Ellen + Evan = LezCrush Squared

Go ahead, call me a horrible person, but the first thing I thought when it was announced that Evan Rachel Wood and her husband Jamie Bell were splitting up late last week was, “Oooh, I hope she hooks up with Ellen Page now.” Yes, like I said – I’m a horrible person. Look, breakups are always sad and more so when there is a child involved. It can’t be easy. But, admit it, we all have Fantasy Celebrity Couple Crushes we want to see happen. And this is one of them. (For further reference, please see past Fantasy Celebrity Couple Crush Ellen and Clea – though given recent revelations the “Fantasy” part may now be more in question.)

The thing about this FCCC (yes, I’ve acronymized it, so sue me) is how perfect it would be if it happened. They’re both talented actresses. They’re both out. They’re both into totally lezzie trucker hats. See, perfect. Of course, they’re probably just really good friends, yadda yadda. Plus they’re playing sisters in the new post-apocalyptic drama “Into the Forest.” And Ellen just called Evan her “good pal (and movie sister).” So no one is really down with movie incest, no matter how many times they might have watched “Sister, My Sister” in their youth. But still, the dream is so hard to shake. Just imagine the possibilities. The tomboy fierceness would be off the charts. I mean, I don’t even think they make enough Wildfang clothing to cover it all. Sigh, well, I guess that’s why they call it a fantasy.

p.s. Duuuude, how excited are you about “Into the Forest?” SO EXCITED. Ellen and Evan and out director out filmmaker Patricia Rozema – whose previous credits include “When Night Is Falling,” “Mansfield Park” and “I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing” – all working together? YES and PLEASE.

Breakin’ up is hard to do

Sigh. I was hoping to ignore the ubiquitous “Jodie and the Homewrecker” stories out there this past week, but the dozen or so emails on the subject sitting patiently in my inbox cannot be ignored. (Seriously, I’m not ignoring all you – I’m just terribly behind on my emails.) So, here is the thing. I know this photo of Jodie Foster and her supposed new girlfriend Cynthia Mort has popped up online. I know the backstory. (Cynthia was a screenwriter on “The Brave One” and they met on the set.) I know it’s supposedly shocking to Hollywood insiders. I know.

Is it true? Sigh. I have no idea. Is it more than a little sad? Yes, very much yes. Breakups are almost always sad. Breakups with kids involved are always, always sad. And public breakups are a sad spectacle I don’t wish on anyone. May Jodie and Cydney have the time and privacy to sort it all out together.

What I do find interesting about this “story” is how it has been covered around the globe. And when I say globe, I mean globe. A quick Google News search found an item on a news site in Azerbaijan. No, really. But, leave it to the Brits to give us the most gossipy take of all. The adjective usage in the Daily Mail piece alone makes it an (unintentionally) hilarious read. Also, anytime someone writes about the “Pink Mafia” I giggle. Really, I think it’s the only appropriate response.

The only real “news” I could glean from this whole sad spectacle is that Cynthia Mort’s ex is ex-“thirtysomething”-star Melanie Mayron. OK, this dates me a bit, but I used to love “thirtysomething.” Granted, I was a teenager at the time and enamored with the thought of grown-up problems. But it was by the same folks who made “My So-Called Life,” so it was actually pretty good, yuppie angst and all. I had no idea Melanie was gay. (Though I have since learned she was in “The Itty Bitty Titty Committee,” which I have yet to see). She always intrigued me with her funky clothes and funkier glasses. And her cute red hair was kinda short. But I always thought her penchant for blazers with the sleeves rolled up was because it was the 80s. Guess my teenage gaydar wasn’t as finely honed at it is now. Live and learn.

Say it ain’t so

I am going to hedge this post with a simple warning: consider the source. The National Enquirer, that pillar of journalistic ethics, is reporting that Jodie Foster and her long-time partner Cydney Bernard have split. Their exact headline elegantly reads: JODIE DUMPS GIRLFRIEND. Of course, this being age of the endless links, this story spread like wildfire among the blogs and tabloids. Three people emailed it to me yesterday and I’ve found it countless times myself with a simple spin around The Internets.

