Such Horny Heights

Look, I know there isn’t anything explicitly gay about Emerald Fennell’s new adaptation “Wuthering Heights.” But then it stars Margot Robbie as Cathy and Jacob Elordi as Heathcliff and did I mention it’s from the Season 2 showrunner of “Killing Eve” and auteur behind “Promising Young Woman” and “Saltburn.” So, everything about that sentence feels a little gay. Also there’s also the close-up of hangs in dough, eggs, fish mouths. This is the original horny-on-main twisted gothic romance featuring a soundtrack by Charli XCX. So, yeah, it’s not gay, but it is also deeply gay. But I missed Hump Day yesterday, and, well, we could use a little sexy while the rest of the world is in shambles!

My Weekend (Pink) Crush

Honestly, I haven’t stopped thinking about the Barbie movie since I saw it on Sunday. What a glittery hot pink Trojan horse of a movie that promises the shiny plastic fun of childhood playtime (and delivers, thanks to its lovingly immaculate attention to detail) while also unpacking the social significance of the most famous doll in the world as she relates to our concepts of womanhood in our society. You know, girlie stuff.

I don’t know exactly what I expected with the news that Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie were going to make a Barbie movie. I’m not sure if anyone did. But what we got was a day-glo dance party wrapped in an existential crisis tied up with a bow of cultural awakening that came with a lovely card filled with generational healing. Again, girlie stuff.

Of course, the Right Wing nutters are against it because it’s not just about how pretty a perpetually tip-toed plaything with physically impossible proportions is. Yes, conservatives, Barbie has fallen to the Woke! Mind! Virus! (Just, lol forever at whatever GOP think tank thought that’d sound super scary). Any mention of the dreaded F-word, feminism, and P-word, patriarchy, makes them want to buy another assault rifle and ban abortion even harder. You know, MAGA stuff.

But for the rest of us, Barbie will make us laugh and feel and think and believe all in the pursuit of pure female joy and empathy. And unlike more overtly serious-minded films (again, it’s so weird to say this, but not that the Barbie movie isn’t serious-minded at times), this film swaddles its most cerebral arguments in the warm embrace of emotional resonance. In short, this movie has a whole lot of women in their feelings.

Its most clever trick is to lure us in with the nostalgia while critiquing what that same nostalgia has meant to us over the course of our lives. How since her creation in 1959, this hunk of shapely hardened fossil fuels has affected our everyday existence as women. We are all just America Ferreras trying to be liked by a world that makes that impossible by design.

Granted most women probably don’t go through their days critically examining those F- and P-words as they relate to their jobs and families and relationships. But they sure intrinsically know that they do, and the Barbie movie has connected to that core universality. Yes, we’re all different races and cultures and body types and sexual orientations and socio-economic statuses. But we all also never forget the it’s the men (particularly straight white men) who still run this world.

One of the funnier aspects of the backlash to the movie (well, not so much in a ha ha kind of way, but a not so funny when the roles are reversed kinda way) is how the manosphere keeps whining about how “man-hating” Barbie is. In the beginning, Kens are treated essentially like women have been since time in memoriam in the movies and real life, but without any of the constant threats of violence or expected domestic servitude. Men are just funny little guys who are kept around as, well, arm candy but are not otherwise central to the narrative. They are accessories. I know men understand this because they saw and loved Margot Robbie in “The Wolf of Wall Street.” (It should be noted that Martin Scorsese hasn’t directed a female-led film since the 1970s, ahem.)

With each film, Greta Gerwig has shown off and honed her innate understanding of the constant push/pull of womanhood. I know, I know, her catalog so far has centered largely white (and straight) women’s stories. But, look, it took Christopher Nolan 22 years of directing features before he cast his first Black lead — who was of course still male — and he has still only done it once. Yet no one really makes a fuss about that so, you know, context. (To be clear, both should be more inclusive in their storytelling. Everyone should.) And, to her credit, Barbie is represented onscreen as a seemingly endless array of womanhood, including a trans Barbie which is nothing short of amazing.

