Vacation Vixen: Hannah Hart

Ah, Hannah Hart, we knew you when you were just a drunk gay gal making a mess in her kitchen. Now you’re a drunk gay gal making a mess in her kitchen while wearing an immaculate tuxedo. Or, at least, that’s the video I see playing in my head.

Her Drunk Television

We’re gonna need a bigger kitchen, drunk or otherwise. Professionally Cute Lesbian Who Eats and Cooks For Our Entertainment Hannah Hart of “My Drunk Kitchen” fame has gone and got herself a TeeVee show. The YouTube star has made the leap from computer screen to television screen with her new Food Network series “I Hart Food.” It’s essentially a traveling and eating show, where she goes out and tries yummy things so, you know, right in my wheelhouse. The show debuted last week (you can watch the entire premiere episode here on YouTube, if you want to feel nostalgic for a little Harto in her natural state). And, you’ve got to admit, she had much (much, much, much, much) better hair than Guy Fieri. New episodes air Mondays, so alternative lifestyle haircut lovers and food lovers, get your TV grub on.

My Weekend Party Tips

Hey, are you going to a party this weekend? Have you been to a party ever? Or possibly you hope to go to a party at some point? (Did I cover all of my bases?) Well, then, this right here is the video for you. Professional YouTube Lesbian Extraordinaire Hannah Hart demonstrates what you are actually thinking at almost every party you have ever attended. So, please, learn from her before you head out to that party this weekend. Or realize what you did wrong at that last party you went to. Or know what you should do at the next party you go to. Whew, it’s tough covering all those bases. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Some bonus tips on how to ask girls if they are gay at parties.



p.p.s. Do not use any of these tips.

She's trying to teach me how to bake

Of all the enduring Lesbian Lady Crushes, few are more enduring and lesbian thank our collective crush on Mary-Louise Parker. As soon as we see her we all turn into Idgie, melted immediately at the sight of Ruth. Our hearts scream Towanda! And we’d move an entire lake to somewhere in Georgia with out love. So then please enjoy MLP on this edition of Hannah Hart’s My Drunk Kitchen. Brownies plus Mary-Louise? Yep. I’m in. (Also for a good cause. Not that chocolate isn’t a good cause…)

p.s. Though, let’s give credit where credit is due. This was clearly just a homage to MLP’s best cooking scene ever. Bonus, there was also flour and chocolate.

The P Word

In the spirit of yesterday’s down with the peen point of view post, here are more thoughts on the least welcome member in the lesbian tribe. Yes, ladies who love ladies, let’s talk about penises of the non-detachable (or preferably not detached) variety. Why? Because it’s funny. And they’re funny. And laughing at things which we don’t (or more like don’t want to) understand is a time-honored tradition. Hey, logarithms still crack me up. Long story short, because size really does matter, please press play. I also promise those 2 minutes and 38 seconds are the most I’ll make you ever think about the penis at one time on my blog. And if even that seems too much, there are cute lesbians talking about them. So just press mute.

Be my Valentine

Dearest Kittens,

Happy Valentine’s Day! I know many of us consider this day to be the Hallmarkification of emotion. People in love don’t really need a special day to be reminded of said love, it should be with them everyday. And people not in love certainly don’t need to be reminded of their lovelessness by an overbearing candy-heart industrial complex. Still, it never hurts to let the ones you care about (that being you, dear kittens) that you care about them. That you appreciate them. That you want to see them naked. Wait, what? Just seeing if you were paying attention.

So I’ve dedicated this Valentine’s Day to a love I know we all share. A love that often does not speak its name. And for some of us, the longest love of our lives. Please allow my friend Hannah Hart to serenade you today. This one’s for you, Internet.

Love,
Ms. Snarker