Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Vacation Vixen: Uzo Aduba

Ugh, you know what’s harder than coming back from a holiday weekend? Coming back from an extended holiday weekend mini-vacation. So I’m just going to stretch a little, limber up the little gray cells, and get back into the non-literal saddle. See, Uzo knows how it is done. Rise and grind, kittens.

p.s. Whoops. Obviously I am way out of practice from my little break. Fabulous photo now attached.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Vacation Vixen: Angie Harmon

Fine, I miss this silly show. I miss watching Det. Jane Rizzoli catch bad buys with her Ponytail of Righteous Justice blazing. I miss watching Dr. Maura Isles recite obscure technical factoids. I miss the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching and Eye Sex and Big Gayzzoli Endings. And, damn, do I miss the Aviators of Sexy Justice. Oh well, there are always the memories. And the DVDs. And the recaps.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Vacation Vixen: Katie McGrath

Ugh, Mondays after a holiday weekend are the worst. Luckily, I’m taking a mini-vacation. While I get away and continue to digest all that turkey and fixings, please enjoy Katie McGrath. Look, I know I’m being greedy now. We have Alex Danvers and come-on-and-stop-stalling Maggie Sawyer. But I also know I’m not the only one who totally ships Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor. Come on, the way Lena looks at sweet, bubbly Kara? That’s the classic the-better-to-eat-you-with face. Hey, shows have no problem having more than one straight couple. Why not give us just a little equal opportunity with another queer lady couple on “Supergirl?” Pretty, pretty please?

Friday, November 25, 2016

My Weekend Crush

Dearests. Holiday season has officially begun. Which also means it is also officially “Carol” season. Look, if The Straights can endlessly watch a story about a boy who shoots his eye out every Christmas, we gay ladies can relive the beautiful ache of two women falling in love over a pair of gloves. So enjoy your seasonal rewatch – and rewatch and rewatch and rewatch some more. May you find what you’re looking for – stretched out before you like a perpetual sunrise – this holiday season. You never know who could be starting back over that department store counter. Happy weekend and watching, all.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Eatsgiving

Dearest kittens. May you all have a most relaxing, most enjoyable, most delicious Thanksgiving. Or, at the very least, may you not dump your entire dinner on your lap. Now, if you want to dump your dinner on someone else’s lap, I will allow it. Especially that one uncle who won’t stop crowing about how great America is gonna be again. Bon appetite.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

The Moviefication of Cameron Post

So it’s about time 2016 did us a solid. Granted, nothing can ever forgive this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. Not even close. But we will take any little ray of happiness we can take. And this, this is a big, bright, beautiful ray.

Late last week The Hollywood Reporter broke news that a film version of Emily M. Danforth’s critically acclaimed young adult novel “The Miseducation of Cameron Post” was headed to the big screen. And it will star Chloe Grace Moretz and Sasha Lane and be directed by out queer filmmaker Desiree Akhavan (from “Appropriate Behavior,” “The Slope” and “Girls” fame.) No, this is not a dream. This is more like gay lady heaven.

Set in 1993, the book is about a teenage girl who is forced into so-called gay conversion therapy. You know, the horrible thing our Vice President-Elect Mike Pence thinks we should use taxpayer money to support. So, can anyone say topical?

You might also remember “The Miseducation of Cameron Post” as a book banned by the a Delaware school board from its summer reading list because they claimed it used the word “fuck” too much. Not the gay stuff, they swear. Just the bad swears. Even though, you know, other totally acceptable books on the list also had naughty words but were about not gay people.

It’s also the book my fellow writers from the site formerly known as AfterEllen rallied behind and started a book buying campaign to get it into the hands of teens in the area anyway. Good eggs, that bunch – good eggs.

Right. So, please revel in this lovely news. Films like this, which tell such important and timely stories, can only help in the days, months, years ahead. Art can make a difference, and shine a light exactly where – and when – we need it.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

My God, it has only been two weeks. Two. Weeks. Now only 206 more weeks to go. *laugh cries hysterically* But, dear kittens, we will survive. We will fight. Together. Stronger. Because we’re worth it.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Out, Out, Good Spots

In terrible times, people often show us who they really are. Some people rise to the occasion, others disappoint just as terribly. So one of the few positive things to come from our new national hellscape is the stars who have risen to the occasion.