The Barbie movie is also proof that women’s stories have always been so much more than just romantic love stories, or at least love stories in their traditional sense. Yeah, this is a chick flick but it sure ain’t no rom-com. It’s the reinterpretation of a chick flick, which examines gender roles and the dynamics that put us into boxes from the moment the doctor exclaims, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” Those confines hurt women and men and everyone. Period.

Granted those Gay Barbie rumors (SPOILER ALERT, but deep down you already knew) never materialize in the movie. Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie (I mean, the Birkenstocks alone) and Michael Cera’s Allan are heavily queer and/or nonbinary coded. (Speaking of gay, I hope the Indigo Girls made a mountain of royalties for the use of “Closer to Fine.) But, all satirical consumerism joking aside, it’s still freaking Mattel.

My greatest hope for the Barbie movie is that it allows more women to tell truly all types of stories about themselves. Because, hot damn, we are good at this shit — we really, really are. Though I fear that instead of letting us tell our own stories, Hollywood is going to decide to make more movies about toys and other plastic crap. Which, sadly, they already are. Deep endless sigh.

Still the wrongheaded lessons being learned can’t erase its accomplishments. Biggest opening for a female-directed movie, ever. Biggest movie opening of the year, period. Bigger than “Mission Impossible 7,” bigger than “Indiana Jones 5,” and even bigger than “Top Gun 2” (Also, try something original you absolute greedy dolts). Barbie was made for us and we made it big. That is much more than Kenough.

So go grab your best hot pink apparel, and don’t be ashamed of the joy and, yes, catharsis you feel while watching a movie about a 64-year-old doll who has become a generational icon and cultural lightning rod. This is the kind of girlie stuff that should resonate with anyone with an open heart and mind. Come on Barbie, let’s go to a patriarchy smashing party. Happy weekend, all.

Come on Lesbian Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Hey speaking of the Barbie movie? Is Barbie in Lesbian with America Ferrera in the movie? So a new clip from the highly anticipated movie adaptation of a plastic doll has what’s left of Lesbian Twitter (Yes, I signed up for Bluesky. I am resisting Threads for as long as I can. Dammit.) is pretty sure Barbie and Gloria are in lesbian with each other.

As much as this movie is the ultimate in product placement, I’m holding out hope that Greta Gerwig’s vision of a day-glow army of Barbies and Kens will unleash cinematic eye AND mind candy on us all next week.

Now, as much as Margo and America play up this moment for maximum Eye Sex, immediately followed by possible kidnapping and/or rescuing, I just don’t think Mattel would allow it to be that explicit. Like, sure, they can use “Close to Fine” and sure they can have Kate McKinnon hold us the Birkenstock of Reality. But allow Barbie and a lady who isn’t Skipper to give each other long, lingering looks that then lead to hot, sweaty plastic nights? Doubtful. But, Wishful Gay Thinking is perhaps the most powerful wishful thinking in the universe. So, I say, if Barbie can live in her own Dream House we can live in a world with its own Dream Lesbian Barbie Movie.

What a Doll

Fine, OK. I had a Barbie. One. I had ONE Barbie. And one Ken – the kind eternally in the swim trunks. But I was always more of an action figure girlie and/or “tomboy” as they called us back then or future gay as I call my past self now. So, I didn’t really know what to expect from the Barbie movie. I knew I liked Greta Gerwig’s work. And I knew the cast was ridiculously stacked. And I knew it would be some kind of send-up.

But “Closer to Fine,” Crazy Seer Lesbian Barbie Kate McKinnon, and Birkenstocks? Yeah, more like, “Portrait of Plastic Lady on Fire” – >amirite? But, seriously, this looks all sorts of fun and funny and feminist (I mean, the bad guys are literally trying to keep a woman in a box! They’re practically Republican congressmen!) Come on, Barbie, let’s go to the movies.

Tank Top Tuesday: Seeing Double

And, I am back. I come bearing the "My Blogger Went On Summer Vacation and All I Got Was This Stupid Tank Top Tuesday"-T-shirt. Granted, not all these famous actresses with their stunt doubles are both wearing tank tops. But some of them are. And others are definitely showing off the only kind of gun show I approve of. So, yeah, it counts. Like you were gonna complain about your gift after I showed you Tessa Thompson and Tara Macken in their matching sleeveless Valkyrie/King of Asgard battle outfits.

