Friday, August 31, 2012

My Weekend Crush

With minimal screen time Kristin Bauer van Straten has been able to have maximum impact on “True Blood.” It’s not just her delivery, which is dry and perfect. Or her look, which is divine and perfect. It’s how she blends elegance, contempt, boredom, amusement, fierceness and shocking flashes of tenderness together effortlessly. Also, let’s be honest, it’s also that eyebrow raise, which is – you guessed it – perfect. Sure, I sang the praises of the Pam/Tara finale moment earlier. But Pam’s evolution on her own is quite a thing as well. Over five seasons Kristin has been able to take Pam from arm candy sidekick to integral emotional touchstone for the show. Without Pam, Eric is just another suave killing machine. Without Pam, Tara is just another confused newbie vamp. Without Pam, who would bring the lesbian weirdness? Let every vampire, werewolf and whathaveyou in Bon Temps lust over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina. I’ll take Pam and her badass bite, thanks to Kristin, any day – and especially night. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

French twist

Right, so here we ugly Americans go remaking another foreign film. Subtitles are apparently unpatriotic. Reading is for sissies. Kidding, kidding! Well, not about the remaking a foreign film thing. The latest is “Passion,” a remake of last year’s French film “Love Crime.” Both films feature two strong female leads playing off one another – a female executive and her seemingly naïve protégé. Both involve strong Sapphic (ugh, I know – that word) overtones which are played up in the trailer. But there is one very obvious difference, minus the language barrier, that leaps out immediately.

Whereas the French original “Love Crime” featured Kristin Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier, the American remake “Passion” stars Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace. Now, I love all these actresses. I think they are tremendously talented. But let’s play a little game of which one of these is not like the other. First, watch both the trailers.

French Version

American Version

Pick up on the difference? No? Maybe some numbers will help.

Rachel McAdams is 33.
Noomi Rapace is 32.
Ludivine Sagnier is 33.
Kristin Scott Thomas is 52.

Bing-bing-bing! We have a winner! The older woman, younger woman dynamic has been eliminated in the American version. Instead it has been replaced by two younger women of the same age. Which, um, huh? Now, I have not seen this movie. I haven’t even seen the French version of the movie. But I know a large component of the French movie was the age difference and the intrinsic power struggle and dynamic it created. But now in the American version, the women only have their stations, not ages, to spar with. And that is just, well, less interesting. Why make the women so close in age? Why not have an older and a younger women face off together? Because it’s hotter when two younger women kiss? Because older women don’t exist in American cinema outside of maternal roles or lovelorn rom-coms? Ugh. Don’t get me started.

Look, “Passion” may be an excellent movie. I probably will see it because I have a fetish for freaky masked sex scenes. Kidding, kidding! But I am nonetheless annoyed that we had to go take out the old(er) lady and put in two younger hotties instead in the remake. Oh, America.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Modern times

If you are being a masochist and watching the Republican National Convention this week, you are probably hearing a lot of things that sound like the above coming out of a people’s mouths. It’s enough to drive a woman to drink – fine, to drink more. As another presidential election year grinds on, I’m reminded that it was just four years ago when my state chose to take away a right from an entire segment of the population. When the people of my state, some of them neighbors, decided that we should not be allowed the same things they are allowed. That we were not equal. But, from the horrible ashes of Prop. 8 has come change – real change. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is gone. We have our very first sitting President come out and say publically he believes gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. And opinions really are changing – now more people in public opinion polls say they support gay marriage than don’t support gay marriage. Not that it should be a popularity contest. That’s the thing about rights, no one should be able to take them away from you. But still, hearts and minds matter. So, on this week that we’re being pummeled with a lot of rich, privileged people saying how much they love America – just not all Americans – please enjoy this little ditty about “Modern Love” by Matt Nathanson. I know I did.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Meet your maker

WARNING: “True Blood” season finale spoilers. Or as I like to call, “What the fuck was that?”

Right, so I think we can all agree this season of “True Blood” was, well, not good. Pretty bad. Shit, let’s get real – it was a hot, hot mess of a mess. The main problem with the fifth season was that it was segregated into a million small, separate stories where none of the characters talked to anyone but the people in their small, separate stories. Bill didn’t talk to Sookie. Sookie didn’t talk to Eric. Eric didn’t talk to Pam. Pam didn’t talk hardly at all. This strange compartmentalized season had a million small, separate stories I didn’t care one whoop about. Terry and the smoke monster. Andy and the fairy quintuplets. Alcide and the pack. Hoyt and the Obamas. I just really didn’t care. (Well I cared a little bit about Hoyt, but mostly because I care about Jessica.) Oh, and Russell Edgington – I really fucking hate Russell Edgington. Though Eric killing him felt even better than I thought it would. Plus the whole tiresome religious zealot allegory told via Lilith and The Authority? Pat Robertson exists already – I don’t need to be reminded of that sort of bullshit on my silly, sexy vampire show.