While some people scoff at celebrities entering the political sphere, I’ve never understood the inclination. The famous and rich are still people. And many of them are even good people. Sure, others are terrible people who become President of the United States. Man, is to going to be a long four years.

Anyway, my point and I do have one, is there are still bright spots in our new, terrifying world. And two of them to celebrate and feel good about are Fifth Harmony singer Lauren Jauregui and “Scream” actress Bex Taylor-Klaus. Late last week both women came out publicly, one through an open letter and another through Twitter, as queer in the wake of Trump’s election.

I recommend, in particular, reading Lauren’s impassioned and articulate open letter to Trump voters. I highly recommend you give the whole thing a read yourself. So very highly. But, if you must skim, some of the best bits include:

Your words are worthless, because your actions have led to the single-handed destruction of all the progress we’ve made socially as a nation…

That’s the “politically correct” behavior you wanna get rid of? You wanna restore America to a world where the human beings around you feel scared to be themselves and live and love freely?...

I am a bisexual Cuban-American woman and I am so proud of it. I am proud to be part of a community that only projects love and education and the support of one another….

We are not "whining" about our presidential choice losing, we are screaming battle cries against those whose political and personal agendas threaten our lives and sanity. We are making sure you hear us, no matter how much it bothers you, we EXIST.
Yeah. What she said. Look, I’m a little on the old side to be a big Fifth Harmony fangirl. But with members as smart and fierce as Lauren, I will happily sing their praises from now on.

Also very praise-worthy is Bex, who TV fans will remember as the queer/genderqueer characters on shows like “The Killing,” “House of Lies” and “Scream.” Before a livestream chat with fans she tweeted this:

The actress, who has identified as straight before to the public, told fans in her livestream she was coming out was a reaction to Trump’s election – thanks to voters in geographically weighed regions based on a system meant to prop up the institution of slavery. (Fine, I added that last part because, Jesus fuck, why do we still have an electoral college?)

According to NewNowNext she said she was “terrified, absolutely terrified” to come out, but:
“Part of why I’m coming out is because there’s so much hate and fear in and around the LGBT community right now and it’s important for us not to halt progress out of fear.

Yes, it’s a scary time, but we need to stand up and say, even if you are afraid, I’m not afraid, or even if I am afraid, I’m strong. I am who I am and you can’t take that away from me.”
And, right there, is the crux of why coming out – especially now, when it might seem even scarier – matters so much. The more people see us, know us, realize we’re everywhere and everyone, the harder it will be for them to legislate away our rights. The harder it will be for them to sympathize with a politician entering the second-highest office in the world who believe you can electro-shock the gay away. The harder it will be to deny our lives. Sure, they’ll still try. But, never forget, there really are more of us than them. Hillary won the popular vote by 1.7 million and counting.

Bravo Lauren, bravo Bex. When people show you who they are, believe them. Sometimes, it might just be wonderful.

Friday, November 18, 2016

My Weekend crush

My God, I’m so tired and he isn’t even president yet. One of the things we’re going to have to constantly remind ourselves in these next interminable four fucking years is to take joy where we can find it. Without enjoying whatever happinesses life gives us, we won’t be able to sustain ourselves through this terrible fight.

It’s also important to note that taking the time for joy does not mean complacency. It does not mean we’re not angry. It means self care and self preservation are part of this struggle.

So this weekend I’m taking a moment to enjoy the simple pleasure of “Supergirl” and Alex Danvers’ coming out story. Now, I don’t know about you but I tagged Alex as one of us from the beginning. There was just something about the way she wore her combat gear. You know – the swagger.

I was, of course, thrilled when the show introduced out-and-proud Maggie Sawyer. We’re talking swagger, squared. But what they’ve done with Alex in particular has been surprisingly nuanced and unexpectedly powerful. Granted, coming out storylines are some of the most overused in Hollywood . But that doesn’t diminish their impact when done right.

This later-in-life realization by the elder Danvers sister no doubt mirrors many of your own experiences. There’s that click – no matter what age – when you realize why you’ve always felt so different for so long. Why things were never quite right before. Why all of a sudden it makes sense.