Uma Thurman & Zoe Bell, Kill Bill

Two tank tops and yellow tracksuits will always be better than one.

Margot Robbie & Ingrid Kleinig, Suicide Squad

Honestly, I mostly feel for the costume designer who has to make identical rips in their T-shirts.

Caitriona Balfe & Kristin Gribbin, Outlander

This looks like the start of an epic lesbian action-adventure movie.

Kate McKinnon & Meredith Richardson, Ghostbusters

I don’t care how hard the dude-bros cry, the Lady Ghostbusters were great and they shoulda made a sequel.

Bryce Dallas Howard & Whitney Coleman, Jurassic World

I still think it’s dumb they had her in heels in the first place for this, but I appreciate the tank tops regardless.

Gal Gadot & Christiaan Bettridge, Wonder Woman

Seeing double plus kissing a double is always good.

In a Barbie World

Dammit, I’m going to have to watch the damn Barbie movie now, aren’t I? Kate McKinnon is joining the new movie about the world’s most famous plastic doll. But she’s not playing Barbie, instead perhaps she is Barbie’s friend Lesbian Skipper?) The movie already boasts Margot Robbie (Barbie), Ryan Gosling (Ken), America Ferrera (Barbie’s Latina friend?) and Simu Liu (her Asian friend?) in the new movie. The movie also has an impressive pedigree behind the camera with Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach writing the script (and her directing). I don’t know if Barbie deserves this much accumulated talent. But I can only hope they make it gay. I mean, Barbie canonically has done some pretty gay shit, y’all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Quarantine Fighter Edition

Since it’s Pride Month and you deserve nice things, here is a Very Special Tank Top Tuesday: Quarantine Fighter Edition. We’ve all been fighting the good fight staying home and wearing masks when we can't. As a reward we get to pick which of these badass ladies in tank tops is the best Quarantine Fighter to represent us best during these challenging/stressful/frightening/enraging times. Inspired by Charlize Theron returning to her Action Mode with bonus Short-Hair Mode in “The Old Guard” (not to mention that bitchin' Boss Bitch Battle) here are some more female action stars showing us how it’s done. Now all there is left is to choose wisely. Who is your True Quarantine Fighter?

Charlize Theron


Mackenzie Davis


Tessa Thompson


Alicia Vikander


Emily Blunt


Evangeline Lilly


Gal Gadot


Maggie Q


Margot Robbie


Brie Larson

p.s. Who are we kidding? We’re all Brie. Now, pass the cookies.

That's Madam Boss Bitch to You

Well, we all know that “Choose Your Quarantine Fighter” meme by now. (Again, I’m the one who cried in the shower after reading the news.) But some real-life badass quarantine fighting ladies got together to film the ultimate “Boss Bitch Fight Challenge.”

I suggest you go ahead and watch if you haven’t already before reading the rest. But if you don’t mind getting spoiled, get ready to see stuntwoman and actress Zoe Bell fight it out (while maintaining proper social distance) with many of her talented and famous – and might I add fierce – female friends.

Fighting it out are professional stuntwomen and some very famous actresses. They go, in order: Zoe Bell, Lucy Lawless, stuntwoman Tara Macken, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, stuntwoman Tamiko Brownlee, Rosario Dawson, stuntwoman Amy Johnston, Cameron Diaz, stuntwoman Kim Murphy, Daniela Ruah, stuntwoman Michaela McAllister, Kaitlin Olson, stuntwoman Lauren Mary Kim, Florence Pugh, Zoe again but this time with a puppy, Julia Butters, stuntowman Angela Meryl, stuntwoman Sarah Irwin, Daryl Hannah, Sophia Di Martino, Tracie Thoms, stuntwoman Shauna Duggins, Zoe Saldana, stuntwoman Ming Qiu, Renee Goldsberry, Rosie Perez, Lilly Aspell, Thandie Newton, stuntwoman Mel Stubbs, stuntwoman Jessie Graff, Zoe but this time at her car, stuntwoman Monique Ganderton, Halle Berry, stuntwoman Heidi Moneymaker, Scarlett Johansson, stuntwoman Dayna Grant, Margot Robbie, stuntwoman Renae Moneymaker, KT Tunstall and finally back to Zoe.