But here’s the thing that if not redeemed the season (because, really, I cannot overstate what a hot, hot mess of a mess it was) is the Pam and Tara relationship. Pam turning Tara. Pam teaching Tara, reluctantly. Tara caring for Pam, reluctantly. And then, well, the kiss. That kiss was something. Sure we all saw (or at least hoped we saw) it coming. Pam and Tara together? That’s HOT. But it also makes a strange kind of sense. In fact it’s the only thing that makes sense in this screwy, sloppy season. All Pam’s vampire life the only other person she has cared for was Eric. And all of Tara’s human life, the only people she has cared for are Sookie and Lafayette. And then Eric releases Pam. And then Sookie and Lafayette turn Tara. And those two, all they have is each other. They hate it at first, naturally. But despite it all a bond forms. A bond built out of earned respect and mutual admiration. These are both tough, tough women. These are both survivors. Is it slightly maternal? Sure. But remember Bill slept with his maker Lorena for decades. And Eric sleeps with his sister. Incest isn’t really a thing in the vampire world, so cool your outrage jets folks.

So what will keep me coming back for “True Blood” season 6? Definitely not Billith the bloody tampon monster. Nope, it’ll be the love – hard-earned and well-deserved – between Pam and Tara. In a season that went from ridiculous to “bitch, please,” it was the one true moment of tenderness that didn’t feel farcical. With any luck, come season 6, we’ll finally be able to see that date they owe each other. Because, come on, hot.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Streep spectacle

It’s Monday. I can’t really deal either. Please enjoy the sublime spectacle of Meryl Streep putting on her spectacles. It’s the simple things.

Friday, August 24, 2012

My Weekend Crush

You’d have to be living under a very large, very peaceful rock not to know who Rep. Todd Akin is. Mr. Legitimate Rape. Mr. Shutting That Whole Thing Down. Mr. I Misspoke Which Means I Said the Things I Truly Believe in Front of a TV Camera. You know, that guy. But not as many people know his Democratic opponent, incumbent Sen. Claire McCaskill. That’s a shame, because Claire is by all accounts a pretty kick-ass lady. She entered the Senate in 2006 as Missouri’s first elected female senator. She previously served as a prosecutor where she handled largely sex crimes, homicides and arson cases. She is one of 17 sitting female U.S. Senators currently, out of 100 total senators. And the Republicans really, really want to win back her seat in November.

Claire is known for being feisty and unwilling to mince words. She has raked the likes of big oil and Wall Street over the proverbial coals during hearing after hearing. She’s taken on earmarks and executive bonuses and veteran benefit cuts. In short, she’s a woman who is more than willing to call a shitty deal a shitty deal on the record. Sure, we may quibble she hasn’t been as progressive as some might like. But she’s running in a state where until this weekend her Republican opponent was beating her by 8 percent and even after the rest of the country realized what a fact-hating, rape-categorizing, slut-shaming, plain old dumbass he was is still leading by 1 percent. (He also hate The Gays and thinks global warming is bunk science, naturally. And he is staying in the race because he says he only misspoke “one word in one sentence on one day.”) So I’ll cut Claire a little slack. Missouri ain’t Berkeley. Claire also happens to be funny, articulate and very, very smart. She is one of the Senate’s most popular and prolific Twitter users. And if you like facts and hate men who make them up in order to control women’s bodies, consider donating to her campaign. And if you live in Missouri, show her the love in the ballot box. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Gender Fuck Thursday: Gray Days Edition

I’ve been in a rather gray mood this week. The ridiculous realities of our political landscape and cultural discourse tend have a way of bringing a gal down. But I am determined to turn that frown upside down. Gray skies are gonna clear up and all. So let’s celebrate gray in all its glory. Sure, the black suit gets all the formal occasions. But a nice gray suit can really cheer a gal up when worn on the right gal. Case in point, these ladies. See, things are looking better already.

Emma Watson
Hermione went to college and joined the Newsboys Club.