Kuddos go to Chyler Leigh who has played this part letter perfect. Same goes for how crushed she felt when the object of her affection turns her down. The way she crumpled, damn, we’ve all been there. (Also, WTF, Maggie. Girl, you’ve been giving Alex major flirt face since you met. Don’t even deny it.)

Look, I’m as wary of any new auxiliary lesbian or bisexual character added in to existing TV shows as the next person. We’ve buried way too many gays. And, this being the CW, I can’t say there’s a stellar track record at work here.

But if the writers resist the trope, realize the damage it has wrought, perhaps this show has a chance to make a difference. Supergirl may wear the cape, but Alex could be the hero we’ve been waiting for all along. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Join the Resistance

As I cycle through the stages of grief/panic/outrage/incredulity at this election one of the things I keep coming back to is how none of this is normal. None of this should ever be normal. Yet already we’re seeing efforts to normalize the abnormal and unacceptable. A white supremacist in the White House? Trump’s kids and son-in-law with highest level security clearance? Also did I mention a white supremacist in the White House? It’s OK – give him a chance!

Besides our nation’s continuing and unabated racism, sexism and xenophobia, one of the biggest reasons for this incredible debacle is our post-truth society and the self-selection of news. The sad truth is the vast majority of people tailor their information intake to fit their world view, as opposed to vice versa. “News” to them is just another way to confirm pre-existing ideologies and pre-conceived notions. The Red feed, Blue feed separation on Facebook is very real and very terrifying and very discouraging. Facts simply aren’t the same for everyone anymore. Fake news does better than real news. And it only seems to be getting worse.

Clearly, I don’t know how to fix this. I believe deeply in the core work and worth of journalism – to shed light on the truth and spread information to the masses. But the news business, too, has been caught flat-footed in the face of our divided electorate. Instead of adapting journalism has tried to keep the semblance of absolute objectivity alive – which helped to create the stunning false equivalencies we saw this past election cycle. Trump will ban all Muslims. But Hillary’s EMAILS! Trump will create a deportation force. But Hillary’s EMAILS! Trump hires a white nationalist to run his campaign. But Hillary’s EMAILS! Trump literally bragged about grabbing women without their consent and then more than a dozen came forward to say he did what he says he does to them. But Hillary’s EMAILS!

The truth is everyone has a lot of soul searching and blame to shoulder for what has happened. And no one should shirk the responsibility of accepting and analyzing this painful reality. I know I was too confident, too sure of the America that I thought existed. I was wrong, so very stupidly wrong, about that. (Though, also never forget that more – by the time we are done counting around 2 million more – people voted for her. There really are more of us. Really.)

I say all of this not to wallow, but to recognize what has helped lead us to this horrible place. And one of the small but significant things we can do it to demand that this man, his beliefs and the people he surrounds himself never be normalized. Already we see it creeping in – Oprah says she has hope for Trump, and Tom Hanks says we’ll be all right. Sure, those about to get an enormous tax cut it probably will be. But for the rest of us and those more vulnerable will decidedly not.

So fuck you, Jimmy Fallon. Thanks for ruffling this racist demagogue’s hair like he was just an adorable scamp on the playground. Fuck you, SNL. While I’ll always love Kate McKinnon, I will never forgive you for allowing this unhinged narcissist to goof around like a loveable misfit on your show. Fuck you, People magazine. He sexually assaulted one of your writers and now you’re running soft-focus puff pieces on his incredible journey to the White House. Fuck you, New Balance. You put your ability to make even bigger profits while making shitty sneakers above decrying an unrepentant xenophobe who has emboldening the worst in society.

And let me let out a preemptive primal FUCK YOU to any and all celebrities, politicians, and public figures who decide glad-handing with this deplorable man is more important than standing up for this country’s fundamental principals. We have to demand more from our leaders and our entertainers and our family members.

We must call out all those dare to normalize this man moving forward. Look out for the couched language that allows this to creep in. No, Steve Bannon is not “controversial.” He is a white supremacist. Period. No, Trump isn’t putting his businesses in a “blind trust.” He is creating an enormous and unprecedented conflict of interest by turning it over to his kids. Period. No, Trump should not get credit for not taking a salary. He will no doubt bilk the Secret Service out of millions alone for jetting him and his family around on his privately owned plane – not to mention for going back-and-forth to New York every weekend. Period.