Gosh, that was fun. Who was your favorite? I’m still crying in the shower as far as my fighting styles goes. But, I’d gladly have any of these ladies tap in for me at any time. Any time at all.

Featherweight Fighters

I was generally excited about the “Birds of Prey” movie because more women kicking butt the better. But after The Gail Simone (who wrote the most beloved era of the comics) gave it her wholehearted blessing I am super excited for “Birds of Prey.” And now, after seeing this fight sequence (the same one Gail visited the set for) I am super duper excited for “Birds of Prey.” Why, you might ask? Well, it’s all about that hair tie.

This, kittens, is why it matters having women in front of and behind the camera - and in every step of the process. We provide a perspective that most men simply can’t. And, you know, we’re 51 percent of the goddamn population. So there’s that.

“Birds of Prey” has a female writer (Christina Hodson, who also wrote the least terrible Transformers movie “Bumblebee”) and a female director (Cathy Yan, who also directed one of the first movie I ever saw Sandra Oh in, “Last Night”*) and a female producer (star Margot Robbie who is Margot Robbie).

One might say, come on, it’s just a hair tie. But it’s more than that. It’s recognizing that the female perspective - indeed all perspectives other than the straight white male default - are different and valuable and make things not only more realistic, but also more interesting.

*This is what happens when you Google too quickly and don’t check the date. Wrong “Last Night,” indeed.

Prey Tell

Yes, it’s new trailer week here at Surrenders. New year, new things to get excited about. Like the “Birds of Prey” movie, now with more Harley Quinn and other lady badasses and a whole lot less of that guy in the clown makeup. It looks...fun. No, I mean it, it actually looks fun. But then I’ve always been a fan of ladies causing maximum chaos against the patriarchy - especially when set to riotously dulcet tones of Björk.

P.s. Did you notice Rosie Perez as lesbian (at least hopefully also in the movie) Gotham PD Detective Renee Montoya? Because I sure did.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Co-Stars Edition

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? How about a bunch of beautiful women in suits? I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. But what can I say, I’m a giver.

Now, admittedly, sometimes I struggle for a theme when it comes to Gender Fuck Thursday because how many ways can you say, “Hey, this is hot.” But thirst traps gotta thirst trap. So this holiday movie season let’s celebrate the women starring on the big screen who decided to suit up on the red carpet or elsewhere while promoting their new films. But more than just that, it’s multiple actresses, from the same movie, trying to out suit each other. In short, it’s a glorious gift of co-stars suiting-off. And I hope may many, many more actresses follow suit, so to speak.

Ella Balinska & Naomi Scott, Charlie’s Angels

The first photo looks pre-prom, this second one after prom. Way after.

Kristen Stewart, Charlie’s Angels

Not to be outdone, K-Stew keeps it casual instead.

Saoirse Ronan & Emma Watson, Little Women

Saoirse looks like a fancy old-timey street urchin, whereas Emma just looks fancy.

Evan Rachel Wood & Kristen Bell, Frozen 2

See, now this, this is why they should have made someone in “Frozen 2” a lesbian.

Nicole Kidman,Margot Robbie&Charlize Theron, Bombshell

This almost makes me want to watch Fox News. Kidding, kidding. But I will watch Nicole, Margot and Charlize pretend to work for Fox News. Probably. My point is, I really hate Fox News.

p.s. I am pretty sure Nicole and Charlize showing up at the "Bombshell" premiere like this means they are dating.

My Weekend Crush

While so, so many men will no doubt stream into theaters to watch the dude who directed “The Hangover” movies make a serious movie about a serious man in a serious clown suit (i.e. The Incel Superhero no one asked for), I think I’ll wait for Harley and her Birds of Prey instead.

Oh, the world hasn’t handed you everything and people don’t worship you just because you’re a perfectly adequate straight white man? Get in line, fellas, the ladies have a tad more to gripe about when it comes to what the world has and hasn’t given us – don’t ya think? Still you don’t see us turning into makeup-smudged homicidal maniacs, do ya? Well, maybe just this once you do. But, you know, they say what’s good for the gander will be ever more awesome for the geese. At least, that’s how this trailer looks to me. Happy weekend, all.