Isabella Rossellini
I love a woman who ages with dignity, and in a suit.

Janelle Monae
She’s easy breezy and then some.

Ellen DeGeneres
So is Ellen, but we knew that already.

Karen Gillan
Sept. 1, I’ll be there.

Evan Rachel Wood
Vests count too. Possibly double. Possibly triple with those suspenders – and hair.

Rashida Jones
I’ve decided to adopt Ann Perkins’ description of Leslie Knope as my new personal mantra: “She’s a little doofy, but she’s sweet.”

Scarlett Johansson
She makes a rather dapper Buster Keaton. Who knew?

Angie Harmon
I miss Det. Sexy McBadass and her Ponytail of Righteous Justice.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Like, OMG

Oh my God, is it seriously only Wednesday? What a long fucking week already. So here in honor of my incredulity of there still being three whole days left in this week is a supercut of the universe’s No. 1 skeptic being shocked into a stunned state of OMG. Couldn’t have said it better myself, Scully.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Golden gals

Man, I miss the Olympics. It’s not just the amazing abs and the bulging biceps and the spectacular specimens of human evolution that I miss. OK, sure, I do miss those. A lot. So much. Sigh. But what I miss the most if the showcase this year’s Olympic Games gave to female athletes. This was the first time every single country fielded female athletes. This was the first time the United States had more female athletes than male. And this was the first time the U.S. women won nearly twice as many medals – 100 to 59 – than men. And our women also won more gold medals than all but two total countries. Yeah, ladies kicked ass. So in this unsettling time when once again a lot of men are talking about what’s good/right/biologically possible for women, let’s look back and remind ourselves how phenomenal we really are. In days like these we should all take a cue from Carmelita Jeter of the gold-winning and world record-breaking U.S. women’s 4x100m relay team and point it out to those who simply can’t see. We are women, we are golden. Don’t you fucking forget it.

A few more golden gals from the 2012 London Olympic Games (click any and all to embiggen):

Jessica Ennis, Great Britain, heptathlon, gold
She made millions of lesbians Google “heptathlon” in hopes learning the secrets to six-pack abs.

Lisa Carrington, New Zealand, canoe, gold
She makes me want to row, row, row something – and not a boat.

Jong Sim Rim, North Korea, weightlifting, gold
She weighs about 140 pounds and lifted a combined 575 pounds. Respect.

Missy Franklin, U.S., swimming, four golds
She is just 17. Can’t wait until Rio.

Sue Bird, US, basketball, gold
She gets bonus points for being guarded by French player Celine Dumerc and her alternative lifestyle haircut.

Ning Ding, China, table tennis, gold
She probably won by more than a nose. But, you know I can never resist the easy joke.

Sally Pearson, Australia, 100m hurdles, gold
She actually did win by about a nose – well, chest. Ahem.

Aly Raisman, U.S., gymnastics, two golds
She even impressed McKayla.

Jennifer Suhr, U.S., pole vault, gold
She showed Superman what up, up and away really looks like.

Kaori Icho, Japan, freestyle wrestling, gold
She won the gold for the third consecutive time in the Olympics – corn rows and all.

Claressa Shields, U.S., middle weight boxing, gold
She was the only American boxer to win gold – male or female. Million dollar that, baby.

Laura Asadauskaite, Lithuania, pentathlon, gold
She can even shoot with her eyes closed, apparently

Carlien Dirkse van den Heuvel, Maartje Paumen & Eva De Goede, Netherlands, field hockey, gold
Carlien and Maartje scored the winning goals for the Netherlands. And they’re also the Dutch team’s out lesbian couple. They’re what I call a big, gay two-fer.

Norwegian Handball Team, gold
Fine, I also really, really miss all their abs.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Shutting their whole thing down

I didn’t intend to start Monday off being mad. I had every intention of starting off this week on a nice, even keel ready to tackle life’s with a smile. But FUCK THAT SHIT. Because now, now I’m mad. I’m so mad. Truth be told, I’ve been so mad for a while, but every once while something comes so outrageous comes around that it ignites my rage aknew and I simply want to scream into the primal abyss that passes as political discourse today.

Today’s source of my madness comes from U.S. Representative Todd Akin, the Republican candidate running for the Senate in Missouri. On Friday, he said out loud in a televised interview that:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

I know. I know! I FUCKING KNOW! So many, many, everything is wrong about this statement. The bunk science. The victim blaming. The whole idea of “legitimate rape.” And it only gets more wrong when you learn a couple of key facts about Rep. Akin.

