Friday, September 29, 2006

Battlestar Hotlactica

So I don’t watch Battlestar Galactica (cause, you know, I’m already a geek and I don’t need the extra baggage), but I have noticed that the show is populated almost entirely by hotties. Even better, it’s populated almost entirely by hotties wearing tank tops. This is a fashion choice which I, for one, am entirely in favor of. Who knew space would need such ventilation-friendly attire. I'm still not gonna watch the show, but I may look at the pictures...

My Weekend Crush

Few women are more effortlessly elegant than Audrey Hepburn. She moves beyond beautiful and into exquisite. Not only was she a lovely actress, she was also a tireless humanitarian. Which makes it even more infuriating that those damn Gap ads are using her joyful dance from "Funny Face" to shill their awful skinny jeans. A world of no. I don't care if the company donated an undisclosed amount to the Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund to use her image. And I'm not the only one who thinks it's wrong. The woman worked hard during her lifetime to maintain her legacy. Don't go muck it up to sell a couple pairs of pants. Grace like this was made for a higher purpose. Happy weekend, all.

Sexiest Woman Alive?

So, Esquire in all its infinite wisdom has selected Ms. Johansson as the Sexiest Woman Alive. Hmmm. Have they seen her in a headdress? Cause, that look is not so hot... I will admit, I think Scarlett is a tasty dish. The fact that she can actually act and doesn't appear to be caught up in the starlet party circuit makes her even more attractive. The magazine revealed her identity today, after dropping hints and pictures of the actress on its website. In the cover story, she laments people's interest in her more obvious attributes.

"What about my brain? What about my heart? What about my kidneys and my gallbladder?"
I'm sure those are nice, too. But do they look good in a tube top?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Two great things that go great together?

Behold the first shots of two of America’s hottest young actresses portraying two of England’s most infamous young sisters. Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman are shooting “The Other Boleyn Girl,” portraying the 16th Century Boleyn sisters. I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. It’s not the vortex of hotness I had expected. Maybe it’s those headdresses. Or perhaps it’s the historically-accurate purple track suit Natalie is wearing. Oh well, let's hope for some shots of bodice ripping in the future.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Me and a gun

Well hello. Meet Det. Megan Wheeler. She’s the newest cop in the “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” universe. I’m telling you, it’s all working for me. The badge. The gun. The hair. The freckles. Yum. Playing Wheeler is Julianne Nicholson, taking over for Annabella Sciorra as Chris Noth's partner on CI. Already, the show has teased us with the is-she, isn’t-she a dyke dynamics. A butch female mechanic (bandana, tattoos, tank top, the whole nine) gives her the old up-and-down. And then later in the episode the mechanic continues to probe and casually mentions her own girlfriend. Instead of shutting her down, Wheeler flirts back. A little. She hasn't taken the whole bait yet, but I say let’s keep fishing.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Jagged Little Lesbian

I don't know about you, but I think Alanis Morissette looks less than thrilled that she is being woman-handed by Roma Maffia in this shot. And why is Roma giving her the grandma cheeks treatment? Anyway, images from Alanis' three episode lesbian story arc on Nip/Tuck were released today. Her character, Poppy, plays the love interest for Roma's Dr. Liz Cruz. Maybe she'll be more happy about it after she finishes her coffee.

Deconstructing Harry

Damn. Look at Harry Potter! My how he's grown. Still a little pale, but wow. The boy wizard is turning into the boy stud. Pictures from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" hit the internet today. The film will open July 2007. I have to say while Daniel Radcliffe has changed the most, Emma Watson is no slouch either. Girl looks good. And I'm now going directly to hell for thinking that because she is like 16 years old. Yes, directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Monday, September 25, 2006

It takes one to know one

I think it’s fairly telling that a movie called “Jackass” was the No. 1 film in the country this weekend. God bless America.

Call me (a lesbian) now!

Miss Cleo, the Jamaican-accented psychic of late-night infomercial fame, has come out as a lesbian. I could insert an off-color joke comparing palm reading to a euphemism for a sex act with the female genital at this point, but we’re classy here at Surrenders (hey, stop laughing, we are classy...) However, this news is making me feel a little psychic. I see her cruising the gay bars using that old line, “Baby, you know I can see into the future…”

Where for art thou Jordan Catalano?

