Friday, June 30, 2017

My Weekend Crush

Just in case you had forgotten, there once was a show called “Lost Girl,” and it had its female leads have leg grabbing, shirt ripping, screen melting sex scenes like this. And it was good. So good. Happy I’ll be in my bunk weekend, all.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Some Broads

In these insane, anxious times I took toward insane, hilarious ladies. And they don’t get more crazy and more funny than the gals from “Broad City.” I wish the new season was starting now. Now. Nownownow. But, alas, we must wait until August. Jesus, who knows where we’ll all be in late August. Like will Putin be our president then or what? Anyway. If we can hold out until then we get the continued adventures of Ilana & Abbi with guest spots by Wanda Sykes, Jane Curtain and possibly Shania Twain. In the immortal words of Ilana, “Fuck you Trump!” We’re going back in.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Annuale of the Month

I feel like – even though biologically we should be allowed to do it once a month – all women should be permitted to act out this Annuale SNL ad once a year. And I am calling my annual Annuale this week. Someone, fetch me my fire axe.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

A Half-Baked Proposal

So, once again, the kind folks at Autostraddle asked me to review another episode of “Orange Is the New Black.” And, of course, I had to get the one with Larry’s White Ass. Of course I do.

[Spoiler Alert: Yo, stop reading if you aren’t past 512.]

As the penultimate episode of the season, “Tattoo You,” was – strange. Strange because they decided to stop all of a sudden to give us a love story. And a love story many people have long since lost interest in at that. Ahem. Though, I guess it only makes sense they’d throw in a Hail Marry romance in the same season there was a slasher movie episode. But, yeah.

Anyway, share your thoughts – agree, disagree, and/or anything in between – over in the comments. Find the review here.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Gal Talk

Here is just 4 minutes and 6 seconds of Gal Gadot being all kinds of adorable talking about herself. Not a bad way to start a week, if I do say so myself. One of the greatest feats of “Wonder Woman” – besides the whole proving a female superhero movie can be awesome and make a shitton of money and kick all those boring superhero dudes asses – was giving all the Amazons Israeli accents to match Gals’s accent. Hey, if you can’t beat them, join them.

p.s. This video also gave us this gif, for which I will be eternally grateful. And eternally in my bunk.

Friday, June 23, 2017

My Weekend Crush

You guys. If anyone ever tells you consent isn’t sexy, yeah, just show them this. Because consent is so, so sexy. As is this scene. As is everything to do with WayHaught. Look, I don’t know exactly what is up with dark eyes, bell stealing Waverly, but I know what’s happening between her and Officer Nicole Haught is real and really, really hot. So happy TGIWH (WayHaught) day. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Gender Fuck Thursday: Unbowed

Yes, yes, I know – bow ties are cool. Loosened bow ties? Sometimes, on the beautiful lady, they’re even cooler. Plus, it’s been an insane a year so far and we’re not even half way through. So loosen that bow tie, ladies. Because who the hell knows what is coming next.

Cate Blanchett & Emily Blunt

That this photoshoot exists is proof there is a god and she’s definitely a lesbian.

Sue Perkins

Speaking of lesbians, way to represent, Sue.

Angelina Jolie

I mean, she’s single now – right?

Jane Lynch

It’s always so strange to see her as Spencer’s mom on “Criminal Minds.” But, fear not, she’ll be back to her womanizing comedy ways soon.

Angela Bassett

Sometimes I feel like I watch “American Horror Story” just for her. A lot of the time, actually.

Naomi Watts

Whenever I see Naomi I just think, but seriously, WTF was “Mulholland Drive” about?

Kate Winslet

Mean of her to steal the fainting couch when she knows we’ll need it.

Monica Bellucci

Don’t smoke. Or Monica will stop wearing this.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler

The cutest prom dates ever.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Gillian Gods

You guys, I finished “American Gods” and I’ve decided the strong WTFisHappening feelings through the first half of the season were totally worth it. The series really came together in its second half, thanks mostly to the women of the series who helped center the show. And by women I mostly mean Gillian Anderson because I, too, believe in Sue Perkin’s eternal TV/life motto. But, actually it was the many faces of Gillian, the colorful color-sapping power of Kristin Chenoweth, the deadpan of Dead Wife Emily Browning and endless vagina nebula of Yetide Badaki that really sold me on the series.