If this is true, it makes me very sad. But that is a big if. This is a publication where 99 percent of the headlines include the words “EXPOSED,” “RAMPAGE,” “CHEATING” or “LOVE CHILD.” So, you know, grab that salt shaker.

Still, what makes me a little more worried about the likelihood of this particular if is that the same rumor surfaced about two months ago around the time of the “Nim’s Island” premiere. Jodie and her sons, Charles and Kit, went on vacation in Australia and were spotted frolicking on the beach without Cydney. Where is she! They’ve broken up! Call the lawyers! Silly? Of course. I paid it no mind.

Then people started to notice the ring. Jodie was showing up to events without the Tiffany eternity band she wears on her ring finger. I thought this was also a sham, so I went into some photo archives to look. But, sure enough, the ring wasn’t there at several events. Or, if it was there, it was on the wrong hand. And sometimes it was a different ring altogether. Huh? In August 2007 Jodie told More magazine:

“I’ve always worn a ring. Even taking photos. Even on magazine covers. I don’t take it off.”

Um, ruh-roh? So I went back further in the archives and found that she has worn the same ring or ring pairing at public events on her ring finger consistently since at least 1998. Besides feeling none-too proud of myself for insanely stalking Jodie’s ring finger, I got worried. Could the rumor mill be true? And why wasn’t Cydney spotted anywhere in the background at any of the Nim’s press events?

And then my compatriot in Jodie love, cappuccinogirl, sent me this shot of Cydney with the kids at the Nim’s premiere. Rumors squelched. All was right with the world. I could now delete the embarrassing number of high-res photos I found of Jodie and the ring from my hard drive. More importantly, I could go finally wash the stalker right out of my hair.

So, now, this. Could it actually be true? Heck, I don’t know any more than the next nut with wi-fi and the ability to Google “Jodie Foster breakup.” I really hope it isn’t. These women have 14 years together. They have two sons together. That’s a family and a life and a lot of heartache for all involved.

What would make this potential split even more sad is that it comes just five months after the “My beautiful Cydney” heard around the world. Never before has Jodie been more public, even if in a sly way, about her love for another woman. And now potentially this. If anything, this might prove that gay relationships are just like straight relationships. They succeed and they fail and they get messy and that is just life. But, let’s just hope it isn’t true anyway. I prefer the fairy tale.

p.s. Of course – having said that – a tiny, totally evil part of me also thinks, DAMN, Jodie is single? I’d better go wash my hair.

[Click to enlarge any of the images for closer ring inspection. Ahem.]

Breaking up is hard to do

Just a daily reminder that relationships – gay, straight, whatever – are hard. Hollywood golden couple Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe announced their separation today. The news marks the third high-profile, long-term, seemingly-stable celebrity couple breakup this year. First Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe. Then Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson. And now Reese and Ryan. It is worth noting that in all these relationships, the woman was currently the more successful partner. All three ladies are A-list actresses. All three ladies had recently released movies. All three ladies had been nominated for (if not won, and for Hilary twice) Academy Awards. Do I spot a trend? Is a successful career woman simply too much for a less successful man to accept (as Forbes magazine so misogynistically suggested earlier this year)? Whatever, it is those fellas' loss. I always thought Ryan seemed too lightweight and pinup-y for a smart gal like Reese, anyway.

Oh Hell to the Divorce

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are over. The couple - so cracktastically depicted in the reality series "Being Bobby Brown" (which apparently wafted real-crack out of the television set because it was so darn hard to stop watching) - is headed for divorce court. Whitney's rep confirmed today that the singer intended to file papers, but refused to divulge any further details. The couple has been married for, well - too long, and have one daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Well if those two crazy kids can't make it work, well, I'm sure of lots of other less crazy people can.