So, what the fuck happened to Jared Leto? Remember when he was all dreamy and broody with those pretty eyes on My So-Called Life? I do. I wasn't sure who I thought was cuter, him or Claire Danes. Yeah, it's not much of a contest these days. I mean, he's not the first actor to try his hand at rock stardom (hell, he's not even the only one to try with 30 in his band name). And he's not the first man to wear too much eyeliner (but Bob wore it well, dammit). He's not even the first guy to think he looks awesome with an emo haricut (with ridiculous results). So, why the concern? Because he used to look like this. Sigh.

p.s. Oh, I almost forgot to add that he thinks that "the blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow." Sure, buddy, but that frosty blue eyeshadow is clearly the wave of the future...

Friday, September 22, 2006

My Weekend Crush

¡Muy Caliente! It doesn't get more va-va-voomy than Salma Hayek. This Latin lovely has beauty, brains and bodacious curves. Hubba and bubba. When I saw her during the Oscar telecast earlier this year, I temporarily lost the ability to form multisyllabic phrases. Why she would date Edward Norton for - uh...uhmm...uh - damn, there is goes again. Happy weekend, all.

Life's a drag

These are, hands down, three of the least attractive men in drag I've ever seen. John Travolta, David Spade and Christopher Walken get their girly on with tragic results for upcoming film roles. I believe the appropriate reaction here would be something along the lines of, "My eyes! My eyes!"

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The words get in the way

Diane Sawyer finally got to the gay stuff in the continuation of her Good Morning America interview with Clay Aiken today. When asked, “(Are) you are ready to come out and say you are gay?” Clay’s response was a girly laugh and then to blurt out, “That would not make any sense for me to do that...” Now any normal person would expect him to follow that up with … “because I’m not gay.” But instead he followed it up with a “…I’ve gotten to a point now where I feel it’s kind of invasive.” This is a classic case of what isn’t being said speaking volumes.

I have to tell you, I don’t give a crap about Clay Aiken. I’m not a fan of his music and I’m certainly not a fan of his new, ridiculous face scruff. What I do give a crap about is celebrities who dance around the gay question. Just have the balls to say either, “I’m gay!” or “I’m not gay!” Either shut the public out of your personal life entirely (which means no talking about your Baptist faith, no talking about your mom, no talking about your gawky childhood) or let us in all the way. Don’t give us this “What I do in my private life is nobody’s business anymore, period…at some point it becomes really rude” shit.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Best. Album. Title. Ever.

"I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass."

Yes, you read that right. The new Yo La Tengo CD is really called, "I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass." I just felt like sharing the love.

Oprah is a little gay, pass it on

Rosie O’Donnell thinks Oprah has a touch of the gay. Today on “The View,” Rosie said that the relationship between the Queen of Talk and business partner/best galpal/hetero lifemate Gayle King pings her gaydar. She also refuted Oprah’s claims that just because they aren’t having sex, they aren’t gay.

“They are always together, but you know they are not lovers. But I think that is very typical of gay relationships …You know, two women get together and after year two all they do is spoon. You now what I’m saying. She’s like, ‘Well we’re not having sex. We’re not gay.’ Well, you might be a little bit gay, you’re just not doing it ... Everyone can be a tiny bit gay.”

So, essentially, Ro thinks O has a case of the lesbian bed death. I can see it now, "Tomorrow on Oprah, 10 ways to stop spooning and start screwing!"

Clay tapdances around The Question

American Idol runner-up and object of idolatry for countless middle-aged housewives Clay Aiken kinda, sorta, not-really addressed the persistent gay rumors swirling around him in a People magazine interview. When asked, The Big Gay Question, he responded:
"What do you say (to that question)? ... It's like when I was 8. I remember something would get broken in the house, and Mom and Dad would call me in and say, 'Did you do this?' Well, it didn't matter what I said. The only thing they would believe was yes. ... People are going to believe what they want."

OK, well this person is going to keep believing you're gay. Otherwise, why would you channel your inner k.d. lang with that new look?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The idiot box gets smart

Holy shit. I just watched the premiere of “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” and wow. The series had tons of hype coming into the fall season with critics hailing it as the “Next Big Thing.“ Let me tell you, it lived up to its billing. This show is smart. Whip smart. It’s a show-within-a-show that follows the backstage goings on at a suspiciously “SNL”-like sketch comedy show (hell, it's even on the NBS channel...) that has lost its funny. It opens with the longtime producer having an on-air “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” breakdown about the abysmal state of television. And it only gets better. Plus, while I don’t see any discernable gay content yet, the show stars out actress Sarah Paulson. Interestingly, she plays a devout Christian actress/singer. I know, now you’re thinking, “Damn! Why didn’t I watch.” Fear not, you still can. Through the magic of the interweb, you can catch the whole thing online, today. If you still need convincing, read the raves from my favorite TV columnist Tim Goodman.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Duh news of the day

Get ready for a shock. Willie Nelson was cited today for misdemeanor possession or marijuana and mushrooms. OK, your world can continue spinning now.