I am actually excited now to see how this crazy new gods vs. old gods war plays out. And while I know I should probably be rooting for the old gods, it’s hard to root against Gillian. Or should I say Lucy. Or Bowie. Or Marilyn. Or Judy. Oh, my.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Burn, Cheeto, Burn

I’m not sure if you’ve been watching the new season of “Orange Is the New Black” yet or not. I have been. But I will say this is the first season I haven’t binged all at once in one weekend. I still have the final four episodes to watch. The kind folks over at Autostraddle have asked me to a review a couple of the episodes. The first one is of episode 506 – you know, the one with the Cheetos. (Appropriately named “Flaming Hot Cheetos, Literally.”) You can check out my review here.

While the season may have some real tonal and thematic problems (and, it does), I did appreciate how the episode evoked – even if only for a moment – the emotions so many of us have felt about the state of our world. In explaining her grief about Poussey, Soso also described – intentionally or more likely not – the kind of grief many of us feel about what’s happening in America. Or, at least it did for me. Everyone is different and everyone responds to art different. And that’s kind of the beauty of the thing.

Anyway, I’d appreciate if you gave it a read and feel free to agree or disagree with me in the comments.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Makeup Monday

Some weekends you just don’t want to end – hence the tardy Monday post. So here in the afterglow is one of my favorite non-film stills of Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara together. The contrast of the light and the dark. The Cate reaches for Rooney’s hands. Sublime. Have a good week, no matter the late start, kittens.

Friday, June 16, 2017

My Weekend Hero

Life has a poetic way of rooting out our hypocrisies sometimes. Like by having a queer woman of color act heroically to saves a homophobe’s life. But that’s the thing about humans. We can be absolute garbage all too often. But then sometimes we can also be reminded that we don’t have to be garbage. We can be brave and dutiful and rise above to do our jobs like Special Agent Crystal Griner did this week. The Capitol Police officer was one of three officers who saved the lives of Republican congressmen and their staff when an angry, violent white man with a history of violence against women who shouldn’t have had access to guns but did opened fire on them at a softball practice. Griner was shot in the ensuing firefight, as was fellow officer David Bailey. Another officer, Henry Cabrera, also returned fire but was not injured.

The congressman whose life Griner and the other officers saved was GOP Representative Steve Scalise from Louisiana. You might remember him as the Frau Farbissina of Obamacare repeal. He was shot in the hip and remains in the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. Look, no one deserves to be shot. Seriously, don’t shoot people. But the irony of a man with Rep. Scalise’s record being saved by a queer woman of color (and two other men of color, it should be noted) cannot be ignored.

He earned a “0” from the Human Rights Campaign and an A+ from the National Rifle Association.

He authored the ban on same-sex marriage in the Louisiana Constitution. He voted against the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” He was one of the sponsors of last year’s so-called “First Amendment Defense Act,” one of those license to discriminate laws under the guise of religious freedom. And he has voted against anti-gay hate crime protections.

He voted in January to reverse a federal rule that prevents people with serious mental-health issues from buying guns. He also co-sponsored an upcoming bill to loosen restrictions on silencers. And since he entered congress in 2008 he has introduced four measures to make it easier to sell guns interstate.

In short, he wants no rights for gays and all the rights for guns.

And, because no modern GOP agenda is complete without a little racism, he has described himself as “David Duke without the baggage” and was a guest speaker at an international conference of white supremacist leaders. Neat-o!

But enough about that asshole. Let’s talk about someone who deserves acclaim instead – Agent Griner. The 32-year-old was a veteran officer on Scalise’s special security detail. She attended Hood College in Maryland where she was a star basketball player.

