Gender Fuck Thursday

It’s been a hell of a year – emphasis on hell. So I think you deserve some women in suits and ties. And in black and white, no less. Consider it an attempt to right some of the cosmic imbalance of this year. It’s not much, but we have to take our joy wherever we can find it.

Robin Wright

She looks great in a tank top, she looks great in a suit, looks great in the Oval Office.

Lena Headey

I would watch a 12-hour documentary of just Lena walking around in this suit, vest, pants combo. I really would.

Janelle Monae

Not to be demanding, but I want Janelle to start wearing more suits out in public again.

Alicia Vikander

I may not be 100 percent sold on her as Lara Croft yet. But in this suit I’m willing to listen.

Myrna Loy

Vintage Gender Fuck is my no-so-secret favorite.

Patricia Clarkson

The first time I saw her in a film I thought she was German. And also a lesbian. And possibly a heroin addict.

Tessa Thompson

I demand a standalone Valkyrie movie.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Where there is an award show there will always be Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. These Oscars are, of course, no different. I mean when you seat Jennifer Lopez next to Meryl Streep, what were you expecting?

Jennifer Lopez & Beyoncé

Fine, if JLo had to trade in Meryl for any other snuggle partner, I guess Queen Bey is an OK substitute. I guess.

Amy Adams & Amanda Peet

All I hear in my head when I look at this picture is “mwah, mwah, mwah” kissing sounds.

Jennifer Aniston & Emma Stone

Starting the Hugs Across America movement all over again.

Jennifer Hudson & Angie Harmon

DOES MAURA KNOW? And on a Gayzzoli Recap Day. For shame.

Reese Witherspoon & Nicole Kidman

Everyone’s a cheater today. Nicole, you’d better hope Naomi Watts doesn’t find out.

Emma Stone & Julianne Moore

This is a two-timing I approve of. I mean, I like Jen. But Julianne all day long.

Iman & Paula Patton

No cheating here. Paula kicked that Blurred Lines idiot to the curb where he belongs.

Patricia Clarkson & Sienna Miller

I’m having major “High Art” flashbacks, minus the heroin.

Natalie Portman & Rashida Jones

Fine, so they’re not acting super gay to each other. But I just dig that they’re friends.

Meryl Streep

Jacket on point.

Scarlett Johansson

Undercut on fleek.

I think Meryl speaks for all of us about Scarlett’s haircut. YAAAAASS.

Tank Top Tuesday: Gay it Forward

You know, I’m supposed to notice Stephanie March’s big yellow bandana. Because, you know, it’s yellow. But you know what I notice, well, besides the tank top? Her watch. That’s a big gay watch. Now, of course, I know Stephanie isn’t gay. She’s got Bobby freaking Flay cooking for her at home. But, she does play gay convincingly (as the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian on “30 Rock”). And, of course, gives good subtext with one Det. Olivia Benson. So, wait, where was I going with this? Oh right, those who play gay for our pleasure. Sometimes, they also wear pretty gay things for our pleasure, too. Like watches. And, of course, my personal favorite – tank tops.

Elizabeth MitchellElizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.

Penelope CruzPenelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.

Charlize TheronFine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.

Shay MitchellPoor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.

Patricia ClarksonSometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”

Zoe SaldanaShe got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.

Piper PeraboAlso a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.

Jenny ShimizuShe doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.

Thanks for gaying it forward, ladies. And, yes, the tank tops.

EDIT: Looks like Piper and Penelope get their honorary hot plates as well for making the third time the charm. We anxiously await their fourth.

Tank Top Tuesday

Finally, the first Tank Top Tuesday of the year. Bet you thought I was holding out on you. But, like with every first of a new year – let alone decade – I wanted to make sure I made it count. So today features only T3 first-timers. No repeat performers, just newbies in all their clingy, sleevless goodness. How I’ve managed to not post pictures of these beautiful women in tank tops for this long is quite possibly a crime. But, regardless, they’re in now. And as the lovely, not at all reptilian, completely take me to your leader worthy Morena Baccarin will attest, they’re all well worth the wait.

Alyssa MilanoLast week Alyssa challenged corporations to match her $50,000 donation to Haitian earthquake relief efforts. Who’s the boss now?

Kerry WashingtonKerry and Kristin Chenoweth might make out soon for the biopic of Dusty Springfield. Sons of a preacher man have got nothing on her.

Patricia ClarksonI love her. I hate myself for not posting her sooner.

Christina CoxNow we know why astronauts get all the girls: tank tops. And you thought it was the Tang.

Nina DobrevI swear to Buffy, “The Vampire Diaries” is good. Not Buffy good, of course, but good.

Lea MicheleThat’s an awfully silly thing to do to a tank top. Not that I’m necessarily complaining.

Ruby RoseGod bless Twitpics.

Elizabeth Banks

I’m sorry, were we talking about something? I seem to have lost my train of thoug…