SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Well, I’ll tell you one thing – this year’s Oscars were definitely different. I actually didn’t mind the wildly underproduced and at times awkwardly intimate staging of this year’s Academy Awards. At least for a while I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed the more organic and often heartfelt results through the first part of the broadcast. The Oscars are typically such a polished affair, making them decidedly different just felt right in this decidedly different ongoing pandemic year. I actually abhor the tendency of Hollywood and other institutions to pretend things aren’t different and project total normalcy. But, hello, shit isn’t normal. So the Oscars shouldn’t be normal either.

But, and yes sadly there’s a but (but not Da Butt, which is awesome and we shall discuss later), it didn’t work the whole way through. The trivia tidbit introductions for nominees worked the first few times, but then it just dragged. Having presenters tell, instead of show, when discussing everything from costume design to visual effects was, well, dumb. And the ceremony’s aversion to clips seemed almost pathological. Like, the producers understand that the Academy Awards are basically an advertisement for Hollywood and the nominated films, right? So you should, I dunno, maybe show people even a little bit of these movies and these performances? Call me crazy, but the magic of Hollywood is in its moving pictures. So, you know, show us the moving pictures. Oh, and that In Memoriam fast-forward segment was shameful, simply shameful (as was leaving off Naya Rivera and Jessica Walter, SHAME.)

Still, there were enough unexpected moments and enough deserving winners to make it a pretty interesting night, if nothing else. Sure, we all knew Chadwick Boseman should have won (and, boy, did the producers gamble that he was going to win by moving his category to the last award failed spectacularly – talk about your sad trombone ending). But we also got the first woman of color to win Best Director (not to mention the first woman to win Best Director for directing a movie about a woman). And, well, Glenn Close did “Da Butt.” So, it wasn’t all bad.

Granted, there wasn’t a ton of SGALGG which given we’re still in a global pandemic is fine by me. But there was some. And, unlike the Oscar telecast producers, I will show and not just tell you about it.

Regina King & Andra Day

I could have watched Regina King just walk to start the Oscars for two hours. If Andra walked with her, three hours.

Angela Bassett & Viola Davis

Pandemic-approved SGALGGing because something tells me both women also have hand sanitzer in their bags.

Speaking of Viola, did you see her MIME TAKING A SHOT?

Someone give Viola Davis an Oscar just for this performance of her pretending to take a shot https://t.co/aXVTwTSRna #Oscars pic.twitter.com/NJdHuQJxkF

— Variety (@Variety) April 25, 2021

Tiara Thomas & H.E.R.

These women are both half way to an EGOT, which feels like a good reason to kiss. I’m saying I’d like to see them kiss. Sorry if I was being unclear.

Mia Neal & Jamika Wilson

The first black women to win Oscars for Makeup & Hairstyling are included here because a) that is an awesome and long overdue accomplishment, and b) anyone who wears that dress collar with those arms is at least honorary family. (Yes, I did crop out the white dude.)

Chloe Zhao

I can’t wait to see what she does with the new Marvels superhero tentpole “The Eternals.” Also, she wore sneakers to the Oscars. So championing comfortable footwear is obviously lesbian culture.

Emerald Fennell & Carey Mulligan

Look, I know they’re not doing anything particularly gay. But they are wearing their masks indoors amid a crowd of people not from their own households. Which is both smart and safe. So, maybe they are doing something particularly gay?

Marlee Matlin

Could you imagine if Marlee brought back Jodie Lerner for “The L Word: Generation Q” and they had her appear on a tractor to make Tibette fandom’s head explode all over again?

Jan Pascale

I believe Jan Pascale, who took home the trophy for Best Production Design for “Mank,” was the night’s only out queer female winner. Also that sound you heard during the telecast was every queer lady screaming “My wife Louise!” at their TVs during her acceptance speech.

Frances McDormand & Youn Yuh-jung

Could you imagine them in a buddy road trip movie, like “Thelma & Louise” but without the “Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid” ending. And, of course, make it gay. Also, Memo to Award Show Producers: Have these ladies give all the acceptance speeches.