A former classmate at Hood described her as such:

“She was a woman to be reckoned with at Hood: an amazing athlete and a lively presence. It does not surprise me at all that she would think so quickly and act so courageously.”
At her side while recovering in the hospital is her wife, Tiffany Dyar. The couple married in 2015 – you know, the year the Supreme Court finally affirmed our fundamental right to wed the person we love. Trump and Melania reportedly visited Griner and her wife in the hospitals. Poor thing. She puts her own life on the line to defend a bigoted homophobe and then her reward is a visit from that despicable Cheeto. Fine, it’s not all poetry. Thanks for your heroism and reminding us when they go low, we save their deplorable lives anyway. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

The Reunion Word

Well, well, well. Seems all that Twitter back-and-forth between our favorite “The L Word” stars meant something after all. No, the gang isn’t reuniting for a revival of the series – just yet. But they did get together for a reunion show to discuss the series, which debuts online today. “EW Reunites: The L Word” features Jennifer Beals, Kate Moennig, Mia Kirshner, Erin Daniels, Leisha Hailey, Sarah Shahi, Daniela Sea and – yes – The Chaiken talking about the series for the People/Entertainment Weekly Network. (You can stream it here today).

I’ve ruminated about whether we need another “The L Word.” Need and want, of course, are very different things. I’d argue that as much as we might want one, we might not absolutely need one – like we did 13 years ago when it debuted – because of the amount of representation that has become integrated into other shows from “Wynonna Earp” to “Supergirl” and “Orphan Black.” Granted, we’ve had a bad run the past year or so what with all the burying of gays and some favorites leaving. (Oh, “Lost Girl,” I miss you so.) Still, as much as “The L Word” drove us all absofuckinglutely bonkers, it is a little irresistible to dream. I mean, who are we kidding, we would totally watch. Maybe, just maybe a new “The L Word” could get things right. Without the unnecessary deaths of beloved tennis stars and with more diversity. Without the offensive trans storylines/random murder mysteries/high-tech computer searches and with plots that make sense for a change. Look, a gay gal can dream.

Either way, it’s nice to see the gang all back together. While all the queer lady fandoms are great, there was something special about the communal feel of everybody watching the same show. Sure, it was because it was all we had. But it was ours – the good, the bad, the Jenny Schecter.

Here are two clips from the reunion show, courtesy the People/Entertainment Weekly Network.

First, Jennifer on saving the world.

Then Ilene on the possibility of a revival.

And here are a few more shots of The L Ladies. Damn, they’ve still got it. Reunited and it feels so gay.

p.s. In that last photo I am imagining Kate and Mia cracking up about the fact that Shenny was ever a thing.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Relationship Goals

Hard same, Sue Perkins. HARD SAME.

p.s. fear not, I will be talking about Gillian on American Gods, soon.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Armor Top Tuesday

Bring me my two-hour Amazons of Themyscira movie. Bring it to me now. Look, we can all agree they live in paradise. Strong women. Fierce warriors. Wise leaders. Diverse community. No men. Forget San Junipero. Themyscira is heaven on Earth. I so love that “Wonder Woman” cast real athletes as its Amazons. And, damn girl, it shows. Then, after our Amazon movie, I would like a sequel that tackles all twelve volumes of the Amazonian treatise on love and sexuality. I also want T-shirts that say, “When it comes to pleasure, men are unnecessary.“ And all the lesbians said AMEN.

OK, Amazons, now let's get in formation.

p.s. I mean, just think of the AMAZONIAN ABS. OK, gay ladies, time to Kickstarter this thing.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Woman of Wonder

One of my guilty (or should I say healthy?) TV pleasures is watching the insanely athletic people run the course on “American Ninja Warrior.” The show starts its new season tonight. And, as a gay lady, I always cheer extra hard for the women. And, in particular, for real-life superhero Jessie Graff. Hey, she’s already a stuntwoman on “Supergirl.” I wouldn’t put becoming the first wonder woman to become an American Ninja Warrior Champion. Get it, girl.

Friday, June 09, 2017

My Weekend Television

Guys, this is almost an embarrassment of lesbian television riches this weekend. “Orange Is the New Black,” “Wynonna Earp,” and “Orphan Black” are all back. The TV gods can be cruel to us, for sure. And have been, far too often. But then, sometimes just sometimes, it seems like maybe they’re trying to make amends for all the broken hearts and stray bullets us poor gay ladies have had to endure. And what else can you say when they lay down a bounty of queer female characters like those returning to our screens this weekend?