UPDATE: In case you were wondering what Willie's stash looks like, here it is. Color me impressed.

Friday, September 15, 2006

My Weekend Crush

Let's go back to basics for this weekend's crush: Billie Holiday. One note, and you knew you were in love. Happy weekend, all.

This is so very wrong

This image is almost to fucked up to post. I think Kate Bosworth is a perfectly nice young actress. She's pretty, a little bland for my taste, but capable. But now, I think she is insane. This is a picture of her a few days ago at Fashion Week in New York City. When you can see the exact contours of your sternum and ribcage without the benefit of an X-ray machine, you are too thin. When will young women realize that starvation is not hot? Not hot! This is ridiculous. And dangerous. And so very wrong.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A great gal exits this world

I was greatly saddened to learn that former Texas Gov. Ann Richards lost her battle with cancer today. I've always loved her, she was so smart and spunky. She flew in the face of the good ol' boys club and did it with flare, style and heart. It is one of the great tragedies of our generation that she lost her relection bid to George W. Bush. Ann was 73. May you find peace in a place as big and beautiful as the Texas sky.

Oh, honey, the hair. The hair.

Juliette Binoche is a lovely actress. Beautiful. Talented. French. Just generally magnifique. But then, I saw this. This is not magnifique. This is apparently what French trailer trash looks like. It's not pretty. Here she is trying to put on a brave face while doing press for her new film "Breaking and Entering" at Toronto International Film Festival today. Even her smile seems to be desperately screaming, "Je sais, je sais! L'horreur, l'horreur!"

UPDATE: What a difference a headband makes. Here is Ms. Binoche later in the day, glammed up for the "Breaking and Entering" premiere. That headband hides an untold number of sins. And a grateful public says "Merci beaucoup."

Oh Hell to the Divorce

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are over. The couple - so cracktastically depicted in the reality series "Being Bobby Brown" (which apparently wafted real-crack out of the television set because it was so darn hard to stop watching) - is headed for divorce court. Whitney's rep confirmed today that the singer intended to file papers, but refused to divulge any further details. The couple has been married for, well - too long, and have one daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Well if those two crazy kids can't make it work, well, I'm sure of lots of other less crazy people can.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Isn't it lesbionic? Don't you think...

Singer and sometimes actress Alanis Morissette will fire back up her sapphic urges to guest-star this season on the FX hit Nip/Tuck. The Canadian star will appear in three episodes of the show as a lesbian named Poppy, girlfriend of Dr. Liz Cruz. This isn't Alanis' first foray into lady love on the small screen. She made a brief appearance as Carrie's first same-sex kiss in season three of "Sex and the City." Hmm, so does that mean that she's got one hand in her pocket, and the other is holding a dental dam?

Saturday Night Travolta

So, how is this for circular logic? "Hairspray" started as a indie cult film by John Waters starring gender-bending drag diva Divine as big mamma Edna Turnblad. It became a Tony-winning Broadway musical starring out actor Harvey Fierstein in the wig and house dress. And now the movie-turned musical is being remade into a mainstream movie starring non-gay (but much rumored about) star John Travolta. As is sadly often the case, the closer the project gets to Hollywood, the less overtly gay it gets. Plus, whoever decided the world wanted to see Travolta in drag should be fired. Seriously. That photo has put me right off lunch.

Monday, September 11, 2006


Life moves along, whether we stop to think or not. The inevitable march forward happens whether we’re happy or sad, rich or poor, loved or lonely. Time is an equalizer, but we do not feel it equally. Take five years. To our planet, it is a hiccup. To a five-year-old, it is a lifetime. To those who lost loved ones five years ago, time may have felt like it stopped. But, still the world turns. Today, let us all stop – if but for a second – to remember. Our lives move along, whether we stop to think or not. But their lives do not. Love more. Hate less. Enjoy every second.

Friday, September 08, 2006

My Weekend Crush

I'm going to start a new feature where I post a pretty picture of a pretty person for your weekend enjoyment each Friday to tide you over until regular posting recommences on Monday. I'll call it My Weekend Crush for, well, obvious reasons. First up, my first girl crush: Miss Jodie Foster. This is circa 1980, right around the time I started to immerse myself in her cinematic talents. Dig those bell bottoms, baby. And those shoes, yeah, those shoes scream of future lesbian tendencies. Happy weekend, all.

Brad and Angie believe marriage = love

Three cheers for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who have decided that they won't tie the knot until everyone can tie the knot. Pitt voiced the couple's support for same-sex marriage rights in a recent cover story for Esquire magazine, thus giving the gays and lesbians of America even more reasons to swoon over them. Quote:
"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."
Lord, they're beautiful and principled. They are perfect.

Imagine all the pageboys living life in peace...

Soooo, does this mean all Asian women are now required to show up in public wearing pageboy caps, John Lennon glasses and black jackets, cause I never got that memo. Here are Sandra Oh (love her) and Yoko Ono (she's cool, too) pictured a day apart at separate events this week. They look like a long lost mother and daughter who have finally found each other and decided they wanted to share everything, including wardrobes, to make up for lost time. That or a May-December pair of lesbian lovers who, as inevitably happens, have started dressing alike.

"That is not where lesbianism is going..."

Since I already love Mary-Louise Parker (Ruth!) and Elizabeth Perkins (uh, "Big!"), it only follows that I should love "Weeds." Now, here is another reason to love it. How funny is this scene between Perkins' mother character and her 13-year-old daughter after she catches her kissing another girl? So funny that I think I'm going to start using, "That is not where lesbianism is going..." as my personal catch phrase. That or "Those are not boobs." Enjoy.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Ellen has a date with Oscar

The lesbian domination of television is in full force. Ellen DeGeneres has danced her way into the hosting gig of next year's Academy Awards ceremony. She has already hosted the Emmys and Grammys (twice). I really hope she wears a tux. Well, that or that swan dress. Yeah, definitely the swan dress.

Paris storms the Bastille

The sweet smell of schadenfreude wafts through the blogosphere today as hotel heiress/party girl/terrible actress/even worse singer Paris Hilton was arrested on DUI charges last night in Hollywood. The proud coiner of the phrase "That's hot" was pulled over by the LAPD for erratic driving, given a field sobriety test (she apparently blew a .08, the legal limit for DUI in California), handcuffed and taken to the police station. Later, she was released on her own recognizance and allowed to go home. Besides the delicious sight of Ms. Hilton in handcuffs, the funniest thing about this whole report is that Paris says she left the party she was attending (where she also says she drank only one margarita) to get an In-N-Out Burger. This mean that, besides being a drunk driver, Paris is also a bad product spokeswoman. Last year, she filmed a commercial for rival burger chain Carl's Jr. Yeah, that's not hot.

Rosie comes up roses

As much as I've bagged on Rosie O'Donnell's spoiling The View (yes, bad pun intended), I am happy to see that she is pulling in viewers. She may be the stereotypical big-mouthed angry lesbian at times, but she is still family. And, as family, I'm always pleased whenever we find mainstream acceptance. And it doesn't get more mainstream, soccer mom, mini van America than The View (except for Oprah, which is its own crazy cult in and of itself). Rosie's debut Tuesday attracted 4.2 million viewers nationwide, representing a 54 percent jump from the same day a year ago when the show had 2.7 million viewers. The show also saw a bump in the coveted 18-49 age group in women. Plus, Rosie did it all with her longtime girlfriend Kelli Carpenter sitting and cheering in the audience. In other good family news, The Ellen DeGeneres Show opened its fourth season on Monday with a record 3.3 rating, which was nearly 30 percent better than its season premiere from 2005. Let the the lesbian dominance of daytime television begin. Toaster ovens for everyone!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Jodie hearts NY(Times)

So admittedly I have posted a lot about Jodie Foster on this blog. Like here. And here. And, yeah, here. And, sure, here. But, I must say I felt a little better about my posting/obsession with Ms. Foster today after the New York Times ran a glowing feature from the set of her new film, “The Brave One.” Come on, even I haven’t gushed that her “famous cheekbones gleam like hatchet blades.” The article gives the photos we’ve been seeing from the Brooklyn set some context. When I saw the above image, I immediately though, “Hey, that girl looks like Lisa Bonet.” And - what do you know - she is Zoe Kravitz, Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz’s 17-year-old daughter. Other interesting tidbits from the article include the fact that Jodie is a “serious NPR-head” and that the scene filmed with Zoe is in the backseat of a car could be misinterpreted as lovemaking and is “very maternal, very sensual.” Hello.