Glenn Close

You didn’t think I forgot about Da Butt, did you? The award for the night’s best sport clearly went to Glenn Close who while she still does not have an Oscar, has an honorary Oscar in all of our heart for shaking her butt gamely to “Da Butt.”

Movie Review: Nomadland

This year’s Oscars are getting a late start, thanks to the ongoing pandemic and everything. So when the nominations finally do get announced, a month from now, I certainly hope to see Chloé Zhao’s beautifully meditative “Nomadland” in the mix. It’s one of those movies that quietly stays with you long after the credits roll.

Based on the non-fiction book of the same name that chronicles the people whose lives were changed forever by the Great Recession, the film is a love song to American freedom. No, not that bullshit “freedom” those assholes flying yellow “Don’t Tread on Me”-flags or waving weapons of war from their front lawns espouse. But true freedom, what it means to live unshackled by the expectations of polite (and not-so-polite) capitalist America.

This is the kind of living free that comes from not needing to keep up with the Jones, or pretend a house is the only home. When your only desire is to experience the vast majesty of America. In some ways, I envy the nomads. How liberating it must feel to pick up and take off and just go. But in other ways it absolutely terrifies me.

Zhao wrote, directed, edited and produced the film, along with fellow producer and star Frances McDormand. They also cast some of the real-life nomads from the book in the film, who lend authenticity to the project.

The film makes me even more excited to see what Zhao can do with her big-budget, big-name debut at the helm of Marvel’s “The Eternals,” starring Angelina Jolie and a host of others. But while that movie will no doubt be a big, bombastic blockbuster, “Nomadland” is the exact opposite.

Indeed, some of my favorite scenes revel in the stark beauty of the American West. I always laugh at those small-minded enough to complain about immigrants coming to America. The “Fuck Off, We’re Full” sentiment has no semblence in reality if you’ve ever driven across this country. You can go miles and miles and so many miles without seeing someone. And it’s wonderful.

Zhao and MCDormand have captured that glorious emptiness, and remind us that being alone and being lonely aren’t always the same thing.

Oscar's Up

Well, the Oscars happened. The winners were utterly predictable (like, seriously, every favorite won). Yet there were flashes of the great show it could have been. Like with the Time’s Up moment and inclusion montage. And like all the out queer female filmmakers who were present, and even shouted out their wives while winning. And like 86-year-old Rita Moreno slaying in the same gown she wore to the Oscars in 1962. And, of course, Jordan Peele’s great win for “Get Out.”

While I was rooting for “Get Out” over “The Shape of Water,” I appreciate that it was the first female-fronted film to win best picture since “Million Dollar Baby” in 2004. Also, Guillermo del Toro’s acceptance speeches were lovely.

Some more on the highlights.

1) Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph should co-host the Oscars next year. Full-stop.



2) Rita, girl, I can’t wear some of the same clothes from a year ago, let alone 56 years ago.



3) I didn’t totally hate the jet ski bit, but probably only because Helen Mirren was the celebrity model.



4) Lupita Nyong’o should put it in her contract she always has to wear these adorable glasses.



5) Damn, it was nice to see Annabella Sciorra again.



6) Jordan Peele, here getting his Oscar engraved, is the first black writer to win for best screenplay, and only the fourth nominated in the Academy Aaward’s 90-year history. So, yeah, representation matters.



7) Frances McDormand having all the female nominees this year stand up. Powerful, both because of the talent of these women and how few women there were standing up.

Frances McDormand has all the female nominees in every category stand up. "Look around, everybody...because we all have stories to tell and projects we need financed." https://t.co/lJd891ISOk #Oscars pic.twitter.com/rNfg08xQJP

— ABC News (@ABC) March 5, 2018

8) The ads were…good. Well, some of the ads. Out filmmaker Dee Rees had the best commercial of the night, hands down. Two moms. Mary J. Blige. Space monsters. Black girl magic. Fuck yeah, though I’m still not gonna shop at Walmart.



9) Twitter ad was also quite good, especially lesbian poet Denice Frohman’s words. Too bad about all the Nazis, Russian bots and men threatening to rape women on the site. Ahem.