Support the people who fight again him (like some of the worthy groups I mention here). Shame those who seek to normalize him. Stand up to those who support him.

We have to have the hard conversations with the people we love, the people in our own families, whose votes (or inaction) led us here. Like, here’s a fun idea for Thanksgiving. Start talking with your elderly conservative relatives now about how a Ryan-Trump government plans to end Medicare. Explain how it will hurt them and people with disabilities. Don’t let them blame Obamacare. Make them own their choices.

Other than alien overlords finally stepping in and saving us from ourselves, resistance is all we have right now. Resistance is our only defense. Resist, resist, resist.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

We Welcome Our New Alien Overlords

Dear Intergalactic Neighbors:

Yoo-hoo! Hello. Down here. Look, I realize Earth might not be the most appealing prospect right now. Humankind has, once again, gone and made a self-inflicted mess of things. Turns out we’re stunning bad at this whole being in charge of the planet stuff. We keep doing dumb, ridiculous, horrible things to ourselves – and on purpose.

But, here’s the thing, if there was ever a time for benevolent beings from another world to come visit – now would be the time. It’s clear we’re not fit to drive this bus. So if you feel like taking the keys away, we will understand. Really, it’s for our own good. Take us to your leader, she/he/it/them/Zod has to be better than what we have coming.

The time is ripe to active some of your deep operatives living among us. I promise, we will not resist. Yes, I have my strong suspicions about who some of them are (not naming names, but cough Tilda, cough). You have assimilated well. Perhaps you’ve even grown a little fond of us and our quaint provincial mannerisms. I get it, some of us are kinda cute, in spite of ourselves. Still I know deep down you must be continually appalled by our seemingly arbitrary squabbles and seemingly endless capacity for cruelty.

Granted, some of you clearly saw this whole catastrophe coming, since you called so many of your undercover agents back earlier this year before it could all go to hell. You know – David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman.

I’d be angry and shake my fist at the inky black sky for leaving us all alone here, if I didn’t envy your ability to slip the surly bonds of Earth and escape this madness.

Right, so as I was saying, we’re more than ready for our new alien overlords. And, if you would rather not be responsible for all of us on this crazy blue marble (your silence so far clearly indicates our continual status as uninvited guest to the universal block party), we would at least love some serious guidance. So come on down. Though, if you want this handover to go smoothly with as little collateral damage as possible, I suggest you get here before that rotting hate pumpkin gets the nuclear codes. He will, undoubtedly, launch them at you and anyone else who insults him on Twitter. And there’s no much use coming to rescue a bunch of vapor and dust.

Well, thanks for at least listening. You may decide we’re hopeless – many have already. But if you can see it in your heart – or whatever organ/organs govern your sense of goodwill and mercy – please save us form ourselves. We don’t deserve it, but goodness do we need it.

The People of Earth
(Well, at least 47.8% of us Americans - and counting)

p.s. We understand there will probably be probing. We only ask we get to pick our probers.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift

Yes, you’ve watched it already. Probably more than once. Possibly more than a dozen times. Possibly even more than me. Yet with each watching there is something so at once wrenching and healing about this. This is the ache we all feel. This is our broken heart.

I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn't come to fool ya

We can never, ever let this man’s bigoted ideology and most hateful followers actions become normal. But we also have to find enough joy in our own lives to keep fighting.

And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

We are a week into our new, unimaginable reality. There will be so many more long, difficult days ahead. But I’m not giving up, and neither should you.

p.s. SNL should let Kate McKinnon keep playing Hillary as an angry ghost who haunts Trump for the next four years.
p.p.s. Obviously, also give Kate another Emmy immediately.

Monday, November 14, 2016

My Monday Crush

This photo of Hillary Clinton on a quiet hike was the balm my soul needed last week. By now you probably already heard the story of how a woman went for a walk with her daughter in the woods and ran into Hillary and Bill doing the exact same thing with their dogs. Something about her smile here moved me in ways I cannot explain. It is so relaxed. It is so free. She seems so finally free.

Whatever you think of Hillary Clinton, she has been a tireless fighter. She has never given up and has never backed down. The presidency is not her last hurrah, I am sure of this. But it is, I think, the end of her pursuit of public acceptance. She no longer has to be The Hillary Clinton. The microscope, which has always dissected her life down to its smallest incremental elements, no longer matters.

