You Don't Own Us

Here are two of the sheroes of my not all that rebellious youth (What? I was a good student…) Shirley Manson and Fiona Apple, singing a wonderfully defiant version of Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me.” What a perfect anthem for our Time’s Up moment. And, really, a lot of things. Garbage men, you don’t own us. NRA, you don’t own us. GOP, you don’t own us. Trump, get the fuck out. Etc. Etc. Etc.

p.s. Fiona's shirt is a reference to Grammy president Neil Portnow. He suggested women weren't succeeding at the awards because we need to "step up" more. So, you know, fuck him, too.

Girls do make passes at girls who wear glasses

So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.

Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.

Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.

Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.

Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.

Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.

Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.

Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.

Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.

Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.

Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.

Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.

Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.

Maniac Monday

Mondays can, quite frankly, suck it. The only way to approach them, therefore, is with a hearty dose of disdain and a sublime sense of silly. Or, as Cate Blanchett so aptly demonstrates above, your tongue out. So it is in that oh-so-serious state of mind that I approach today, this post and pretty much the universe. In lieu of a complex discourse on the physics of expectation or the collective zeitgeist of a day, I would rather just say, well, pffftttttt.

Jodie FosterShe it totally playing imaginary “Tune in Tokyo” here.

Tina Fey & Jane KrakowskiIt's like they're the wackiest funeral guests ever.

Lena HeadeyHow you like them apples?

Shirley MansonSomeone has a dominant gene.

Lena & ShirleyWait, robots? We're on a show about robots?

Helen MirrenThat is Dame Bunny Ears, thank you very much.

Charlize TheronSome say silly, some say sexy. I say why quibble.

Natalie Portman & Devendra BanhartFunnier-looking face or funnier-looking ex?

Gillian AndersonPaging Agent Scully Silly.

Kate Winslet & Cate BlanchettGod, they totally look like a couple at gay prom.

Tank Top Tuesday

In the spectrum of gay outfits – outside of feather boas and leather chaps – few can be considered gayer than the tank top/suspenders combo. In fact, it is so very, very gay that it has become costume department shorthand for being, well, gay. While firefighters may have first inspired the simple look, it took lovely ladies to take it to the next level. And, of course, when it comes to combining suspenders with a tank top, only the original white tank will do. Take that, Larry King.

Summer GlauEven soulless killing machines like to look hot.

Shirley MansonFuck, yeah, now that's a motherfuckingrockstar.

Lauren Lee SmithThe soup chef shows us what's really cooking.

Victoria BeckhamYes, it's Posh Spice. No, don't judge me. Admit it, it's kinda hot.

Maria BelloDaryl Hannah is all, “Damn, Bello and her tank and suspenders hogging all the hot. I knew I should have worn the mermaid tail.”

Olivia WildeNo mountain oxes were harmed in the making of this post.

T-Shirt Tuesday

Baby, it's cold outside – even in California. So in lieu of tank tops today how about some awesome T-shirts? They provide a little more warmth while being no less hot. Plus, we all know how much lesbians love their novelty T-shirts. Don't lie; you own at least one, if not many, many, many more. Portia De Rossi and her sparkly declaration of love and defiance of Prop. 8 is, clearly, awesome. [Hat tip, Anna and Stels!] But, of course, Portia is not the only one who can rock a slogan shirt with pride. A few of my favorites.

Leisha HaileyI knew. I own every single Murmurs CD.

Natalie PortmanFine sentiment meets fine film. Also, love the hair.

Penelope CruzI own this shirt, that's why.

Mary-Louise ParkerHoly hotness, Batman!

Shirley MansonMy sentiments exactly.

Zooey DeschanelIf my name was “Zooey” I'd put it on a T-shirt, too.

Tina FeyLike I could resist.

Ms. Snarker's Favorite T-ShirtFuck yeah, it's ladies night.

My Weekend Crush

Shirley Manson is a rock star in the way we all dream we could be a rock star. It’s not about the money or the parties or the fancy cars. It’s about being so fucking cool that everyone turns their head as soon as you enter a room. And then they keep them turned all night long. Yeah, that cool. I've been a fan of Shirley's since her early Garbage days when I first watched this flash of red hair in a blue dress and knee-high combat boots singing about how she was only happy when it rains. I still haven't stopped watching. These days I can barely contain my glee at the prospect of seeing her bad girl it up on “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” Lena, Summer and Shirley? There is a God and she likes lesbians. Shirley has always had an effortless cool that comes not from props or posing, but from a place at once genuine and indescribable. You can say it's her look or her gender bending or her severely sexy Scottish accent. But in the end, Shirley is cool because she just is. Period. Full stop. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. OK, this is what makes Shirley so fucking cool.

The androgynous zone

My Tilda Swinton love has grown so exponentially since she won the Oscar, I almost wish I hadn’t Weekend Crushed her already so I could gush some more. But what I admire about her most is that she is a true original. In an industry filled with fake everything -- breasts, tans, noses, personalities -- she is authentically herself. And her authentic self looks fucking hot in a suit. Forget a spoon full of sugar, it’s a big scoop of androgyny that really helps the medicine go down. And by medicine, I mean Wednesday. And by go down, I mean…uhm, well. Enjoy.

And just because a free mind is a terrible thing to waste: