SGALGG: Secretary of Ogles

Two days of serious political discourse and then this. Hey, Hill. Her eyes are - oh, who are we kidding. We'd stare, too. Esteemed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton met esteemed singer/reality show dream crusher Christina Aguilera last week and had a little, shall we say, focus problems. Nice to know that even the most accomplished and intelligent l women in the world can succumb to a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals moment. But then, Christina does have a lot to offer and it would almost be rude not to notice. Get it, girl. Hill for Ogler in Chief, 2016.

You are beautiful

Sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that with so much ugliness in the world, these is still more beauty to those who look. It’s been a very busy week for me. I’ve hardly had time to catch my breath. But when I do, if I’m looking, I can almost always find something that moves me. Something that cuts through the mundane. Something that surpasses the meanness. Something beautiful. So today, just as a little Jesus why is it only Thursday and not Friday yet pick me up, here is a compilation of beauty – both literally and figuratively. Please enjoy.

My So-Called Life


Christina Aguilera


Parks & Recreation


Lost & Delirious (NSFW, but worth it)

People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Definitely even you.

We will do it

Us ladies, we’ve had a rough go of it in the political arena of late. Men folk keep thinking they know what’s best for us. They want to tell us what we can and cannot do with our lady business. How we’re allowed to use it. (Not to decide for ourselves to when we can best start a family, that’s for sure!) How we aren’t not allowed to use it. (Not for recreational fun, that’s for sure!) And how our doctors should treat us. (Not based on their sound medical judgment alone, that’s for sure!) Those who dare to say otherwise are sluts or strumpets of so much worse. Of course, these same folks keep saying this War on Women is imaginary. We’re just being tricked by our little lady brains into thinking the Republicans want to tell us what to do with our little lady bits and pieces. But we, we know better. We know when we’re being bullied. We know when we’re being disrespected. We know when our rights are being trampled. For a party that prides itself on disavowing government intervention, they sure have a strange way of getting the government into the most personal nooks and crannies of us ladyfolk. So, for all those who think they can slip this year of lady hating by us, be warned. We are strong. We are angry. And we are paying attention. We can stop this War on Women with our votes. As Rosie told us all so many years ago, “We can do it!” As these modern-day Rosies would surely tell you now, you can stick your big government where the sun don’t shine on yourselves instead.

Alexis Bledel

You know Rory got all Occupy Yale this year.

Alison Brie

She won’t have Brita-ed women’s rights.

Christina Aguilera

I would like all the past Christina personas (Genie Xtina, Dirrty Xtina, Voice Xtina) to sing a rousing rendition of “Fighter” to congress.

Princess Leia

Alternately, I’d love for Leia to tell John Boehner he’s a little orange for a stormtrooper.

Kelly Rowland

Queen B isn’t the only one who can do it.

Beyoncé

But, of course, you never count out the queen.

Melanie Laurent

We can do it ingloriously.

Pink

Party to reclaim our rights, already started.

Amy Adams

Practicing BYOT – Bring Your Own Tools.

Amy Poehler

If that wasn’t one of the most perfect, Knope affirming, woman affirming, life affirming season finales, I’ll buy you a Sweetums bar. Today the city council, tomorrow the presidency. America, you beautiful tropical fish.

Tank Top Tuesday: Tax Day Edition

Did you do your taxes? Do you still have to do your taxes? Tick tock. To make the day more palatable – because let’s face it even the most bleeding heart socialist money distributors among us don’t enjoy doing our taxes – here are a few little treats. Instead of staring at reams of white receipts, how about staring at some white tank tops. As Liz Hurley attests, this is the exact opposite of a flat tax. Ahem.

Christina Ricci

This makes me sad about “Pan Am.”

Amber HeardEvery time I see her, I have to remind myself that she likes girls – a lot.

Paula PattonShe should really be a bigger star. I mean, seriously.

Scarlett JohanssonA book and boobs a lovely, intelligent lady. My favorite.

Rosario DawsonThe saggy pants epidemic strikes again. Godspeed, Rosario.

Christina AquileraI still miss delightfully trashy Xtina Christina. But sassy judge Christina ain’t bad either.

Megan FoxForgive me, Internet, for I have sinned. I’ve posted another picture of Megan Fox on you. But, in my defense, tank top and aviators. Apologies.

Shania TwainI’m not really a country music fan. But who can be a music snob at a time like this.

Good luck making your peace with Uncle Sam today. I wonder if tank tops are tax deductible.

What’s new, pussycat?

Well, file this under the category of “Things That Are Obvious.” I never noticed how many photographers thought it a genius idea to pose beautiful women with big cats – real or otherwise. I’ll give you a split-second to realize why. Big cats, large kitties, enormous puss… Yeah, now you’ve got it. Subtlety is, indeed, for pussies. Though, if taken to its ultimate and inevitable conclusion, all these photos could also be considered a metaphor for gay women. No, not for that reason. Get your heads out of the gutter, people. Instead it’s because we can identify. I mean, we are the original crazy cat ladies. Here kitty, kitty, indeed.

Christina AguileraChrist, it’s even pink.

Alicia SilverstoneI hate it when I wear the same thing to the photoshoot as the leopard.

Lily AllenJazz paws!

Chloe SevignyThe real Pussycat Doll.

And just in case you dog lovers were feeling left out, these are for you. At this point, the giving a dog a bone jokes just write themselves.

Kylie MinoguePlease, God, let this just be an post-Frisbee cigarette.

Julianne MooreNever mind the LOLcats, give this dog a cheezburger.

p.s. I’m just going to let this one speak for itself. I don’t even want to imagine what they’re a euphemism for.

Loving them lovely lady lumps?

Oh good, more gay for pay quotes from married female celebrities. Christina Aguilera gave an interview to New York’s HX magazine praising the female form. I agree with her wholeheartedly about the appeal of naked women versus naked men, but do such “revelations” always have to coincide with times when people have a product to sell? I’m crazy about the barn-burning retro groove Christina has on “Ain’t No Other Man.” But, she sings, “Ain’t no other MAN,” not “Ain’t No Other Halle Berry.” Plus, these bisexual revelations would be a lot more convincing if they didn’t keep choosing such obvious crushes. Halle Berry. Angelina Jolie. Jessica Alba. Puh-lease. Someone say Frances McDormand or Laura Linney or Kate Winslet and now you’ve got my attention.