I want to thank her for her 30 years of service to this country. I want to thank her for the inspiration she has been to women and girls. I want to thank her for taking the hits, so many fucking endless hits, and always getting back up. I want to thank her for doing her best. I thought she would be the one to finally prove women can be anything they dream of in this country. She was not. But someone will be. And they will have Hillary Clinton and Susan B. Anthony and Ida B. Wells and Bella Abzug and Shirley Chisholm and countless other tireless women to thank for making that glass ceiling that much easier to crack. I hope she enjoys the rest of her life. I know she will keep doing good. We should, too. Happy new week in our new world, all.

p.s. I am also mad at the press for not telling us how cute the Clinton’s dogs are.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Not Normal

Right, so here is the thing. Someday, soon, I will get back to writing about pop culture and the effervescent delights of entertainment. Someday, soon, I will smiles uncontrollably at the endless beauty of a woman in a tank top or a finely tailored suit. Someday, soon, I will laugh so hard again tears stream from my eyes from something other than panic, fear and unshakable sadness.

I have never felt this way after an election and hope to never, ever again. I suspect many of you feel the same way, too. This deep despair. This isn’t about just losing an election. This is about losing the image I’ve had of America. Plain and simple, I was wrong. We are not the country I thought we were. I was so wrong.

Granted, I wasn’t completely wrong. By the time every last ballot is counted (Jesus, California, get your shit together with mail-in votes), I suspect Hillary Clinton will have won by more than 2 or 3 million in the popular vote. Flat-out, more Americans voted for her. But that doesn’t matter because of our antiquated electoral college system (which was constructed by the Founding Fathers because they didn’t trust the common citizenry to be smart enough to vote for themselves and was reconstructed in the late 18th Century to perpetuate the institution of slavery).

I keep reading how we should understand Trump voters. How we should sympathize with Trump voters. How we have to give Trump voters their due. Sure, fine. OK.

But empathy goes both ways. Where are the stories then about the very real panic and very real fear Hillary supporters feel at this man’s win? This is not about being a sore loser. This is about being terrified at the rights this man will take away and the people this man has emboldened.

Because many people of color, immigrants, Muslims, LGBT people, disabled people, women – we feel our rights and even our lives are more at risk now. The rights to control our bodies, the rights to live peacefully in an adopted homeland, the right to marry who we love, the right to worship other or no gods, the right to affordable health care, the right to walk down the street to buy a bag of Skittles, the right peaceably assemble in protest as our First Amendment enshrines.

Make no mistake he ran on a platform of divisiveness and denigration. He was endorsed by the KKK – THE KKK. Those forces have been unleashed now feel legitimized. They feel safe to say the things once scorned as unspeakable out loud and proud and to our faces. And we haven’t even gotten into what his serial misogyny and history of sexual assault telegraphs to men in America. Go ahead and grab them by the pussy, fellas. Don’t worry, you can still be president.

On Wednesday I spent the whole day wondering if each person I passed voted against my very existence. And, just in case you were wondering, not voting or casting a protest vote ended up meaning the same thing. It meant you didn’t care enough or didn’t think enough about the people this man’s presidency would hurt to vote for the only person who could defeat him. If you loved Obama but didn’t vote for the successor he asked you to, it meant you essentially helped destroy his legacy. That is just a fact. But I’m not trying to shame you if you did that. I really am not. I just want you to never forget this feeling.

So here we are. This is our new reality. In eight years, President Obama never came for your guns, America. Not once. In fact you own more now than ever before in human history. But you can bet Trump will absolutely (try) to build that wall and ban Muslims and Pence will absolutely push to end same-sex marriage and keep trans people from peeing in the bathroom they choose and Ryan will absolutely come for your health care and a woman’s right to choose. They control all the levers of power now and will be the ones filling the Supreme Court. Elections have consequences. These are those consequences.

So where do we go from here? Well, we certainly can’t keep crying every day at random, unexpected moments. I mean we can, and I have. Like, the other day in the optometrist’s office while waiting for my pupils to dilate. Sorry, doc, just devastated that my civil liberties and those of other millions of other Americans will soon be stripped. You know how it goes.