1) Rep. Akin is currently a member of the House of Representatives Science, Space and Technology Committee.

2) Rep. Akin is currently beating his Democratic opponent, sitting U.S. Senator Claire McCaskill in the polls 49.7 percent to 41.3 percent.

Rep. Akin of course issues a statement saying he “misspoke,” which means he allowed what he really thinks to be recorded and televised. But there is no mis-anything when it comes to his record on women. Here are his own words again in the very same interview when he followed up his belief that legitimately raped women magically “shut that whole thing down”:

“Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

Yes, let’s punish the rapist by punishing the rape victim by making her carry his unwanted child to term. That sounds legitimate. Akin’s vehemently anti-choice voting record speaks volumes. He is clearly against all abortion, even in cases or rape. He is against the morning after pill. He even co-sponsored that horrible bill last year that would have defined rape only as “forcible rape.”

Yeah, and, let me repeat this again – THIS GUY IS WINNING IN THE POLLS.

The thing that makes me even madder is that Rep. Akin and his beliefs are no isolated event. This is not one lone yahoo in a see of otherwise sane public servants. This is a prevailing view in one wing of our political system. This is the Republican’s War on Women. No, GOP, we didn’t make it up – you guys keep assaulting our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness by trying to control our bodies. That’s how you get a Rep. Paul Ryan lands on the ticket for Vice President. That’s how we get a sitting member of the House of Representatives who serves on its Science Committee saying women who are “legitimately raped” – not to be confused with all those wanton sluts who were asking for it – have some sort of magic venom in their vaginas that shuts that whole things down.

Because, you see, what I understand from doctors [namely a 1996 study by the American Journal of Obstetricians and Gynecologists] is that “rape-related pregnancy occurs with significant frequency” and is “a cause of many unwanted pregnancies” to the tune of 32,101 each year.

I am so tired, so sick and tired, of rich white men telling what I can and can’t do with my body. Who I can love and who I can’t love. What rape is legitimate and what rape isn’t legitimate.

If only my female body had a way to try to shut that whole Rep. Todd Akin thing down. Oh, wait, it does – it’s called voting.

p.s. Please consider donating to Sen. Claire McCaskill, who in addition to not being a misogynistic idiot like her opponent, is a really cool lady and a kickass senator.

Friday, August 17, 2012

My Weekend Crush

The world will be throwing one hell of a Pussy Riot tonight. Members of the feminist Russian punk band Pussy Riot was sentenced to two years in prison today for the charge of “hooliganism,” or a little something most of the rest of us call free speech. The trio – Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Yekaterina Samutsevich and Maria Alyokhina – were arrested in March for performing an anti-Putin song on the altar of the Cathedral of Christ the Savior two weeks earlier. Since then they’ve been jailed and their cause has drawn national attention and support from the likes of Madonna, Kathleen Hanna, Peter Gabriel and Chloe Sevigny. Their supporters have also coined my favorite slogan of all time, “Free Pussy Riot.” But today in Moscow the sentence was handed down during the course of a two and a half hour reading of the damning evidence against them. According to Jezebel, those included “provocative” behavior, engaging in “homosexual propaganda” and being “motivated by religious enmity and hatred.” The religious persecution stuff was a large crux of the state’s argument with witnesses saying the group had caused them “moral harm,” which, let’s be real – phooey.

All this comes on the same day that a Moscow court banned gay pride celebrations in the city for the next 100 years. Yes, ONE HUNDRED YEARS. Yeah, it’s a bad day to be a freedom-loving Muscovite. The women of Pussy Riot have remained resolute and defiant in the face of such tyranny. Their restated their opposition today and even laughed as some of the “evidence” was read. As absurd as all this sounds to our ears, it’s a very real reminder that freedom of speech and the right to protest are still not universal. That women, especially those who assert their rights, are still being quashed and quieted. That simple act of being yourself can be criminal. So we can’t stop fighting until it isn’t. FREE PUSSY RIOT. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Added bonus, the fact that now news anchors across the world must actually say the words “Pussy Riot.”

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Perfect ten hut

A lot of kind of gayish things happened this past week. Miley Cyrus got an alternative lifestyle haircut. Gillian Anderson said she only did that alternative lifestyle thing that once. And Anderson Cooper’s boyfriend took alternative to mean additional when he was caught kissing some other guy in Central Park. But amid the frivolous flotsam that keeps things fun, was one very significant event.

