Tig Your Favorite

Does anyone get the sense that Tig is the new Ellen? Not in the trailblazing or toxic workplace sense, but in the sense that she is every straight celebrity’s new favorite lesbian? First, uber action dude Zack Snyder taps her to replace gross sex pest Chris D’Elia in “Army of the Dead.” Then she gets Dakota Johnson of “Fifty Shades” of herosexuality to star in her lesbian movie. Now she is joining Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon on “The Morning Show.” Her casting is definitely an upgrade to at least a real queer woman instead of just Julianna Margulies who famously thought she could speak for our community “as someone who plays a lesbian journalist.” Honey, no. Anyway, just an observation about Tig. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

My Weekend (Out of Nowhere) Crush

Um, what? Dammit? Now do I have to get a damn Apple TV+ steamer subscription too? It’s too many! It’s TOO MANY! OK, now that my Old Woman Yells at Cloud (Streaming Subscription Service Abundance)-moment is over, can I just say where in the world did that come from? I know about “The Morning Show,” but despite its impressive cast I wasn’t won over because of so many middling reviews. Plus, there’s already Too Much Television (see previous rant). But now the show has gone and given Reese Witherspoon’s character, Bradley, a High Profile Lady Kiss out of nowhere with Julianna Margulies’s guest character, Laura. Though, and again I have never watched this show even once, should we really be that surprised? Her character is named Bradley. Hello. Anyway, now I feel obligated to follow along because that’s a lot of Oscar/Emmy-caliber talent giving traditional Sweeps Weeks Lesbianism the old college try here. I have no context for the moment other than its quick backseat setup. And, uh, it kind of seemed like Bradley did it to get out of a tough spot with Laura. But, whatever, I’ll take it. It’s Reese and Julianna K-I-S-S-I-N-G and that’s enough for me. What? I’m but a simple woman who likes seeing women smooching other women. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. So, subscribers, was there more smooching this week?

No Time Like the Present

Just like probably everyone born after 1963, I read “A Wrinkle in Time” as a kid and loved it. How could you not? A girl travelling through the space time continuum to fight evil and save her family? Hello, yes. And now that the trailer for the new big screen adaptation I have a feeling kids old and young will remember again why they loved this story so much. The first trailer for the film from director Ava DuVernay is a feast for the eyes. And, just as exciting, is how wonderfully diverse the cast is. Look, folks, this is science fiction – we get to make the worlds we want to see. We’re bound by nothing but our imagination. So why not be inclusive? Exactly, no reason at all.

SGALGG & GGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

Maybe, given the makeup of this year’s Golden Globe attendees, I should just change this feature from Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals to Hell Yeah Everyone Is Gay. Fine, we’ll keep it SGALGG. But us gay gals left their mark, and from the looks (an actions) of our straight counterparts there might even be a little LGBT envy happening. But then, who doesn’t feel that when a beautiful women shows up in a tuxedo?

Evan Rachel Wood

The bisexual star said on the red carpet she wore her Dietrich-inspired tux to show women and girls that dresses aren’t a requirement. But also probably a little bit because it’s hot.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet

While the girlfriend is home, the Paulson will peck.

Gillian Anderson

Mostly I just wanted to post a picture of Gillian Anderson, that’s why.

Priyanka Chopra & Sofia Vergara

Clearly Sofia is giving Priyanka her seal of approval here.

Terri Abney & Ruth Negga

Clearly we have interrupted something intimate here.

Viola Davis & Tracee Ellis Ross

Fine, nothing all that gay is happening here. But any day you can post Viola Davis arm porn is a good day.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Reese Witherspoon & Nicole Kidman

When you’re trying to invite someone in to be your third.

Kerry Washington, Georgina Chapman & Naomi Campbell

When you’ve already successfully landed someone to be your third.

Thandie Newton & Zoe Saldana

When two will do just fine, thank you.

Meryl Streep

When you’re on top of your game after hexing an angry, hateful Cheeto.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Where there is an award show there will always be Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. These Oscars are, of course, no different. I mean when you seat Jennifer Lopez next to Meryl Streep, what were you expecting?

Jennifer Lopez & Beyoncé

Fine, if JLo had to trade in Meryl for any other snuggle partner, I guess Queen Bey is an OK substitute. I guess.

Amy Adams & Amanda Peet

All I hear in my head when I look at this picture is “mwah, mwah, mwah” kissing sounds.

Jennifer Aniston & Emma Stone

Starting the Hugs Across America movement all over again.

Jennifer Hudson & Angie Harmon

DOES MAURA KNOW? And on a Gayzzoli Recap Day. For shame.