How do we go on from here? Well, we pick ourselves up. We look unblinkingly at all the work to be done. We realize progress isn’t a straight line, it’s a seemingly endless winding road and we will end up in ditches and trenches and sometimes even turning backwards. But the only thing we can do is to keep trying. The only way we get better is if we keep fighting.

And we realize the privileges we have in our own lives as much as possible. And when we hear or see someone more vulnerable than us being hurt or harassed, we step up. We speak out. We speak out when it’s hard especially.

We realize that groups like the American Civil Liberties Union, Planned Parenthood, National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, National Immigration Law Center, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, The Trevor Project, Council on American-Islamic Relations, Sierra Club, International Rescue Committee, Southern Poverty Law Center and others need your time and money more than ever now.

We realize that in 362 days there will be local elections. And in 727 days will be the midterm elections. And in 1,458 days we will vote again for president.

We realize that this is not normal. What this man espouses and how he acts is not normal. And we never let it become normal.

Thursday, November 10, 2016


Forgive me. Today I cannot find the words. I hurt and I know you do, too. Be good to each other. Be kind whenever you can. Now we pick ourselves up and we keep trying. It’s the only thing we can do. It’s the only way we can ever change.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Hate Trumps Love

The simple truth is, hate won.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this. There’s no silver lining. There’s no way to take away this terrible, terrible reality. Hate won.

Whites so thoroughly repudiated people of color. Men so thoroughly repudiated women. Bigots so thoroughly repudiated immigrants. Christians so thoroughly repudiated people of other faiths. Straight people so thoroughly repudiated LGBT people. America so thoroughly repudiated the most qualified person to run for president.

Here we are. Here we really are. A divided country where now half of its citizens live in absolute fear of what this presidency means for their lives. How can we possibly feel welcome in this America? And wasn’t that always the point of his candidacy? To ensure that we didn’t?

Republicans will now have the House, the Senate and the Presidency. They will appoint all of our next Supreme Court Justices.

Goodbye Roe v. Wade. Goodbye ObamaCare. Goodbye LGBT protections. Goodbye Social Security. Goodbye safety net.

Will we try to fight this? Of course, of course we will try to fight this. We must.

But the other truth is we are exhausted. I am exhausted. I’m so tired of having to fight to be seen as a full citizen and human in the eyes of other Americans. I believed in a country that doesn't exist.

I am a woman.

I am a lesbian.

I am a person of color.

I am an immigrant.

I am almost everything this man has vowed to beat back so he can make America “great” again. This is the white supremacy lashing out at an inevitably changing world. This is misogyny punching back at women who dare to achieve. This is the ugliness I always knew existed in the fetid fever swamps, but now realize resides in on every town, in every neighborhood, on every block.

And, almost as bad as allowing such a woefully unqualified bigot to enter the White House, is the people his win empowers. He has given racists, sexists, xenophobes, homophobes a license to continue their campaigns of harassment and hatred. He has given every asshole a reason to gloat. He has made our world irreparably uglier.

I feel so broken right now. I know, it’s not inspiring. I wish I could say we’ll just pick ourselves up and fight even harder today. But right now I just want to sit for a minute with my despair.

And if you vote for a third party candidate or sat this thing out? Yeah, fuck you very much. I hope you feel great about your protest vote. Because it does not absolve you from its impact.

In the end I guess all I want to say is thank you. Thank you, Hillary Clinton. Thank you for for standing tall for 30 years while the world screamed at you for just daring to be yourself. Thank you for always fighting tirelessly for us. You did everything you could to crack that highest, hardest glass ceiling. You didn’t deserve this. And it seems, in the end, we were the ones who didn’t deserve you.

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

I Believe That She Will Win

Well, the campaign is finally over. Now it is up to us. A couple quick reminders, my fellow voters:

- Find your polling place now at
- If you're in line, stay in line even after the polls close.
- Run into any problems call 866-OUR-VOTE.

This is your right. Exercise it with pride and heart. And tomorrow we will wake to a better, kinder America. We got this.

Monday, November 07, 2016

An Ode to Joy This Election. Yes, Joy

This fucking election, amirite?

People have called it unprecedented. People have called it bruising. People have called it hellish. Like, seriously, are we all in Hell and this election is our eternal punishment?

But you know what no one has called this election? Not one single person? No one has called it a joy.

Yet, in so many ways for so many people, this vote on Tuesday will be just that. A joy.

For millions of women. For millions of people of color. For millions of immigrants. For millions of people of other faiths. For millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people. For millions of sane, rational, thoughtful, open-minded, big-hearted Americans casting our ballot for Hillary Clinton will be a fucking joy.

It will be a joy for two reasons. The first, of course, is that is will be a singular, decisive rebuke against Donald Trump. He is unquestionably the most unqualified, most undeserving most unacceptable person to run for President of the United States of America in our lifetime. He is a racist. He is a sexist. He is a xenophobe. He is a homophobe. He is a liar. He is a cheat. He is bigot. He is an unhinged narcissist who brags about sexual assault, gleefully takes credit for other people’s charity and cavalierly postures as a strongman despot.

He is the worst in us. And he has made this entire election almost unbearable.

Yet here we are because a baseline 40 percent of Americans would vote for a steaming pile of garbage as long as you slap a big R on it and promise it will ban abortion, keep out foreigners, repress people of color, put women in their place, allow you to refuse gay people a slice of pizza, make guns easier to buy than a lollipop and TRUMP THAT BITCH.

Never before have I spent so many sleepless nights and groggy mornings worrying about the future of this country and the fate of our democracy. It has gotten to the point where the mere mention of the word “poll” makes me want to rock back-and-forth in the fetal position. When will this long, national panic attack finally be over? Tomorrow, it will be over tomorrow. Happy happy, joy joy.

And yet the real shame of this whole thing – other than our collective shame at ever elevating someone as loathsome as Trump to the level of the presidency – is that it has overshadowed the second joy so many of us feel about this election. And that is the joy of being able to vote for Hillary Clinton.

Now let me stop you right there. Don’t give me any of your BUT EMAILS bullshit. I do not care. I simply, completely, unabashedly do not give one flying fart about her damn emails or private server or the Wikileaks hacks. So she used a private server which she has since apologized for and stopped using. So her campaign staff strategized and tried to beat her opponent. Nothing criminal was found in either case. So give me a break and go shove your false equivalency elsewhere.

Because of all of the nonstop barrage of insanity coming from Trump, because of media’s endless empathy for even the most hateful of his supporters, because of the canard of “economic anxiety” bolstering his candidacy, what has been overlooked are the people – like me and hopefully you – who are genuinely excited to cast our votes for her. I mean, shit, our whole freaking hashtag is “I’m With Her.” Yet where are the stories about those of us with her? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Oh, I see – you’re too busy writing yet another article sympathizing with blue-collar white male anxiety. Got it. Cool, cool.

The desire to normalize the completely abnormal of a candidate who is so openly supported by Nazis, the KKK, white nationalists and Russia (not to mention the FBI) has overshadowed the true history of this election. And is that for the first time in our country’s 240-year history a woman stands at the cusp of becoming President of the United States of America. Women, who make up more than half of the population, could indeed finally break that highest, hardest of glass ceilings.

This is true history. This is, well, huge. Yet we have been so busy worrying about the what if disaster of Trump, we have hardly had time to revel in this epic accomplishment for womankind. And whenever we dare bring it up some jackass yells, “Stop voting with your vagina!” You know what? No, I won’t. Because for the 227-years of the presidency you dudes have been allowed to vote with their dicks. Guess what, fellas? Now it’s our turn. Pussy grabs back. And, oh yeah, our candidate also happens to be the most qualified, the most prepared, the most knowledgeable person on the ballot this year. We are women, and we are going to vote our damn vaginas off this election.

We’re going to vote so the chauvinist dudes at work know their era is ending. We’re going to vote so that jerks on the street demanding we smile know we smile only for ourselves. We’re going to vote so our bosses know they can no longer pass us over in favor of mediocre men. We’re going to vote so that our daughters and our sisters and our mothers and our aunts and our nieces and our grandmothers and our best friends and our girlfriends and our wives and every other women and even ourselves know there is no dream we cannot achieve if we work hard, stay focused, care deeply and never gives up. Even if that dream is to become President of the United States of America.

We’re going to vote because 96 years ago none of us could vote. And for far many of us, women of color in particular, it took even longer to gain that most basic of rights. So when we push that button, fill in that circle, pull that lever it is with the joy of knowing our time has come. The arc of the moral universe has finally bent toward us. And, as long as we keep fighting, it will keep on bending toward justice.