The United States Armed Forced promoted its very first openly gay general. Twenty-six year Army veteran Tammy Smith was promoted to brigadier general, making her the first general to come out while still serving. Her wife, Tracey Hepner, pinned her star onto her uniform in a private ceremony at Women’s Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery last Friday.

Smith told NPR Talk of the Nation that the she felt “full, authentic and complete performing that ceremony with my family.” She said before the repeal she was forced to compartmentalize her professional and personal lives, a not-so-neat trick so many of us are terribly familiar with. Tracey didn’t attend events with her before. Now she does.

This moment was, of course, brought to us directly by the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the policy that forced had previously our brave military men and women to serve in silence. Think about that when folks get apathetic about voting this November. Those two rich white guys with names who start with R both very much want to bring back “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – in addition to various other parts of the Stone Age.

Of course, some folks will say what’s the big whoop? This is just another soldier being promoted for hard work and faithful dedication. Others will say it isn’t enough. This is just show because while Tracey was able to publicly attend the ceremony, she still won’t be eligible to receive her wife’s military benefits. All of this is true. But there is always a first and it will always be important. There is value and strength being reminded that we are everywhere and are capable of doing everything. May there be many more out generals and may there be more steps toward full equality. A grateful nation thanks you, Brig. Gen. Smith.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Teen Lesbian Wolf

You know when you hear a potential storyline and think, yeah, that’ll never get made? Well, color me wrong. That teenage lesbian werewolf movie (say that six times fast) actually got made. Yes, actually. It actually has a trailer and actually will be coming to VOD and theaters this fall. Yes, actually. That little teenage lesbian werewolf ditty about “Jack & Diane” is coming to the screen.

Sure, it didn’t end up starring Ellen Page and Olivia Thirlby as originally planned. But Juno Temple and Riley Keogh stepped in with an assist from Kylie Minogue to challenge take a bite out of the coveted werewolf market. (I’m kidding, that’s not really a thing. Just don’t tell Team Jacob fans, ok?) The result looks like a cross between “All Over Me,” “An American Werewolf in London” and every microscopic forensic scene from “CSI.” Think I’m kidding, see for yourself.

Will it be any good? I really don’t know. But haven’t we all already won because a teenage lesbian werewolf movie exists in the first place. Now that’s almost reason enough to howl at the moon. Almost.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Army strong

Trigger Warning: Rape and sexual assault trigger warning.

Yes, I still miss the Olympics. But you know what helps a little? Seeing Jennifer Beals and Troian Bellisario acting together – and in uniform no less. Remember back in May when I got all excited about the WIGS webseries? Well the Beals/Bellisario episodes, called “Lauren,” have just been posted. Let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. This is not Bette Porter and this is not Spencer Hastings. But these are two very strong, very compelling female characters with a very strong, very compelling story to tell. And a hard one to watch as well.

To be honest, I almost didn’t keep watching when I realized the story was about a soldier’s gang rape by members of her own platoon. For sure, it is an important story to tell. As the series says, more than 3,000 sexual assaults are reported in the U.S. Military last year. And those were just the reported ones. But it’s just this kind of injustice in the face of ingrained misogyny and patriarchy are always hard to watch. And, yes, it’s hard to see the artist formerly known as Bette Porter defending the system instead of the victim. But, this is just the first episode of three. So, I fully expect things to if not change at least deepen in complexity.

So will I keep watching until the end? Yes. Because it is an important story. Because it is well acted. Because it is important to support female-centric projects in a male-centric industry. And because it’s tripping me out seeing Bette talk in a Southern accent. But mostly all that other stuff. For more on Beals' decision to take the role, check out her interview at AfterEllen. Stay brave, soldier, stay brave.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Victory dance

I miss the Olympics. Like a lot. Like a lot a lot. Like so much I have resorted to consoling myself by completing menial tasks, then raising my arms in mock victory and humming the national anthem during a pretend medal ceremony. OK, not really. But in my heart, yes. So this Monday after we’ve all recovered from our Olympic hangover, please celebrate with a victory dance à la our esteemed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Hilz for Rump Shaker in Chief 2012. Oh yeah, 30 seconds in you’ll be feeling me.