Reese Witherspoon & Nicole Kidman

Everyone’s a cheater today. Nicole, you’d better hope Naomi Watts doesn’t find out.

Emma Stone & Julianne Moore

This is a two-timing I approve of. I mean, I like Jen. But Julianne all day long.

Iman & Paula Patton

No cheating here. Paula kicked that Blurred Lines idiot to the curb where he belongs.

Patricia Clarkson & Sienna Miller

I’m having major “High Art” flashbacks, minus the heroin.

Natalie Portman & Rashida Jones

Fine, so they’re not acting super gay to each other. But I just dig that they’re friends.

Meryl Streep

Jacket on point.

Scarlett Johansson

Undercut on fleek.

I think Meryl speaks for all of us about Scarlett’s haircut. YAAAAASS.

SGALGG: Lesbian Oscars Edition

God, did you make it through all 127 hours of the Oscars telecast? Did anyone find James Franco’s personality? Or, better yet, could he have just shared whatever he was smoking with all of us. That way it would have been a much more enjoyable experience for all parties involved. Though, despite the show falling in its desperate attempt to be young and breaking its hipness, there were still some quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals moments. I mean, the show’s one conscious host Anne Hathaway herself called it “a great year for lesbians.”

Michelle Willliams & Busy PhillipsBusy was Michele’s date for the Oscars, and they even arrived holding hands. Someone needs to give them a portmanteau tout de suite.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Cameron DiazI can’t tell if I’m more excited by the SGALGGy hug or the arm porn. Probably both.

Sandra Bullock & Halle BerryI will pay good money to whoever has the next photo in this sequence. Kiss her you fool!

Marisa Tomei & Melissa LeoMarisa looks like she’s about to jump into Melissa’s arms. And then, in my head, they do the dramatic lift from “Dirty Dancing.”

Selena Gomez & Taylor SwiftWhile the Bieber kid looks more lesbian, Selena and Taylor make a cuter couple.

Leslie Mann, Emma Stone & Jennifer WestfeldtThe best thing about this picture is how badly Judd Apatow wants to make this a foursome and how defiantly the ladies are keeping it a threesome.

Rosario Dawson & Jennifer HudsonWhat I would not give to hear a “Take Me or Leave Me” duet between those two.

Reese Witherspoon & Elizabeth BanksI’m assuming Reese just said something absolutely filthy about what she was going to do with that finger and Elizabeth approves.

Anne HathawayIf only Anne had hosted with herself and her tuxedoed self, instead of James Franco. It would have been so much more entertaining, and hot.

Lea Michele & Dianna AgronI particularly love how they both look like they’ve been caught in the act. Busted, Achele, busted.

GGALGG Bonus: Lora Hirschberg & her wife LauraOut lesbian sound mixer Lora Hirschberg won for Inception and got a smooch on her way to the stage.

OK, Anne Hathaway, you were right. It was a great year for lesbians, or at least lesbian behavior.

p.s. Check out my full Oscar recap over at AfterEllen.

Tank Top Tuesday

Sometimes simple is best. A quiet evening on the couch. A home-cooked meal. A good book. And, of course, a plain white tank top. Never let it be said that in the hustle and bustle of the modern world, we cannot stop long enough to enjoy the simpler things. In fact, I’d say they were more important now than ever. Granted, I’m not exactly sure how fake mustaches fit into this back-to-basics equation, but I’m happy to let Sarah Silverman try to explain. ‘Tis a gift to be simple, indeed.

Jenny ShimizuClearly, Angelina was powerless to resist.

Naomi WattsNormally I would advise against wearing dark undergarments with a white tank. Normally.

Leighton MeesterWho needs Chuck Bass, anyway?

Jenna FischerThis is why every office should have Casual Fridays.

Kristin Scott ThomasRemember when she said she was a lesbian once in college in “Four Weddings & a Funeral?” Hello, visual aid.

Kristen Stewart

If she wore stuff like this in “Twilight,” maybe I’d finally watch. Maybe.

Reese Witherspoon

Eat your heart out, Ryan Phillippe.

Amanda MooreProving that lesbian style is not an oxymoron

Puttin’ on the Ritz

Nothing classes up a joint like a top hat. It's Monday, heaven only knows how many cups of coffee you've had. Parts of your body (and I'm not saying which parts, I'm classy like that) are still sore from the weekend. So watch these ladies pull something soothing out of their hats for you. Now if only they were all wearing tuxes and tails, too.

Reese WitherspoonNaomi WattsDita Von TeeseNicole KidmanLiv TylerHilary Swank

So, got a favorite? I must admit, no one wears a top hat like Marlene wears a top hat. Le Sigh.