Imagine, if you will, if the national media cared to write about that. Every now and then a tweet about some fierce grandma born before women had the right to vote goes viral. We share posts of women and their daughters going to the polls together arm-in-arm on Facebook. But that joy, the joy of the Hillary voter, it’s been missing from our national discourse. Why? God, so many reasons. Like, I dunno, maybe because sexism and misogyny exist and remain unchecked in our society?

But you know what, who cares. We don’t need your glowing 2,000-word think pieces on us. We know our own hearts. And our hearts are beating out of our chests for Hillary Clinton. So we are spreading that joy with each other. In email chains with Hillary-supporting friends. In secret Facebook groups with Hillary-supporting citizens. In each smile and head nod I get when I wear my “Deal Me In” T-shirt from Hillary-supporting strangers.

We are out there. We are legion. We will win if only we get out there and vote.

So Tuesday, I will don a crisp white shirt for the suffragettes who have come before me and Wonder Woman socks for all of those superheroes still out there fighting every single day. I will go to the polls and I will cast my vote for Hillary Clinton. And I will think of all women – past, present, and future. I will cry. I will most definitely cry. But it won’t be because this infernal, seemingly never-ending hellscape of an election has beaten me down. I will cry for the history of this decision. I will cry for the magnitude of this moment. I will cry at the joy of being able to vote for Hillary Clinton.

No one can take that joy from us. Because, guess what, we’re about to elect our first female president. This is our fucking election, enjoy it.

Sunday, November 06, 2016

Sunday Morning Special Edition About Saturday Night

Perhaps it is this endless election, perhaps it is everything that is at stake, perhaps I am just very, very tired of the ugliness and anger - but this is the very first Saturday Night Live skit that has ever made me cry. On Tuesday, we all get a chance to choose what kind of country we want to live in. Two more days, America.

Friday, November 04, 2016

My Weekend Crush

I admit, I am getting excited for this movie. Could it still suck? Of course it could still suck. But we have so precious few female-fronted superhero films to begin with, we cling to each precious one with such exuberant hope. Could this one really be good? Could it really be the hero we’ve been waiting for? Maybe. But one thing I do know is looking at Wonder Woman through the newly lens of her canonical queerness makes everything better. Bring on the Amazons. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, November 03, 2016

Fly The H

Last night, the Cubs ended a 108-year drought. On Tuesday, women will end a 227-year drought. Look, it’s been a long, strange, insane, maddening, excruciating year. This election is a never-ending hellscape. I have no idea how much I should be panicking right now. But if the freaking Cubs can win the World Series, us ladies can at least give this whole winning the presidency the biggest, hardest swing possible on Nov. 8.

Congrats, Cubbies. Let’s win this thing. I’m with her.

p.s. And if anyone posts that damn photo of her in the Yankees cap, I swear. Yes, she is a lifelong Cubs fan. Also, you’ve never rooted for more than one team? And that photo was from a ceremony when the Yankees came to the White House after winning the World Series. No one ever mentions that Bill wore a damn Yankees cap, too.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

I'd Cross The Ocean For You

When we first heard about “Oceans 8” we were all like, “YAAAS.” So many talented, amazing, crazy hot women in one movie together. And then, then we saw the first set photos. And we are like, “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.” In particular, seeing Cate Blanchett in her sexy Keith Richards gear makes us all like, *INDISTINGUISHABLE GURGLING NOISE*

I want them to show “Oceans 8” and the new “Ghostbusters” as a back-to-back double feature. And I want every self-respecting woman in the world to go see it them. And then I want us to walk out arm-in-arm and greet each man we pass with a knowing laugh. Poor dears. It’s our time now.

p.s. Does it look like Cate is in a modern-day remake of “Carol” with Sandy here? At the very least she’s asking Sandra Bullock if she found some gloves on her counter.

Tuesday, November 01, 2016

Birthday Wishes

Hey! It’s my birthday! And what I want most for my birthday – besides that we elect our first female president in exactly one week – is for all of you to have as wonderful a day as Doccubus, Shoot, Clexa and WayHaught seem to be having in this video. What can you say, I love giving presents almost as much as I love receiving them. Enjoy, kittens.