Happy to join fellow women of color storytellers @IssaRae @JenBrea and the legendary @JulieDash. Fierce poem by @DeniceFrohman. #HereWeAre pic.twitter.com/L4SPqwIlX0

— Ava DuVernay (@ava) March 5, 2018

10) And, of course, all gay ladies love them a little Jodie Foster in a white tux blaming her crutches on Meryl Streep.

Jennifer Lawrence: "I'm so sorry, what happened to you?"
Jodie Foster: "Streep. She I, Tonya-ed me."https://t.co/VcTTT3wnXt #Oscars pic.twitter.com/AzgVLwsyqf

— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) March 5, 2018

Speaking of Jen, she was living her best life climbing over chairs and not spilling a drop of her wine.



So, your favorite moments? And, don’t worry, SGALGG is coming. It is so coming.

Reclaiming Our Time

Right, let’s dig in shall we? This weekend’s Golden Globes were an interesting clash in acute cultural awareness and standard superficial bullshit. Pretty much everyone wore black, which while it can be seen as an empty gesture was also arresting in its own way because, well, pretty much everyone did it. Everyone. You can’t even make everyone in an office take a piece of free cake. Now, to be fair, I am guessing like 90 percent of the dudes who wore black did so by default anyway because that’s what color men’s formal wear is. But still.

This reckoning was always about more than just Hollywood. #MeToo is about the systematic abuse of women, all women. And therefore it will only be successful if it embraces the plight of all women – regardless of race or class or sexual orientation or gender identity – not just those with the privilege and platform to finally speak out. It must lift up the voiceless, which is why I commend the Time’s Up Initiative, which instead of just offering lip service is putting up real hard cash (so far $16 million dollars and counting) to start a legal defense for women who might otherwise not be able to fight their harassers. Three hundred Hollywood women signed a letter of solidarity with female farm workers and domestic workers and service workers and factory workers and so on. That matters.

And some stars even brought female activists, many of who work directly for nonprofits that help these the groups, with them as their dates to the Globes. Michelle Williams was with Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo Movement and senior director of Girls for Gender Equity. Meryl Streep was with Ai-jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance. Laura Dern was with Monica Ramirez, president of the female farmworkers women’s group Alianza Nactional de Campesinas. Amy Poehler was with Saru Jayaraman, co-founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Emma Watson was with Marai Larasi, executive director of the UK-based black feminist organization Imkaan. Now this is some non-gay same-sex coupling this gay lady can certainly get behind.



I forced myself to watch some of the red carpet coverage before the ceremony, which I normally ever view on mute, to find the line of questioning a teensy bit better but only – of course – for the women. Because what in the world could men have to say about sexual harassment, even though the vast majority of its perpetrators are indeed men?

I was also pretty disappointed by all the male winners who, aside from some of their shiny “Time’s Up” pins, had precious little to say about this particular moment in our social acceptance of the bullshit women have put up with for centuries at the hand of their male counterparts. Like, yo, Alexander Skarsgard and Sam Rockwell, your projects specifically revolved around the abuse of women. And yet, nada. Solving sexual harassment isn’t just up to women and can’t be done without men’s unequivocal commitment. Also, if you wore a Time’s Up pin and worked with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski recently, GTFO.

Anyhoo. I liked quite a few of the women’s speeches. Oprah, of course. Oprah always. Babs wasn’t bad either. And Laura Dern. And Frances “Fuck yeah, I made them think tectonic shift was a cuss word” McDormand. Though my favorite cut was from Natalie Portman with his fatal delivery of “And here are the all male nominees,” just before announcing the Best Director nominees. Like, damn, this Natalie needs to come out to play more often.



As for the awards themselves I was pretty happy for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and its star Rachel Brosnahan because it’s charming and she is charming. And you can’t be mad at “The Handmaid’s Tale” and its queer-inclusive storylines and terrifyingly plausible dystopia getting more attention. “Lady Bird” was lovely and while I haven’t seen “Three Billboards” I can never not root for Frances, so there’s that.

