quefs! Yes, yes, I know the Big Game is this weekend. And yes, I will at very least be watching Bad Bunny’s halftime show (because he makes all the stupidest/most hateful people so angry, but also come on, who can resist his certified bangers). But what I really, really want is to see “Quefs.” My kingdom for a steamy new lesbian culinary drama. And of course I would also devour its accompanying after-show,”Talkin’ Quefs” co-hosted by Renee Rapp. I’ve never been so enamoured by the lower third of my screen! Bring on the Quefs! We deserve Quefs! QUEFS!
Holy shit, can you believe it’s been 30 years since Susan and Carol got married on Friends? Earlier this month, to mark the episode’s Jan. 18, 1996 airdate, Carol actress Jane Sibbett posted about the anniversary while praising Susan co-star Jessica Hecht and saying “I am still so grateful that this testament to love in all forms touched the hearts of so many people around the world.” So much has changed in our popular zeitgeist since Susan and Carol walked down the aisle in the dowdiest lesbian wedding dresses ever as Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s lesbian sister Candace Gingrich officiated. And yet, here we are. With the powers that be intent on rolling it all back. But three decades later, we’re never going back. Fuck this fucking administration and everything it stands for. And happy 30th anniversary, Carol and Susan!
Yeah, yeah, the world has gone gaga for some hockey gays. But you know what I still can’t get over? Lesbian ballers. O, ALOTO, ALOTO, wherefore art thou, ALOTO?
So imagine my glee (no, not that kind, no one needs Gleek PTSD on top of everything else right now), when I heard that a new queer lady ballplayer show was in the works. “Slo Pitch” comes to us from Crave, the Canadian streaming service behind “Heated Rivalry.” We salute you, Canada, for your belief in equal opportunity queer sports representation. We’re so sorry about, well, everything. I mean, at least the sane among us are.
“Slo Pitch,” a comedy about lesbian softball players, actually started as a webseries. And now it will be a 10-episode series done in mockumentary style comedy which follows The Public Lass Brovaries, a queer underdog slow-pitch softball team. The show’s tagline is “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” I mean, what’s not to love?
“Welcome to the world of beer league sports, where Joanne Pico (Salgueiro) is to coach six-time league losers, The Public Lass Brovaries. Coach Joanne is dead set on turning things around this season despite having just been brutally dumped by her girlfriend and co-founder of the team. Throughout the summer, Joanne leads her lovable, chaotic crew through a season of strikeouts, petty rivalries, conservative-politician sponsors, and sexy carwash fundraisers gone wrong. With her ex now playing on a rival team, Joanne’s got a lot to prove this season. It’s time to win the breakup, get the gang back together, and maybe even find new love over beers in the dugout.”
You already had me at “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” Adding sexy carwashes almost seems unfair. Almost. But do it anyway, especially softball sexy style. So many wet tubesocks. *snort*
Jess Salguiero (who apparently is in the new “Frasier” reboot I barely realized existed and a couple episodes of “Orphan Black,” but honestly I’ve forgotten more of that show’s plot than I remember) stars at Coach Joanne. Emily Hampshire (a.k.a. Stevie “Are We Sure She’s Not Gay” Budd on “Schitt’s Creek”) also stars and is an executive producer and Elliot Page's PAGEBOY Productions is also behind the project.
I never watched the webseries, but have watched so many lesbian softball games in real life. So many. I don’t know if this will be the sapphics “Heated Rivalry,” but I do know the universe owes us a lesbian ballplayer show after doing us dirty with ALOTO.