Friday, August 10, 2012

My Weekend Crush

Oh, those glorious golden goal-scoring goddess. Look, I’m not the kind of person to go on and on about American exceptionalism. Honestly, I don’t think it exists as a singular concept. We all have the ability to be exceptional. Borders are just lines drawn on the ground. That said, I do believe in celebrating exceptionalism of all kinds when it happens. So, you know, congratu-fucking-lations Team USA! We could talk for hours about blown calls and bad calls. And certainly, there were both. But you can’t fault these ladies hearts. You can’t fault their fight. Their determination to leave every last drop of their humanness on the field. And that they did. And gold they won.

I have never been a sporty person, this is no secret. I’m more of the trip on air, spill my drink for no reason kind of person. But I sure do appreciate those who work and sweat and toil and persevere. Which, in part, is why I love the Olympics so much. The Olympics are the culmination of hard work and big dreams. It’s where tangible physical training and the ethereal human spirit meet to make 14 days of magic. I love it all from the parading of athletes into the arena to the extinguishing of the torch and promise that the youth of the world will reassemble in four years. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the Olympics (minus some serious grumbles about programming schedules and the inability to avoid spoilers). And I’ve unabashedly enjoyed the women’s soccer competition. Was I an unapologetic homer? You bet I was. Am I in awe of all the countries’ teams and astonishing play? You better bet even more I was. Congratulations to all the teams, including bronze medalist Canada and silver medalist Japan.

And with that, let’s wallow in a little Team USA porn, shall we? Yes, we very much shall. Thank you, world. Let’s do it again in four year. Happy weekend, all.

[Click any and all to enlarge]

Freeze Frame
What I love here is the variations of “OH SHIT” on all the US players’ faces.

Ohno She Di’int
Yeah, I went there.

Jump Jump
In case you were worried the game didn’t feature a Pinoe Leap. Fear not, it did.

Old Glory
They’ll be proud way past twilight’s last gleaming.

Power Lloyd
Move over Dobler, this is my favorite Lloyd now.

I could have used this one yesterday, ladies.

BONUS: Shirtless Pinoe: The Experience in Three Parts

BONUS BONUS: Hell, year, there’s a Party in the USA!

Thursday, August 09, 2012

SGALGG: Olympic Kiss Edition

Whenever I do a themed picture post, I inevitably always get the “BUT YOU MISSED…” comments. Which, of course, I did. There is no way for me to include every single photo when I curate my compilations. But sometimes when the source material is so good, the sheer quantity so massive, you are forced to go back to the well for another heaping helping. But today, instead of just the joy of women celebrating together, we celebrate the job of women kissing together. Because going for the gold wouldn’t be complete without victorious sweet lady kisses. Smooch on, world.

Aliya Mustafina, Russia & Gabby Douglas, US, gymnastics
Musty seemed much more into her kiss with fellow Russian teammate Victoria Komova than Gabby. The Cold War continues, I guess.

Ona Carbonell Ballestero & Andrea Fuentes Fache, Spain, synchronized swimming
Silver in synchronized swimming, gold in synchronized kissing.

Daria Iushko & Kysenia Sydorenko, Ukraine, synchronized swimming
But this kiss is the one that caused the biggest, shall we say, waves in the pool.
[Hat tip for the photo, Margaret in Boston!]

Adriana Araujo, Brazil & Saida Khassenova, Kazakhstan, lightweight boxing
Tough sport, tender moment.

Erica Matos, Brazil & Karlha Magliocco, Venezuela, flyweight boxing
Seriously, all fights should end with a kiss.

Kim Ji-yeon, South Korea & Olga Kharlan, Ukraine, sabre fencing
If you can’t steal in a kiss on the medal stand, where can you?

Britta Heidemann, Germany & Yana Shemyakina, Ukraine, epee fencing
Now that’s what I call getting your parry and thrust on.

Elisabeth Pinedo Saenz & teammate, Spain, handball
In the absence of softball, I believe handball has taken over as the gayest “ball” sport at the Olympics.

Chana Masson & Deonise Cavaleiro, Brazil, handball
I rest my case.

Juliana Silva & Larissa Franca, Brazil, beach volleyball
Women in bikinis kissing? God bless you, Olympics.

Anastasia Zueva, Russia & Elizabeth Beisel, US, swimming
Women in swimsuits kissing? Really, Olympics, you are too kind.

Misty May-Treanor/Kerri Walsh Jennings & Jennifer Kessy/April Ross, US, volleyball
Many of you complained about my lack of beach volleyball love. Trust me, I love it. I particularly love how Misty May and Kerru held hands throughout the medal ceremony and then through the entire post-match interview with Bob Costas. They didn’t even need to kiss, they were that married.