All in all, the Golden Globes felt like a glamorous shot in the arm. May it bolster our determination to work hard and tirelessly and take advantage of the momentum of this moment. Perhaps we can accomplish the needed sea change for women, all women. Look out, sexual predators. We’re gonna chase down every last one of you and hold you accountable for your actions. In heels, and backwards if we have to. Though, naturally, as a gay lady I’ll be doing it in sensible shoes.



p.s. Tomorrow we’ll revel in some SGALGG, I promise.

My Weekend Crush

IDGAF Frances McDormand is my favorite Frances McDormand of all. And in the new trailer for “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” No Fucks To Give Frances is her finest form. Now that’s a way to kick start a weekend. Happy weekend, all.

My Weekend Crush

You’ve made it through another week. Treat yourself with this glorious image of Frances McDormand drinking wine on the toilet. The photo comes from a couscous dinner fundraised Frances hosted for The Wooster Group, an experimental theater troupe based out of New York City. Other attendees who came together to enjoy a plate of couscous included Steve Buscemi, Louis C.K., Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maura Tierney and more. But, again, I don’t really care about any of that. I just care that Frances looks wickedly pleased with herself. And why shouldn’t she? She is drinking wine on the toilet. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. This reminds me, I should probably watch “Olive Kitteridge” sometime soon.

Map to Frances

As I get older – and believe you me, it’s happening fast – I fret like everyone else about the aging process. More gray. More lines. More creeks when I stand up after a prolonged period of sitting still. You know, the whole deal. And as a woman in this society I’m also acutely aware of the pressure to continue looking forever 21. Given that, it’s unfair to pass summary judgment on women who give in to the relentless drumbeat for agelessness. How can you not when every single indicator in our society tells us youth is all that matters? But it’s also important to laud those to resist the temptation to tamper with our essential humanity. Life is just a continual process of getting older until the second we stop getting older altogether. That’s not being nihilistic, just honest about a process we all go through.

While it doesn’t baffle me how hard we fight it – because, duh, we all fear the end – it does perplex me why we don’t embrace all the good things our advancing years can represent. Wisdom. Love. Experience. Compassion. Look, babies are cute and all, but they don’t know shit. Same goes for most young adults. Yet somehow the most desirable human state is exactly that age. Yeah, yeah, I know about biological imperative and survival of the fittest and optimum child bearing ages and all that. But it’s 2015 and we have watches that send texts and phones that play movies. We’ve clearly evolved. Wouldn’t it be nice if our thinking about beauty did as well?

Right, so this is clearly a long-winded, rambling way for me to introduce this video of Frances McDormand taking about the aging process. I’ve always admired Frances and found her work to have a particular fearlessness about it. There’s an honesty and intelligence and intolerance for bullshit she imbues into every role. I’ve also always found her rather sexy, in an I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-you-think kind of way. And I still do now that she is 57 – gray hair, wrinkles, the whole deal. But then, I find a life well lived looks good on anyone.

SGALGG: Sharing is Caring

You know what I love? I love that you guys know me so well. Like, for instance, this photo above. Several people alerted me to this most fantastic Tina Fey-Mariska Hargitay-Sheryl Crow sandwich this week. It warms my heart that you know me so well. Of course, that could also mean I’m predictable. But, if predictable means having women send me a picture of what appears to be Tina copping a feel on Mariska as Sheryl watches approvingly, then color me predictable. Also, extra special Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-points to Tina and Sheryl for getting a jump on their Lesbian Twin Syndrome wardrobe.

Since you shared with me, it only seems fair that I share with you. So how about some more SGALGG goodness, with a little GGALGG gayness thrown in for good measure.

Dianna Agron & Anna PaquinIf you’re going to SGALGG cheat, picking an actual gay gal is a great way to maximize your jealously factor. Lea Michele must be fuming. Also, you know Anna sneaked a peek.