So stock up on snacks. Lock the front door. And make sure the batteries in your remote work. You’re not leaving the couch basically ever. Oh, and, don’t bother the queer ladies, they’re watching ALL OF THE TELEVISION. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Knit One, Orange Two

So remember when I said this weekend was going to be amazing because both “Wynonna Earp” and “Orphan Black” were coming back? Well, let’s make that a threesome. Because “Orange Is the New Black” is also back on Netflix starting Friday for its fifth season. I know, we’re all still feeling really weird after the end of last season. I’m never going to get over Poussey’s death. And if you choose not to come back this season, that is understandable. But I love these other women (and, no, not just Piper and Alex) so much. I am willing to go back for them. Because they matter to me.

p.s. This little knitted recap is so weird and so perfect and so weird some more. Yeah, they even went there.

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Fade To Black

You guys, not only do we get “Wynonna Earp” this weekend, we get “Orphan Black.” The final season, the final trip, the final puppies. Look, this series has had more twists, and definitely more clones, than you can shake a non-vestigial tail at. But one of its very, very (very, very, very) best twists was to Undead Lesbian Syndrome one Dr. Delphine Cormier. (Memo to Showrunners: You know you can’t kill Delphine twice. There’s a rule. Signed, All The Gay Ladies everywhere.) Look, I have no idea where this crazy, clone-y ride will end. But I can’t wait to see where Sarah, Cosima, Alison, Helena, Rachel and Krystal end up. I just can’t believe this is the last time we’ll get to see this much Tatiana Maslany all at once.

p.s. I so wanted my Maslany fix over the weekend I watched “Ginger Snaps 2,” simply because a tiny Tatiana was in it. She was, of course, very good. And very creepy. Is there nothing she can’t do?

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Earps, Earps and Away

Giddy up, little demons. It’s time for a new season of “Wynonna Earp.” Well, almost time. Like some pocket change away. Like can you stand it? No, I’m not sure if I can. Especially now that I hear Officer Haught is getting even more well-deserved screentime. Gosh, isn’t that such better news than pretty much the opposite over at “Supergirl?” The lesbian TV universe giveth and taketh away, thankfully this is the giveth.

This spring I did a little Wynonna Season 1 rewatch, and let me tell you, it was as fun as the first time. And, if this trailer is any indication, we’re in for a wild, wild gun-slinging, cheerleading, lady-kissing season. So saddle up, kittens. Haught damn, the Earp ladies are back. Soon.

Monday, June 05, 2017

Filled With Wonder

I could say so much about how the “Wonder Woman” film made me feel. Proud. Fierce. Joyous. Powerful. Excited. Important. Many have written many other wonderful things about the film (I suggest you give my friend Heather Hogan’s review a read if you want a more verbose take filled with eloquence and enthusiasm). And many others have marveled at the record-breaking impact of the film and its historic box office. Yes, I know, we had to endure Steve. Yes, of course, I would have happily watched 2.5 hours of Amazons training on the beach. But mostly I just want to say, quite simply, that the movie made me feel like this.

Yep, that’s it. Go see it, kittens. Maybe again and again. Have a wondrous Monday, all.

Friday, June 02, 2017

My Weekend Wonder Women

Guys, I ship it. I. Ship. It. Two times the Wonder Woman, two times the fun – amirite? Fine, fine. But I am very excited to see the new “Wonder Woman” movie and very relieved the reviews are good. Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman remains one of the stalwart heroes of my youth. But it is always exciting when a new generation gets a chance to find their own hero.

Also, have I mentioned I ship it? Look, if Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor have taught us anything, it is that ladies who love ladies can May-December with the best of them. I mean, they’re superheroes. That’s super hot. And, from the looks of things, they are already super into it. Happy Wonder Woman Weekend, all.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Me A-Gays The Music

Hey, guess what, it’s June. Which means it’s Pride Month. So say hello to gay-splosions everywhere. Fine, I know, that sounds kinda icky. Is an LGBTQ-palooza better? Anyway, however you want to describe it, just be as gay as Brittany S. Pierce and Santana Lopez singing “Me Against the Music” together. Damn, this show could be very bad. But when this show was good, it was very, very gay. Happy Pride, all!

p.s. As sadly expected, The Hate Pumpkin did not issue a Pride Month proclamation. But then a guy does not think climate change is real, do you really think he believes queer people are real and deserving of celebration? Well fuck 'em, Cheetos can't dance for shit anyway.