Frances McDormand & Tilda Swinton
If this was a movie it would be the best acted lesbian movie of all time. Think about it, Hollywood.*

Naomi Watts & Scarlett JohanssonThis one would be pretty well acted, too. Just don’t let anyone get sucked into a blue box that’s a portal to an alternate reality that has darkly lit rooms with rich red curtains and Laura Harring.

Emily Deschanel & friendsI think, as the kids today say, UNF.

Zoe Saldana & Sigourney WeaverIf Sigourney has a thing about breasts, she should explore those feelings with Zoe instead of lashing out at our gal Kathryn Bigelow.

Amy Adams & Zooey DeschanelAccording to Esquire, Zooey is the woman most women want to sleep with. I think Amy agrees.

Olivia Wilde & some lucky SOB

That woman is so close she can probably smell Olivia’s perfume.
I hate her.

*UPDATE: OK, OK, here is the skinny on Tilda and Frances. The photos is indeed a candid. They’re talking (very closely) at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival premiere of “Burn After Reading.” You can see a progression of them together here.

SGALGG: Amy Adams Edition

So, I’ve decided that I heart Amy Adams. I know, schmuck, what took you so long? The thing is, I’ve always liked Amy. I mean, come on, she was cousin Beth (Remember? Tara’s tightly-wound cousin on Buffy). But it wasn’t until “Junebug” when I realized she was something special. And in each subsequent role I’ve grown more and more “Enchanted.” (See what I did there? Oh, puns.) She picks smart roles with even smarter co-stars. Emily Blunt in “Sunshine Cleaning.” Frances McDormand in “Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.” Meryl fucking Streep twice, in “Doubt” and now “Julie & Julia.” I think, really, it was the trailer for “Julie & Julia” that put me over the edge. Man, how fun does that movie look? While my adoration for Amy is new-found, I’m clearly the last one to the party given her co-stars blatant SGALGG-y affection towards her. Or maybe it’s just that everyone loves a ginger.

Amy & EmilyCloser to fine, indeed.

Amy & FrancesDo they make a cute couple? You betcha.

Amy & Anne HathawayThey are comparing notes on Meryl, if you know what I mean.

Amy & Elizabeth BanksThey are so about to kiss.

Amy & Sarah LancasterOh my God, she watches “Chuck,” too.

Amy & MerylPossessive……much?

EDIT: p.s. How could I forget her ultimate SGALGG moment from Standing Still? [Hat tip, Natasha Condensada!]

Presenting Miss Pettigrew

The beginning of the year is -- as you’re all probably already painfully aware -- traditionally the dead zone when it comes to new movies. Sure, a couple late Oscar hopeful holdovers might come trickling into the cineplex. But for the most part it’s bottom-of-the-barrel stuff like “Rambo,” “Meet the Spartans” and the preposterously lengthy-titled “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.” Oh, Kristanna Loken, really?

So imagine my delight while perusing new movie posters when “Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day” popped up. First of all, ladies looking at other ladies in their knickers is always a good thing. Amy Adams, terrific. Frances McDormand, divine. And then I watched the trailer. English accents, prat falls, 30s glamour and a love four-angle? Sign me up.


Seriously, how fun does that look? Plus Frances’s crazy hair? Sheer genius, I tell you, genius.

My Weekend Crush

Every time I see a photo of Frances McDormand, I try to imagine what she is thinking. Because, have no doubt, there is something significant going on just beneath the placid surface. Frances seems to be in a constant state of incredulous amusement at whatever lens she finds herself staring into. As the photographer clicks away, I imagine her thinking, “Really, this again? Fine, you’re silly, but fine.” As an actress she is as skilled a chameleon as they come. About the only thing she can’t camouflage from role to role is her piercing intellect. In “Fargo,” she was one of the most fantastically unexpected and exceptionally honest heroines of modern cinema. In “Laurel Canyon,” she easily out sexed her bevy of hot, young costars with a simple, knowing arch of her eyebrow. And in “Something’s Got To Give,” she managed the seemingly impossible feat of stealing scenes from Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. What has always attracted me to Frances most is the sharp and lucid mind that hums behind her steel-blue eyes. Now, if I only knew what she was thinking. Happy weekend, all.